University of Virginia Library

SCENE II.

Enter DORDALUS at a distance.
Dor.
Who are, who shall be, or whoe'er have been,
Or who from this day forth shall ever be,
I, single I, surpass them all—And am
Without a peer, the greatest wretch alive.
I'm ruin'd, totally undone—This day
Has been to me the worst of days—That cheat
Has by his crafty tricks quite ruin'd me.
I've lost my silver hook, nor ta'en my prey—
May all the gods confound this rascal Persian,
And every Persian—every person too—
I'm such a miserable, luckless wretch—
'Tis Toxilus has conjur'd up these plagues—
Because I would not trust him with the money,
He has contriv'd these engines of deceit;
Whom, if I live, if I do not to chains
And torture drive, should but his master once
Return again, as I do hope he will—
But ha!—What see I!—Do but look at them!
What comedy is this?—They're drinking here—
By Pollux! I will venture to accost them—
My honest friend, my honest freed slave too!
Hail to you both!

Tox.
This surely must be Dordalus—

Sag.
Why not invite him hither—

Tox.
Let him come—
We'll shout applause—My most consummate Dordalus
All hail!—This is your place—Come, here recline—
Water to wash his feet—Come, bring it boy!—

[to Pægnium.
Dor.
Touch me but lightly, with a single finger,
I'll fell you to the ground, you rascal, you—

Pæg.
I'll instant dash your eye out with my cup—

Dor.
What say'st thou, gallows?—Wearer out of scourges!
How thou hast cheated me this day, how hamper'd me!
How lent a hand about this Persian too!

Tox.
If you were wise, you'd wrangle somewhere else.

Dor.
And you, my dainty freed woman, you knew
All this full well, and yet conceal'd it from me.

Lem.
What folly 'tis, when one may live at ease,
To chuse the stirring of contentious brawls—
To live at ease, in time may suit you best—

Dor.
My heart's on fire—

Tox.
Give him a bowl of wine—
Extinguish it—For if his heart's on fire,
His head may catch the flame—

Dor.
I understand you—
You fool me now—Flout on as you were wont—
This is a place of liberty—

[to Pægnium.
Tox.
Well done!
What a facetious, princely strut thou'st got—

Pæg.
Facetiousness becomes me mighty well.
Besides, I long to play this knave some pranks,
Since he deserves them well—

Tox.
As you've begun
Go on—

Pæg.
Have at you, pandar—

[striking him.
Dor,
Oh! undone,
He has almost knock'd me down—

Pæg.
Here, mind again—

Dor.
Play on your pranks at will, while far from hence
Your master's absent—

Pæg.
See how I obey—
Why should not you obey then, in return,
All my commands, and do what I persuade you?

Dor.
What's that?—

Pæg.
Why, take a rope, a stout one tho,'
And hang yourself—

Dor.
You'd best be cautious how
You touch me, boy; lest I, with this my staff,
Should do your business—

Pæg.
Well, well—Use your staff,
I'll pardon you—

Tox.
Come Pægnium, have done—

Dor.
I'll utterly destroy you all, by Pollux!

Pæg.
But he who dwells above me will, ere long,
Utterly ruin you—who is your foe,
And will not be your friend—It is not they
Who tell you so—But it is I, myself—

Tox.
Come, carry round the wine, and in full bumpers—
We have not drank this age—Our lips are parch'd—

Dor.
Would to the gods your drink might not pass through you!

Pæg.
Well, I must dance the stationary dance,
The same which Hegea heretofore compos'd—
But pray now look and see how well you like it—

Sag.
I'm willing also to repeat the dance
Which Diodorus in Ionia made.

Dor.
I'll make you suffer, if you march not off—

Sag.
What, brazen-face, and do you still keep muttering?
Provoke me but—I'll bring again the Persian.

Dor.
By Hercules! thou'st clos'd my lips at once.
Thou art the Persian, who hast maim'd me quite.

Tox.
Peace, simpleton; why this is his twin-brother.

[to Sagaristio.
Dor.
Is he?

Tox.
Most certainly—His very twin-brother.

Dor.
The gods confound your twin-brother, and you.

Sag.
Yes, him who ruin'd you—I've deserv'd nothing—

Dor.
But may the plagues which he deserv'd, plague you!

Tox.
Come, let us play a little more upon him,
Unless you think he is not worthy of it.

Sag.
No need—

Lem.
For me, it is by no means decent.

Tox.
What! I suppose, 'cause when I purchas'd you,
He gave no trouble, none at all—

Lem.
But yet—

Tox.
Truce with but yet—Beware of a mishap,
And follow me—I'm sure it well becomes you,
Nay, it is decent to obey my orders—
Had it not been for me, and my protection,
He shortly would have turn'd you on the town
A common street-walker—But so it is—
Some who have gain'd their freedom never think
Themselves genteel enough, nor free enough,
Nor wise enough, unless they thwart their patrons
Nor besides this, unless they curse him too,
And are ungrateful to their benefactors.

Lem.
Your kindnesses to me command obedience.

Tox.
I, who have paid this man my money for you,
Am, without doubt, your patron, and I'd have him
Most exquisitely fool'd—

Lem.
I'll do my best—

Dor.
As sure as I'm alive, these are consulting
Something, I know not what, to injure me.

Sag.
Hola!

Tox.
What say'st?

Sag.
Is this the pandar, Dordalus,
Who buys free virgins here? And is this he
Who was so valiant once?

Dor.
What can this mean?
Out and alas! he has slap'd me on the face;
[Pægnium strikes him.
I'll do you some curs'd mischief, that I will.

Tox.
'Tis what we've done to you, and shall again.

Dor.
He pinches me—

Pæg.
And wherefore should he not?
Your back's been pinch'd ere now—

Dor.
Do'st thou prate too?
Thou fragment of a boy—

Lem.
My patron, come—
Let me intreat you to come in to supper—

Dor.
O thou memorial of my heedlessness!
Dost thou deride me too, and scoff?

Lem.
For why?
Because I ask you to regale yourself?

Dor.
I won't regale myself—

Lem.
Well, do not then.

Tox.
O what strange things six hundred pieces do?
And what disturbances can they excite?

Dor.
Undone! Undone!—Now to requite a foe
They know full well—

Tox.
We've punish'd him enough—

Dor.
Well, I knock under—I confess—

Tox.
And shall
Under the gibbet—In then—

Sag.
To the stocks—

[to Dord.
Dor.
Have not these fellows work'd me then enough?

Tox.
You'll ne'er forget you met with Toxilus.
Spectators, fare ye well—The pandar now
Is quite demolish'd—
[to the Spectators, by way of Epilogue.]
Give us your applause.