 | Conjugal Fidelity |  |
SCENE III.
Enter PANÉGYRIS.Pan.
Who broke these doors down, good now!—Nay, where is he?
Was't you?—What! come upon me like a thief?—
[to Gelasimus.
Gel.
Madam, good day!—I come at your command—
Pan.
And for that reason must you break the door down?
Gel.
Chide your own people—They are the offenders.
I wait on you, to know your business with me.
I thought 'twas pity that the doors should be
So hurt.
Din.
So, you was ready to bring help—
Pan.
Who's that I hear so near me?
Din.
'Tis Dinacium.
Pan.
Where?—
Din.
See him here: nor heed that hungry Parasite.
Pan.
Dinacium!—
Din.
So it was my elders call'd me.
Pan.
Well! what's the business?
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Do you ask my business?
Pan.
Why should I not?
Din.
Why, what is yours with me?
Pan.
What! scorn me, impudence! Answer quick, Dinacium.
Din.
Then bid them leave us, that detain my message.
Pan.
Why, who detains thee?
Din.
Ask you that? A lassitude
In all my limbs detains me.
Pan.
I perceive
It has not seiz'd your tongue.—
Din.
No chariot could
Out-strip me from the port; and all for you.
Pan.
And what good news?
Din.
Much better than your hopes.
Pan.
Then I'm alive—
Din.
And I am a dead man.
This nasty lassitude drinks up my marrow.
Gel.
[aside.]
What then am I?—The marrow of whose guts
Is eaten up with hunger?
Pan.
Met you one?—
Din.
Many—
Pan.
But any men?
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Yes, several.
But no such scoundrel as this fellow here.
Gel.
How's that?—I've suffer'd these affronts too long:
But if you e'er provoke me thus again—
Din.
You will be plaguy hungry—to be at me.
Gel.
I'll make you know—that you have spoke the truth.
Din.
Well, I would have all clean—Bring out your brooms;
And a long reed, to eradicate the labours
Of these same spiders, and their cursed webs.—
I'll rout their looms.
Gel.
They'll catch their deaths with cold.
Din.
Think you they have but one coat to their back,
Like you?—Here, take these brushes—
Gel.
Well, I will.
Din.
I will scrub here—Go you on t'other side.
Gel.
It shall be done—
Din.
One bring a pail of water.
Gel.
This fellow plays the Ædile, and ne'er minds
The suffrage of the people. [aside.]
Din.
Come, make haste.
Sprinkle before the house, and paint the ground.
Gel.
I'll do't.
Din.
It ought to have been done before.
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And from the wall—
Gel.
A mighty business sure!
Pan.
Neither know I what all this fuss is for;
Unless some guests are coming.
Din.
Spread the couches.
Gel.
[aside.]
The couches first for dinner—That looks well.
Din.
Some cleave the wood, others go gut the fish
The careful fisherman brought here but now.
[meaning himself.
Toss down the gammon, and the bacon there.
Gel.
[aside.]
The fellow, troth, talks sensibly enough.
Pan.
I fear you've little minded my directions.
Din.
I've minded them, and minded nothing else.
Pan.
Then say for what I sent you to the port.
Din.
I will then—When you first dispatch'd me thither,
Just as the sun-beams rose above the waves;
No sooner had I ask'd the porters there,
If there were any ships arriv'd from Asia,
And they said, no, but I espied a bark,
I think the largest that my eyes e'er saw.
It made the port full sail; the wind, too, fair,
Then all were asking whose the vessel was,
And what on board; when, lo! I spy Epignomus
Your husband, and his servant Stichus with him.
Pan.
Ha! What! Said you Epignomus?
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Your husband—
The man by whom I live.
Din.
He's come, I say.
Pan.
And saw'st thou him himself?
Din.
I saw the man;
With pleasure too—He has brought a power of gold
And silver with him.
Pan.
That's good news indeed!
Gel.
Give me the brooms, and I'll go work in earnest.
Din.
Linen and purple—
Gel.
To keep warm my belly.
Din.
Couches of ivory gilt—
Gel.
Most royally
Shall I lye down to supper—
Din.
Pieces of tapestry,
Rich Babylonian carpets—and fine things.
Gel.
Well sped, by Herc'les!
Din.
Then, as I was saying,
Singers, and artists both of wind and string,
All miracles of beauty hath he brought.
Gel.
That's brave! Amusements, when I'm o'er my bottle;
Then am I merriest.
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Sweet ointments too,
And of all sorts.
Gel.
I'll no more sell my jokes—
No auctions now—I've an estate in fee.
You puppies, that hunt auctions by the nose,
Mischievous whelps, go hang yourselves—O Hercules!
I gratulate thee on th'increase of tenths.
I vow'd to thee.
Din.
Then after all, came Parasites.
Gel.
Then I'm undone!
Din.
Such drolls were never seen!
Gel.
No! I'll return the dust I swept but now.
Pan.
Saw'st thou my sister's husband, Pamphilippus?
Din.
No.
Pan.
He's return'd?
Din.
'Twas said, they came together.
I hurried off to tell you the good news.
Gel.
I must e'en sell these jokes then after all;
I thought to have kept them—Ah! how will these rascals
Sneer at my cost?—Tho'Hercules indeed,
Being a god, will come off well enough.
Pan.
In, in, Dinacium, give my servants orders,
Prepare a sacrifice—Farewel, Gelasimus—
Gel.
Can't I be helpful?
Pan.
I have slaves enough
To spare.—
[Exeunt Pan. and Din.
Gel.
Gelasimus, thou'rt finely fob'd.
If one's not come, nor t'other, that's arriv'd,
Will stand thy friend—I'll home, and search my books,
Instruct me from the sayings of the best:
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Out of the pit, I'm utterly undone.
[Exit.
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