University of Virginia Library

SCENE VIII.

Enter EUCLIO.
Eucl.
Where is he?—have you found him?—where's the thief?
Where is my gold?—Speak, is it safe?

Lyc.
How is she?
Tell me, how fares my Phædria?

Eucl.
Is it whole?
Is it in nought diminish'd?

Lyc.
Has she bath'd?
Is she refresh'd?

Eucl.
I'm talking of my gold.

Lyc.
I'm talking of your daughter.

Eucl.
I've no daughter,
No child, no family, except my gold,—
I've no relationship.

Strob.
Before he lost them,
He had a numerous offspring.

Lyc.
How d'ye mean?

Strob.
Of yellow boys.

Lyc.
(to Eucl.)
Lend me your serious ear.
What if I find the thief, who stole your treasure,
And force him to make restitution?

Strob.
Hold, Sir;
Let me impose conditions.

Lyc.
Speak, what are they?

Eucl.
I will consent to any thing, to have
My gold again.

Strob.
First you shall give—

Eucl.
Give! what?
(Aside)
I smell him, I perceive what he's about:
He means to share it with me.

Strob.
You shall give
Your daughter to Lyconides in marriage.

Eucl.
With all my heart.

Strob.
And with her—

Eucl.
The old jade,
Her nurse: let him take her too.

Strob.
You shall give
A portion.

Eucl.
How a portion?

Strob.
From the Pot.

Eucl.
I'm dead! I'm slain!—

Strob.
And then, since Megadorus
At his own cost has furnish'd the repast
In honour of the wedding, in your turn
You shall provide a sumptuous entertainment,
Lamb, pork, veal, pullets, hams,—

Eucl.
Have mercy on us!
The very sound's enough to breed a famine.

Strob.
All kinds of fish, cod, salmon, turbot, mackarel—

Eucl.
Would you were choak'd, I say!

Strob.
A ton at least
Of Nardine.

Eucl.
Peace, you rascal!

Strob.
You must hire
A dozen Cooks, as many Musick-Girls.—

Eucl.
A dozen hangmen.

Strob.
Your relations, friends,
Must be invited; the whole city ask'd;—
You shall keep open house, Sir, for a month.

Eucl.
You shall provide my feral supper first.

Strob.
One more condition, and I've done: I'm sure,
'Twill please you.

Eucl.
Speak, what is it?

Strob.
You shall marry.

Eucl.
I'll hang first.

Lyc.
Prithee now what kind of step-mother
Would you provide me?

Strob.
A staid, prudent dame,
No mettlesome young flirt, but past the age
Of having children; no cost to be dreaded
On that account;—one that will live on little,
And be a frugal house-wife;—with a portion,—

Eucl.
A portion?

Strob.
Yes, an ample one.

Eucl.
How much?

Strob.
As much as all the gold that's in the Pot.

Eucl.
(Aside)
That's something.—
(To Strob.)
Old, you say?

Strob.
Just ripe for Acheron.

Eucl.
(Aside)
That's well.—
(To Strob.)
Will live on little?

Strob.
Oh, on nothing
But whey and butter-milk.

Eucl.
Her portion—

Strob.
Paid
Upon the nail.

Eucl.
(Aside)
That's good.

Lyc.
(Aside)
I marvel much
What he can mean.

Eucl.
Agreed:—I'll take her.—Speak,
Who is she?

Strob.
Staphila.

Eucl.
Confound you!—She
A portion?

Strob.
Yes.

Eucl.
Who'll give it?

Strob.
I.

Eucl.
What you?

Strob.
Yes, I.

Eucl.
Whence can you have it?

Strob.
From my own
Peculiar stock.

Eucl.
What mean you?

Strob.
From the Pot.

Eucl.
Away,—begone.—They fool me to distraction!—
I'll to the Prætor;—if there's any law,
Or right, I'll have him hang'd,—I'll hang you all,—
Hang all the world,—and then—I'll hang myself.

[Running off.
Lyconides
(Shewing the Pot.)
Turn, Euclio, turn, and see your treasure here.

Euclio.
(Turning.)
O give it me! let me once more embrace it!
Villain, wilt hold it from me?

Lyc.
No, 'tis your's;
And in return you'll give your daughter to me.

Eucl.
Ay, any thing.—I'll give an arm, a leg,
Rather than lose my gold.

Lyc.
You do betroth
Your daughter then?

Eucl.
I do. Heav'n prosper it!

Lyc.
I say, Heav'n prosper it!

Strob.
Suppose you took
The kernel, and gave him the shell: 'tis all
He has occasion for.

Lyc.
(Giving Euclio the Pot)
Here is your treasure
Whole, undiminish'd.

Eucl.
(Embracing it.)
O my life! my soul!
My joy! my all!—Nothing shall part us more.

Strob.
He talks of it, as tho' it were his mistress!
Yet he's afraid to touch her.

Eucl.
O my gold!
Where shall I carry thee? where hide thee?—Never
Will I lose sight of thee again:—day, night,
I'll have thee near me:—I'll not eat, nor drink,
Nor take my rest without thee:—while one eye
Is clos'd in sleep, the other shall keep watch.
Rather than lose thee, I will dig a pit,
And bury in't thee and myself together.
[Exit Euclio.