University of Virginia Library

SCENE VI.

Enter MEGADORUS at a distance.
Meg.
I have communicated my design,
Touching this match, to many of my friends:
They're lavish in their praises of the girl,
And say, 'tis wisely and discreetly done.—
Indeed, were other men to do the same,
If men of ample means would take for wives
The daughters of the poorer sort unportion'd,
There would be greater concord in the state,
We should have less of envy than we have,
Wives would be more in dread of acting wrong
Than now they stand in, husbands too would live
At less expence than they are at at present.
The greater part would be advantag'd by it;—
Though a few niggard wretches might object,
Whose greedy and insatiate dispositions
No law can check, no magistrate set bounds to.
But 'twill be said,—suppose this rule should hold
In favour of the poor, how shall the rich,
Those maidens that have portions, get them husbands?
Why let them marry whom they will, provided
Their portion do not go along with them.
Were this the case, our girls would be solicitous
About their manners rather than their portions.
I would engage, that mules, which bear at present
A greater price than horses, would be cheaper
Than the poor sorry geldings brought from Gaul.

Eucl.
(overbearing)
Now by the Gods I hear him with delight:
I'm sure he loves œconomy by his talk.

Meg.
No wife would then say twittingly,—“I've brought you
“A larger portion than your own estate:
“It is but just then I should have fine cloaths,
“Maids, mules and muleteers, lacquies, and lads
“To carry how-d'yes, carriages to ride in.”

Eucl.
How well he knows the fashions of our ladies!
Would he were made inspector of their morals!

Meg.
Go where you will, you'll see more carriages
Than in the country at a country villa.—
But this is light, compar'd to other charges.—
The scourer comes for payment, the embroiderer,
The jeweller, the clothier, tissue-weavers,
Dyers in sundry colours, mantua-makers,
Perfumers, haberdashers, linen-drapers,
Shoemakers, milliners, and many more,
Who gain a livelihood from women's geer.
Well,—these are satisfied: a thousand others
Block up your gates like guards before a prison.
You pay them: these are satisfied: yet still
More come, and more; still one damn'd plague or other,
To teize and press you evermore for money.

Eucl.
Now would I fain accost him, but I fear
He would cease talking of our ladies' manners.—
I will not interrupt him.

Meg.
When you've paid
These nicknack-mongers, trumpery-retailers,
Comes the tax-gatherer, and demands his rate:
Away you post, to reckon with your banker:
He, the tax-gatherer, waits the while half-starv'd,
Expecting of his money: when th'account
You've settled with your banker, it appears
Yourself are in his debt, and the collector
Is put off to another day.—All these,
And many other inconveniences,
With unsupportable expences, wait
On ample portions: maidens, that come dowerless,
Are ever in their husbands' pow'r; but dames
With full-swoln portions are their plague and ruin.
But see—my father-in-law before his door.—
(Advancing)
Euclio! how fares it?

Eucl.
I've been greedily
Devouring your discourse.

Meg.
You've overheard me?

Eucl.
From the beginning, ev'ry word.

Meg.
Methinks
You should be somewhat smarter, better dress'd,
Upon your daughter's wedding day.

Eucl.
Why, ev'ry one
Should cut his coat according to his cloth:
Those, that have wherewithal, should bear in mind
To act becoming of their birth and station.
My circumstances rank me with the poor,
Nor are they better than opinion speaks them.

Meg.
Surely they are, and may the Gods still add
To what you have at present.

Eucl.
(Aside)
Have at present!
I don't like that.—He knows what I have got
As well as I myself: th'old jade has told it.

Meg.
Why do you talk apart?

Eucl.
I was considering,
How I should rate you soundly.

Meg.
What's the matter?

Eucl.
D'ye ask me, what's the matter? You've undone me,
Fill'd ev'ry nook and corner of my house
With thieves and pick-locks, let within my doors
Full fifty cooks, all of Geryon's race,
Each with six hands apiece:—if Argus' self,
Who was all eyes, (he to whom Juno gave
Io in custody,) if he, I say,
Was set to watch them, they would 'scape his vigilance.
Then there's a rascal Musick-Girl among them
Would drink the Pyrenæan fountain dry,
If it flow'd all with wine:—then the provisions—

Meg.
I'm sure there is enough to feast a regiment.
I sent a lamb.

Eucl.
A lamb? what sort of lamb?
I never saw an animal more care-full.

Meg.
Careful? what mean you by a careful lamb?

Eucl.
Nothing but skin and bone, so worn with care.
If you hold him to the light, you'll see his entrails:
He's as transparent as a Punic lanthorn.

Meg.
I bought him to be kill'd for our repast.

Eucl.
'Faith he is dead already, and 'twere best
To bury him.

Meg.
Come, come, Euclio, I intend
To take a cup with you.

Eucl.
I shall not drink.

Meg.
I'll bid them bring a cask of good old wine
From my own cellar.

Eucl.
I'll not touch a drop.
I am resolv'd to drink nothing but water.

Meg.
You shall be soak'd with wine, seas over, you
That are resolv'd to drink nothing but water.

Eucl.
(Aside)
I know what he designs: he goes the way
To knock me up with drinking, and transport
That which I hold here to another quarter.
But I'll prevent him: for I'll hide it somewhere
Out of the house: so shall he lose his labour
And wine too in the bargain.

Meg.
Have you any
Further commands with me? I'll go and bathe,
So shall I be prepar'd to sacrifice.

[Exit.