University of Virginia Library

ACT I.

SCENE I.

Enter ERGASILUS.
Because I usually attend at feasts
An invocated guest, our sparks forsooth
Nickname me Mistress.—This, I know, the jeerers
Say is absurd.—I say, 'tis right.—The lover
At a carousal, when he throws the dice,
Invokes his Mistress.—Is she invocated,
Or is she not?—Most plain, she is.—But yet,
To say the truth, we are term'd Parasites
For a much plainer reason.—For, like mice,
Ask'd or not ask'd, we always live upon
Provisions not our own.—In the vacation,
When to the country men retire, 'tis also
Vacation with my teeth.—As in hot weather
Snails hide them in their shells, and, if no dew
Should chance to fall, live on their proper moisture,
We Parasites, in times of the vacation,
Keep ourselves snug; and while into the country
Those are retired, on whom we us'd to feed,
Poor we support our natural call of appetite
From our own juices.—We in the vacation
Are thin as hounds;—but when men come to town,
We are as plump as mastiffs, full as troublesome,
And as detested. What is worst of all,
Except we patiently endure a drubbing,
And let them break their pots upon our heads,
We must submit to sit among the beggars
Without the city gate.—That this will be
My lot, there's not a little danger, since
My patron is a captive with the enemy.
Th'Ætolians and the Ælians are at war:
We now are in Ætolia. Philopolemus,
Old Hegio's son, whose house is here hard by,
Is prisoner now in Ælis.—Sad indeed
This house to me! which, often as I see it,
Brings tears into my eyes. The good old father,
Upon his son's account, not in compliance
With his own inclination, has engaged
In an illiberal traffic, and by purchasing
Of captives hopes, that in some lucky hour
He may find one to barter for his son.—
But the door opens, whence I've sallied forth
Full many a time, drunk with excess of cheer.

SCENE II.

Enter HEGIO and a Slave.
Heg.
Mind what I say:—from those two captives there,
Whom yesterday I purchas'd from the Quæstors,
Take off the heavy chains with which they're bound,
And put on lighter: let them walk about
Within doors, or abroad, as likes them best:—
Yet watch them well.—A free man, made a captive,
Is like a bird that's wild: it is enough,
If once you give it opportunity
To fly away;—you'll never catch it after.

Slave.
Freedom to slavery we all prefer.—

Heg.
You do not think so, or you'd find the means.

Slave.
If I have nought to offer else, permit me
To give you for it a fair pair of heels.

Heg.
And if you do, I presently shall find
What to bestow on you.

Slave.
I'm like the bird
You talk'd of even now.—I'll fly away.

Heg.
Indeed! Beware the cage then, if you do.—
No more; mind what I order'd, and be gone.—

Erg.
(Aside.)
May he succeed in his design!—If not,
And he should miss redeeming of his son,
I have no house to put my head into.—
Young fellows of this age are all self-lovers;
I have no hopes of 'em;—but Philopolemus,
He is a youth keeps up our ancient manners:—
I never rais'd in him a single smile,
But I was paid for't;—and old Hegio here
Is just the same.—

Heg.
I'll now unto my Brother's,
Visit my other captives there, and see
If ought has been amiss last night among them;
Thence will I take me home again forthwith.

Erg.
It grieves me much, that this unhappy man
Should act so meanly as to trade in slaves,
On the account of his unhappy son;
But, if by this, or any means like this,
He can redeem him, let him deal in men's flesh,
I can endure it.

Heg.
Who is it that speaks there?

Erg.
'Tis I, Sir—I, that pine at your distress,
Grow thin with it, wax old, and waste away;
Nay, I'm so lean withal, that I am nothing
But skin and bone:—whate'er I eat at home
Does me no good; but be it e'er so little
I taste abroad, that relishes, that cheers me.

Heg.
Ergasilus!—Good day.

Erg.
(Crying)
Heav'ns bless you, Hegio!

Heg.
Nay, do not weep.

Erg.
Must I not weep for him?
For such a youth not weep?

Heg.
My son and you,
I know, were ever friends.

Erg.
'Tis then at length
Men come to know their good, when they have lost it;—
I, since the foe has made your son a captive,
Find his true value, and now feel his want.

Heg.
If you, who stand in no relation to him,
So ill can bear his sufferings, what should I,
Who am his father,—he my darling child?

Erg.
I stand in no relation to him?—he
In none to me?—Ah, Hegio! say not that,—
And do not think so:—if he is to you
A darling child, to me he's more than darling.

Heg.
I cannot but commend you, that you hold
Your friend's mishap your own.—Be comforted.

Erg.
Ah me!

Heg.
(Half aside.)
'Tis this afflicts him, that the army,
Rais'd to make entertainments, is disbanded.
Could you get no one all this while, again
To put it in commission?

Erg.
Would you think it?
Since Philopolemus has been a captive,
They all decline the office.

Heg.
And no wonder,
That they avoid it.—You will stand in need
Of many soldiers, and of various kinds:—
Bakerians, Pastry-cookians, Poultererians,—
Besides whole companies of Fishmongerians.

Erg.
How greatest geniusses oft lye conceal'd!
O what a general, now a private soldier!

Heg.
Have a good heart.—I trust, within these few days
My son will be at home again: for lo!
Among my captives I've an Ælian youth
Of noble family and ample state.—
I trust, I shall exchange him for my son.

Heg.
Heav'ns grant it may be so!

Heg.
But are you ask'd
Abroad to supper?

Erg.
No-where, that I know.—
But why that question?

Heg.
As it is my birth day,
I thought of asking you to sup with me,—

Erg.
Oh! good, Sir, good—

Heg.
If you can be content
With little.

Erg.
Oh, Sir! very, very little:—
I love it,—'tis my constant fare at home.

Heg.
Come, set yourself to sale.

Erg.
(Loud.)
Who'll bye me?

Heg.
I,—
If no one will bid more.

Erg.
Can I expect,
I or my friends, a better offer?—So
I bind me to the bargain, all the same
As though I sold you terra firma.

Heg.
Say,
A quick-sand rather, that will swallow all.—
But if you come, you'll come in time.

Erg.
Nay, now
I am at leisure.

Heg.
Go, and hunt an hare:—
I've nothing but an hedge-hog:—you will meet
With rugged fare.

Erg.
Don't think to get the better
Of me by that:—I'll come with teeth well shod.

Heg.
To say the truth, my viands are full hard.

Erg.
You don't champ brambles?

Heg.
Mine's an earthly supper.

Erg.
A fine fat sow, why that's an earthly animal.

Heg.
Plenty of vegetables.

Erg.
The best thing
To cure your sick with.—Have you more to say?

Heg.
You'll come in time.

Erg.
You need not put in mind,
Whose memory never fails him.

[Ergasilus goes off.
Heg.
I will in,
Look over my accounts, and see what cash
I have remaining in my banker's hands;
Then to my brother's, where I said I'd go.

[Exit.