University of Virginia Library

ACT II.

SCENE, Lovely's House.
Enter Lovely and Polidor at several Doors.
Lo.
Oh! thou art welcome, my dear Polidor.
Now let me lead thee to my other Darling,
My charming VVife.

Pol.
I will not tamper with her.
I love Camilla, as much as you can do
Your charming VVife; and shou'd I court your VVife,
VVhat wou'd become of me with fair Camilla?

Li.
She shall not hear of it.

Pol.
Your VVife will tell.
No VVoman has much Continence in her Tongue.

Lo.
VVell, if she boasts of it—say she is Vain;
You may dispose Camilla to believe you.
But say you lose Camilla; VVhat d'ye lose?
VVhat you despise, the Soul of a fair Lady.
Her Body I am sure you'l never get.
She's not to be debauch'd; she has been offer'd
More Money than has bought ten Towns abroad.
'Egad, there is no Garison in Europe
So fortified as she; she's Money proof.
She never will be yours dishonourably,
And I am sure you'l never Marry her.

Pol.
How know you that?

Lo.
Because she has no Fortune.
But if you will, you may when e're you please,
Though you shou'd make Addresses to my Wife.
For seeming to forsake my Wife for her,
You make my Wife the Victim, her a Goddess.
Suppose there be a little danger in it,
What, will you venture nothing for a Friend?
I've stak'd my Life for you, and more than once.

Pol.
But not in such a foolish Cause, as this.
I did not make you fight to be admir'd;
Though you perhaps had such a Wise Design.

Lo.
Well Sir, perhaps I had; if it was foolish,
'Egad, the noblest of Mankind are Fools.
Do not the Gallants dress to be admir'd,
Go to the Parks and Plays to be admir'd?
Do not Wits and Scholars Write to be admir'd?
Do not Heroes Fight and Die to be admir'd?
And Kings make dangerous Wars to be admir'd?
Will you presume to say all these are Fools?

Poll.
Well, but I so much dote upon Camilla,
I do not care to see another Woman.
My thoughts will be so much upon Camilla,
'Egad, I shall talk nonsence to thy Wife.

Lo.
So much the better, Man; she will believe it
A flight of Wit, an extasy of Love.
Do not the Women admire every day
Nonsence in Plays, and think it lofty Stuff.
Flatter be sure, then if you fly beyond
All bounds o' sence, she'l go along with you,
List up all parts of her above the Heavens.

Pol.
O! Pox! what shou'd I do with 'em there?

Lo.
O'reflow in Flattery, fear no excess.
Let it be Sence or Nonsence she will swallow it.
You cannot give Woman such a Dose of Flattery,
Which she'l not easily swallow, and digest.
They'r used to't, as Turks are to Opium;
They hourly give themselves a lusty Dose,
And what would stupify, and kill another,
Only refreshes them, and makes 'em lively.

Pol.
This I must do, to know how she admires thee,
Canst thou not be content thou hast her Body?

Lo.
Thou art for digging downward in a Woman?
Come up 'ith air, Man, and be sweet and clean.

Pol.
I am for digging where most Treasure is,
My Wand will bend that way, then have a care.

Lo.
Though I've a Charming Beauty in my Arms,
I do not think I have full fruition of her,
Unless I know her Favours spring from Love.

Pol.
I do by Women, as I do by Watches,
Let 'em go right, I never mind the Springs.
Well, if thou dost make me attaque thy Wife,
'Gad, if she yields, I tell thee plainly I'le Cuckold thee.
Now do not say, but I have given thee warning.

Lo.
I know by my own Soul thou scornst to do it.
No Gallant Man will act a Rascals part.
But if you wou'd, 'Gad Sir, she will not let you.
Your murdring Charms cannot batter her so low;
No Sir, you are not such a Mortarpiece.

Pol.
You vanquish'd her.

Lo.
You are mistaken, Sir.
He that debauches a fine Woman conquers her;
But if a Beauty makes me Marry her,
'Egad, she conquers me.

Pol.
There's truth in that.

Lo.
Sir, you will find a Dragon in her Pride,
Will guard her Golden Fruit, I'le warrant her.
Sir, she has all the Pride of a Fallen Angel,
And all the Piety of a Loyal one.

Pol.
Come, come; she is a Daughter of old Adam;
And he had strange ill luck with his Posterity.

Lo.
What? I believe, you hold the spreading Heresie,
That Nature is the same in all Mankind,
And Lewd in all? A horrid beastly Slander,
Enough to raise the Noble Roman Ghosts,
And make Lucretia stab her self again.
I have found English Beauties Heroines.
I vanquish'd once the Soul of a young Beauty;
Oh! with what joy she wou'd have Married me;
But when she found I had ill aims, and offer'd
To touch her, t'other half, her Beautious Body,
Indecently, I thought she wou'd have kill'd me:
Vertue and Furiy flung her in a Swoun.
I might have said with Guyomar, one half lay
Dead on the Ground, the other ran away.

Pol.
Come Lovely; put thy Wife and me together.

Lo.
Who's there.
(Enter a Servant.
Go call your Lady.

Pol.
Now if she be as Vertuous as you say,
What a strange Monster shall I seem to her,
For tempting my Friends Wife?

Lo.
She'l think you are
A Monster, and no Man, if you don't tempt her.
Women who hate the Sin, love the Temptation.

Pol.
I will convince thee I have some kindness for thee.
Th'art in this matter, such a Monstrous Fop,
Were I not tender of thee, I wou'd shew thee;
And to improve thee, I'de set Horns upon thee,
As some Knaves do, upon a Monstrous Calf.

Lo.
Come prethee do thy worst; only be true
To one desire o' mine, tell me the event.
Enter Mrs. Lovely.
Sweetheart! I am engaged to Sup at Court;
And I believe I shan't come home at night,
It may be not this week.

Mrs. Lovely.
How! not this week.

Lo.
No, the good Company where I shall Sup,
Will go into the Country for a week.
I fancy I shall go along with 'em.
This is to give you opportunity.
(Aside to Pol.
You know the Company, and how to send
A Letter to me.

(To Mrs. Lo.
Mrs. Lo.
This is sudden warning.

Lo.
You will excuse me Polidor for leaving you?
Pray in my absence often see my Wife;
I know she'l thank you for it, so will I.
Your Servant Polidor; farewell Sweetheart.

(Ex.
Mrs. Lo.
Is the Man mad to run away from me,
And leave me with the Temptingst Man on Earth,
After he has declared a Passion for me?
I'le shew more Wisdom than my Husband does.
(Aside.
Who's there?

Pol.
I will not tamper with this Lady;
For though she's Beautiful, she's a Coquet,
And does not that price upon her Beauty,
That should tempt me to stake Camilla for her.
I will deceive my foolish Friend with Flams.

(Aside.
Enter Cecilia.
Mrs. Lo.
Oh! Sister, are you there? a word with you,
(Aside to Ce.
Stay with me whilst this Gentleman is here.

Pol.
Ha! she's on her guard!—I like her now.
Sh'as Wisdom, Vertue—she grows very Charming.
Now I could wish to have her all alone.
(Aside.
Madam, my Friend is very happy in you.

Mrs. Lo.
Your Servant, Sir; I'm happier in him.
He well deserv'd, and might have had my betters;
But my kind Destiny lead him to me.

Pol.
She is a faithful Wife, an excellent Woman!
I envy him.—Nay now she must be mine.
I wou'd to Heaven her Sister would be gone.

(Aside.
Enter Lionel, who beckens Ce. aside.
Lio.
Oh! Madam! Madam! I've a Billet-doux for you.

(Lio. gives a Billet to Ce. who opens and looks in it.
Ce.
Oh! 'tis from my dear Knight! my Shittlecock!
Let us go read it.

(Aside to Lio.
Lio.
Ay, with all my heart—

(Aside to Ce.
(Ex. Lio and Ce.
Pol.
So! so! the Sister's gone! now for the Lady.
(Aside.
Oh! Madam! from the hour I saw you first,
What have I suffered from Despairing Love?
For what can you delight in but your self?
You have Beauty enough to employ all your thoughts.
You so transcend what e're Man can deserve,
That all Men seem equally distant from you;
As Vales and Mountains seem alike to Heaven.
But as all Mortals may look up to Heaven,
And pray, though very few will reach those Joys;
So, though unworthy, I must beg your pity.

(He kneels.
Mrs. Lo.
How! dares he offer this before my Sister?
(Looks about.
Oh, no, she's gone—Come hither Lionel.
Enter Lionel.
Stay with me till this Gentleman is gone.

(Aside to Lio.
Pol.
You come? Nay then I must break off my Prayers,
But my Devotion encreases on me.
For my fair Saint appears more bright than ever,
Methinks she has a Glory round her Head;
Her vertue scatters Rays about her Face.
I wou'd to Heaven, I had my Beautious Saint
Where many Saints are worship'd, near a Bed.
I wou'd I cou'd seduce her to her Bed-Chamber.
(Aside.
Madam, your House is very finely Furnish'd.

Mrs. Lo.
Not always, Sir; sometimes it has Ill Company,
And that's bad Furniture.

Pol.
Ha! there she's keen;
But yet that shall not make me quit my ground.
(Aside.
Madam, you have some fine dead Companions,
Pictures I mean; I saw one in your Bed-Chamber,
If you please, Madam, we will go look upon it.

Mrs. Lovely.
That's no good Picture, Sir; I only value it
For its good meaning; it designs to shew me
My Husband's Face, but does not do it well.
However, I am fond of any thing,
That has the least resemblance of my Husband.

Pol.
That ever any Fool shou'd be so happy.

Lio.
I do believe, this Gentleman designs
To make a far worse Picture of my Master.

(Aside.
Mrs. Lo.
Pictures of Beauties, Sir, will please you more,
And there are some, that are thought pretty good,
On the Stair-head.

Pol.
A pox o'your Stair-head.
(Aside.
You spoil those Pictures, Madam.

Mrs. Lo.
Pray how so?

Pol.
By your outshining all their Beauties, Madam;
They faint away before you, and appear
Shadows of Shadows.

Mrs. Lo.
Oh! that may be spared.

Pol.
A most rare Woman! I'm stark mad for her.

(Aside.
Enter a Servant.
Ser.
Here is a Letter for you, Mrs. Lionel.

(Aside to Lio.
Lio.
'Tis from my Love; I must run out, and read it.
(Aside.
I hope in Heaven my Lady will not miss me.

(Ex.
Pol.
So, that superfluous piece o' Stuff is gone
Out o' my way: I'l to my Prayers again.
(Aside.
Oh! Madam! Madam!—

(Kneels.
Mrs. Lo.
How? again at this?
(Looks about.
My Maid is gone!—that's fine!—

Pol.
Pray hear me, Madam—

Mrs. Lo.
Sir, I have heard you, and will answer you.
I did not think to give you any answer
But silent scorn, the only fit reply
To an Address so very unfit as this.
But by the folly of my Family
I'm forc'd on folly; this is then my answer.
Sir, had you kept within the bounds of Honour,
I shou'd have thought your Love an Honour to me,
For it infer'd you saw some Merit in me;
A Man may have an Honourable Love
For those, he cannot Honourably gain;
But now you press beyond the bounds of Honour,
It plainly infers you think me an ill Woman;
You affront me, and seek to wrong your Friend.
But, Sir, I'le give him notice what you are,
Unless you from this hour, desist for ever.
And so your Servant, Sir.—Oh! Gentlewoman!
(Enter Lionel.
How durst you leave me, when I bid you stay;
I'le very soon account with you for this
And other faults; you pick up Sparks at Church.
There you let Mr. Thornebacke make a fool of you.
Do you think he has honest love for you?
You are a Piece indeed to Charm a Gentleman!

(Ex.
Lio.
Perhaps I am as fine a Piece as you are.

(Aside.
Pol.
A glorious Woman! wonder of a Women!
(Aside.
Now shall I never rest till she is mine,
Forbidden Joys to Man appear Divine.

(Ex.
Enter Cecilia.
Ce.
My Sister takes the Confidence to Chide me,
Because I wou'd not stay with her, forsooth;
And entertain'd a Spark to day at prayers
Without her leave: I will do what I please.
I'le have my Shittlecocke in spite of her.

Lio.
Well, and I hope to have a Gallant too,
For all she says I'm such a sorry Piece.
I think she has a mind to break my Heart;
But that will never break till my Face breaks.
A Looking-glass will then be poyson to me,
Now 'tis a Cup of Consolation.
Oh! what a very pretty Face is here!

(Looking in a Glass
Ce.
Let me look in the Glass a little, Lionel.

Lio.

Well, 'tis a troublesome, and chargeable thing to be handsom;
one may keep a handsom Horse as cheap, as a handsom Face.
What do our Faces cost us, in one Wash or another? and we make
many a Journey in a day to the Glass.

Ce.

Well, so does every one as well as we.

Lio.

Well, I hate my proud ill-natur'd Lady. How she grudges
one a little Love, and a little Commendation? I had as lieve she
grudged me my Victuals, one does me as much good as t'other.
Kindness comforts my Heart: I eat, drink, sleep, and look the
better for't a month after.

Ce.
Nay my Cheeks do so redden, if any one praise me.

Lio.
Oh! Madam! you are handsomer than your Sister,
A thousand times.

Ce.
Oh! fie, Lionel!—

Lio.
I swear you are, Madam.

Ce.

I swear thou art a very good Creature, and very handsom
too.

Lio.

Oh! sweet Madam; I am sure you are a very good humour'd
Lady; I love you i' my Heart.

Ce.

And I love thee; thou shalt be my Servant, when I'm my
Lady Shittlecock.

Lio.

Thank you, good Madam: To tell you truth, I hope to be
something my self; you can't imagine how fond Squire Thornebacke
is o' me.

Ce.

Have a care Lionell; Men are false.

Lio.

Let Men have a care of us, we are as false as they. Men
have such high conceits of their Sex; and say theirs is the stronger
Sex, and the wiser Sex, and the wittier Sex, and such a Sex—
And they may be a notable Sex among themselves; but among us
(if we have any wit) we may make 'em (as we very often do) a
simple Sex, and a weak Sex: We can out-do 'em in their own
ways; out-lye 'em, out-flatter 'em, out-dissemble 'em—out—
out—out—every thing 'em.—

Ce.

How madly thou talk'st?

Lio.

My Squire, I believe, comes to me like a Shop-lift to a Shop,
pretending only to see my Goods, and take a snip in a kiss; but
his design is to steal the whole Piece, and pay nothing for it. If he
has me, he shall pay me my price, that is Marriage, I shall draw him
into't. Men are catch'd as they say Horses are; run 'em into a
Corner, and there stroke 'em, and give 'em Provender, and one
may Bridle 'em.

Ce.

Have you a care you ben't catch'd Lionel. I've seen you very
wanton with him.

Lio.

In troth, Madam; I am stung with a wanton Tarantula, and
shall never be cur'd till I hear my Wedding Fiddle; and have danc'd
a Jig with a Husband i' Bed. A Husband, good Lord, say I.

Ce.

I find thou dost but flatter thy Squire. I'm serious with my
Knight. Oh! if my Shittlecocke should leave me I should cry my
Eyes out.—Oh! here he comes—

Lio.
And my Squire—
(Ce. runs to the Glass.
Dear Madam, let me have a little corner o' the Glass.
Thank you good Madam.

Enter Thornebacke and Sir John Shittlecock.
Sir John.
And are the Women really in love with thee?
Because (excuse me) thou art something elderly.

Th.
So much the better, Man; Women are come
To a good pass of understanding now:
They have a taste of Sence, and despise Youth.
And then a Woman that regards her Honour,
Will never trust it with young prating Fellows.

Sir Joh.
Methinks old Fellows prate; methinks you are
As limber in your Tongue, as in your Hams.
You brag of Mrs. Lovely's favours to you.

Th.
Yes, I own common favours; that's no matter:
But if she ever grants me the last favour,
(And that she will, but make no words of it)
If ever I make any noise about it,
(Except her Bed or Chamber keep a rumbling)
I'le give her leave to cast me off for ever.
As to the wanton part of an Intrigue,
I think young Fellows have th'advantage of us;
And yet in that I'le vie with any of you.
I'm like Ben Johnson's Ursly, the Pig-Woman,
'Gad, I roast Pigs as well as e're I did.
There's a sweet Pig, I'le make her crackle quickly.

(The Women turn from the Glass, and run to their Lovers.
Lio.
Oh! my dear Squire!

Th.
Look you here Shittlecocke.

Sir Joh.
'Gad, he has told me truth, she dotes upon him.

Ce.
Oh! Sir John, this is kindly done of you.

Sir Joh.
Sir John, me no Sir Johns.

Ce.
What? are you angry?

Sir Joh.
Yes that I am, do you see Lionell?
'Gad, if I had her out o'doors I'de kick her.

Ce.
Heigh! heigh! why so? are you in love with her?

Sir Joh.
I in love with her! no I scorn and hate her,
Ay, and almost all Women for her sake.

Ce.
What? you'r afraid she will disgrace our House.
Oh! fear her not, she is a cunning gipsy,
She only means to draw him in to Marry her.

Sir Joh.
Well, but I hate her for enduring him.

Ce.
I like this niceness in you well enough,
I hate a Man that can love any Woman.

Lio.

Well, you are a naughty Squire, for making a poor Maid
in love with you. Can I hope for such a fine Squire as you?

Th.
Such a fine Squire? you little jeering Hussy.

Lio.
You know I don't jeer, you naughty handsom Squire, you.

Th.
You little flattering Hussy.

Sir Joh.
Look, look, do'e see? I cannot forbear, I'le beat her.

Ce.
Why so? let her alone; she does but fool him.

Sir Joh.
Well, let her fool with handsom Fellows then.
A sluttish Wench to play with a Dirt Pie.
I hope in Heaven you'l never let her Dress you,
Now she has foul'd her fingers with that Fellow.

Ce.
I like this Humour in you mightily.

Th.
This fond young Girl will fool me into Marriage:
No wonder Men are Fools, they spring from fooling:
A Man fools a Woman, and a Woman fools a
Man, and they fool with one another, till they
Get a Fool.

Lio.
Oh! dear, my Lady! my Lady! farewell Squire.

(Ex. Lio.
Ce.
My Sister; Oh! be gone, be gone, Sir John.

(Ex. Ce.
Sir Joh.
I won't go, nor I won't stay; I am mad.

Th.
Look, look, the Rogue is poyson'd with his Envy.
Be gone; leave Mrs. Lovely and me together,
Then dye like a sick Rat behind the Hangings.

Sir Joh.
I'le stay, and watch; shou'd she be kind to him,
I shou'd run mad with envy, and hang my self.

Sir John hides. And Enter Mrs. Lovely.
Mrs. Lo.
Oh! Mr. Thornbacke, I am glad to see you.

Th.
Your humble Servant, Madam.

Sir Joh.
She is fond of him.
I'le ne're endure a Woman while I live.

(Aside.
Th.
Well Madam, I'm a very happy Man,
To be in favour with the finest Woman
In the whole World; for, Madam, so you are.
I wou'd not change Conditions with a Cherubim.
Cherubims are, methinks, unhappy Creatures,
They have good Faces to no purpose, Madam,
Because there are no Female Cherubims.
I never heard of any Madam Cherubim,
Or Mistress Cherubim, or Sistly Cherubim.
And, Madam, now we talk of Cherubims,
I'le give your Ladiship the maydenhead
Of a new Song of mine, a pretty Song.

Mrs. Lo.
It must be so, if it be like the Father.

Th.
Oh! Madam! you are charmingly obliging.

Sir Joh.
Oh Gemini! what a rare Complement
Has she bestowed upon that ugly Fellow—
'Egad, I shall hang my self.—

(Aside
Th.
(He Sings.

Mrs. Lo.
Y'are very entertaining, Mr. Thorneback.

Th.
Madam, I love to shew all my best Parts;
And if you like 'em, you are welcome to 'em.

Sir Joh.
That ever such an Owl should Sing so well.
Gad, he Sings very prettily—Pox—

(Aside.
Mrs. Lo.
I'll make this Pug play all his simple Tricks.
(Aside.
And Mr. Thorneback, you Dance very finely.
Go bid my Servants Play to Mr. Thorneback.

Th.
VVith all my heart—I am your Vassal, Madam.

(Thornback Dances.
Sir Joh.
Gad, the Rogue Dances very finely—Faith.
Gad, full as well as I; Oh lucky Rogue!—

(Aside.
Mrs. Lo.
You are an excellent Dancer, Mr. Thorneback.

Th.
Your Servant, Madam; I am very happy
If I please you. VVell, Madam, I'm inform'd
Your Husband means to leave the Town a while.

Mrs. Lo.
Yes, Mr. Thorneback, won't you be so charitable
To visit me sometimes?

Sir Joh.
She Courts him! Courts him!
I shall knock out my Brains against the VVall.

(Aside.
Th.
Here's a plain Invitation to her Body:
I hope in Heaven Shittlecock hears all.
Now to my Instrument of Impudence,
My Betty, which has broke up many a VVoman.
(Aside.
And will my Visits be a Charity?
Then, Madam, I'm, it seems, a Treasure to you.
You shall have all the Wealth I have about me.
And now no Waiter oversees our Vessels,
'Tis a convenient time to smuggle Goods.
Ill Smuggle you, i'faith—

(Offers to Kiss her.
Mrs. Lo.
How now! Stand off,
You sawcy disagreeable old Coxcomb.

Sir Joh.
Oh! Lord! Oh! Lord! here's a rare turn—I swear.

Th.
You sawcy disagreeable old Coxcomb!

Mrs. Lo.
Yes, sawcy, silly, ugly to perfection,
And old besides; so old, that I believe,
Thou wert in Paradise one o' the Beasts
That came to Adam for a Name, and puzled him;
He cou'd not find a Word to comprehend
All thy Deformities; but thou wert not
The Serpent, I am sure thou art no Tempter.

Sir Joh.
Oh! I shall leap out o' my Skin for joy.

(Aside.
Th.
No—You have got the Devil in your Tongue.
Had Adam given as ill Names as you do,
He had deserv'd to be kick'd out o' Paradise
For his ill-Tongue; though he ne're touch'd the Fruit.

Mrs. Lo.
Nay, I have done you Wrong, I must confess.
I took you for a Wit, and droll'd with you,
And you, it seems, are a notorious Fool;
So I have drawn you in to play the Fool.
The Fault is half my own: I beg your Pardon.

Th.
And, Madam, I confess I've done you Wrong.
I took you for a Fool, and so you are;
But not in that degree I thought you were:
So I have drawn you into, Billingsgate.
The Fault is half my own; I beg your Pardon.

Mrs. Lo.
Thou need'st not say th'ast Faults, that my Eyes see,
For every bit about thee is a Fault.
Be gone, and very quickly, or I'll make
One of my Footmen lay a Crab-Tree-Cudgel
About thy Bones, and engraft Crab on Crab.
Be gone, thy sowr Face sets my Teeth on edge.

Th.
I havt more Sweetness in my Face than thou hast.
Why, what! I think the Woman has been Drinking,
Christning her Clapper to drive Devils away.
Bells have Names given 'em, when they are Baptiz'd.
Farewell, thou Meg of Westminster the Second—

Enter Sir John Shittlecock.
Sir Joh.
Oh, Mr. Thorneback! Your most humble Servant.
You are so very Lucky with the Ladies.

Th.
Hark, Shittlecock; don't you be bold with me,
For fear I should fall heavy on your Coxcomb.

(Ex.
Mrs. Lo.
Why how now? here's another foolish Fellow.

Sir Joh.
Well, now I find 'tis something to be handsome.
I wou'd make swinging Love now, if I durst.—
I'll venture. (Aside.)
Madam, I'm your humble Servant.

Mrs. Lo.
Pardon me, Sir, I'm a Stranger to you.

Sir Joh.
Madam, your Servant; I am one Shittlecock.

Mrs. Lo.
Oh! Sir John Shittlecock!

Sir Joh.
No, Sir Thomas, Madam.
No, no, Sir John, my Father was Sir Thomas.
Gad, I forgot my Name, my Love confounds me.

(Aside.
Mrs. Lo.
Oh, Sir! I think you are my Sister's Servant.

Sir Joh.
Yes, Madam—No, Madam; I wou'd speak, and dare not.
'Egad I will— (Aside.)
Madam—'Egad I dare not.
(Aside.
Madam—I dare not. (Aside.)
I'm your humble Servant.

(Ex.
Mrs. Lo.
What wou'd this Coxcomb say, if he cou'd speak?
I fancy he'd make Love, if he knew how.
Enter Camilla.
Oh! Madam! Madam! you are come in season.
I was just sending to intreat this favour.
Oh! Madam, you must be my Guardian Angel,
I'm tempted to abuse my Husband's Bed,
By such a Man; that you will stand amaz'd
When I shall Name him.

Cam.
What? is he a Parson?

Mrs. Lo.
A Parson, Madam! Will they do such things?

Cam.
Oh! I have known within the Church's Pale,
Very wild Bucks.

Mrs. Lo.
No, this is a Town Spark.

Cam.
'Tis no great Wonder a Town Spark is Lewd,
He's in his Calling.

Mrs. Lo.
Ay, but this Gallant
Owns no such Calling; at the least in publick.
He don't keep open Shop, as some Sparks do.
'Tis true, he Dresses, and he Visits Ladies,
And oft writes Songs on Celebrated Beauties.

Cam.
Those are the Tools and Badges of his Trade.

Mrs. Lo.
Ay, but he's thought so much another Man,
That, it is said, you lodge your Heart in him;
Which, I believe, you'd as much scorn to do,
Were he an open Sinner, as you Wou'd
To lodge your Person in a Publick House.
I'll name the Man, 'tis Mr. Polidor.

Cam.
Oh Monstrous!

Mrs. Lo.
Nay, I knew it wou'd amaze you.

Cam.
I thought the lost Perfection of Mankind,
Was in that Man restor'd; and I have griev'd
Lost Eden too was not reviv'd for him,
And a new Eve, more ex'lent than the first,
Created for him; that he might have all
The Joys he cou'd deserve; and he fool'd me,
To think that Eve and Eden was in me,
That he was made for me, and I for him.
Oh Heavens! What Bliss I promis'd to my self:
And how have I ador'd this glittering Serpent?
I never shall endure my self again,
Till I've corrected, and reform'd my self.
They tell me, Popish Priests will not use Churches
Where Heresie has been, till they have whip'd 'em.
'Twere a good deed to lash my Carnal Temple.

Mrs. Lo.
Oh, Madam! That I think will not be just:
Why shou'd you suffer for the Crimes of others?

Cam.
No doubt, 'twill be more just to punish him,
And I cou'd do it with a better Will
Than e're I Pray'd, for all I'm given to Praying.
Base Fellow! to fool me out o' my Heart,
And affront me, for now I understand him;
His Flattery was, it seems, a Satyr on me;
And in a civil manner call'd me Wench;
No doubt, he meant me for that Noble Office.

Mrs. Lo.
Ay, past dispute; therefore I told you this,
That you might guard your Heart and Honour from him.

Cam.
Madam, I thank you: Oh! how I abhor him.
I'd love the Man wou'd call him to account.
Wou'd Decency permit, I'd do't my self.

Mrs. Lo.
How, Madam!

Cam.
I dare do it—I'm no Coward.

Mrs. Lo.
But you are a Saint.

Cam.
Do not tell me of Saintship:
Madam, I am no Saint; but if I were,
I don't know, why a Saint shou'd take Abuses.

Mrs. Lo.
I did not think you'd ha' been thus concern'd;
I though your pious Heart had been in Heaven.

Cam.
Oh! Pshaw, Our Hearts are seldom such high Flyers;
'Tis well if they can fly above Commodes.
I ne're cou'd get my Heart above this Town.
Now wou'd I were in my cold quite Grave.

Mrs. Lo.
Why truly that is not quite out of London:
For I believe you'd have a London Grave,
And there y'are in old London under Ground;
In a dark silent Suburb o' the City.

Cam.
Away with these vile Tears! Where did they fall?
If on my Cloaths, I'll never wear 'em more.
They'r stain'd with Water from an odious Spring,
From shameful Love for a false wicked Wretch;
But I'll dry up the hateful Spring for ever.
Well, what Reception did you give this Man?

Mrs. Lo.
I call'd in Company to guard me from him;
But I perceive I can't command my Sister,
She'll follow her own Will; and 'tis not fit
To make my Woman my Companion.
Therefore, my Dear, pray stay with me a while,
Because my Husband's going out o' Town,
Though I have given him notice of his Danger.
I sent him such a Letter where he Supt,
That I imagin'd, at the opening of it,
Storms wou'd have seiz'd on him, and brought him back
As if he had been hurry'd by a Whirlwind.
He only smil'd at it, and sent me word,
I knew not Polidor; for ought I see,
He means to go, and leave me with this Man;
Therefore, my Dear, pray do you stay with me.

Cam.
With all my Heart; I only will go Home
And order some Affairs, and then return.
Oh, this Majestick Kanave! this charming Cheat!
But we, perhaps, will all his Arts defeat.

(Ex.
Mrs. Lo.
My Saint's a very Fury; I perceive
In Flesh or Spirit we are Sinners all.
But Spiritual Sins I think most dangerous.
Sins of the Spirit will to Age endure;
But a Flesh-Wound, time seldom fails to cure.

(Ex.