University of Virginia Library

ACT III.

SCENE I. The Castle.

Enter Turrington and Nevill.
Tur.
Affairs seem veering, and the Fane of Edward
Which hitherto has pointed to our wishes,
Is turn'd against us; out of what corner
Comes this blast of change? 'Tis sudden,
All are as hush as Murderers when escaping.
Privacy the waiting-womans Virtue is in use,
And the young Prince has left his darling Sports
For closer Studies.

Nevill.
'Tis odd, and we must arm against it, just now
I would have pass'd the Anti-Chamber,
And a Starch'd fellow grimly stop'd my Passage;
I ask'd the Knave by whose Authority
He barr'd my Entrance, he replied morosly
'Twas by my betters, and he would obey 'em;
Then I demanded if the Rascall knew me.

Tur.
What said he then?

Nevil.
He answer'd better then I knew my self,
Bid me return, there was no room for Scouts;
The ill-bred Dog had stood corrected,
Had not old Leicester, Berkley, Salisbury,
With buisy faces come into the Room;
To these he turn'd the Key, said they were staid for.

Tur.
These froward Peers Envy our Masters fortune,
Some of 'em have been faulty 'gainst the Queen,
For which they were forbid her Royall Presence,
And with a sulliness withdrew from Court:
What brings 'em hither now is worth enquiry,
Unsent for I am sure they did not come:
For March and they, like jarring Elements
Have Constant Enmity and must keep distance:
But see he comes, with him the Chancellor,
He glows, the Prelate made him wait,
And we shall hear how he resents his State.

[Exit.
Enter Mortimer and Chancellor.
Mort.
Must I attend your leisure, wait your hour,
And herd among your slaves, thou clod of earth,
Whom I have work't and moulded up to form,
And breath'd a Soul into?

Chan.
Why, my Lord, my Lord,

Mort.
Thou hast forgotten thy Originall;
When Pensive in a poor thatch'd homely Cell,
Lonely and Destitute as want could make thee;
No Wine nor Flesh to Nurse a loose desire;
Thy lust was more to food then woman then,
The Suns hot season scarce could taint thy bloud,
Or if it did thou crep'st to thy Turf-bed,
Which quickly damp'd the Carnall Exhalation.

Chan.
What will become of me?

Mort.
How wou'd'st thou bless the founder of a Loaf,
So needy thou would'st plunge the deep mired road,
To hold the Stirrup of a Passenger,
While with expecting eyes you watch'd his hand,
And with a face of sorrow begg'd relief.

Chan.
Do but hear me.

Mort.
Pittying thy abject State I took thee hence,
Cloath'd, fed and rais'd thy drooping Spirits up,
Plac'd thee where thou grew'st fat with saying Prayers,
But quickly found that Virtue was thy Burthen,
Thy Piety grew faint with Nourishment,
Thy Carcase was the hoard of Luxury,
Where each variety came tumbling in;
The profits of the Church thou still would'st glean,
But never did a moments duty for it,
Pick'd up a Mendicant of thy old Trade,
He was sufficient for the work of Heaven:
Your Clergy's grown so lazy with their wealth,
'Tis Drudgery if they Preach 'bove once a Year;
And if you'r Chose in Lent you call it thrashing,
Because you think there's nothing to be got;
Like Sheriffs then you had rather fine then stand.

Chan.

Your Lordship is pleas'd to be somewhat free with the Church,
if it knew you so sharp an observer, the Members of it would Contribute
towards your Removall.

Mort.
I rais'd thee, I preferr'd thee,
And as thou did'st improve in serving me
From all the vile necessities I've mention'd,
Advanc'd thee to the highest place of trust,
Exhalted thee from the Meager dregs of man,
To be a Saucy, Proud, Lacivious Prelate.

Chan.

Nay my Lord, I must confess you have done me many
signall favours, but I beseech you, however you Load my Person, have
a regard to my Function, Lacivious—revile me at your Pleasure, but
forbear Scandalizing the Gown, you may talk of what you please, and
my Gleaning the Profits of the Church, but what can be Glean'd out of
him that fasts four days a week, and when he does eat, takes no more
then what will Just keep Life and Soul together?

Mort.
'Tis false:
You pamper your varatious Appetites,
Indulge Prædominance to that degree,
You exceed the very Sultan of the East;
But with this Difference, he at vast expence
Keeps his Seraglio: you have all in Common,
Under the holy Covert of Confession:
You shrowd the Priest and Sanctify the Whore,
Did I not bolt upon your Rank Devotion:
And caught you acting Tarquin on Lucretia.

Chan.
I cou'd give him a rub of Majesty if I durst.
[aside

What A Censorious Age do we live in, that a man of my Cloathing cannot
press a Case of Conscience home to a Gentlewoman, but it must look
like force? But suppose I was doing what your Lordship said: I say,
suppose, why all flesh is frail—because we ought to be above temptation:
d'you think it possible to be so? We that are given to fasting Eat Fish,
and fish is of a Provoking Disgestion, and make the worst of what you
were saying, 'twas but veniall.

As the Casuists says,—I confess to Ravish is a heinous Crime
in the Sex that puts us to't, But if it raises their affections the more,
then it may be palliated; but as for simple Fornication, there's not a
Novice in any University or Colledge in Europe but is allow'd it, provided

it be used as the Cannon expresses—medicinally, and for healths sake.

Mort.
[gives a Paper.
The Chancellor mumbles as reading the Paper, Eyes Mortimer, at last speaks the suppos'd end.

Chan.
—By formall process.

Let Mountacute be speedily dispatch'd say you—is it thereabouts, I
perceive who has nettled him, and I must smart for't—but I have a fetch—
dispatch'd: ha dispatch'd!

Mort.
Why do you hesitate, I say dispatch'd,
Are you so squeamish you can't disgest the term?

Chan.

No my Lord, not I, but you ferrit me out of the few sences I
have—dispatch'd—murder'd—'tis not my profession—I will not
turn Cutthroat for any mans pleasure, if the lodging him in a Jayl for
his Life will serve so, if not—

Mort.

Away Trifler:

Chan.

I am confounded; why, you have no sooner done Chiding me
for a little humane frailty, but you hurry me on to a Crime with a
Vengeance.

Mort.

Do you make Scruples, let me but hear
Another Sillable that contradicts what I've decreed, and thou art lost
for ever—I will devest thee of thy Pageant-Greatness, expose thee as a
Sacrifice to'th' Rabble, and how they'l use thee thy Conscience best can
tell.

Chan.

The Devill's in him, I must submit, I have run my self like
Theeves, so far into ill company, that now I would reform, my associates
won't let me; my Lord I beseech you be not angry: I did this only
to sound the depth of your Lordships intentions, and since you are
resolv'd, he shall be dispatch'd—I have light on the rarest fellow, one
that will go through-stich in the Law, he must be a Judge.

Mort.

Who is it?

Chan.

Why Serjeant Either-side.

Mort.

That's a dull wretch;

Chan.

Ne're the worse for a Judge, they sleep half their Lives out—
but he has a vast assurance and tho' he cannot speak much to the purpose
he has rare lungs, and will let no man be heard but himself.

Mort.

Well, work him, and make him what you will:

Chan.

I was born to serve your honour, I will retrieve your favour,
tho' it be by turning executioner my self, and for this fellow he'l prove
the miracle of the Bench as to your use, and will truss up your enemies
with as little regret as a Farmer does the Moles which molest his
Ground—it shall be done my Lord.

[Exit
Mort.

This fellow came from Proteus, the Camelion change not faster.
Enter Turrington and Nevill.
How now, your business:

Turr.
'Tis of Importance, stand upon your guard,
For Berkly, Salisbury, and many others
Who not long since were banish'd from the Court,
Are now with Edward close Lock'd up with him.

Mor.
Ha!

Nev.
By heav'ns 'tis true, we saw 'em enter:
We would have follow'd 'em, but were deny'd,
Nay order'd to retire—and the out-Courts
Are fill'd with rough-hew'd slaves who guard the Lords.

Mort.
Withdraw to my Apartment, I'le come presently;
How's this, so Cunning Boy, Damnation:
[Ex. Tur. Nev.
Salisbury, Berkly and Exeter, I warrant too are there:
Are ye upon the Catch my Polititians?
That Exeter's the Devill for a Statesman, and
Must be the Guide o'th Councill too or nothing:
The subtle Fiend has Left and sought more parties
Then all the Cabinet Pack shuffled together:
He was for us but faulter'd when he found
My Interest Greater in the Queen then his;
He had rather be the foreman of a Jury
Then second in the Councill of four hundred:
Why Salisbury and he were ever foes,
Constantly Jealous of each others greatness,
And tho' they both have liked each others measures,
Still Contradiction was their practic'd spight.
But in this Cause 'tis probable they'l Joyn,
And to secure it give their spleen Cessation:
What's to be thought on?

Enter Queen.
Queen.
What always musing, ever melancholly,
Beware of the infection, none so wretched
As those whom Jealousy and Doubts possess:

Mort.
But Madam, mine's a subject calls for thought,
No vain Chymæra but a just occasion,
Nevill and Turrington have brought advice,
And I am sorry I must tell it you;
Those saucy Peers who villifyed your Crown
Not sparing Censure of your private Actions,
Are giving vile instructions to your Son;
Learning the Plyant Youth how he may shake
The fetters of Obedience off betimes,
While eagerly he listens to the Charm,
And smiles to hear himself saluted King.

Queen.
Is't possible?

Mort.
Be you the Judge, for you it most concerns,
Since Delamore has whistled to this Sterlin,
All his Apartments have been closely kept,
New waiters plac'd, those you put in discharg'd;
Lest they might do their duty and inform,
Tell me (my Royall Mistress) can you bear
The hand of Limitation, or Controle,
Can you with ease resign the Glorious Throne
Into the hands of Salisbury and Leicester?

Queen.
Distraction's in the Thought—

Mort.
Can she Obey who allways did Command?
Can she Retire who ever liv'd in splendour?
Nay thought the world too scanty for her Greatness,
Accept a Private Pension, small attendance,
And live by him whose Soul from hers took being,
Whilst I must to their long-grown malice bow,
Which their believing Life must be a plague,
Will give it me on Scandalous Conditions;
Nay blush not Madam, this must all be done,
And more when these be Edwards Governours:

Queen.
That ne're shall be, and Isabella Living:
Be thou as once when Spencer Gaveston
The minions of my husband did attempt,
To Curb my Will, and I defy 'em all,
No March, If I for Love could give him death,
Think'st thou this Feeble spawn his slender ofspring
(Bred when I wish'd a Barrenness upon me
So Irksome and insipid was the Pleasure)
That he shall baulk the measures of my Soul.

Mort.
She fires:

Queen.
Can the froward Chitt believe because my Son
I'de still him with a play thing call'd my Crown,
And live my self on Curtesy of state:
The Fragments of the Grandure I had left
Perish ten Sons e're such a fit possess me.

Mort.
There spoke a Queen; this is true Majesty,
Appear and like the Planet of the day,
Disperse these sullen Fogs which Cloud your Lustre,
Since Delamore and Holland, Exeter, and the rest
Have Soar'd like Icarus beyond their bounds,
Their waxen wings shall melt in thy Bright beams,
Finding i'th floods reward for their Ambition.

Queen.
They fall my Mortimer, they sink for ever,
I'le visit streight these close Conspirators,
Who think themselves so hush'd in their designs;
As for this Rebell-Son he's a disease,
And I will purge the venome from my blood,
As if a Leprosy had compass'd me;
I will have no Competitors in Power,
If in the Fathers time I rul'd alone,
I'le never yield that honour to the Son:
Hard shall he tugg if he will have the sway,
And if at last 'tis forc't and Rack't away,
As I shall scorn the Conquest to out-live,
This shall a Period to his Triumph give.
[Shews a Dagger
[Exit Queen.

SCENE The Chancellours House.
Enter Serj. Eitherside and his Neice Maria, he pulling her in.
Serj.

Come, come in, come in you baggage, you run-away Theif,
'Tis well I met you, I would not have had you gone home for 5000 l.
gads my life I had been Unjudg'd before my Taylor had finish'd my

Robes, I should not have had the Satisfaction of seeing how scarlet becomes
me, and your Aunt would have turn'd you out of doors.

Mari.

Why would you leave me then alone with him?

Ser.

Chamber-practice like that of Confession admits of no ears, but
the Partyes concern'd—therefore be rul'd, I have not seen my wife
since, but had you gone home as I said, and she had known the occasion,
and my preferment had fall'n upon't, she had turn'd you out to have got
a Livelyhood by the same means you shun'd, which would not have
turn'd to so good account.

Mar.

But Sir, he would have forc'd me—

Ser.

To have pleas'd your self, come, come, no more words, away
with your buts, your ifs, and your yets, and joyn Issue immediately, or
you'r non-suited; must I be forc'd to use my Authority? do not provoke
me, lest you sink under the weight of a Judges Displeasure, we
are dreadfull fellows in Power, therefore have a care.

Mar.

This new honour has certainly craz'd my Uncle: In my conscience
rather then be degraded he would stand himself by this Devill of
a Chancellor till he perform'd the deed of Darkness;
Pray Sir let me go home:

Ser.

If you will go to the place from whence you came, you shall thence
to the Place of Execution, where you shall be hang'd till you're half-dead,
and then be cut into four Quarters, and your bowells burnt for
high swinging High-treason in rebelling against the Soveraign Authority
of my unspotted Ermin.

Mar.
This Crime will make it foul:
Black as hells Practice or the trade of perjury:

What to do I know not; if I refuse I loose his favour, and that's my
bread; if I comply, then farewell Reputation, let me be never so innocent
the living with this Goat is sufficient Scandall to any honest
Person.

Serj.

What again at a stand? why you perplex the Cause worse then
an Evidence that's deaf and dumb, and is only to be under stood by
signs—Go to, and know your duty, for I expect an obedience as if I
were your father, you'r my adopted Child, and are bound to submit to
my Commands; if the Ancient Measures of Divine and humane Laws
are of any Force, and if they are not, I'le make new ones on this Occasion.

Mar.

Command, my Life and I will freely give it: But this is such
a task I cannot think upon't, but horror seizes me.

Serj.

Whence comes these fits in the Devills name, they're not of the
Mother i'm sure, she would have swallow'd such an offer and have made

no bones on't.

Mar.

Dispose of me any ways but this, tho' it be to my Death I'le
thank you for it, but to give my self up to the Lewd Embraces of a person
I mortally hate is far more terrible, and I had rather starve then
gain a fortune on such base conditions.

Serj.

Conditions—why thou perverse chit of a wanton Generation,
how camest thou thus bastardiz'd? huswife, huswife, if you won't Lye
with him you will with somebody you like better, and I'le make you accept
of my choice, or turn you out of doors with your Load of vertue
instead of a Portion, and see how the starving your Spirit will agree
with the Pride of your flesh.

Mar.

What shall I do? what Courses shall I steer?

Serj.

Those which tend to the making you rich and happy.

Mar.

I shall be ruin'd:

Serj.

You shall be made,

Mar.

A Whore:

Serj.

Why you peremptory Carrion who thrives that are otherwise? is
there any pleasure like that of a long Mace and a Purse, when you have
the Broad-Seal for your Vindication? he's a wise man and will be carefull
of your honour, in regard of his own, and to my knowledge 'tis
safer Trusting your virtue in his hands, then money in a Bankers—true,
he is a little waggish or so; alas child that's nothing, Learned men are
of opinion, that warming the bloud by being now and then Facetious is
very conducing to health, possibly he follows the Maxim:
[aside
Gads, my Life, he's here now Neice, if you have any respect for your
self and me, play the part of an understanding Woman, and make use
of the time: I'le step aside and watch your behaviour, have a care.

[Exit.
Enter Chancellor reading.
Mar.
He's gone and left me:
What shall I choose to save my honour?
There is no scaping, hea'ven Inspire me best:

Chan.

I am strangely discompos'd, I shall hardly be settled these two
hours, what a damnable fright has this termagant Lord put me in; he's
as saucy with me now he has got me in his net as a servant-maid to her
Master when she has lain with him: A Disappointment on both sides
with a vengeance, had I but enjoy'd the little rogue, I should not have
matter'd, but not only miss the opportunity but also loose the Person;
I must send for the Pimp her Uncle, a Pox of these papers:
[flings 'em down
would they were burning in the Guts of him that drew 'em—I was

too hasty, I was too Rash; we old men are so seldom visited with the
effects of Love; we make too much of the Guest, because we know it's
short. Ha! What do I see?

[Discovers Maria.
Mar.

I am discover'd, now fortune stand my friend—Dissimulation
help me, and all the Cunning of my Sex attend me.

Chan.

What my little wandring Jew, are you here? you had like to
have made fine work, 'tis well you came back as you did, you had lost
a lover else; my heart was just breaking, I was sending in hast for a
Master in Chancery to make my Will—I design'd to have given all I
had in the World to a certain Person that shall be nameless, but one so
very like thee, that a man might safely swear you were twins.

Mar.

I should be sorry if I should any way discompose your Lordship
in my leaving you so Abruptly, for which I beg your Pardon:

Chan.

Sayst thou so? 'gad child, and I am very good natur'd and
heartily forgive thee, but you shall give bond to perform Covenant for
the future, you shall:
[kisses her
What a notable twang she has—I protest my dainty peice of Marmalete,
I have a strange Inclination for thee, and I cannot but think thou hast
of the quality of the Loadstone about thee; turn thee which way thou
wilt I have such a grudging after thee Sympathy, I'faith, meer Sympathy;
thou art my Compass, and whilst thou art in being, the needle
will be always pointing to the North, and I shall never be well but in
thy Arms.

Mar.

It can be only your opinion Sir, I know no quality I am endow'd
with unless your favour.

Chan.

You cogg, you cogg, what? not know where your Magick
Circle lyes, no Quality; why thou hast beauty enough to merrit an Empire:
I am thy vassall, I who command this Nation am Commanded by
thee: Come hither and answer me a question, wilt thou my Damsell? ha!

Mar.

To any thing as may become your Servant.

Chan.

Good, very good, dost thou love me child? answer me quickly,
I am under an Agony of suspition, and must be resolv'd, or I'm a
dead man.

Mar.

My ready Services shall always demonstrate the high respect I
have for you.

Chan.

Respect, Twist a Whip, tell not me of respect, I hate the expression,
'tis like giving the Cheek instead of the Lip upon a Salute—
torture me not with Delay, but give me a cordiall of thy kindness or I
sink, I perish, I'm no man:

Mar.

My Lord, indeed I honour you, indeed respect you, and I have
often heard it said, respects the younger brother sure to love:

Chan.

I desire none of his company, if the elder be present come near
me, I must look on my Care, my Jewell, how those eyes sparkle, why
they out-lustre this; let me see, place it before those white little Panting,
pouting, swelling throbbing, heaving—ah Rogue!

[Puts a Jewell on her Bosome.
Mar.

My Lord, you throw your favours so very fast upon me, I sink
under the Consideration of my Gratitude.

Chan.

A good childe, a very good childe, why they're trifles to what I
design thee, thou shalt be cover'd all over with Gold and Jewells; such
things I have bespoke for thee, thou shalt out-shine an Indian Queen:
say, can'st thou love me? speak, my honey-suckle, and make me happy
and thy self illustrious, speak my blossome of a Colly-flower, my cherry-colour'd-bean
with a black eye.

Mar.

However furious my Gallants Inclinations are, I finde my beauty
awes him, I am Master of his heart, and may be of all he has (oh
Mountacute should thou do thus I fear my Chastity) however I'le seemingly
comply, but nothing more.

She looks languishingly on him and puts her fan to her face.
Chan.

What, another eye shot,
come out with it Lamb, never mince
the matter, my doom, my doom.

Mar.

Good Sir, spare the trouble, and let my blushes speak my
heart.

Chan.

What! must I then be forc'd to bribe my Judge e're she will
give her opinion: here, here's Gold for thee—nay, nay, take it—she
has nick't me 'faith, my way exactly, the method I use to follow to a tittle:
my Sentence—

Mar.

I am not as I was, yet cannot tell my ailing; since I have seen
you Sir, my heart doth throb and beat as if it 'twould have liberty.

Chan.

Caught by St. Winifred: she's in.

Mar.

And when you speak of Love your words peirce through me,
I finde a pleasing shivering seize on me, yet covet still to hear you, and
when you catch me in your arms, I am like one half waking from a sleep;
I know not how to term it, a pleasant fleeting transport comes upon me,
my eyes are doz'd and I grow giddy with the unusuall joy.

Chan.

In Love, the Experience of 30 could not have demonstrated
better: come childe, I will repay it with double interest, I have a thousand
fine Curiosities within my closet which thou shalt be Lady of Immediately.

Mar.

Oh Heav'ns! what have I done? I have fool'd my self into the
snare.

Enter Serjeant Either-side.
Blessed deliverance my Uncle,

Ser.

My most Illustrious prop of preferment:

Chan.

A Plague of this Rascally Serjeant, I perceive the fellow has forgot
all manners since I have made him a Judge, but I'le send him packing—oh!
brother Judge, you are Wellcome, never more wellcome,
rare news, rare news; The Queen and the Earl of March have by me
put an opportunity into your hands of being suddainly a great man.

Serj.

How does her Majesty think upon her lowest of her Subjects,
I shall never be able to repay the Goodness: can I serve her my Lord?

Chan.

Why no body else, she has tryed the Judges already, and they
are wresty like so many tyred horses, they will not budge a Jot.

Serj.

What is it my Lord, what is it?—how does your Lordship like
my Neice? is she courteous?

Chan.

Charmingly, charmingly—but to our business: there are a
Parcell of froward persons that stand upon their Priviledges because
they're Peers, and between you and me brother, are very unmannerly,
both to the Queen and the Earle: now they were order'd to be prosecuted,
and the Knaves in Scarlet refus'd, pretending they were above their
Cognizance.

Serj.

How! above their Cognizance, who are they? let me know 'em,
and their Crimes, and if I do not case 'em up, uncase me,—but what
will become of me if a Parliament should be Summon'd?

Chan.

O fear it not, the Queen will never call a Parliament, lest they
might question her as well as you, therefore be stanch.

Serj.

Twi a whip as your Lordship says, I'le go through-stich.

Chan.

There's that Prating fellow Mountacute, and

[Whispers.
Mar.

Ha! what said he? oh how my fears comes thick on me:

Chan.

But I'le tell you as I go here; my Charge, take these Keys, they'l
open the doors of my Cabinets; there, there, feast thy eyes, and take
what thou wilt, I'le but speak a word with thy Uncle, and come and
settle some Jewells and precious Stones upon thee.

Enter Gentleman.
Gent.

My Lord the Earl of March desires your speedy Presence at his
Apartment.

Chan.

The Devill boyl him, again, what shall I do?

Serj.

My Lord, I find you are uneasy at your being so open to business,
nor indeed can you be private here as Love requires—what thinks your
Lordship of my house? there you may be secure.

Chan.

A Pimp of a thousand; you say worthyly, nothing better, go,
get you in, and take what you finde on the Squab under the window, and

go home to your Uncles, where I'le come and sup, as soon as I've Dispatch'd
this business, I must talk with you as I go, nay, a Kiss, a kiss at
parting: I'm in Paradice: Come, come along brother, or I shall, oh!—come
along, come:

Ex. Chan. and Serj.
Mar.

They're gone, and left me wretched, the darling of my soul, my
virgin Love, my Dear-priz'd Mountacute they have in chase, eager as
blood-hounds when upon full scent: could I but Interpose 'twixt him
and fate, I should be bless'd in Dying, pitty'd by him: ha! what paper's
this, [takes 'em off the Ground.]
my Curiosity was never sawcy
yet, Love makes it now: Good heaven, what have I found, the very
Scrole of Death. Directions in what manner to proceed 'gainst Mountacute
and others—be but Propitious Starrs, and I will make this Instrument
of Villany the Guide by which I'le steer this almost sinking bark
through all the Rocks which threaten his Destruction, 'twill bring me to
his sight—bless'd accident.

And tho' my fortunes can't expect his Love,
My Generous care of him he must approve.

[Ex.