University of Virginia Library

Scen. 1.

Clematis.
Solo.
VVell, if I were but once rid of her service,
If I ever feru'd love-sicke mistris againe,
I would feed all my life time on Agnus Castus,
And give all the world leave to let me dye a maid:
I even spoyld a good mother wit
With beating my head about these knick knacks,
Which my mistris, Madam Eglantine
Hath enioyn'd me to procure her,
For now seduc'd by the old bawd Poneria,
She thinks to recover her old sweet-heart Rhodon.
Here is a Catalogue as tedious as a Taylors bill,
Of all the devices which I am commanded to provide, videlicet:
Chaines, coronets, pendans, bracelets and eare-rings,
Pins, girdles, spangles, embroyderies, rings,
Shadowes, rebatos, ribbands, ruffes, cuffes and fals:
Scarfes, feathers, fans, maskes, muffes, laces and cals;
Thin tiffanies, copweb-lawne and fardingals,
Sweet-bals, vayles, wimples, glasses, crisping-pins;
Pots, oyntments, combs, with poking-sticks & bodkins;
Coyfes, gorgets, fringes, rowles, fillets and haire-laces;
Silks, damasks, velvet, tinsels, cloth of gold,
And tissue, with colours of a hundreth fold.
Enter Gladiolus
But in her tyres so new fangl'd is she,
That which doth with her humour now agree,
To morrow she dislikes, now doth she sweare,
That a loose body is the neatest weare;
But ere an houre be gone, she will protest
A strait gowne graces her proportion best:
Now cals she for a boistrous fardingall,
Then to her hips shele have her garments fall:
Now doth she praise a sleeve that's long and wide,
Yet by and by that fashion doth deride:
Sometimes sh'applauds a pavement-sweeping traine,
And presently dispraiseth it againe.
Now she commends a shallow band so small,
That it may seeme scarce any band at all;
But soone to a new fancy doth she reele,
And cals for one as big as a coach-wheele:
She'le weare a flowry coronet to day,
The symboll of her beauties sad decay;
To morrow she a wauing plume will try,
The embleme of all female lenitie,
Now in her hat, then in her haire she's drest,
For of all fashions she thinks change the best.

Gla.
Good fellow seruant, honest Clematis,
Let me conclude thy tedious tale with this,
I say the rest lesse sea and flitting winde,
Are constant in respect of women kinde.

Cle.
Nor in her weeds alone is she so nice,
But rich perfumes she buyes at any price.
Storax and Spiknard she burnes in her Chamber,
And daubes her selfe with Civit, Muske and Amber.
With limbecks, viols, pots, her Closet's fill'd,
Full of strange liquors by rare art distill'd:
She hath Vermilion and Antimony,
Cerusse and sublimated Mercury.
Waters she hath to make her face to shine;
Confections eke to clarifie her skin;
Lipsalues, and cloathes of a pure scarlet dye
She hath, which to her cheekes she doth apply:
Oyntments wherewith she pargets ore her face,
And lustrifies her beauties dying grace.
She waters for the Morphewes doth compose,
And many other things, as strange as those;
Some made of Daffadils, some of lees,
Of scarwolfe some, and some of rinds of trees,
With Centory, sower Grapes, and Tarragon,
She maketh many a strange lotion:
Her skin she can both supple and refine,
With iuyce of Lemons and with Turpintine:
The marrow of the Hernshaw and the Deere,
She takes likewise to make her skin looke cleere:
Sweet waters she distils, which she composes
Of flowers of Oranges, Woodbine or Roses:
The vertue of Iesmine and three-leav'd grasse,
She doth imprison in a brittle glasse,
With Civet, Muske, and odours farre more rare,
These liquors sweet incorporated are:
Lees she can make which turne a haire that's old
Or colour'd ill, into a hue of gold.
Of horses, beares, cats, camels, conies, snakes,
Whales, Herons, bittours, strange oyles she makes,
With which dame natures errours she corrects,
Vsing arts helpe to supply all defects.
She in the milke of Affes bathes her skin,
As did the beautifull Poppea, when
She tempted Nero to forsake the bed
Of great Octavia, and her selfe to wed.

Gla.
If there be any Gentlewoman here,
That will with gracious acceptation use
The service of a tatling Chambermaid,
I would aduise her to make choice of this Frisketta,
That is as chaste as Helen, or Corinthian Lais,
As chary of bewraying secrets as was Echo:
Oh she would prove a rare Privie Councellour
In some great Ladies privie Chamber.
The perpetuall motion for which Artists have so labor'd
Is discover'd no where so plainly as in her tongue,
Which scarce finds any leisure to rest,
No not when she is asleepe:
But of her curresie she is so charitable,
And so heroically magnificent,
That she will both vouch safe to commiserate
The lowe estate of an humble groome of the stable,
And also satisfie the desire
Of a high and mighty Gentleman-usher
In a kisse or any other amorous encounter:
Gentlemen beleeue me in few, she is a pearle,
Whose worth the age cannot value.
If there be any Gentleman here
That will be stow a small pension upon her,
With a kisse or two once a fortnight,
To make her his intelligencer of state
In his wives common-wealth;
I will undertake he shall be able to make good
A faction against his wife,
Had she an Amazons stomacke, a Zenobia's,
Or a Xanthippes tongue.

Cl.
Out you pratling Parachito,
Come you hither to abuse me.
She strikes him.
Take this for your paines.

Gla.
Now thank thy stars, that with a female signature
Did stampe thy sexe, audacious strumpet,
Shall I draw? no, now I thinke ont I will not;
For reason and experience shewes, that no man
Ere gain'd repute by drawing gainst a woman.

Cl.
Stripling, dost thinke I feare a naked blade;
Ile meete thee where thou dar'st, and whip thee too
For thy unruly tongue, thy sawcinesse.

Gla.
Well minion, remember this,
If I doe not cry you quit for this abuse,
Then let me nere be trusted:
Your Mistris shall know how you have us'd me,
So she shall.

Cl.
Skippiake tell what you can, I weigh't not this,
Ile make you know that you have done amisse.

exeunt.