 | The Queen, or The Excellency of Her Sex |  |
Act III.
Enter Alphonso, Almada, Muretto, Bufo, Pynto, and attendants.Alph.
You have prevail'd, yet e're you came (my Lord)
Muretto, here this right, right, honest man
Confirm'd me throughly, now to witness further
With what a gratitude I love the Queen.
Reach me a bowle of wine.
Alm.
Your Majesty more honors me,
in making me the Messenger of this most
happy concord, then addition of greatness
can express.
Muret.
I ever told you,
How you would his Grace, inclin'd at last
Pyn.
The very Jove of benignity, by
whose gentle aspect the whole sphere of
this Court and Kingdom are (like the
lesser orbes) moved round in the harmony
of affability.
Enter one with wine.
Alph.
My Lord Almado, health unto your Mistris,
A hearty health, a deep one.
Alm.
upon my knee
My duty gladly answers
drinks.
Alph.
Give him wine.
There's not a man whoever in our Court
(Greater or meaner) but shall pledge this health,
In honor of our Queen, our vertuous Queen.
Commend us, and report us as you finde.
Alm.
Great Sir, I shall with joy.
Alph.
Bufo and Pynto,
All in, and drink, drink deep, let none be spar'd,
Comers or goers, none.
Buf.
Away my hearts.
Pyn.
Wee'll tickle it till the welkin
the old measures.
Muret.
I shall attend to wait upon
your lordship to the Caraoch.
Exeunt.
Manet Alphonso.
Alph.
So, so, far reaching pollicy, I adore thee,
Will hug thee as my dearling
Shallow fools
Dive not into the pitch of regular Statists.
Henceforth my Stratagem's of scorn and hatred
Shall kill in smiles. I will not strike and frown,
But laugh and murther.
Enter Muretto.
Alph.
Welcom, are we safe?
Muret.
Most free from interruption:
The Lord Velasco is newly entred the
Court; I have given the watch word that
they ply him mainly; the conclusion (I
know cannot but break off in hurleburly.
Alph.
Good, good, I hate him mortally. 'Twas he
Slaved me to th' hangmans ax: But now go on;
Petruchi is the man, you say, must stand
The Champion of her lust.
Muret.
There may be yet vertuous intention
even in bad actions, in lewd
words, I urge no further then likelyhoods
may inform.
Alph.
Phew, that's thy nobleness: But now Muretto,
The eye of luxury speaks loud in silence.
Muret.
Why look ye, Sir, I must confess
I observ'd some odd amorous glances,
some sweet familiar courteous toying
smiles; a kinde of officious boldness
in him, Princelike and Queenlike
allowance of that boldness in him again;
sometimes I might warily overhear her
whispers. But what of all this? There
might be no harm meant.
Alph.
Fy, no, the grafting of my forehead,
nothing else.
Grafting, grafting, Muretto, A most Gentleman-like
exercise; a very mystery belongs
to't.
And now and then they walk thus, arm
in arm, twist fingers: ha. Would they
not Muretto?
Muret.
'Tis wondrous fit a great
Queen should be supported, Sir; and
for the best lady of 'em all, to discourse
familiarly with her supporter, is courtly
and passing innocent.
Alph.
She and Petruchi did so?
Muret.
And at her passing to her private
lodgings, attended onely with her
lady in ordinary. Petruchi alone went
in before her.
Alph.
Is't true! Went in before her!
Canst prove that?
Muret.
Your Majesty is too quick, too
apprehensive of the worst: I meant he
perform'd the office of an Usher.
Alph.
Guilty apparently: Monstrous woman! Beast!
Were these the fruits of her dissembling tears!
Her puling, and her heart sighs. But, Muretto.
I will be swift Muretto, swift and terrible.
Muret.
I am such another Coxcomb;
O my side too.
Yet faith, let me perswade ye; I hope
your wife is vertuous.
Alph.
Vertuous? The Devil she is, 'tis most impossible.
What kiss and toy, wink, prate, yet be vertuous?
Muret.
Why not Sir? I think now a
woman may lie four or five nights together
with a man, and yet be chast;
though that be very hard, yet so long as
'tis possible, such a thing may be.
Alph.
I have it, wee'll confer; let's
stand aside.
Enter Bufo and another Groom with wine, both drunk; Bufo handing Velasco by the shoulders.
Buf.
Not drink more? By this hand
you shall drink eleven whole healths,
if your cap be wooll or beaver; and
that's my resolution.
Gro.
'Sfoot, eleven score, without
dishonor be it spoken to any mans person
out of this place.
Prethee, I can no more, 'tis a profession
I dare not practice, nay, I will not.
Buf.
How will not? Not her Queenships health?
Hark ye, thy stincking and unwholesom words—
Will not—You will not—You say you
will not?
Velas.
I say so, pray be answer'd.
Gro.
Pox of all flinchers; if a' say a will not,
Let him chuse, like an arrant dry lord as he is.
Buf.
Give me the bowl, I must be valiant.
You, Sirrah, man at arms; Here's a carouse
To the King, the Queen, and my self.
Gro.
Let't come, I'll have that i'faith,
Sweet, sweet, sweet, Captain.
Buf.
Hold, give the lord first, drink it
up lord, do, ump.
Velas.
Away I say, I am not in the
tune.
Buf.
Tune, tune? 'Sblood, d'ee take
us for fiddlers, scrappers, rime canters by
tune? By this light, I'll scourge ye like
a town top: Look ye, I am urg'd—
Ump—And there's a side blow for ye,
like a sober thing as ye are.
Gro.
well done i'faith, precious Captain.
Velas.
Dar'st thou do this to me knowing
who I am?
Buf.
Yes, in the way of daring, I
dare kick you thus, thus, Sir up and
down. There's a jolt on the bum too:
How d'ee like it?
Velas.
'Tis well! You use the priviledge of the place.
There was a time the best of all this Court
Durst not have lift a hand against me then.
But I must bear it now.
Alph.
Is not this strange Muretto?
Muret.
I can scantly credit mine own
eyes: The Captain follows his instructions
perfectly.
Buf.
Not drink? Mahound, Infidel.
I will fillip thy nose, spit in thy face,
Mungrel; brave, a Commander, ha?
Velas.
O woman-woman-woman.
Buf.
That's a lie, a stark one, 'tis
known I nere was a woman in my life.
I am weary beating of him, and can
stand no longer. Groom, kick him thou
up and down in my behalf; or by this
flesh I'll swinge you, sirrah.
Gro.
Come aloft, Jackanapes: come
aloft, sirrah.
kicks, beates him.
Alph.
Why sure Velasco dares not
fight.
Muret.
It must be some or other hath
bewitched him.
Enter Pynto.
Pyn.
Avant, I saw twelve dozen of
Cuckolds in the middle region of the
air, galloping on a black Jack, Eastward
ho. It is certain that every dozen went
for a company, and they are now become
a corporation. Aries and Taurus,
the Bull and the Ram, two head signs,
shall be henceforth their recognizances,
set up in the grand hall of their politick
convocations—whirr, whirr, there,
there, just under the rainbow ambles
Mercury, the thin bearded thief that
stole away the Drappers wife, while the
good man was made drunk at the Stillyard,
at a beaver of Dutch bread and
Renish wine, and lay all night in pure
holland in's stocking and shoes. Pish,
Talke not to me, I will maintain against
the Universities of both the Indies, that
one Aldermans horse is more right worshipful,
then any six Constables, brown
bills and all. Now, now, now, my
brains burn in Sulphur, and thus will I
stalk about, and swim through a whole
Element of dainty, neat, brisk, rich
claret, canary, or maligo. Am not I
Pynto, have not I hiren here? What art
thou, a full moon, or a moon calf?
Buf.
No, no, 'tis a dry Stock-fish, that
must be beaten tender.
Velas.
Was ever man so much a slave
as I?
Pyn.
Does Saturn wince? Down with
him, let Charles his wayn run over his
North pole; it shall be justified too.
Gro.
Now, Sir, having taken a little
breath, have at ye once more, and I have
done.
Mop.
Clubs, clubs, I have been the
death of two Brewers horses, and two
catch-poles, my self, and now be try'd by
two fools and ten knaves: O monstrous
base, horrible; is my lord past recovery?
Velas.
Hold, prethee, fellow hold, I have no sword,
Or if I had, I dare not strike again.
Buf.
U'ds bones, were ye an invincible Armado,
Ide pound ye all like brown paper rags.
Lodov.
Let me be strucken blind! The shame of fate;
Velasco, baffled, and not dare to strike!
Dogs, drunken dogs, I'll whip ye to your kennels.
Velas.
Nay good, forbear.
Mop.
Bilbo come forth and shew thy
foxes tayl.
Nay, nay, give me liquor, and I'll fight
like a rorer.
Pyn.
Keep standing ho; the Almanack
says plainly 'tis no season to be let
blood, the sign is mortal. Hold!
Alph.
Yes I command. Uncivil ill bred beasts.
How dares ye turn our pallace to a booth?
How dare the proudest of ye all lift up
A hand against the meanest of those creatures
Whom we do own for ours? Now, now you spit
The ancient rancor of you bitter galls
Wherewith you strove to wound us heretofore.
Lodov.
We are abus'd, My Lord.
Alph.
Fellow, Thou lyest.
Our Royal eyes beheld the pride and malice
Of thee Velasco; who in hate to us
Deny'st to honour our remembrance, though
But in a pledg'd health.
Velas.
Therein I was wrong'd.
Alph.
No, therein all thy cunning could not hide
The rage of thy malitious heart to us;
Yet know, for tryal of thy love we caus'd
This onset, we will justifie the hight
Of thy disgraces; what they did was ours.
Hence Coward, baffled, kickt, despis'd and spurn'd.
Buf.
Hang thy self; a pox on thee.
Exit Alphonso, Muretto, Pynto, Bufo, Groom.
Lodov.
O y'are undon: What Devil, Hag, or Witch
Hath stoln your heart away?
Velas.
I cannot tell.
Lodov.
Not fight 'tis enough to shame
us all.
Velas.
Happy was I, that living liv'd alone,
Velasco was a man then, now is none.
Exeunt.
Mop.
Is't even so, no man now; then I
smell how things stand: I'll lay my life,
his lady sweet heart hath given him the
Gleek, and he in return hath gelded
himself, and so both lost his courage and
his wits together.
Exit.
Enter Queen, Almado, Collumello, Petruchi and Herophil.
Qu.
Speak o're the words again; and good my lord
Be sure you speak the same, the very words;
Our Queen, our vetuous Queen; Was't so?
Alm.
Just so;
And was withal in carriage so most kinde,
So Princely, that I must do wrong to gratitude,
In wanting action to express his love.
Qu.
I am the happiest she that lives. Petruchi,
Was I mistook or no? Why good my lords,
Observe it well. There is a holy league
Confirm'd and ratify'd 'twixt Love and Fate.
This sacred Matrimonial tye of hearts,
Call'd marriage, has Divinity within't.
Prethee, Almado, tell me, smil'd the King
When he commended to me?
Alm.
Madam, yes;
And affably concluded all in this;
Commend us, and report us as you find.
Qu.
For loves sakes, no man prattle of distrust.
The King's unkinde. My thinks I am all air,
My soul has wings.
Petr.
And we are all o'rejoy'd
In this sweet reconciliation.
Qu.
Wee'll visit him (my Lords) in some rich mask
Of rare device, as thus; Pish, now I think on't,
The world yeelds not variety enough
Of cost, that's worthy of his Royal eyes,
Why Herophil?
Her.
Here, Madam.
Qu.
Now beshrew me
But I could weep for anger—If 'twere possible
To get a chariot cut out of a rock,
Made all of one whole Diamond, drawn all on Pavements
Of pearls and amber, by four Ivory steeds
Of perfect Christal; this were worth presenting.
Or some bright cloud of Saphirs—Fy you are all
So dull, you do not love me.
Col.
Y'are transported
To strange impossibilities: our service
Shall wait upon your happiness.
Qu.
Nay, nay,
I know you laugh at me, and well you may;
I talk I know not what. I would 'twere fit
To ask one queston of ye.
All.
Madam, any thing.
Qu.
You'l swear that I am Idle, yet you know
'Tis not my custom; Look upon me well;
Am I as fair as Herophil?
Petr.
Yes, Madam,
Or any other creature else alive.
Qu.
You make me blush in troth. O would the King
Could see me with your eyes. Or would I were
Much courser then I am to all the world;
So I might onely seem more fair to him.
Enter Velasco and Lodovico.
See here come more. Velasco, thou art welcom.
Welcom kinde Lodovico. You I know
Bring fresh supplies of comfort; do not cloud
Your news with circumstance: Say, doth the King
Expect me? Yes, good man, I know he does.
Speak briefly, good my Lord, and truly.
Velas.
Madam, Take all at once, he is the King;
And Kings may do their pleasures.
Qu.
True, Velasco.
But I have from my heart forgot remembrance
Of former passages, the world is chang'd:
Is a' not justly royal?
Lodov.
Would a' were, I wish it for
your sake Madam, but my wishes and his
inclinations are quite opposite.
Petr.
What said you, Lodovico?
Lodov.
Thus Petruchi. Velasco hath
been by the King disgrac'd, by his minions
abused, baffled, they justified by the
King in't. In a word; Alphonso is, and
will be the scourge of Arragon.
Qu.
I'll stop my ears, they shannot let in poyson,
Rank treacherous searching poyson.
Alm.
'Tis impossible.
Qu.
Yes, 'tis impossible; but now I see
Y'are all agreed to curse me in the hight
Of my prosperities. O that at once
I could have leave to dye and shun the times.
Enter Muretto.
Muret.
His excellent Majesty by me
commends to your Royal hands this letter,
Madam.
Qu.
Why thus I kiss,
And kiss again; Welcom, what e'er it speaks.
Muret.
That you may all conceive
(my Lords) the Kings hearty zeal to unity
and goodness, he by me intreates
your attendance on the Queen to him:
To you Signior, Petruchi, he sends this
Diamond from his own finger.
Petr.
You strike me into wonder.
Muret.
I should excuse his highness
but he says, that your own indiscretion
deserv'd your late reproof: And
futher, (pardon me that I mince not
the sum of his injunction) he says your
cowardice is now so vulgarly palpable,
that it cannot stand with his honour to
countenance so degenerating a spirit.
Velas.
I thank him; yet, if you remember well;
Both he and you prov'd me another man.
Qu.
The sweetest letter that ever was writ:
Come we must to the King—How! 'Tis my ring,
The first ring that I ever gave the King.
Petruchi, I must have it.
Petr.
'Twas the King sent it:
I mean to yeeld it back again.
Qu.
No I will.
And in exchange take that of equal value;
But not with me, 'cause it comes from my husband.
Let's slack no time, this day shall crown our peace.
Exit all but Velasco and Lodovico.
Lodov.
You see my Lord how the world goes.
What your next course?
Velas.
Would I could leave my self, I am unfit
For company of men: Art thou my friend?
Lodov.
I cannot tell what I am, your
patient humor indeed perswades me I
am nothing.
Ladies little puppy dogs shortly will
break your shins with milke-sops, and
you dare not cry, come out cur. Faith
tell me for our wonted frindships sake;
hath not this Madam sweet heart of
yours a share in your Meramorphosis?
Velas.
You are unkinde, as much as in a thought,
To wrong her vertue. Lodovico, no;
I have resolv'd never to fight again.
Lodov.
'Tis a very safe resolution: but
have you resolv'd never to be beaten
again?
Velas.
That goodly sound of gallant valiant man
Is but a breath, and dyes as soon as utter'd.
I'll seek my fame henceforward in the praise
Of sufferance and patience, for rash man-hood
Adds onely life to cruelty, yet by cruelty
Takes life away, and leaves upon our souls
Nothing but guilt, while patience if it be
Settl'd, doth even in bondage keep us free.
Lodov.
Excellent morality; but good
my Lord, without more circumstance,
the cause, let me know the ground and
cause on't.
Velas.
My will, or if you please my cowardice,
More ask not, more, I vow, you shall not know.
Enter Mopas.
Mop.
O Fy, fy, I were better be the
Hangmans deputy, then my Lord Velasco's
Gentleman usher; all the streets as
I pass whoot at me, and ask me if I be so
valiant as my master the coward; they
swear their children carry woodden
daggers to play a prize with him, and
there's no talk but of the arrant coward
Velasco.
Velas.
I care not, let 'em talk.
Mop.
Care not? By these hilts, I had
rather then a hundred ducates, I had
but as much spirit: as to have drawn
upon a couple of men in Ginger-bread,
which a hucsters crook't legged whorson
ape held up, and swore they were
two taller fellows then you are.
Lodov.
Your readiest way were to
get you into a cloyster; for there's no
going to Court:
Mop:
Yes, to have our brains rubb'd
out with the heel of a brown manchet.
Velas.
As, y'are my friend forbear to
come more neer me.
Exit Velasco.
Lodov.
Gone so quickly? Mopas I'll
finde out this mystery, and thou shalt be
the instrument.
Mop.
Shall I? Why agreed, let me
string'd instrument, I'll sound at one
end or other I'll warrant ye.
Exeunt.
Enter Alphonso, Pynto, Bufo.
Alph.
Are all things ready as we gave
charge?
Pyn.
Yes all, and the face of the heavens
are passing favourable.
Alph.
Bufo, Be it thy care, the watch word given,
To seize Petruchi suddenly.
Buf.
If the Devil be not in him, I'll
make him fast enough.
Alph.
Mean time wee'll take our place, they are at hand.
Some sound our choisest musick t'entertain
This Queen with all the seeming forms of State.
Loud Musick.
Enter Queen supported by Petruchi, Herophil, Collumello, Almada, and Muretto.
All.
All joy to Aragons great King.
Alph.
You strive to act in words (my lords) but we our self
Indeavor rather how to speak in act.
Now is a time of peace of amity.
The Queen is present; Lady, seat you here,
As neer, as if we plac'd you in our heart,
Where you are deep in thron'd.
Qu.
As you in mine,
So may I ever live in yours, my Lord.
Alph.
How so? You are too charitable now,
That covet but equality in love;
A cold, a frozen love; for I must think
The streams of your affections are dry'd up,
Or running from their wonted channels, range
In lawless paths of secresie and stealth;
Which makes us love you more.
Qu.
I would your words
Dissented not from your resolved thoughts
For then (if I mistake not) you would feel
Extremity of passion, which indeed
Is noble jealousie.
Alph.
Are you so plain?
I thank you Madam; lend me your fair hand,
What's here? O my presages! Whence got you this ring?
Qu.
This ring, my lord?
Alph.
This ring, my lord!
By honours reverend crest 'tis time to wake.
Art thou not pale, Petruchi?
Petr.
Gratious, Sir.
This is the ring you sent me by Muretto,
Which 'cause it came from you, the Queen would needs
Exchange it for another of her own.
Alph.
True, 'cause it came from me, I take it so,
And grant ye, know the word. 'Tis won and lost.
Enter a Guard, Bufo with them seize Petruchi; Pynto the Queen.
Petr.
What mean ye, Helhounds?
Slaves, let go my sword.
Buf.
Keep in your chaps, and leave
scolding, my small friend, 'tis now no
time to wrangle or to rore.
Qu.
Nay, nay, with what you please I
am content.
Col.
What means your Highness?
Alm.
wronge not Majesty
With such unnoble rigour.
Alph.
O, my lords,
The weight of all this shame falls heaviest here
In my afflicted bosome. Madman like
I would not credit, what mine ears had heard,
From time to time of that adulterous woman.
For this have I liv'd widowed from her bed,
Was deaf to proofs, to oaths, and ever thought
That whoredom could not suit her self so trimly
On vertues outside. But Petruchi there
Hath a loud speaking conscience, can proclaim
Her lust, and my dishonour
Grant me hearing.
Alph.
Away with him to prison, make him fast
On pain of all your lives.
Buf.
Come, Sir, there is no playing
fast and loose, which fit a ducat now.
Exit Bufo with Petruchi.
Col.
But what now for the Queen?
Alph.
As she deserves.
Alm.
Our law requires a clear and open proof,
And a juditial trial.
Alph.
Yes to subjects
It does, but who among you dares speak justice
Against your natural Soveraign? Not one.
Pyn.
Your Majesty hath most wisely
considered that point.
Muret.
I have stood silent all this
while, and cannot but with astonishment
and unutterable grief bear a share
of sadness in these disasters. But, Madam,
be not altogether dejected on your part:
there is more mercy in this soveraign
Prince, then that you should any way
distrust.
Qu.
Nay, even proceed and question
me no more.
Alph.
I will be gentle to you, and the course
That I will take shall merit your best thanks.
If in a moneth a Champion shall appear,
In single opposition to maintain
Your honor; I will be the man my self
In person to avouch this accusation:
And which of us prevails, shall end this strife.
But if none come, then you shall lose your head.
Mean time your usage shall be like a Queen.
Muret.
Now by the life of honour, 'tis
a most Princely tryal, and will be worth
you eternal memory.
Qu.
Where must I then be led!
Alph.
No where but here
In our own palace; and as I am King,
None worse then I shall be her Guardian.
Alm.
Madam, Heaven is the Guardian of the just;
You cannot miss a Champion.
Qu.
E're I go,
May I entreat a word?
Alph.
O yes, you may.
Qu.
Collumello and Almado, hear me,
I speak to you, and to your felow Peers,
Remember both by oaths and by allegiance
You are my subjects.
Both.
Madam, true, we are.
Qu.
Then as you ever bore respect or truth
To me as to your Soveraign, I conjure ye
Never to levy arms against the King,
Singly or openly, and never else
To justifie my right or wronge in this.
For if you do, here I proclaim ye all
Traytors to loyalty and me: for surety,
I crave your oaths a new.
Both.
Since you enforce us,
We sware: and heaven protect you.
Qu.
Let me be gone.
Alph.
Well as they please for that:
Muretto, follow.
Exit all but Almada and Collummello.
Alm.
Here is fine work, my lord.
What's to be done?
Col.
Stand still while this proud Tyrants
cuts our throats.
Alm.
She's wrong'd, and this is onely but a plot.
Velasco, now might binde his Country to him;
But he is grown so cowardly and base,
That boys and children beat him as they list.
Col.
I have be thought me, we, with th' other Peers,
Will set a proclamation out, assuring
What worthy Knight soever undertakes,
By such a day, as Champion for the Queen.
Shall have a hundred thousand ducats paid,
Withal, what honors else he shall demand.
Alm.
This must be speeded, or 'twill
come to late.
Col.
It shall be suddain: Here our hope must stand;
Kings command Subjects; Heav'n doth King's command.
Exeunt.
| The Queen, or The Excellency of Her Sex | |