New Custome A new Enterlude No lesse wittie : then pleasant, entituled new Custome deuised of late, and for diuerse causes nowe set forthe, neuer before this tyme Imprinted |
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Actus. 1.
Scena. 1.
Peruerse Doctrine and Ignorance entre.Peruerse Doctrine.
It is euen so in deede, the worlde was neuer in so euyll a state.
But this is no time for vs of these matters to debate.
It were good wee inuented some politike waie
Our matters to addresse in good orderly staie.
And for vs, reason would wee loked to our selues.
Do you not see howe these newe fangled pratling elfes,
Prinke vp so pertly of late in euery place?
And go about vs auncients flatly to deface?
As who shoulde say in shorte time, as well learned as wee,
As wise to the worlde, as good they mighte accoumptid bee.
Naye, naye, if many yeeres, and graie heares do knowe no more:
But that euery peuishe boye hath euen as muche witte in store:
By the masse then haue I lyued to long, and I would I were dead
If I haue not more knoweledge then a thousande of thē in my head.
For how should they haue learning that were borne but euen now?
As fit a sighte it were to see a goose shodde, or a sadled cowe,
As to heare the pratlinge of any suche iacke strawe.
For when hee hath all done I compte him but a very dawe.
As in London not longe since you wot well where,
They rang to a Sermon, and wee chaunced to be there.
Up start the preacher I thinke not past twenty yeeres olde.
With a sounding voyce, and audacitie bolde,
And beganne to reuile at the holie sacrament, and transubstanciation.
I neuer hearde one knaue or other make suche a declaration.
But, but if I had had the boye in a conuenient place,
With a good rodde, or twaine not past one howres space?
I woulde so haue scourged my marchant that his breeche should ake,
So longe as it is since that hee those woordes spake?
What? younge men to be medlers in Diuinitie? it is a godly sight.
Yet therein nowe almost is euery boyes delight,
No booke nowe in their handes, but all scripture, scripture.
Eyther the whole Bible, or the newe Testament you may be sure.
The newe Testament for them? and then to for cowle my dogge.
This is the olde prouerbe, to cast perles to an hogge.
Geue them that whiche is meete for them, a racket, and a ball,
Playinge at coytes, or nine hooles, or shooting at buttes,
There let them be a goddes name, til their hartes ake & their guttes.
Let vs alone with Diuinitie whiche are of ryper age.
Youth is rashe they say, but olde men hath the knowledge.
For while they reade they knowe not what, they omit the veritie,
And that is nowe the cause so many fall into heresie
Euery man hath his owne way, some that, and some this,
It wolde almost for anger surreuerence make a man to pisse
To heare what they talke of in open communication,
Surely I feare me Ignorance this geare wyl make some desolation.
Ignorāce.
I feare the same also, but as towching that wherof you speake ful-well:
They haue reuoked diuerse olde heresies out of hell.
As against Transubstantiation, Purgatory, and the Masse,
And say that by scripture they can not be brought to passe.
But that whiche euer hath ben a most trewe, and constant opinion,
And defended also hitherto, by all of our religion,
That I Ignorance am the mother of true deuotion,
And Knowledge the auctour of the contrarie affection:
They denie it so stoutely as thoughe it were not so.
But this hath ben beleft many an hundred yeere ago.
Wherefore it greueth mee not a lyttle that my case should so stande,
Thus to be disproued at euery pratlers hande.
Peruerse Doctrine.
Yea doth? then the more vnwiseman you, as I trowe,
For they say as muche by mee, as you well do knowe.
And shall I then go vexe my selfe at theyr talke?
No let them speake so longe as their tongues can walke.
They shall not greue mee, for why? in very south
It were follie to endeuour to stop euery mannes mouth.
They haue brought in one, a younge vpstart ladde as it appeares.
I am sure he hath not ben in the Realme very many yeares.
With a gathered frocke, a powlde head, and a broade hatte,
An vnshaued bearde, a pale face, and hee teacheth that
All our doinges are naught, and hath ben many a day.
Hee disaloweth our ceremonies, and rites, and teacheth an other way
To serue God, then that whiche wee do vse.
And goeth about the peoples myndes to seduce.
It is a pestilent knaue, hee wyll haue priestes no corner capppes to weare.
Crosses, belles, candells, oyle, bran, salt, spettle, and incense,
With sensing, and singing hee accomptes not worth iii. halfpense,
And cries out on them all, if to repete them I wist
Suche holy thinges wherein our religion doth consist.
But hee commaundes the seruice in English to be readde.
And for the holy Legende the Bible too put in his steadde.
Euery man to looke thereon at his list and pleasure.
Euery man to studie diuinitie at his conuenient leasure.
With a thoousand newe guises more you knowe as well as I.
And to terme him by his right name, if I shoulde not lie:
It is newe Custome, for so they do him call
Bothe our sister Hipocrisie, Superstition, Idolatrie, and all?
And truely me thinketh they do iustly, and wisely therein,
Since hee is so diuers, and so lately crept in.
Ignorāce.
So they call him in deede you haue saide ryght well,
Because hee came newely from the deuyll of hell,
Newe Custome quod you? now a vengeance of his newe nose,
For bringing in any suche vnaccustomed glose.
For hee hath seduced the people by mightie greate flockes.
Bodie of God it were good to set the knaue in the stockes.
Or elles to whyp him for an exaumple to all roges as hee,
How they the aucthors of newe heresies bee.
Or henceforth do attempt any suche strange deuise.
Let him keepe him selfe from my handes if hee be wyse.
If euer I may take him within my rayne
Hee is sure to haue whipping cheere for his payne.
For hee doth muche harme in eache place throughout the lande.
Wherefore Peruerse doctrine, heere nedeth your hande,
I meane that ye be diligent in any case,
If ye fortune to come where Newcustome is in place:
So to vse the villaine, you know what I meane,
That in all poyntes you may discredite him cleane.
And when hee beginnes of any thynge for to clatter:
Of any controuersie of learnyng, or Diuinitie matter:
So to cling fast vnto euery mannes thought:
That his woordes may seeme heresie, and his doinges but nought.
Peruerse doctrine.
Tushe let mee alone with that, for I haue not so lyttle wit,
Yet a further deuise I haue I thinke not amisse.
Harken to mee Ignorance, for the matter is this.
For the better accomplishing our subtiltie pretended:
It were expedient that bothe our names were amended.
Ignorance shal be Simplicitie, for that comes very nie.
And for Peruersedoctrine I wyll be called Soundedoctrine I.
And nowe that wee are both in suche sorte named:
Wee may goe in any place and neuer be blamed.
See then you remembre your name sir Simplicitie.
And mee at euery woorde Soundedoctrine to be.
Beware of tripping, but looke in minde that you beare,
Your fayned name, and what before you weare.
But who is this that hitherwarde doth walke?
Let vs stande still to heare what hee wyll talke.
Scena. 2.
New Custome, entreth alone.New Custome.
When I consider the auncient times before,
That haue ben these eyght hundred yeeres and more:
And those conferre with these our later dayes:
My minde do these displease a thousand waies.
For sure hee that hath bothe perceaued aright:
Wyll say they differ as darkenes dothe from light.
For then playne dealing beare away the price,
All thinges were ruled by men of good aduise.
Conscience preuayled muche, euen euery where,
No man deceiued his neybour, and eke a thing full rare,
It was to finde a man you might not trust.
But looke what once they promised: they did that well, and iust.
If neighbours were at variance they ran not streight to lawe.
Daiesmen tooke vp the matter, and cost not them a strawe.
Suche delight they had to kyll debate, and strife.
And surely euen in those dayes was there more godlier life.
Howbeit men of all ages are wonted to dispraise
The wickednesse of time that florished at their daies,
As well hee may discerne who for that but lightly lookes
For as for Christ our maister, what hee thought of Iewes:
And after hym thapostles, I thinke it is no newes.
Peruersd.
Harke Simplicitie hee is some preacher I wyll lay my gowne.
Hee mindeth to make a sermon within this towne
Hee speaketh honestly yet, but surely if hee rayle at mee:
I may not abide him by the masse I promise thee.
New cust.
Paule to the Corinthians plainely doth tell
That their behauiour pleased him not well.
All our forefathers likewise haue ben offended,
With diuerse faultes at their time, that might haue ben amended.
The doctours of the Churche, great faulte they dyd fynde,
In that men liued not after their mynde.
First with the rulers as examples of sinne,
Then with the people as continuing therin.
So that of them both this one thing they thought,
That the people was not good, but the rulers were naught.
But in comparison of this time of miserie,
In those daies men lyued in perfecte felicitie.
Saincte Paule prophecied that worse tymes shoulde ensue.
In nouissimis venient quidam saith hee, this is trewe,
Folowinge all mischiefe, vngodlinesse, and euyll,
Leaning to all wickednesse, and doctrine of the deuyll.
And spake hee not of these daies thinke you I praye?
The proofe is so playne that no man can denaye.
For this is sure, that neuer in any age before,
Naughtines, and sinne hath ben practised more,
Or halfe so muche, or at all, in respecte, so I saye
As is nowe (God amende all,) at this present daye.
Sinne nowe, no sinne, faultes no faultes a whit.
O God, seest thou this, and yet wylt suffer hit?
Surely thy mercie is great, but yet our sinnes I feare,
Are so great, that of Iustice with them thou canst not beare.
Adulterie no vice, it is a thinge so rife,
A stale iest nowe, to lie with an other mannes wyfe.
For what is that but daliaunce? Couetousnesse they call
Good husbandrie, when one man would faine haue all.
And eke a like to that is vnmercifull extorcion,
For Pride that is now a grace, for rounde about,
The humble sprited is termed a foole, or a lowte.
Who so will bee so drunken that hee scarsly knoweth his waye,
Oh hee is a good fellowe, so now a daies they saye.
Gluttonie is Hospitalitie, while they meate, and drinke spill,
Whiche would relieue diuerse whom famine doth kill.
As for all charitable deedes they be gone God knoweth,
Some pretende lacke but the chiefe cause is slowth,
A vice most outragiouse of all others sure,
Right hatefull to God, and contrarie to nature,
Scarse bloud is punished, but euen for very shame,
So make they of murther but a trifling game.
O how manie examples of that horrible Uice
Do dayly among vs nowe spring and arise?
But thankes be to God that such rulers doth sende,
Whiche earnestly studie that fault to amende.
As by the sharpe punishement of that wicked crime
Wee may see that committed was but of late time,
God direct their heartes they may alwaies continue
Suche iust execution on sinne to ensue.
So shall be saued the life of many a man:
And God wyll withdrawe his sore plagues from vs than.
Theft is but pollicie, Periurie but a face,
Suche is now the worlde, so farre men be from grace.
But what shall I say of Religion and knowledge
Of God, whiche hath ben indifferent in eache age
Before this? howbeit his faltes then it had,
And in some poyntes then was culpable, and bad?
Surely this one thinge I may say aright,
God hath reiected vs away from him quight,
And geuen vs vp whollie vnto our owne thought,
Utterly to destroy vs, and bring vs to nought.
For do they not followe the inuentions of men?
Looke on the Primitiue Churche, and tell mee then,
Whether they serued God in this same wise,
Or whether they followed any other guyse?
For since Goddes feare decayed, and Hypocrisie crept in,
Crueltie bare a stroke, who with fagot and fier,
Braught all thinges to passe that hee did desier.
Next Auarice spilt all, whiche lest it should be spide:
Hypocrisie ensued the matter to hide.
Then brought they in their monsters, their Masses, their Light,
Their Torches at noone, to darken our sight.
Their Popes, and their pardones, their Purgatories for sowles,
Their smoking of the Church, and flinging of cooles.
Ignorāce.
Stay yet a whyle, and let vs heare more communication.
Peruersd.
I can not by goddes sowle, if I might haue all this nation.
Shall I suffer a knaue thus to rayle, and prate?
Nay, then I pray god the deuyll breake my pate,
I will be reuenged or hee depart away.
Ah surrah you haue made a feire speake heere to day.
Do you looke for any rewarde for your deede?
It were good to beate thee till thy head bleede,
Or to scourge thee welfauouredlie at a cartes tayle,
To teache suche an horeson to blaspheme, and rayle
At suche holie misteries, and matters so hie
As thou speakest of nowe, and rayledst at so latelie.
New cust.
What meane ye sir, or to whom do you speake?
Are ye minded on mee your anger to wreake,
Whiche haue not offended as farre as I knowe?
Peruersd.
I speake to thee knaue, thou art madde I trowe.
What meanst thou to raile right now so contemptuously,
At the chefest secretes of all Diuinitie?
New cust.
Uerelie I railed not so farre as I can tell,
I spake but aduisedly, I knowe very well.
For I wyll stande to it, what so euer I sayde,
Peruersd.
Wilt thou soe? but I will make thee well apaide,
To recant thy woordes I holde thee a pounde,
Before thou departe hence out of this grounde.
New cust.
No that shall you not doe if I die therefore.
Peruersd.
Thou shalt see anone, go too, prattle no more,
But tell mee theffect of the woordes whiche were sayde.
New cust.
To recite them agayne, I am not afrayde:
I sayde that the Masse, and suche trumperie as that,
Against Goddes woorde, and Primitiue Constitution,
Crept in through Couetousnesse, and superstition,
Of late yeres, through Blindenes, and men of no knowledge,
Euen suche as haue ben in euery age.
Peruersd.
Now preciouse horeson thou hast made a lie.
Howe canst thou proue that tell me by and by.
New cust.
It needeth small profe, the effect doth appere,
Neither this is any place for to argue here.
And as for my saying I holde the negatiue.
It lyeth you vpon to proue the affirmatiue,
To shewe that such thinges were vsed in antiquitie,
And then I can easely proue you the contrarie.
Peruersd.
Standst thou with mee on schole poyntes, dost thou so in deede?
Thou hadst best to proue mee whether I can reede.
Thinkest thou I haue no Logique, in deede thinkest thou soe?
Yes prinkockes, that I haue, for fortie yeares agoe
I coulde smatter in a Duns pretelie I do not ieste,
Better I am sure then an hundred of you, who so euer is the best.
New cust.
Truelie I beleeue you, for in suche fonde bookes
You spent idellie your time, and weried your lookes.
More better it had ben in bookes of holie Scripture,
Where as Uertue is expressed, and Religion pure,
To haue passed your youth, as the Bible and suche.
Then in these trifles to haue dolted so muche.
Not more to haue regarded a Duns, or a Questionist,
Then you would the woordes of the holie Euangelist.
Peruersd.
What? for a Childe to meddle with the Bible?
New cust.
Yea sure more better, then so to be idle.
Peruersd.
Is studie then idlenes? that is a new terme.
New cust.
They say better to be idle then to do harme:
Peruersd.
What harme dothe knowledge I pray thee tel mee?
New cust.
Knowledge puffeth vp, in Saincte Paule you may see.
Peruersd.
Yee but what knowledge meaneth hee, tell mee that?
New cust.
Euen such knowledge as yee professe flat.
For the truthe, and the Gospell you haue in contempt,
And followe suche toyes as your selues do inuent.
Forsaking Goddes lawes, and thappostles institution,
Peruersd.
By what speakest thou that let me here thy iudgement?
New cust.
Not by any gesse, but by that whiche is euident.
As for the Scriptures you haue abolished cleane,
New fashions you haue constitute in Religion, agayne
Abuse of the Sacraments then hath ben tofore,
Haue you brought, and in nombre haue you made them more,
Then Christ euer made: Wherfore shew your auctoritie:
Or els haue you done to the Churche great iniurie.
Thappostles neuer taught your transubstantiation
Of bread into fleshe, or any suche fashion.
Howe be it they were conuersant euery day, and hower,
And receiued that Sacrament of Christ our sauiour.
You feigne also that Peter was bishop of Rome,
And that hee first instituted the seate of your Popedome.
But Peruerse nation, howe dare you for shame,
Your fansies on Christ, and thappostles to frame?
Peruersd.
Marie auaunt Iackesauce, and pratling knaue.
I will coniure thy cote if thou leaue not to raue.
With all my harte and auengeance come vp and be nought.
I see wee shall haue an heretike of thee as I thought.
These thinges were approued or thou wast borne, dost thou not see?
And shall be when thou art hanged I warrant thee.
New cust.
Ere I was borne? nay sure that is not trewe.
For in comparison of mee they be but newe.
Peruersd.
Of thee? ha ha ha, what of thee? thou art mad.
New cust.
Surely in my sorte I am bothe sobre, and sad.
Peruersd.
Whie how olde art thou, tell mee I pray thee hartely?
New cust.
Older then you I perceiue.
Peruersd.
What older then I?
The younge knaue by the masse not fully thirtie,
Woulde be elder then I that am aboue sixtie?
New cust.
A thousande, and a halfe, that surely is my age.
Aske and enquire of all men of knowlage.
Peruesd.
A thousand yeares? odde? preciouse sowle I am out of my wittes.
Hee is possessed of some deuyll or of some euill sprites.
Why thou art a young knaue, of that sorte I saye,
That brought into this realme but the other daye,
With strange guises inuented now long agoe.
And I pray thee tell mee, is not thy name Newcustome?
New cust.
Trewly so I am called of some.
As of suche as wante both witte, and vnderstanding,
As you do nowe I knowe by your talking.
But woe be to those that make no distinction,
Betweene many thinges of diuerse condition.
As naught to be good, and hotte to be colde.
And olde to be newe, and new to be olde.
Wherefore these disceytes you dayly inuent,
The people to seduce, vnto your aduertisement,
While with tales you assay, and with lies you begyn,
The truth to deface, and your credite to wyn.
Peruersd.
What is thy name then I pray thee make declaration.
New cust.
In fayth my name is Primitiue constitution.
Peruersd.
Who? who? Praua Constitutio? euen so I thought,
I wist that it was some suche thinge of nought.
Like Lettuse like lippes, a scabd horse for a scald squire.
New cust.
Primitiue constitution I saide if you heare,
Suche orders as in the Primitiue churche heretofore
Were vsed, but not nowe, the more pittie therefore.
Peruersd.
Ah, ah in good time sir wel might you fare Primitiue Constitutiō,
That is your trewe name you say without all delution.
Primitiue Constitution (quodes stowe) as muche as my sleeue,
The deuill on him which will such liers beleeue.
For my parte if I credite such an hearie mowle,
The fowle fende of hell fetche mee bodie, and sowle.
New cust.
Trueth can not preuaile, where Ignorance is in place.
Ignorāce.
Peace, or I will lay my beades on thie face,
Hast thou nothing to raile at, but Ignorance I trowe?
New cust.
You may vse mee euen at your pleasure I knowe.
For Peruerse doctrine that is rooted soe fast,
That it may not be changed at no heauenlie blast:
May not heare the contrarie, but beginneth to kicke,
Like a iade when hee feleth the spurre for to pricke.
Peruersd.
Yee? saist thou soe thou miscreant villaine?
A little thing would make mee knocke out thy brayne.
Thou detestable heretike, thou caytife, thou drudge.
If I may take thee it were as good thou weare deade,
For euen with this Portuse I will battre thy heade.
Exit.
Thoughe I hang therefore I care not I,
So I be reuenged on a slaue ere I die.
Sacrament of God, who hath hearde suche a knaue?
Who after hee had doone at Ignorance to raue:
Peruerse doctrine (quod hee) is also rooted so fast
That hee may be changed by no heauenly blast.
No goddes sowle I warrant him I will see him rotten,
Before that my Doctrine I shall haue forgotten.
Wherefore it behoueth vs some councell to take,
Howe wee the stronger our matters may make.
Against the surprise of this newe inuasion,
Begunne of late by this strange generation,
Of Newcustome and his makes, meaning to deface
Our auncient rightes, and Religion, and to place
Their deuelishe doctrine the Gospell, and soe
Our gaines to debate, and our selues to vndoe.
I thinke it best therefore that our sister Hypocrisie
Do vnderstand fully of this matter by and by.
Let vs goe and seeke her the case for to shewe
That wee her good councell may spedely knowe.
Ignorāce.
I am readie, in folowing I will not be slowe.
Exiunt.
Exeunt.
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