University of Virginia Library

Actus primus

Scena prima

Comastes & Olimpa
Olimpa
Faire Sr the visite will prove dangerouse
The watchfull Dragon kept not Æsons fleece
Nor Junoes Argus the Inachian Cow
More carefull, then my Lord (her jealous sire)
Shutts vp the faire Facetia.

Comast:
My Nigella!
Hyperions rayes scatter not thinst clouds
More easye, than A lovers eye dispells
All dangerouse oppositions. lett my Cynthia
Meete her lovde Phoebus in A full conjunction
And wee graspe or [keepes] wishes (wc h ffate grante)
The easterne shoare shall yeeld the richest gems
To Decke thy well shapte limb[e]s, wt h whose bright lustre
Thy face (in blacke though clouded) shall outshine
The sacred Queene of night wt h all her starrs

Olimpa:
Comastes! Lovers promise as they sware
Beguileinge credulous virgins: But my duty
To my best mr s prompts my diligence
To joyne you: Though I feare her fathers checke
Ile bringe yr Jewell from her Cabinet.
Exit Olimp:

Comast:
Be speedy Girle.—Why should Lord Lepidus
Barr me his house? is not or blood our birth
As high and greate as his? I the sole sonne
And childe too. (since I loste my pretty sister)
Heire of as Great A family in Naples,
But see the Moore wt h my Facetia
So night wt h her blacke mantell vshers in
The glorious day

enter Facetia wt h Olympa
Facet:
Was he not spied Nigella?

Olimpa:
Noe Madam yr fathers groomes are safe in the Buttery
And there A Mercuryes Pipe will
Charme their eyes att his retourne:

Facetia
Ther is noe greate feare of them
But you know tis nere the time of my Fathers
Morneinge visitt[s] if he discover vs
We shall both smarte for it.

Olimp:
Madam Ile watch his comeinge from his chamber
And give you notice of it

Facetia:
Bee carefull my Nigella.—
She goes towardes Comastes
Comastes! welcome.

Comast:
Lady our new sowne love like to our youth
Is now i'th'Springe and blossome: or pure Soules
Not longe have lodged in each others bosomes
Our love's but newly budded: What dire blast
Vnwholesome influence or infectinge winde
Nipps the expected grouth?

Faceti:
My truest servante
Malignante Saturne rules my fathers minde
His aged limbs feel not or youthfull fires
Hee preaches single life; ye cares of wedlocke
Danger of issue, Thraledome to an Husband:
And to diverte my Thoughts from fancyinge man
He brings me home such suitors, as my night-Crow
Would loath to bed wt h: A lame vserer
Another lowde of tongue but deafe in ears
Another dumbe, yt gapes and shews his teeth
As if he tooke me for A Toothdrawer
Onely Comastes is forbid the house
Wc h makes it seeme to me A loathsome Prison.

Comastes:
Counte him not absente whose best parte his soule
Is prsente wt h you: coulde I give it tongue
I woulde [fill yr eares] tell you pretty storyes, Fill yr eares
Wt h ye sad Fate of one, the truest Lover
That numbers out his discontented minutes
In darcke retires that knowes nor sune nor day
Save onely where the faire Facetia shines.

Facetia:
And I coulde match that storye wt h another
A lovesicke maide whome A fathers frowne
[Feeds onely on]
Keeps from her hopes, whilst shee pore injurd Girle
Feeds only on ye memorye and thought
Of her deare love, yet acts another parte

Enter Olimp:
Olimp:
Madam my Lord is at hand

Faceti:
Comastes now my tongue yet not my hearte
Must chide you seeme[[illeg.]] you desperate

Enter Lepidus speakeinge to himselfe.
Lepidus:
Why Lepidus thou hast but one daughter and she
Not blest this morneinge yet, How now;
How now? A jolly springall wt h ye wench
List, list,

she discovers her father
Facet:
Tis he, the Sceane must change—
Noe, fonde Comastes, yr youth, revenews, Courteship[s],
All yr hopes are nothinge, ballanced wt h obedience
Perhaps were my deare father wrought
My Love might answeare yr s, But since his—
Reverende care Forbids you all excess, Know that my duty
to my good Father teacheth me to hate all suiters
By his wisdome not approved.

Lepidus:
Blessinge on my Girle—

he speaks it Aside
Faceti:
Take then yr doome in shorte forbeare ye house
Spare yr vaine letters, seeke another Love.

Comast:
Am I my selfe or is she not her selfe—
Aside
Comastes what A height of hopd for bliss
Art[e] thou now falen from.—
this to hīselfe
Lady call to minde what nuptiall joyes
Husbande and issue bringe

Facet:
My honoured sire to me is husbande, issue, all,
And he forbiddinge it, his daughter vowes
Never to love Comastes, so farewell.

Comast:
Comastes vowes ne're to outlive yr love,
Come sworde best cure of sorrowes: Here he dyes
Facetia's martyre and Loves sacrifice

offers to Kill himselfe
Olimpa:
Weele ha've no bloodshed here, doot'e at home

she holds him
Lepidus:
yea, do rash younglinge ther thy good old father
Will never see it.—
now to Facetia
Myne owne deare daughter ifaith
Heavens bless thee; Remove him from thy clossett
Wench, & from thy brest too, Psew hee'l not kill
Himselfe Ile warrante thee: wee men learne: to.
dissemble from thy sex: we sucke it from our
mothers brest: As for you sr [Fayer] daughter hath told—
you what you may truste too, Gett you out of my dores
And see you retourne not: Facetia's not for yr tooth.

Comast:
your honoured pardon sr. I do obey.

Exit

Scen: 2a

Lepidus & Facetia.
Facet:
Sr I am glad my duty yeelds you such contente
I know noe other lesson but to please you
I shall cease to love my selfe when I forget
Obedience to you

Lepidus:
I feele A score of years ta'ne of from me by thee
Thou art thyn owne mothers daughter for witt & cunninge
Ile finde the sporte enough: wee'l laugh girle,
Wee'l laugh, my engine is abroade to decoy yr tame
Suitors & bringe-m home to thee. In, In,
And fitt thy selfe for mirth, I heare some com̄einge.

Exit: Facetia
Enter Piscinus pluckeinge Lepidus by ye sleeve.
Lepidus
Yr busines Sr

Piscinus
—Putts his hande to his mouth, makes signes of dum̄es.


Lepidus
O this is my dumbe shew, ye fish yt comes to play
wt h ye meermajde my walkeinge tree.
Sr woulde you speake wt h me?

Piscinus
—Makes signes he woulde not


Lepidus:
Have you any busines wt h Lysander then?

Piscinus
—Makes signes as before.


Lepid:
Or wt h Nigella the moore?

Piscinus
—As before
—vm—vm—m m m ....

Lepid:
Sr pray speake out, I'me old & thicke of hearinge

Piscinus
—Au—au—Au—Au—Au ....

Lepid
Alas sr now I perceive you are dumbe
Yr visite is to my daughter is't not?

Piscinus
—Makes signes of joy—& smiles


Lepid
But she is not to be spoken wt h all

Piscin
—shakes his head & grives.


Lepid
Save onely by yr selfe Sr

Piscin
—Rejoyceth as before


Lepidus
Ile bringe her to you Sr. Facetia, looke, hers[i]
A husbande for you, pray heavens thy eyes strike
Him not dumbe. Ha, Ha, ha, well, love him (wenche)
love him I say, he is such. Another thou maist
Thou maist say and doe what thou wilt
Hee'l not give thee an ill worde. To him (wench)
And if he speake not well for himselfe
Remember thy father hath spoke for him.
Exit Lepi

Scen: 3a

Piscinus Facetia & Nigella.
Piscinus
—Often salutes Facetia wt h Kisses and makes siḡes of love


Facetia
What woulde you good Sr Gerunde in dum? we cannot
fish yr meaneinge by your gapeinge

Piscinus
—Au—au—...............—

Facet:
What A secrett Love is, it cannot get out
Of his mouth

Piscinus
—Offers her A prsent, wc h refuses


Facet:
I am not so experte a Phisitian as to guess
yr greife by signes and tokens
or to know yr disease by yr fee

Piscinus
—m. m. m.—... ...Au. Au.

Facet:
Is this that they call vertue ni A woman?
I am sure it shews scurvye in a man

Piscinus
—layes his hande on his harte[s].
Au—Au, au.......

Facet:
You are in love sure, att ye bottome of yr hart
it is A stronge passion yt cannot express it selfe
Out wt h it man

Piscinus
Putting his finger in his mouth
—Au—Au—......

Facet:
Tis at yr fingers ende by this time

Piscinus
—m-m.-m.m........

Faceti:
Good sr retourne againe, acquainte some freindes
vsed to yr dumbe shewes, either by signes or writeinge
And bringe him to be ye chorus of yr meaneinge
And informe me what it is yt you desyre
I never vse to converse w.t h moveinge
Statues. till when farewell.
Exit Facet:

Piscin
—Beckens to Nigella gives her A chaine of pearle, to give to Facet wc h she taketh, and after some gestures leaveth him expressinge some signes of hope

Scen: 4a

Lysander & Ægidius
Ægidius:
Nephew I have to chide you, I heare you haue forsaken
All wayes of thriveinge & now onely accōpanye
A merry old Lord whose Parasite you are become
To feed his mirth & your owne belly.

Lysan:
Sure vnckle it is confest I haue for A while
Taken that course but when you know my intents
you will applaude them, Tis all for yr advantage

Ægid:
For myne Lysander? as how?

Lysand:
The Lorde I live wt h hath A younge daughter
ffaire and fresh ye very flower of Naples
So fitt to cherish yr years, yt ye sole drift of my
Abideinge ther, is only to encline ye virgin
To yr love; I haue wrought her father alreadye
I hope Vncle you will second my indeavors, sinc I have
Smothed out A way of so greate bliss for you.

Ægid:
Oh sr you may spare your paines, talke[[illeg.]]not to me
Of marriage, I know ye charge to well of maintaineinge
Such younge poppetts

Lysand:
Sr she's a match worthye the contention of or neighbour
Dukes, fitt for yr selfe wer you younge againe
And freed from those shackells yt hold you by ye
Legg soe she is full of admirable excellencyes
The fairest, best featurde—.

Ægidius:
Fairest? best featurde? catch younge braines
Wt h smooth faces: Is she rich? well dowrde?
Is she her fathers sole heire?

Lysand:
Sole, soule. yet she has no partner, onely
My aymes are to make you partener of all she has
Pray Sr aboute it leaste you be prevented:

Ægid:
But by ye way how much time will be required?
Loves suites vse to laste longe, and I cannot trace
ye streets often, my three leggs will not beare it
I could afforde about some—two visitts
If all might be done in A weeke

Lysand:
How? in A weeke? A wife gotten so easily would
as quickely forgett you, the wininge of such A prize
should be like ye beseigeinge of A wealthy citty
The purchase were worth A years pursuite Vncle.

Ægidius
A yeare; good Sr yes, pray spare yr paynes
Ile home againe, Ile not putt my selfe
To ye certaine charge of shews and crouches
In a yeares journeye in wooinge for all the
Vncertaine hopes of procureinge ye best she-heire
Our countrye boasts of—

he offers to goe Lysand: stays him:
Lysand:
Stay Sr perhaps it may—
Be effected sooner

Ægidius:
Besides if I should be A yeare[s] her suitor
I might spende in Guifts as much as her
Patrimonye might amounte to[o]
None of that not I.

Lysand:
Why Vnckle what you give to her retournes backe
wt h her, you haue yr owne againe and all hers
To boote; Not any way of yr intereste
so thriveinge as this

Ægid:
Tis well observed of so greene A heade.

Lysand:
Besides, in [pro] procureinge her you purchase
To yr selfe A rich mine; A Treasurye
Why she her selfe is one: her very haires
Are all golde

Ægidius:
That we may sell of.

Lysand:
Her eyes are starrs

Ægidius:
I had rather they were diamonds they would
Yeeld me more monye & profitt. But me thinckes
So much wealth youth and beautye
shoulde never fancye A wooden legg or clubb foote.

Lysand:
O Sr the sooner, yr baggs make vp that loss,
Besides A man is of no accoūte wt h A woman
If his beste parte be not woode, they desyre A well
Timberd man, & above all hearte of Oake.

Ægidi:
Alas I can̄ot accompanye her in ye streets
Nor visher her to church; and To or citty shewes
she shall not, they are chargeable: she must be
Contente to lye below stayres too
I am paste climbeinge.

Lysand:
All this will make her love you ye more
Venus knew what she did, when she tooke
Lame Vulcan to her husbande. Facetia will be
Sure you are no gadder as many are now adayes
[Leave n] Leaveinge theyre wifes solytarye att home.
You are not in the morneinge for ye [Allye]
Bowleinge-Allye, att dinner time att an Ordinarye
Or Taverne, in ye afternoone att A playe.
Ther needs noe other proofe on't but yr legg.
You will gladly sitt as longe att boarde
Lye as longe [[illeg.]] in bedd wt h her as she listeth
Nay scarce stirr out of dores from her
And if att any time (to pleasure her freinde)
she haue private busines aboue staires
you good man she knowes will never disturbe her.

Ægid:
I never considered so many prrogatives of

Lysand:
Lamenes, to catch a wife be fore.
On then Vnckle you loose Time, True love
Will quickly ease you of yr staffe, and tye wings
To yr feet, Faster good vnckle Faster

Exeunt. Ægid Lysand:

Scen: 5a

Cæcilius & Comastes.
Cæcilius
So exceedinge faire, vertuouse, & rich saist yu
Marrye I like thy judgement well, but may I see her

Comastes:
O that you coulde deare father

Cæcilius:
Coulde? I must and will see her, dee see

Comast:
Alass you know you are blinde

Cæcilius:
Alls one for that, vnless I see her, sett yr harte
Att rest, you shall never have her, Dee see.

Comast:
Wretched Comastes what distemper is this:—

Aside
Cæcilius
And besides though I am blinde
It becomes not yr dutye to vpbraide yr father
Wt h any faulte or blemish

Comas:
I muste salve his eares for ye injurye done to his eys.
Aside
Blindeness A faulte or [blindeness] blem̄ish,? tis A Crowne
An honor to yr age: tis gaine to wante
What ye most despicable beaste injoyes
The eye of reason is mans p[rg]rrogative
That none haue clearer than ye happy[e] few
Whome reverēde age or nature, have deprivde
Of other light: Our eyes lett out or soules
In wandringe thoughts; and letts in vanitye
In you ye minde vnited gathers strength
By contemplation: So ye scattered rayes
Of ye worlds eye collected in A glass
Growes stronge even to produce ye effects of fire.
What vice can creepe into A blindemans brest
Whose eye is all wt hin? The world is full of
Such fowle defileinge objects yt to shun̄e them
A vertuous man woulde darken his owne eyes.

Cæcilius
Hay day,! what doctrine is this trow?
Why then do you keepe yr eyes in yr head good Sr?

Comast:
That my deare father may not wante A guide.

Cæcili:
But tell me Comastes, may not blinde men
Fall in Love.

Comast:
Yes Sr they may & often doe
Cupide himselfe, nay everye lovers blinde

Cæcili:
And haue you knowne any of them
Beloved againe?

Comast:
What meanes this? heavens graunte ye due prayse
Aside
I bestowed on Facetia haue not provde
Loves arrowes to him.—
Yes sr But very[e] seldome

Cæcilius
Seldome? noe matter, if once why not now? my
Meanes are still mine owne, & since I wante A guide
Comastes to be plaine wt h thee, I intende to marrye
And haveinge entertained that resolut̄on, I know not
where better to place my selfe, then on that person
thy judgmente so well approveth of: I gave you both
these eyes and can they do less then choose a wife
for me? Facetia must be mine. Naples is rich in
variouse beautyes, & thou art large to choose, therfore
I charge ye e on that filiall dutye thou prtendst to
beare me, to sollicite Facetia in my behalfe and
be my faithfull advocate.

Comast:
What haue I done now.—Aside


Cæcilius
Will you not answeare me? youle be wise sirrah?

Comast:
It is concluded. Father although I cannot
Suddenlye extinguish mine owne Flames, yet my
Piety to obey yr desires shall force me to
Vndertake this taske wt h my best diligence
But Sr you know I am forbidd ye house,
I can̄ot haue accese to move yr suite

Cæcilius.
Stay lett me see.—vmph—O I have it already.
Thou shalt make Lepidus as blinde as I am
Thou shalt disguise thy selfe in ye habite of
A covntrye Swayne, as Villanus, or any of
My tenants, as thou likst best: Imitate his speech
And gesture and so secretly woe
For me thy Landelorde.

Comastes:
A happy plott, this may succeed and further
my designes. O power of love. how dost thou
master Nature?—Aside

Sr if you please, & if yr wisdome thincke it
Meete, Ile about it prsentlye.

Cæcilius:
Doe, doe, good boy, thou shalt make thy old
Father see againe.

Exeunt Com. Cæc:

Scen: 6a

Surdato & Macilento his m[[illeg.]]an.
Surdato.
Macilento thou shalt be allowed two dram̄s
Of flesh more A weeke when thy good service
Shall bringe my soveraigne Ladye, into ye
Circle of her happines—Thes Armes.

Macilent:
Sr, yr sordid worshipe has made my belly as deafe
As yr eares, I haue kept
I have kept A perpetuall Ashwednesday in my gutts.
Wc h neither had before it A shrovetuesday
Nor is like to have after it A feaste of Easter.

Surdat:
Well accepted vassaile, & how did my faire mr s
Entertaine ye prsente, (ye Moore) I sent her, ha.?.

Macilen:
She bad me tell yr honour you were
A doteinge Ass.

Surdat:
Oh she thanckes me wt h all her harte does she
Tis well: that was A high pointe of wisdome
The little blacke-face will com̄ende my gravity
My sett countenance, my large revenewes, my plentifull
Table to her new mistress: you gave it her in charge
did you not varlett?

Macilen:
I bid her tell Facetia yt if she marrye you
She muste learne to feed, and live vpon grass
For ther is noe flesh in yr house: yr whole yeare
Is made vp of Lents, Emberweekes, & Hollyday-Eves.
And yr selfe borne in A rogation weeke when The
Almanacke maker had left out holy-Thurseday.

Surdato:
Done like A trustye vassaile; (Thanckes to heaven)
Although my hearinges loste, yet by my observation
of letters some gutturall, others labiall, others dentall
I can plainelye distinguish what any man can speake
As for example Sirrha reherse my Titles.

Macilen:
You are ye basest, stinckingst, lowsyest Seigneour
In all Naples.

Surdat:
Well spoken; the most illustrious & thrice renowned
Lorde in Europe: on sirrha.

Macilen:
The ougliest, most mishapen, & ilfavored owle,

Surdat:
Clarissimo, Seignioro, Aurelio, Surdato.

on
Macilen:
The scum̄e and filth of yr countrye
Wc h woulde be gladd to be ridd of you.

Surdato.
The flower and gem̄e of Naples
The jewel[e] of my countrye.

Macilen:
Made vp of A foole and mad man

Surdato
The Quintessence of all perfection—well sayde—
Now am I not right? and didst thou deliver all
this to my best Lady Facetia? ha?

Macilento:
Sr she knowes you are A coxcombe

Surdato:
Done trustily; what sayde she?

Macilento
—Waggs his lipps and sayes nothinge


Surdato:
O she counts her selfe much honowred by my suite

Macilent:
—waggs his lipps againe


Surdat:
Why dost thou bawle so lowde, did I not
Tell thee I knew by ye wagginge of lipps wt
Thou saydst? and can she love me?

Macilent:
—Sing[e]s


Surdat:
How what did she say?

Macilent:
Some breade and meate for ye Lords sake
brawles alowde ins eare
I dye else—

Surdat:
varlett you stretcht yr throat [euen now] ere while
But now you whisper.

Macilen:
I am almoste starvde.

brawles againe alowde as before.
Surdat:
O me my yeares and observation faile me, both
Att once, deliver ye message by signes, How-
fares ye bright Facetia? if she be well, dance
if not stande still

Macilent:
—Dances.


Surdato:
Very well if she loue me kiss my foote
if not my—

Macilen:
Sr I had rather kiss yr foot though
kisses his foote
I know you were noe sockes.—

Surdat:
When must I visite her? if to day show it by signes
Of joy & laugh, if to morrow discover signes of
Sadness contract thy body into some spanish shrugg.

Macilento
—Shruggs.


Surdat:
It seemes to morrow; A yeare to my most ardent
Love. But did she not give A charge, I shoulde
Not faile to visite her to morrow if so then
laugh and grinne

Macilento
—Laughs


Surdato
Tis well but sirrah henceforth Ile spare yr face
And limbes, Laughinge, danceinge, & shrugginge, will
to much sharpen your appetite. haue you gott
perfecte those instructions yt I taught you to
speake on your fingers?

Macilento
—Makes signes on his hāde and fingers.


Surdato
Wellsayd my diligent vassaile, Talke to me that feed
you as Clients talke to theyr sage Councellors not by
ye mouth but hande.

Macilent:
—makes signes againe as before.


Surdato.
Skilfull Rascall come in and eate an oinyon for
thy paines.—
Exit Surd:

Macilen:
An Oinyon? I haue bin longe vsed to these rewardes
ffor what mischeife or villanye of mine waste that ever
I happened vpon him. has starvde me, I'me sure
I haue spent 4 or 5 yeares of my youth in his [ser]-
service, in ye wc h time he has so clemde me dee see
That hath hindred my grouth and made me degenerate
from ye rest of my nation, but I must obey.
Exit macilen