 | The Jealous Lovers |  |
SCEN. IIII.
Sexton, and his wife Staphyla.Sext.
Staphyla, why Staphyla: I hope she has ta'ne her last
sleep. Why when, Staphyla?
Staph.
What a life have I? I, that can never be quiet. I can
no sooner lie down to take my rest, but presently Staphyla, Staphyla.
What's the news?
Sext.
A prize, my rogue, a prize.
Staph.
Where? or from whom?
Sext.
Why, thou knowest I rob no where but on the highway
to heaven, such as are upon their last journey thither. Thou
and I have been land-pyrats this six and thirty yeares, and have
pillaged our share of Charons passengers. Here are a couple of
sound sleepers, and perchance their clothes will fit us. Then will
I walk like a Lord, and thou shalt be my Madam, Staphyla.
Staph.
Truely, husband, I have had such fearfull dreams to
night, that I am perswaded (though I think I shall never turn
truely honest again) to rob the dead no more. For, me thought,
as you and I were robbing the dead, the dead took heart, and
rob'd us.
Sex.
Tush, dreams are idle things. There is no felonie warrantable
but ours, for it is grounded on rules of charity. Is it fitting
the dead should be cloath'd, and the living go naked? Besides,
what is it to them whether they lie in sheets or no? Did you ever
heare of any that caught cold in his coffin? Moreover, there is
safety and security in these attempts: What inhabitant of the
grave that had his house broke open, accus'd the thief of Burglarie?
Look here: This is a Lawyers skull. There was a
tongue in't once, a damnable eloquent tongue, that would almost
have perswaded any man to the gallows. This was a turbulent
busie fellow, till death gave him his Quietus est. And yet I ventured
to rob him of his gown, and the rest of his habillements,
to the very buckrum-bag, not leaving him so much as a poore
half-peny to pay for his waftage: and yet the good man ne're repin'd
at it. Had he been alive, and were to have pleaded against
Judges) a fact of that horrour and height in sinne, so abominable,
so detestable in the eyes of heaven and earth, that never any but
this dayes cause presented to the admiration of your eares. I cannot
speak it without trembling, 'tis so new, so unus'd, so unheard
of a villanie! But that I know your Lordships confident of the
honestie of your poore Oratour, I should not hope by all my
reasons, grounds, testimonies, arguments, and perswasions to gain
your belief. This man, said I man? this monster rather: but
monster is too easie a name: this devil, this incarnate devil, having
lost all honesty, and abjur'd the profession of vertue, Rob'd,
(a sinne in the action.) But who? The dead. What need I)
aggravate the fault? the naming the action is sufficient to condemne
him. I say, he rob'd the dead. The dead! Had he rob'd
the living, it had been more pardonable: but to rob the dead of
their clothes, the poore impotent dead, that can neither card, nor
spin, nor make new ones, O 'tis most audacious and intolerable!
—Now you have well spoke, why do you not after all this
Rhetorick, put your hand behinde you, to receive some more instructions
backward? Now a man may clappe you o'th' coxcombe
with his spade, and never stand in fear of an action of
batterie.
Staph.
For this one time, husband, I am induced; but insooth
I will not make a common practise of it. Knock you up
that coffin, and I'le knock up this.—Rich and glorious!
Sex.
Bright as the sunne! Come, we must strip you Gallants,
the worms care not for having the dishes serv'd up to their table
cover'd.
O, O, O!
Tyndarus, and Techmessa rise from the coffins, and the Sexton and his wife affrighted, fall into a swoon.
Staph.
Heaven shield me! O, O, O!
| The Jealous Lovers | |