University of Virginia Library

Act 4.

scen 1.

enter Sir Francis Caster; James Selcottage; Sir Rancefort Bloteface; Sir Petronell Flash, Mr Scatterbraine, as to their mistresses.
Sir Fran.
the newes I heare is certainely confirmd,
rich plutus is deceas'd, & is retyr'd
to his low mansion: & hath left us all
faire expectations.—

Sir Pet.
blessed be that atome
that every potent moment, of deare time,
In which the fates that are most sharpe
with cruell sheares his thread of life did carpe.

Mr Scatter.
I se time can doe much in the changes
of weighty, & necessitous affaires.
come lets take leave of phryne, & cytheris
& take a taste of Waries funerall,
where weel be merry, blithe, & Joviall,
Joviall
when others weep, our gallants laugh; & singe.
cause others mischiefes do them comfort bringe.

James Sel.
wel lets to phryne, then: & Cytheris,
the son behind a cloud sometimes, is more gratefull
at's next appearance.

All.
away away to phryne.

Sir Pet.
Thus from the Taverne to our doxeys wee
doe walk in state, & passe in majesty:
from Bacchus unto venus wise men passe;
and from good wine unto a pretty lasse.

scaena 2

enter Mr Simple, Mr Hodgefeild; & page.
Mr Simp.
save you good cozen Hodgefeild; what still sad man?
why such a one at last will prove a madman
oh you have lost most pretious sport. old sack
not mulld, nor butterd, nor burn't lusty sacke
not maligo, madaera, or canary,
xexiz, or spanish sack: but sack the beare
alias beare sackerson, beare paramount,
that properly is called ursa major;
hath overthrowne the tribe of butchers doggs,
and frighted all the latter daies of July
& some of August, that they noe more
Will be accompted dog daies, synce the losse
this grievious losse, hath beene performed on the
whole nations of doggs, by sackerson.

Hod.
and was there much good sport Sir.

Symp.
o most admirable!
the North beare, I meane the constellation
that's calld the beare mistaken, neere made
such admirable sport.

Hod.
I understand you not, you are soe learned
in your discourse of new arctophylax

Sym.
Indeed the paraphrase is mysterious.
and therefore plainely to the matter, once
on a good time (for soe all tales begin)
there liv'd an ignorant empirique, which professd
to cure men troubled with a Lunacy,
or for to quiet, crased phrenetique braines.
This sottish empirique with more ostentation,
by much, then true ability; had gotten
into his charge a young Astronomer
that was gone mad, with oremuch starregazinge;
and when the student would by chance begin
discourse of divers constellations,
then would the silly grosse empirique sot
command his cerberus, or his servant Jailour
to set upon him with a holly wand,
or Tough bulls-pissel: & to strap him soundly,
persuading the poore fellow, that he rav'd.

Hodg.
o monstrous Ignorance! did he this in earnest?

Simp.
in earnest? yea Sir. how could it be otherwise,
he was a cole-carrier 'fore he practiced phisique,
& colediggers scarce study ere the names
of any starres.—

Hodg.
Ime of your mind for that.—

Simple.
but to my bere. it happened on a night,
that my young mad Astronomer, went forth
went forth
Despite of the buls-pissle, & the wand,
for to observe the starres: & seeing then
by chance the ancestour of sackerson,
(or the north beare a starre or constellation,
soe nam'd by Astronomers:) forthwith told
the standers by, with fingers full uprear'd
unto the starre, that it was calld the beare.
Noe sooner were these flying words let loose
upon the wing: but presently the torne
& furious Jailour, with his wand & pissle,
was on his Jacket thicker then the haile,
supposing that the student was mistaken,
to think there was a beare in heven.—

Hodg.
o heathenish, brutish, & infernall ignorance!
as grosse as coles, come out off Sunderland!
thickner then darkenesse! but are any
not altogether sottish, yet soe mad
to put their friends, under the pisselman?
that scarse know's chalke from cheese.—

Simp.
ey: theres the mistery. yet this slubberdegullion
is held a man of very secret Knowledge
& I believe, that his Knowledge may bee
accompted secret. for it much converseth
in secret waies: as of their coledust, &
the linings of close stooles.—

Hodge.
foh! I smel him hither! prythee do not
stirre any more this Kennell.

Simp.
how ist with your mistresse? have you any
hopes of her yet consent.

Hod.
I am arrivd (good cuz) beyond the cape
of bono speranza; or good hope: and am almost
almost,
in full possession.

Simp.
I rejoice deare (coz)
in your atchievements; surely Claribell
is all perfection.—

Hodg.
She is very quintessence & elixar
of all perfection: Nature her selfe's ambitious
to preserve Claribell for to steale a copy
from her compleat existence, when she strives
to make the world admire her workmanship.

Simp.
she is indeed the summ of beauty; and
the essence of all virtue.

Hod.
enough, good coz. let us retire, & spend
the rest of this faire day, unto the end.

scen. 3

enter Thomazo Solus.
woe! woe! in these heardhearted times, unto
a miserable orphan! and a wretched pupill!
my father once deceas'd, how the flies flakt
unto his scarse cold carcasse? with what fury
his stock was sold for little, or for nothing?
how swiftly were his lands let (almost before
his corps was in his grave) at underrates?
what strange unheard off debts, appeared! what charges
grazed on the surface of his rackt estate?
with what an eager & vaine hast was I
pulld from the house, wherein I had my beeinge,
and which was mine, by all the lawes of men?
as though it were too great a comfort for mee
to breath my native aire? to great a solace
to live in my house, though as a servant
nay rather, as a slave, I alwaies was
within the servile terrour of the lash?
Then with how quick, & a mercurial speede
the promises of widdowhood, were vanisht?
o most perfidious, most forgetfull sexe
of damd luxurious woemen! who will passe
to your ville pleasures through your childrens blood;
like cataline, which poisoned a first wife
(and killd his son;) to entertaine a second,
o monstrous! monstrous! can the heavens looke
upon these base, degenerate, vitious caitives,
& not send downe thunderboult upon them!
sure if these live in peace, my faith will totter.
it is unpossible Justice should permitt
such villanies to passe, without chasticement
but hold Thomazo! keepe these observations
close in thy heart; & see & marke the end,
and thou shal find, thou then hast nere a frind.

exit

scaena 4.

enter Sir Francis Caster. James Selcottage, Blinko. Tingle.
Sir Fran.
And are you sure he hath entaild his land
upon me & my heires after the death
of the young ward.

Blin
I am most certaine of it

Sir Fr.
what heard you Mr Tingle?

Ting.
I, the same Sir.

Sir Fran.
& you can safely depose on the contents?

Ting.
question not our faiths sir.
but on this only point, I will affirme
that you shall cause a formall reassignement
of what you know was settled of my land
upon the ward.

Sir Fr.
Tis done. but then be sure
you all be constant.

James.
I hope for a share to
If I affirme with strength, & with discretion

Sir.
weel share upon him all: none shal be bard,
but hee shall have some profit from the ward.

exeunt.
manet Tingle.
But that my owne projections; doe require
my neere colloginge with Sir Francis Caster,
I should abhorre, to cheate my nephew thus;
as to enveigle all his free estate.
and to endangere his owne life by person
hard scooling & ill diet. o the gods!
what monstrous & unparallelld misery
doth our poore orphans meete with? first taken young
they'r sent to some free scoole, where soone acquainted
with the most cruell lashes of the rod
they loose their native vigour; and give ore
their spirits to the sink of melancholy,
the nurse of earthborne plauges: noe sooner gone
from this live buriall, but they are thrust on
to travaile unto forraigne nations. or
sold like fat sheepe & oxen, to some rich
clunchfisted & splayfooted Usurer,
& by him orderd, for to match the changling
his crooked daughter. blesse me (gods) that men
should asses make of y their owne deare children!