University of Virginia Library

ACT. 1.

SCENE. 1.

Enter Silius reading in a Booke.
Sil.
Sola virtus vera nobilitas.
Vertue is onely true nobilitie,
So speakes our times best Tutor Seneca,
And 'tis divinely spoken, like himselfe.
True Philosopher, for what is't to man
For to be borne noble, and yet detaine
Th'ignoble mind of vice, licentious will,
Such no way are alide to noblenesse.
Times hellbred, base, ignoble noble blood,
Runnes through his veines, thats only great not good.
Farre better live a private life with thee,
Thou sweete companion to Well-minded man.
Here's no seducing Pompe, no clouds of vice,
Nor fogges of vanitie obscures mans sight
From the direct to wayes directly ill.
This seale confirme the sequell of my life
To immitate the good that thou presents.

Kisseth the Booke.
Enter Valens and Proculus.
Val.
Still plodding at your Book, shall we ne'r find
You otherwise; Pox of this sad mutt'ring
To your selfe; hang't up, 'tis a disease to
Sweet alacritie, of all true joviall
Minds to be abhord, come.—

Offers to take away the Booke.
Sil.
Prethe disist.

Pro.
How scurvily this shewes, how ill in you,
That Should be fram'd just of the times fashion.

Sil.
Thats learning, and valour; or should be so
At least; and not in outsides fond delight,
Whereon Times Puffe-paste costly coxcombe, all
His great little wit, and wealth, thinkes best bestow'd
To please his Mistri's Eye; when all mans minde
Should bend his course to follow virtues steps.

Val.
Out upon't; drinke me and whore; those are
The vertues best, and best accepted 'mong
Gallants of this age.

Sil.
Th'are gallant sots,
Silly and senselesse; what's all the delight,
That seemes so pleasing to the itchie whor'er?
But like the Itch, scratch't raw, 'tis still the sorer
'Twill smart to purpose; make you to find out
An obscure grave, cold as the snowy Alpes,
There, in a hollow circle of the night
Lust breeds more cause of terrour then delight.

Pro.
Fie Cajus fie, turn'd Satire gainst your friends,

Sil.
Alas y'are blind my friends, and I am sorry.

Val.
Pish; wer't not for sparkling beauty, pretious woman,
Woman I say, that faire and winning creature,
Whose ne'r to be resisted delicate touch,
Divides us into all the sweets of sense,
Wer't not for her, (glorious sweet fac'd woman,)
Man makes no use of his Creation,
What saies our Roman phrase,
Si non lætaris vivens lætabere nanquam.
Leave then this puling study and be rul'd.
Hang up Philosophy that Sceane of sorrow,
Come goe with me to beauties faire abode,
There, if you'l make true tryall of your strength,
Let it be there imploy'd; doe but withstand
The catching beauties there, and spight of all
Their powerfull charmes and incantations
Come freely off, untainted with the Act.
For ever Ile abjure to be seduc'd
By the worlds quainte enticements; betake me
Wholly to Philosophy, and practise
The same in life.

Pro.
So shall Proculus.

Sil.
O were I sure that sworne you'd keepe, & not
Infringe your vowes (though noble wisedome bids,
To shunne the glorious strumpets licorish snares,)
You soone should finde me sudaine, dare to stand,
The baites of whoorish fortitude unmoov'd.

Val.
Talke not but do't.

Pro.
Therein consists the Test
Of compleat man.

Sil.
Then on this booke take Oath,
Sweare that by all the good therein contain'd,
And all that's good the vertues of true Man,
At my returne free from adultr'ate sinne
To live true friends to vertue ever after
You shall prevaile.

Both.
We sweare.

Vall.
So deepely sweare
That may Ioves thunder strike when we forsake
Our vowes.

Sil.
Tis well, lead on; And if I ever prove
False to Syllana punish me great Iove.

Exeunt.
Enter Veneria the Bawd, Calphurnia, Hem and Stitch, Panders.
Bawd.
Hey ho, what Hem, Hem, Hems, vvhat Hem I say.

Hem.
Here Mistresse.

Bawd.
Stitch, oh Stitch.

St.
In your side Madam.

Bawd.
No Stitch, orethwart my heart, O I shall die;
The bottle, the bottle, the bottle knave the bottle.

Shee drinkes.
Cal.
Doe doe drinke and be fatter still up with't,
Why so my brave bundle of guts and garbish.

Bawd.
I you may well say drinke, well may I drink
All sorrow from my heart, for I thanke you
Ten thousand sesterces, this day is lost
To our victorious Empresse Messallina;
Witnesse the Number five and twentie,
All in the circuit of a day and night,
And yet shees ready for a new delight.

Cal.
She may, for who but shee dares do the like,
For a poore subject, halfe the number serves,
On greatest Queenes most servants still attends.

Bawd.
Hadst not provocations to enable thee,
Confection of Cantharides, Diasaterion Eringoes,
Snailes, Oysters, Alligant, and could not these
Make thee hold out with five and twentie;
'Twas but a Forenoones worke, a forenoones worke
You paltry puling.

Cal.
I, in your young dayes.

Bawd.
In my young dayes, I tell thee small Flounder,
Old as I am and fat, I durst yet wager,
To lay twice the number of such shrimpes as thee,
That they should ne're rise more.

Cal.
Yes with a Pox.
I have not the Court art to kill my lovers,
Nor draw them on with witchcraft, Circean charmes,
Nor is it lust, but want makes me a trader,
And those I clip with, I must like at least,
Let Romes brave Empresse do her liking,

Stitch.
I she's a brave Roman dame indeed.

Hem.
And those Mad-dames are the best doers Stitch.

Cal.
Calphurnia loathes varietie of men,
Times big bone Animalls so apt to please,
Th'Empresse will whets not my appetite,
Besides you know I'me not for durance,
Wanting the daily visits of best Doctors,
To make me broths of dissolv'd Pearle and Amber,
Which well considered will not quit the cost,
She won the wager, I am glad I lost.

Bawd.
Glad I have lost,
Let me come to her, Ile claw you Minkes, glad
I have lost, and which goes nearest my heart;
To raile, and none to raile against but tall
Proper and goodly able men, calling
Them big-bond Animals, O blasphemy.
Why Phisgig; must I keepe thee rich in cloathes,
To want that ever pleasing sweet,
Hony, and Sugar candy delight; which the
Bravest high spirited glistering Ladies,
(Such as make Punies of their pettie Lords)
Account their heaven, their onely happinesse,
Never but discontented when they are
Out of Action; and are you defective now;
Fallen out (forsooth) with the felicitie
You shu'd take in man; O most absurd,
Not to be suffer'd, utter'd, nor indur'd,
It is intollerable; it is, it is, it is,
Thou muddy minded piece of mischiefe it is.

St.
Hem, Mistris, here comes our fellow Pander
The Lord Sausellus.

Hem.
All of a house, but not all fellowes Stitch,
And yet we hope to be Sir Panders; nay since
Great-ones be of that profession, and thrive so by it,
It cannot chuse but be a brave profession.

St.
Oh, tis a good,
A goodly brave profession; 'tis the best,
Best streame to sish in, be ne'r so impious,
Gold stiles the royall villaine vertuous.

Sauf.
Here, here my most pretious procurers
Downe, and adore our royall Empresse,
And me the messenger of these glad tidings;
Proud is her highnesse of the wager wonne,
Yet scorning the advantage of the losse
Trebly returnes your owne, with a reward,
And signe of her high favour ever after.

Ba.
I hope her mightinesse receiv'd content,
And will make bold with my poore house hereafter.

Sauf.
Yes, with your house a little bold her yet,
Silius comes hither straight brought by his friends
Valens and Proculus, your best wills worke,
To make him serve her pleasure.

Ba.
Pleasure her,
What? Silius a private gentleman of Rome
And be so grosse as not to pleasure her.
Which of you gallants wu'd not pleasure an
Emp'resse; that a man should be so very a sot
As not do, Oh 'twere abominable.

Sauf.
But hee's a man of precise abstinence,
And hardly will be drawne by any woman.

Ba.
Hoy day; not drawne by woman sayd you,
If he come here, he shall be hang'd and drawne,
And dry drawne to; not drawne by a woman!
Gogs nigs that's fine ifaith.

Sauf.
See, here they come prepar'd; I must withdraw
For a more apt imployment, shew your skills,
Women through lust and Hell will worke their wills.

Exit.
Enter Silius, Valens, Proculus.
Val.
Come, Sir, wee'l enter you.

Sil.
Most certaine
Into the divels vaulting schoole; where lust
In triumph rides or'e shame and innocence,
Am I not in Hell.

Pro.
O silly Silius.
Cannot a sweet shap't gallant like my selfe,
Enter the house where Venus vestalls live
But it must needs be Hell, ha, ha, ha.

Ba.
Welcome Princely Spirits,
Sweet faces, rich cloathes, and exquisite bodies,
Make you for ever (my most curious clients)
Pruriently, pleasing to the blood of beautie,
Hem and Stitch some stooles and cushions quicke.

Sil.
What have you brought me to your Sempsters house.

Ba.
These are no idle persons.

Sil.
Is this your lusty kindred, sweet pleasure
Which angles soules to hell, as men hooke fish;
I, this is she the bane of all devotion,
She whose inticements turnes weake men aside
From the right way of vertue, throwing em downe
Into the gulfe of all confusion;
From whence me thinks those dreadfull soules I heare
Now at this instant cursing of your Sex;
Your sinne affected trimings to entice
Which implicates the wretched mind of man
Crying with horrour 'gainst your impudence.
O woman, woman, thy bewitching motion,
Fooles wisedome, reason, and blinds all devotion.

Ba.
What is the man detracted from his wits tro.

Sil.
Out thou devourer up of maiden heads

Ba.
Hoy day, I a devourer of maiden heads,
That (with joy be it spoken) I have not bad
A maidenhead these fiftie yeares.

Vall.
Prethee be not thus bitter unto 'em,
Poore necessary evils they pleasure us.

Sil.
Out on your beastly, your most senselesse pleasures,
That makes you reasonlesse, esteeming best
Those things delight you most.

Cal.
O I could stand,
My lifetime here to heare this Silius raile.

Sil.
Note but the end of all your lustfull pleasures,
All breed diseases, griefes, reproaches foule,
Consumption of the body, and the soule,
Engender sorrowes and sotishnesse,
Forgets all prudence: growes most insolent,
Breeds th'Epelepsie that falling evill;
Begets murder, makes a man a divell,
O're throwes whole families, confounds the just,
Foisteth in children illigitimate,
Corrupts all humane sweet societie.
The various paths of lust are all uneven,
Her pleasures dreadful plagues the scourge of heaven.

Enter Emperesse and Saufellus attending with a cap.
Emp.
Our soveraigne good is pleasure unto which
None can attaine but valiant men and wise.

Sil.
Oh.

Sil. fals on his knees.
Emp.
Silius thou shalt not fall unlesse I fall,
Nor rise without me, we love thee Cajus
Thou soule of musicke breath, breath and enchant.
Musicke.
With thy delicious Tones while thus we bend,
And health our love mirrour of men to thee.

She drinkes.
Sil.
Foole that I am, thou hast undone thy selfe,
Keepe in my vertue or this fiery triall
Flames thee to Cindars.

Emp.
Fill for him, ist prepar'd?

Sauf.
With deepest Art.

Emp.
Here pledge, and pledge freely, a heatty draught
(As I began) up witht; so tis well, this,
Sil. drinks.
This fayling, pure, precise one now is silenc'd,
Conveigh him to our bed, Natures delight
Where when he wakes he may admire and burne
Be mad in love to pleasure free in us.
Thanks Valens, and Proculus, Cæsar dispatcht
To Ostia, wee'l finde fit time to make you
Shine in glory, all shall finde rich rewards.

Exit Emperesse and Saufellus.
Ba.
May you for ever glister like the Sunne.

Val.
Silius y'are snar'd; and we our wager wonne.

Exit.
Hoboyes. Enter Emperour, Claudius, Messallina Narcissus, Pallas, Calistus, Saufellus, with attendance.
Emp.
Swift nimble time the season of the yeare
(To offer sacrifice unto the Gods)
Calls us with speed from Rome to Hostia, in
Which our absence, sweet, deare then my life,
We doe implore, use all the carefull meanes
That may preserve that life and happinesse
Thy love assures us; which if want of health
Should bate thee joy; Cæsar were not himselfe
Disaster, griefes, diseases pale and wan
Wu'd make me marble, such is th'affiance,
The strong perswasion of that love I beare
To thee thou starre on earth my onely blisse
Beare record heaven, blesse thou this parting kisse.
Exit Emperour, cum suis.

Mess.
Farewell my life, my love, my royall, Foole
Shallow braine fop, dull ignorance adeiu,
The kindest Cuckold woman ever knew.
Saufellus draw nigh,
Now is the wisht for time to crowne delight
Turne night to day and day into the night,
Prepare for stirring, Masque, midnight revells
All rare varietie to provoke desire;
Then haste and fetch those envide Adamants
Rome most admires for foolish chastitie,
When we have graspt them here, surfeits riot
Shall squeese their spungie vertue into vice.
If they deny to come, let vengeance fall
Like to that all devouring thunders flame
Which fierd the world, be mercilesse and kill.
Rome shall take notice, our incensed blood,
Like to Medusa's shall to Serpents turne,
Poys'ning the Ayre, where locall chastitie
Claymes least preheminence.

Sauf.
Spoke like your selfe beyond thought excellent
O it becomes you rarely; thinke what you are
All glory drosse is, in comparison
Of that all rare inestimable worth,
You truly owe; all admir'd beautie past,
And that to come with full attractive force
Have fixt their lively characters in you.
Divinest faire; earth breathes not such another,
Twere madnesse longer your delights to smother:
I'me fierd with joy to see your high blood free.
Continue with encrease, adde flame to flames.
Burne high bright glorious wonder of thy Sex,
Act what your thoughts shall prompt too, I in all
Am onely yours at whose commanding will
Ile death and horrour wade to save or kill.

Offers to goe.
Mess.
Stay er'e you goe resolve us; what is that
Stagerites Name, he that last night i'th play
Did personate the Part of Troylus.

Sauf.
Menester (glorious Empresse) thats his name.

Mess.
Menester how that name works on my blood
And like a violent Tyde, swells me with full
Desire to know the man; it must be so
Command him to attend our will to night.

Sauf.
Know mightie Queen I by your looks perceiv'd
The gracefull Actor pleasing to your eyes,
And therefore already here in court, I
Have prepar'd him.

Mess.
Diligent Saufellus, Ile to my chamber,
Admit him thither; be swift in returne,
Exit Sauf.
We long for change to feede on various fruit;
Vp Messalina let thy mountaine will
Too long kept downe, fly to thy full desire,
Ile live in pleasure though I burne in fire.

Exit.
Enter Saufellus with a Torch, Menester following.
Sauf.
Come, come, come, this way, fie how I sweat,
This venery is a stirring businesse,
Remaine you here, Ile instantly returne.

Exit.
Men.
My heart that ne're yet shrunk begins to throb,
And my good Genius whispers in mine eare
A faire retreat; I am faire warn'd, and yet
I waver doubtfull.

Sauf.
Fortunate Actor,
Now let thy best of action to the life
Court Romes rare Emp'resse to the height of pleasure,
Muster up all the powers of man in thee
To an united strength, prepare a part
To ravish, pleasure winne an Empresse heart,
Looke to't, prove active to yeeld full content,
Or else you die, die a most shamefull death,
So speed as you shall please.

Exit.
Men.
That's certaine death,
I, I that in Pompeys, spacious Theater
Acted the noble vertues of true man,
When the faire piercing lines so much prevail'd,
I felt a sacred flame runne through my braines,
And in this Orb of mans circumference,
My selfe at furious war within my selfe,
That in my lifes sweet sequell, I still striv'd
Wrestled with flesh and blood to immitate
The good I then presented, but now, a
Coward plague, or else some Fiend rais'd from the
Pit of feare, hath all my goodnesse to a
Period dropt; and I like chaffe, blowne on this
Wide worlds stage, am now to act my owne part,
Which must be vicious now, lust stung vicious
With Romes majesticke Empresse, whose command
Strikes dead in the refusall, dead; a word
That quakes even the most valiant He, though least
Exprest, if by escape I thinke my selfe
Secure in some remote soile, her revenge
Will with the selfe same stroake there strike me dead,
'Mong petty emminent persons now tis
Common; then Princes cannot faile, their Armes
Are long and large, compulsion bids me on
Who ere shall reade my story then shall say
'Tis forc'd compulsion, and not rich reward,
No high Court favourers made Menester sinne.
Inchanting earth's temptation is in vaine,
He basely, basely sinnes that sinnes for gaine.
If not for gaine, shall I commit for feare,
For feare to die, I must, I will not, keepe
There my minde, and with chast fortitude
O be my barre to this lascivious act,
And cleave me to the Center er'e I yeeld,
Enter Messallina.
Your pardon glorious Empresse,
Ther's something in me workes so powerfull,
I dare not, dare not yeeld to your content.

Mess.
How's this, dare not, is that answer for us
Why foole, poore scumme of the Earth do'st know
What tis to stop an Empresse loftie will:
Saufellas, within there, a Guard, wee'l learne
You better manners, hoist him on the Racke,
Enter Saufellus and Guard.
To the Racke with him, teare limbe from limbe, dare not?
We will enforce thee wretch.

They put him on the Rack.
Sauf.
O dog; not doe;
Vp with the Snow ball, melt him, so, so, so.

Mess.
Shall our high favours, (equall to base and
Mercinare Trulls) prove common put offs,
What say you now Sir.

Mon.
That I am truly miserable, weake,
And vile, not being able to endure
This torment, O let me downe; my paine, but
Not my minde yeelds to your bed, I doe
Consent, consent.

Mess.
Ha, ha, doe you so, Sir;
Let him downe, and let him finde sudaine cure
Command our Docters, feede him hot and high,
Pleasur's a Princesse full felicitie.
Exit. Mess.

Men.
Mans a weake Bulrush; all his fortitude
Brittle at best; witnesse these center'd, limbes,
Witnesse the Racke, which teares me from the sight
Of sacred vertue; whose just anger now,
Like a donyed wooer puts me off,
Blushing and despairing; heaven out of sight
Mans out of heart, all virtues lose their light.

Exeunt omnes.