 | The Hollander |  |
Actus Quintus
Scena prima.
Enter Doctor, Vrinall, Mris. Artlesse, and Mris. Mixum.Doct.
This stealth was unexpected, tis almost
Beyond beliefe, my daughter should thus change
Her perverse humour, and embrace his love
Which when I motion'd to her, the darke shade
Seem'd not a greater enemy to blest light
Than she appeard to it: and that she should
Cosen my hopes, and without me her mother,
Or any friend resigne her will to his,
And strike the match up, puzzles my best faith,
Though I rejoyce at it.
Vrin.
You have reasons sir to doe so, your daughter had more
wit then you expected, tis the quality of maids, to deny what
they desire: had you but seene how nimbly shee trod over the
threshold, you would have sworne she had beene mad of the
match: I stood and heard him aske her: shall wee goe to the
late to doe well replied she agen: (though it were at midnight)
and then the Dutch younker tooke her up into a (what doe you
call it) a sedan (and heaven speed) away they went, marry to
what Church, he's gone I know not, only I heard him sweare he
would not come at Pencridge.
Mrs. Art.
And why not; tis an ancient Church, and all old
things must not be cast away, there has beene many an honest
couple given to the lawfull bed there, so there has.
Vrin.
No matter for that, he protested he would be marryd in a
Taverne ere that pencridge, there's no drinke nere it; but at the
Pinder of Wakefield, and thats abominable, and he has vowd to
season their bargaine with a cup of Sacke ere they returne.
Mist. Art.
Hee will not bee drunke on's wedding night I
hope; my daughter would have a sweet bed-fellow of him, if he
should.
Urin.
There is another loving couple gone with them too
for company, who will be man and wife if the Priest say Amen
to it.
Doct.
who are they of our knowledge?
Urin.
O yes sir, tis Master Lovering, the attendant to Master
Knowarth, and Sir Martines Niece that came but yesterday.
Doct.
Is't possible? twas some slie policy of her Uncles to
bring her hither, Master Lovering knew her before it seemes.
Vrin.
Too well I feare sir, they would not have marryd in such
post haste else.
Mrs. Mix.
Well Master Doctor, I hope my gloves shall bee
better then the ordinary, I had no small hand in this match, you
know.
Doct.
Tis nine a clocke at least: twill not be long ere they returne,
wife pray goe in and see all things in readinesse for their
lodgings.
Mist. Art.
They will have more stomacks to their beds then
to their suppers.
Doct.
To morrow we'l celebrate their nuptiall feast: Vrinall
be you carefull of the doores; let none come in but our owne
company.
Ile locke them up, and keepe the keyes my selfe sir, Mrs.
Mixum your husband is with them, and in his absence I would
desire a word with you.
Mrs. Mix.
I love to talke with any man in my husbands absence;
sweet Vrinall I will fulfill your pleasure, will you goe
Mistris?
Ex Vrin. Mrs. Art. & Mrs. Mix.
Vrin.
So now have at her.
Doct.
Have I not plotted finely? has my braine
not won the lawrell garland the famd breath
That wafts the honor of deserving wits
Among the humorous multitude as lowd
As it speakes conquering triumphs) shall proclaime
My politicke merit, who have raised my selfe
From worse then no name in the judging world,
To an indifferent wealth, which though I've got
By wayes sinister, such as erre from truth?
Nay might incurre a punishment no eyes
Has ere discern'd them, but with wonder how
I should atchieve such fortune, now compleat
In this alliance.
Enter Lady Yellow and Knoworth.
Lady.
Sister, let's to our chambers and to bed,
That time approaches.
Doct.
Your good Ladiship (I hope) will honour me so much
As for an houre to dispense with rest,
And see my bride in bed.
Lady.
Your bride good Master Doctor, who should that be?
I understand you not.
Doct.
My daughter Ladies, that to me
And all the house seem'd so averse from marriage,
Is this night stolne forth with younker Sconce,
And is by this time wedded to him.
Lady.
Beyond wonder, well sir,
We'l have her bride garters, it shall goe
Hard else, sister could you have thought it?
Doct.
You may both credit it, instantly they will returne, and
Then Ile wait upon you.
Exit Doctor.
I pitty the poore girle
That she should be so suddaine in her choyce,
Enthrall her soule ith' manacles of fate,
(For such are nuptiall bonds) experience sister
Inforces me to lament her.
Know.
How equally we two
Divide true sorrow, sympathize in griefe,
As in our blood and nature: sister you
When your affectionate fancy fix'd your heart
Upon your husbands love, had no suspition
Of his unmanly jealousie, and I
When I confin'd my love to Freewits breast,
Judg'd him as void of falshood, as the spring
When it has rested in green robes, the Earth is
Of bare nakednesse, but we are both
Deceiv'd by our credulity.
Lady.
For you, discretion may release you from the care
Of his affection, you are free (as light)
(Which in the darkest night retaines some splendor)
From the obedient slavery, due to marriage;
But I no burne-markd captive is engag'd
With more officious zeale to serve his Lord,
Then I my husband, I must either perish
Like the chaste ice, when from a Christall Rocke,
It feeles a sad conversion into fowle
Corrupted waters, by his jealous flames;
Or breake those ties whose dissolution
Would betray my innocent vertue to a ruine,
Sure and eternall.
Know.
But yet counsell me,
I love this man so that if honour would
Dispense with his offence, I should forgive him,
And take him to my bosome.
Lady.
Alasse you cannot,
What noble soule (though halfe starv'd) would be fed with
Base-reversions, conscience too forbids
Enter Urin.
The supplantation of another, sister strive to forget him.
Vrin.
Mrs. there is a gentleman without, his knockt for entrance
as if he had beene a Constable, his businesse is with you,
and his name Freewit; I told him you were in bed, and he swore
he would come to you through the doore, shall I admit him?
This is his last night, his businesse carryes weight, pray
let him in. Be now propitious Love: is any with him?
Vrin.
There is enough of him, unlesse he made lesse noise. Ile
send him to you.
Lady.
Sister, now give him his latest answer, and resolve
Upon some choise more happy: here he comes.
Enter Freewit:
Know.
How, as a Bridegroome?
Deckt with the Ensignes of young Nuptialls,
A wreath of Flowers, and Bayes, and yet me thinkes
His hand displayes a Willow: what should this Embleme?
Master Freewit we scarce expected you thus late.
Free.
You'll please to afford my manners an indulgent pardon,
For pressing to your presence thus: but tis
Perhaps our extremest enterview, and so
May challenge the prerogative of excuse,
For the audacious errour.
Know.
Would I could, with as much safety to my honour, grant
Remission to your other fault.
Free.
My thanks, are humble debtors to you for it, Mistris,
The nimble minutes have with crafty theft,
Stolne time away, reduc'd your limited houre
To an unwelcome period: I have sought
With the same diligence good men seeke heaven,
What you injoyn'd me, but the raine that falls
In Summer time upon the parched dust,
May easier be restor'd to the moyst Clouds,
Then she to my discovery. Wherefore since
Her losse is certaine, and the loffe of you
Depends on her, to satisfie your soule
That I have man about me, I am come
With the same confidence your scorne has taught me,
To tell you, I as lightly prize your love,
As you have valued mine: nor can you blame me, since 'twas your owne desire.
Know.
Credit me Ime very glad on't: but pray tell me sir,
Why yon come thus adorned with Nuptiall wreathes
Into my presence? is't to invite me to your wedding, or expression
Of your contempt, I have not merited so harsh an usage.
Free.
Neither: This branch of forsake Willow I resigne
To your owne wearing, that when after times
That we were both forsaken, though we sever
With the unwillingnesse that flourishing trees,
Divest themselves of greenenesse, yet no blemish
Of harsh unkindnesse shall defile our thoughts:
We'll part faire, though for ever.
Lady.
This gentleman seems so noble, I repent that I advis'd her from him.
Free.
This Laurell wreath, that circles
My uncaptiv'd brow, I doe justly challenge,
Since I have conquerd the greatest enemy,
Mankind can combate (passion) yet the dew
(That on the red lips of the blushing Rose
Bestowes a weeping kisse) leaves not so sadly
The amorous flower, that curles its purple leaves,
To hide it from the Suns enforcing Rayes,
As doe my thoughts your memory, which did once
Preserve it as inviolable, as heaven
Does the bright soules of innocents.
Kno.
You might
Have had so much humanity, as to have kept
Your purpose to your selfe: though your loose sinne
Constraines my honour to renounce your love,
I would not have my eares disturb'd with this
Relation of your contempt, for so
Trust me I take it Freewit.
Free.
Why, good Madam? can you condemne my too officious truth,
Of a conceite of falshood, when the spring
Of my Revolt, derives its head from yours.
You for a triviall, and scarce knowne offence,
Could without scruple banish me your heart,
When Angels should, for a desertlesse kisse
From an impure lip, have renounc'd their blisse,
Ere the most urgent reason of suspect,
Should upon me have practis'd a contempt
Of you: Had not your breath expos'd a mist
Of infidelity before the eyes
Of my cleare seeing soule, and left it blinde
As the blacke Mole, that like a Pioner digs
A winding Labyrinth through the earth to finde
A passage to the comfortable light,
He never has fruition of.
But sir, suppose my sister did it for a proofe,
Of your affection, and now should reclaime
The harsh prescription she impos'd, you would not
Continue in this temper.
Free.
Madam ever. The Cedars juyce, whose bitter poyson gives
The most strong body unavoyded death,
Preserves the Carcasse by its dying force,
Voyd of corruption: so has dealt her love
With me; its reclamation strucke me dead,
And since my Exequies has kept my heart
From entertaining a corrupt regard
Of future slavery,
Enter Doct. Vrin. Mris. Artlesse.
Vrin.
They are entred, sir, I heard Mr. Mix. say as I let them in,
that they were marryed.
Enter Mixum with a Torch, Popingaies in Sconce his cloaths, leading Dalinea: Lovering leading Sconce attired in Poping. womans cloaths.
Mix.
Nay, come an end gentlemen and your wives, Mr. Doctor wil
not be angry though I have usurp'd his office, and beene the father to
his daughter.
Doct.
You are not a cunning baggage? you would
none forsooth when I propos'd it to you; but when the fit came on
you, you could then runne madding, and never let the Sexton ring
the Bell to give us notice: had it beene any one but Mr. Sconce, you
should have sought a portion; but since to him, we pardon it: take her
sonne, heavens give thee joy of her.
Vri.
You would scarce say so, knew you as much as I doe.
Pop.
We thanke you sir, and rest your dutifull children.
Lad.
Ha! my Nephew Popingay!
Doct.
Mr. Popingaies, Sir Martins Nephew! I am abus'd, undone,
my daughter's cousend Vrinall, a tricke put on mee, Mr. Popingay to
wed my daughter.
Pop.
Twas with her owne consent Sir, and
she my wife by your free gift.
Mrs. Art.
Your wife, your whore she is as soone, she is Master
Sconces wife, and that you shall finde, so you shall, let me come to
the baggage husband, Ile scratch her eyes out.
Doct.
Ere he shall injoy her, Ile spend the best part of my wealth
he shall not have a penny portion with her, depart my house I charge
you: Vrinall call in my neighbours, ere Ile be us'd thus.
Vrin.
Harke you sir, you know I know you and your wayes.
Doct.
What talk'st thou varlet?
Goe to, be patient, then give this gentleman your daughter;
nay be friends, and love him too, or all shall out.
Doct.
Thou wilt not betray me villaine?
Vrin.
But I shall discover you and your practises, nay to the Justice,
This gentleman is the same Sir Martin brought hither as his Niece.
Doct.
Plots upon plots against me.
Urin.
But the great one is still behinde: if you will be friends
quickly with them, so; if not, your impostures all come out.
Doct.
Is it even so? well since I am ore-reach'd,
Better sit downe in peace, than with disgrace:
Mr. Popingay consideration of your just desert,
Now his perswasion has suppress'd my heat,
Enjoyns me to forgive your loving theft;
Accept my daughter with as good a heart
As she is mine: come hither wife, say you so too?
Mris. Art.
Nay, since you say it, it must be so.
Pop.
Humbly I thanke you: such another gift,
Should Nature offer all her pretious store,
Could not be given Mortality: but truely sir,
I had much adoe to winne her.
Dal.
You have me now;
But I professe untill we came to be
Conjoyn'd ith' Church, I tooke you for Mr. Sconce, but now rejoyce
I was deceived so, I shall study to love you.
Doct.
Now you name, where is Mr. Sconce?
Scon.
Tis my cue now. O father I'me here, they have given mee a
touch, a very scurvy touch, I am a brother of the Twibills, and I am
married too, but I need not feare being a Cuckold.
Vrin.
Mris. you know the Gent.
Know.
My servant Lovering married to Mr. Sconce!
You'll get brave boyes I doubt not.
Scon.
I and wenches too; come hither, we will be man and wife,
that's certaine, nay and lie together, so we will, you shall behave
your self well enough like a woman: but that you have a stiff impediment
for bearing Children: but give me thy hand, shal's be drunk
together?
Vrin.
He is scarce sober yet I thinke.
Scon.
Ile tell you father, ere I went to the Church I had gotten a
touch in the Crowne, the Twibil Knights confusion on them my Jo,
had made me drunke, and got my cloathes, and how I came by these
it is: doe you heare good man Foxe, how crept you into this
Lyons case?
Pop.
What meanes this new married man?
Scon.
Do you jeare me, with a touch of that? harke you husband,
Though I be your wife, you shall not hinder me from claiming my
owne Breeches. Mistris a word with you too, you put a gentle touch
upon me did you not? But I shall know you hereafter, Ile say no
more, and touch you boldly for it.
Lov.
Y'are very merrily dispos'd Sir: had it not beene to have
done Sir Martines Nephew, I should not have beene fool'd so.
Know.
No matter Lovring thou art a Gent.
And since I am resolv'd from Master Freewit,
That heele not have me now (though I were willing)
To roote the least remembrance of him
Out of my breast, by this my happyer choyse,
Ile marry thee.
Scon.
But let him marry you though if he dare, ile sue the Statute
of Bigamy upon him, he shall be hang'd for being double marryed.
Free.
In this one act
She onely appeares woman, all her Saint,
Speake her a Saint. I did not thinke her heart
Could have resum'd (though 't had rejected me)
A baser choyse. Sir you've good Fortune: Mris
I will not wish you ill successe in your
So suddaine Love: but it was cruell in you
To give away your soule, (as in despight)
In my loath'd presence: yet to shew how much
I prize your satisfaction, I resigne
My interest in you to him, and thus freely
Bestow him on you: will you have him Lady?
Pulls of Loverings Periwigs, he is discovered to be Martha.
Lady.
Heaven blesse me sister, this is the same maid
Whom Master Freewit is reported to have
Got with Child: this is strange.
Free.
Nay, be not amazed Mistris it is she:
You had best call her to a strict account
How long tis since I lay with her.
Know.
O Freewit, what meanes this mad delusion?
My wife turn'd a woman indeed: this is a touch indeed, I
had best be gone, for feare she challenge me.
Vrin.
O stay your patience good Mr. Sconce.
Free.
Now let heaven, and all that can be titled good beneath
Divinity, conjoyne to frame a piece
Of vertue great as this; yet be deficient
In the atchievement; for some cunning Artist
To draw her in this posture (to be plac'd
(In Alablaster, white as her owne figure)
Or some greene meade, or flowry valley, where
Posterity of Virgins yearely might
Offer a teare to the blest memory
Of perfect feminine goodnesse. Let me dye,
Gazing on you, and I shall flye to heaven
Through your bright eyes.
Doct.
Sir, what meanes this extasie?
Free.
Ile tell you, and Mrs trust each word,
As the just accent of Oraculous truth:
Knowing your ardent love to me, I feard
It might embrace a change, and therefore shap'd this woman
In the habit of a man got her unknowne to you,
Prefer'd to serve you: (which she could not have bin without
Discovery, in her owne shape) not to o're-looke your life,
Or watch your actions, but to raise report
That I had bin false: so to trye if that
Would stagger your resolve, which I have found
So noble, that the happinesse of Fates
Can give no more addition to my blisse.
Madam beg you my pardon.
Know.
O sir you have it, and I my best of wishes, but why did you
Employ a woman thus disguis'd, suppose
She had beene got with childe, you must
Have beene the fither of it.
Free.
I knew she was too honest, and beside,
I put her to the acting of't, because
She being the accuser of me for her selfe
Might without the least scruple of suspect
Free me from her owne calumny, nay here's another
Can witnesse this for truth.
Know.
How Vrinall Master Doctor's man turnd to Tristram Mr.
Vrin.
So it appeares by
the story Mrs. I am glad sir you put my sister in this disguise, she has
got a good husband by the shift, take your wife sir, she is no worse
a woman then my owne sister.
Scon.
But let me see and feele you better, it is no periwigge this
but are you my husband, a woman, wife?
Lov.
I your wife am sir.
Scon.
Master Doctor you wish me well I know, I have married
here I know not whom, you have excellent salves and unguents sir.
Doct.
They are at your service all.
Scon.
Thanke you good
Mr. Doctor, have you never a one that will eat off the wen of manhood,
make all whole before that will eunuchise a man, I would
faine be a Hermaphrodite, or a woman to escape this match, I do not
like it.
Enter Mrs. Mixum.
Mris. Mix.
Help gentlemen, help Mr. Doctor, yonder is a man
would ravish me whether I would or no, nay kild me, I thinke he
has puld out the longest naked weapon, O there he is.
S. Mar.
She shall not scape me were she
Ent. S. Mar. drawne.
Fenc'd with fire, strumpet thou diest.
Doct.
Who's this, Sir Martin, what doe you meane sir?
Mris.
I, this is he Thomas doe you see what a terrible thing hee
has got? was that fit to use to a woman? I was but laid in the next
roome, to sleepe, and he would have done something to mee so hee
would, had not I beene the honester woman.
Lady.
Is't so Sir Martine? I have now just cause
To suspect your loyalty, and that your fond
Jealousie proceeds out of intemperate lust,
Could I not serve, but underneath my nose
You must be rioting upon another?
Sir Mart.
Shame and confusion sease me.
Vrin.
You may see Sir what comes of your jealousie, but feare not
Sir, your wife will pardon it, there's no harme done.
Mrs. Mix.
But there might have beene, had not my honesty been
the greater.
Lady,
Well Sir Martine, though you have injurd
Me most infinitly, I doe remit all if you will protest
Nere to be jealous more.
S. Mar.
Amasement and my shame hinders my utterance,
Let me breath in sighes my true repentance,
And henceforth
That jealousie in man if't be injust
Is ill, nay worse then in a womans lust.
But pray you brother, who brought you hither?
We shall rejoyce to have you at our wedding,
And see this reconcilement.
Vrin.
I Madam, I; under pretence to have attempted his wife, but I
sent him in to Mrs. Mixum, who I knew would fit his turne.
Mrs. Mix.
And so I could have fitted him as well as another woman.
Scon.
Brother Urinall you are a knave, brother Vrinall, and
have showd all a cozening touch.
Vrin.
No sir I sav'd you from being cozend, my sister shall have
some portion, here's a hundred red pieces in this purse.
Scon.
Sinke me my Jo, my owne purse.
Vrin.
It is indeed Sir, I got it from your Twibill brothers, and
this your watch too, and your cloths which Mr. Popingay weares, by
locking them into a roome, and threatning punishment, if they denied,
the blades shall now resume freedome, this key will let them
out, come forth gentlemen, here is your brother Master Sconce.
Enter the Twibill Knights.
Scon.
Captaine generall, give thy hand bully, Captaine Pirke, my
cosen Pig, and all of you; though you would have cheated me tis
no matter, you shall dance at my wedding, and be drunke too, my
Joe, you shall.
Pirk.
Confusion rot the bones of Vrinall perdition shall slay him;
Free.
Madam I hope we shall keepe our nuptiall feast with Master
Doctor.
Know.
As you dispose it sir, I have resign'd my will to yours.
Pop.
Unckle I hope you'l pardon me, that I deceiv'd your expectation
in watching my Aunt, she is too vertuous: father your blessing,
and then we are happy.
Doct.
Take it.
Thus all are pleas'd I hope: what this night cannot
(For celebration of these feasts) performe,
To morrow shall, and from this minute I
Renounce all waies sinister to get wealth.
Things that ith' period prosporously succeed,
Though cros'd before, are acted well indeed.
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