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74

ACT. V.

Enter Squanderbag and a Captain.
Cap.
His thoughts are all now taken up with Courtship
To Honoria.

Squa.
You may see Captain,
A handsome piece of flesh and blood may do much,
VVhen there's no other enemy i'th the field.

Cap.
VVhat will be done with the Gentleman was carried
To the guard?

Squa.
The stranger with a black Eye?
He's fast enough, and will have opportunity
Of place and time, to cool his hot devotions,
If our Commander in chief march on thus.

Enter Serjeant and Souldiers.
Ser.
Are not these pretty hand Granado's, Gentlemen?

1 Sol.
Fire to the fuze, and toss some health about.

2 So.
Come away, to my Colonel, honest Squanderbag.

Squa.
Ha? these are my Scythians, mark those fellows Captain,
Cut 'em in pieces like so many Adders,
They'l joyn agen, i'th compass of an acre,
Their limbs will creep together, and march on
To the next Rendevouz without a halt.

2 Ser.
This is Spanish.


75

Ler.
Draw home your arrow to the head, my Centaure.

1. So.
Mine is French Wine.

5 So.
You must take your chance,
The Yeoman of the wine-seller did not
Provide 'em for our palate.

2 So.
Supernaculum!
See, there lies Spain already, now would I fight—

Ser.
Drink thou mean'st.

2 Sol.
VVith any King in Europe.
Do not spill your Amunition; ah Serjeant,
This was excellent Drink.

1 So.
VVho wants my Colonel?

2. So.
I want it, tope, give me't.

Ser.
He'l ha't agen?

2 So.
The to'ther charge, and then we'll over-run Christendom, Sa, sa:
When y'ave done with Christendome, what shall
Become o'th Heathen Princes?

2 So.
We'll put the Heathen Princes in a bag.

Ser.
A bottle thou meanest, he's all for drink.

2 So,
And after, roast the Great Turk with his Bashaws,
Like a pudding in's belly.

Squa.
Thou Boy!

Ser.
There he is for eating.

Ser.
Dost know what thou hast said now? but
What shall be done with the Jews?

2 Sol.
They are included,
And go upon the score of Modern Christians,
There sha'not a Nation scape us.

Squa.
These are the men,
The tools, that cut our Triumph out o'th quarry.


76

Cap.
They will deserve their pay.

Squa.
Oh pay is necessary, use it now and then,
Like Phisick, it keeps the Souldier in health
And expectation, they must fight for honour
Some-times.

1 So.
Tobacco, they?

Ser.
Here boys, a Magazine, with pipes attending,
VVhite as my Ladies tooth, and shining more
Then forehead of Dulcinea de Toboso.

4 So.
A Souldier's a brave life.

3 So.
'Tis cheap, all these things come to us by nature.

Ser.
Our Colonel.

Squa.
I'll cashier him that rises, keep your postures,
We are all Souldiers, and can sit and drink we'e,
To your Arms Gentlemen agen, ha? this is wine.

Ser,
We have the modest gift of drinking, Sir,
Without inquiry of the Grape or Vintage,
Or from what Merchant.

Squa.
Is not this better than a tedious Prentiship,
Bound by Indentures to a shop and drudgerie,
Watching the Rats, and Customers by Owl light?
Ti'd to perpetual language of, What lack ye?
Which you pronounce, as ye had been taught like Sterlings.
If any Gudgin bite to damn your souls
For less than sixpence in the pound. Oh base!
Your glittering shoes, long graces, and short meals,
Expecting but the comfortable hour
Of eight a clock, and the hot Pippin pies,
To make your mouth up? all the day not suffered

77

To aire your selves, unless your minikin Mistress
Command you to attend her to a Christning,
To bring home plums, for which they may relieve
Your teeth that water, with her next suppositorie.
You have some Festivals, I confess, but when
They happen, you run wilde to the next Village,
Conspire a knot, and club your groats apiece
For Cream and Prunes, not daring to be drunk,
Nothing of honour done, now y'are Gentlemen,
And in a capacitie to be all Commanders, if you dare fight,

2 S.
Fight? you know we dare, Sir,
And with the Devil.

2 Squa.
In hope you wo'not give him quarter,
There's money, do not purchase Earth, nor Heaven with it.
I must away, remember the two things.

1 So.
The two Dees.

Squa.
Drink, and your Duty, so,
Now as you were—

2 So.
Noble Colonel,
Exit.
Let me kiss thy hand, I am thine body and soul.

3 So.
But will you fight with the Devil?

2 So.
Why not?

3 So.
So will not I.

2 So.
Wo'not you fight with the Devil, and one of
Our Regimen?

3 So.
Not I?

1 So.
Perhaps the Devil is his friend.

3 So.
And yet in a good cause—

2 So.
He wo'not fight with you then, base, I say,

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To take advantage of the cause, or person:
Fight upon any cause with any person.
Heark you Serjeant, you do know our Duties
Better than we our selves, what do we fight for!
Silence the first word of Command, let us
Be serious, what, what do we fight for?

Ser.
For pay, for pay, my Bull-rooks.

2 So.
La'ye now,
Can any Christian Officer say more?

Ser.
Hang these Intergatories,
And give us to'her charge to'th man i'th Moon.

2 So.
All, all give fire together, Oh for a noise
Of Trumpets.

Drums beat.
1 So.
Here are Drums.

Ser.
The General is coming this way, to your Arms
Skud ye Metropolites.

Enter Colonel, Squanderbag, Captain and Alamode.
Ala.
Sir, I congratulate your honourable
Employment.

Col.
And I your noble presence here.

Ala.
I could not with my Rhetorick invite
My Ladie hither?

Col.
I sent you a party—

Ala.
Yes Sir,
Your men of rank and file do carry still

77

The strong perswasions, they prevail'd with her.
I left her to the Guard.

A shout.
Col.
The reason of that Clamor?

Cap.
The Souldiers, Sir, express their joy thus loud,
That Ladie Mammon is brought in, the Guard
Hardly secure her person.

Col.
Give her fair access,
On pain of death, be none uncivil to her,
This service will deserve a memory,
And publique thanks, all our design did reach
But to gain her.

Ala.
The work will be to keep her,
The Gipsie has more windings than a Serpent,
The Moon is not more changing.

Enter Mammon, Phantasm, Guard.
Col.
Is this she?

Phan.
Madam, I'll take my leave.

Mam.
Forsake me in this
Condition?

Phan.
If I could expect a worse
Would fall upon you, Madam, I'd not part yet.

Mam.
How?

Phan.
For I can tell you, what will follow instantly,
And it does please my wickedness extreamly,
The next pay-day you will be torn in pieces,

80

Oh 'twill be excellent sport, ha, ha, ha.

Mam.
And canst thou laugh Villain? Secure him Souldiers.

Phan.
They will have work enough about your Ladiship.
I am going as nimbly as a spirit, Madam,
And to your greater comfort, know I am one.

Mam.
The Devil thou art.

Phan.
Call'd by another name,
Your evil Genius, to assure you that
You have been all this while cozened, my dear Mistress,
And that these colours are phantastick, see,
I vansh into aire.

Guard.
Presto, was this your Devil, Madam?

Mam.
Oh my misfortune!

Col.
Madam, your person is most welcome hither.

Mam.
I fear your Souldiers, Sir,

Col.
You may be confident
Of safety from them, Madam, that fight for you,
We are your guard, all wait upon my Ladie,
And let your applications be with reverence,
And see her entertainments high, and such
As may become my honour, and her person.
Exit.
What is there left addition to my happiness?
Mammon and Honoria both within my power?
Ambition write non ultra, fix, fix here,
The two great darlings of mankinde are mine,
Both Excellent, and yet but one Divine.
Wealth is the nerves of VVar and VVit, without which

79

VVe are dull, and useless engines, Mammon leads
To Conquest, and rewards our blood and watches,
But honour is the lustre of all Triumph,
The Glories that we wear are dim without her,
Till she come in, the Lamp, our glorious flame,
VVe grope our way i'th dark, and walk on crutches.
Riches may shine, and Star-like grace the night,
But Honour is the radiant soul of light.

Exit.
Alworth in Prison.
Alw.
I almost could be angry with my fate,
And call that care of my Phisitian
Unkinde, that did remove my first distempers;
I should have drop'd into the shades, and lost
Her memory, that flatters me to ruine.
VVhat's all this murmure? are these thoughts my own?
Or is there some black spirit crept into
My melancholy blood, that would corrupt
That spring, by which my innocence should live?
Hence, I command thee hence, thou dire Inchantment,
And let the vertues of Honoria
Resume their throne within my soul, and strike
Religious tremblings through every thought,
Lest I repine at Providence? She is here.


80

Enter Honoria, and Marshal.
Mar.
This warrant must admit you.

Hon.
There's for your Office, you may withdraw your self.

Mar.
Your servant!

Exit.
Hon.
Oh my Alworth?

Alw.
This humility
Transcends my hope and merit, I am now
No more a Prisoner, since my better part
(Enlarg'd by this your charitable visit)
Hath freedom to behold my greatest happiness,
Your self.

Hon.
I am so full of joy
To see thee alive, I cannot ask thee, how
Thou wert preserv'd.

Alw.
Heaven was not willing I
Should die, till I had given you better proof
How much I would deserve your smile upon me.

Enter Colonel and Marshal.
Mar.
Here you may, undiscovered, Sir, observe 'em.

Col.
You may be gone, and wait at some fit distance.

Alw.
My cure was hastned by your thoughts up on me,
And my desires had wings to reach your person,

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(For I was soon acquainted how you were
Convey'd) and next my thoughts to kiss your hands,
I brought my resolutions of revenge
Upon that Traitors head, that ravish'd ye
So rudelie from my eies.

Hon.
Prethee no more,
But let our hearts renew, and seal a contract
In spight of present storms; and I am not
VVithout some hopes to change thy sad condition,
For he, to whose commands thou owest this misery,
Is pleas'd to say he loves me, and I can
Employ his kindeness to no better use
Then thy Enlargement; if this prove unfortunate,
It shall at least diminish thy affliction,
That I can bear a part, and suffer with thee.

Alw.
Better I sink by many deaths, then you
Engage your self to any unkinde Fate
For me; I have crept newly from my dust,
And can alone walk cheerfully to silence
And the dark grave: But do you believe, Madam,
This man looks on you with a noble flame?
He's now a great man.

Hon.
His affection
Has all the shews of honour; and such high
Civilities flow from him.

Alw.
Pause a little,
And give me leave to tell you, as these seeds
Of VVar grow up, I cannot think a person
Though many may be honourable) can
Better Deserve—

Hon.
VVhat?


82

Alw.
To be made Lord of this
Fair Empire.

Hon.
Did this language come from Alworth?
That said he lov'd me?

Alw.
Yes, with noblest fervor,
My love commands it Madam, and I can
In my true service to Honoria,
Advise her to call home her noble beams,
That shine to the discredit of her light
On me, that would upon a worthier object
Draw up more admiration to her brightness,
And at the same time, by their influence shew
The beauties of her better choice.

Hon.
This language
I understand not yet; can Alworth then
Finde in his heart any consent, to give up
His interest in Honoria to another?

Alw.
Yes, when Honoria is concern'd to meet
A greater happiness than Alworth, I
Can make my self an Exile, which is but
The justice of my love to her great merit.
I am a trifle Madam, a thing meant
Beneath your smile, a very walking shadow,
And time will come, when you have shew'd me all
The bounties of your grace, nay seal'd them mine,
By the most holy character of marriage,
Yet then I must forsake you, when my nerves
Shrink up, when the weak flowings of my blood
Cool in their channel, and dame Nature leave me
A spoil to death—


83

Hon.
VVhy do you talk of death,
So far off?

Alw.
Though we do not hear him tread,
Yet every minute he approaches, Madam;
And give me leave to tell you, without flattering
My self, I am in danger; first a Prisoner,
A spie they may pretend, but this will vanish.
It is the title of your servant, Madam,
Is both my honour, and my crime, nor can I
VVave my relation to your favours: this
Known to the man, under whose power we stand,
His angrie breath may doom me to the scaffold,
And I must then resign, nor will the act
Be mine, but a constraint, and I then lose
The glorie that may now be mine, to engage
Him in your smiles, you in his love.

Hon.
VVhen will this dream be over?

Alw.
As for me,
It shall be enough at distance to look on you
VVith thoughts as innocent as your own, and if
For the convenience of both our persons,
One Earth must not contain us, do not think
That I can wander, where I shall forget
To tell the stranger world your storie, Madam;
And when I have made all mankinde, where I come,
Bow to your name, and taught 'em to repeat it
In all their dangers, and their frights, to cure them,
I will seek out some aire, that is infectious,
VVhere no birds dare inhabit, or man build
A cottage to repose his wearied head,
And there I prophesie, by the vertuous charm

84

Of your blest name, to purge it, and as soon
As the great miracle is spread, to invite
The best of every Nation to live there,
And own you Tutelar Angel.

Hon.
Fie, no more,
Alworth now dreams indeed, but he more vainlie
Perswades me to forget my vows to him:
Is this a fear to die, or something like it?
For I would give it fain some other name.

Alw.
A fear to die, that arrow strikes too deep,
If you but think so, and wounds more than all
The horror my destruction can appear in.
If I can entertain the thoughts of life
Without you, how much easier must it be
To die for your concernment? I ha'not liv'd
After the rate to fear another world.
VVe come from nothing into life, a time
VVe measure with a short breath, and that often
Made tedious too, with our own cares that fill it,
VVhich like so many Atomes in a Sun-beam,
But crowd and justle one another. All,
From the adored Purple to the Hair-cloth,
Must center in a shade, and they that have
Their vertues to wait on 'm, bravely mock
The rugged storms, that so much fright 'em here,
VVhen their souls lanch by death into a sea
That's ever calm.

Hon.
This deserves my attention,
And you in this small lecture Alworth, have
Made me in love with death, who for thy sake
Can with my innocence about me, take
More satisfaction to bleed away
My life, than keep it, with the smallest stain

85

Upon my honour. This I speak, not to
Court up your drooping thoughts to me, if I
Be faln, or have lost my first esteem—

Alw.
Oh pardon, t'other syllable of this destroys me;
VVhat is there, can but make me worthy of
Your faith? I am all, ever thine? The Colonel.

Enter Colonel.
Col.
Expect a cloud to darken all your triumphs!

Exit.
Hon.
His threats move me as little, as his love,
Yet for thy sake I can be sad.

Alw.
And I
But onely mourn for you.
Enter Colonel with a Pistol, and Travers.
He is return'd,
And with him the first poisoner of our peace;
VVhat horrour next?

Col.
Your happiness is now
VVithin your reach, kill but that fellow, and
Possess her by my gift, the act once done
By my command secures thee.

Hon.
He shall make
His passage to thee through my heart.


86

Tra.
I thank you
For your great promise and employment, Sir,
But take your tool agen,

Col.
Did you not love her?

Tra.
Yes infinitely, but scorn your Hangman's Office:
I have done too much alreadie; but if Madam,
The memorie of my base surprize have not
VVeig'd me down past all fathom of your mercy,
I can ask you forgiveness in my heart,
And suffer all his Tyrannie, to expiate
My black offence to you, and to that Gentleman.

Col.
Are you so resolute?

Tra.
VVere I assur'd
There were no punishment to attend this murder
Here, nor hereafter, could she pardon this
Bloodie assassination, and Alworth
Forgive me, when his soul is gliding through
The purple stream, and mounting up to fill
Some happie star, would she herself consent
To be the great reward of the black deed,
I should abhor the Parricide.

Col.
Is't so? expect my next return.

Exit.
Alw.
Sir, you have shewn a penitence would strike
A marble through, and this return to pietie,
Hath chang'd our anger into Admiration.

Hon.
Sir, we have now no thoughts, but what are fi'd,
With a desire you call us to your friendship;

87

Live happie, and adorn by your example
Of justice, the most honoured robe you wear.

Enter Colonel, Alamode, Fulbank, Squanderbag and Mammon.
Col.
Nay ye shall witness all my resolution;
Your hand, deer Madam, Alworth take from me
Thy own Honoria, it were impious
To keep you a minute longer in your fears,
Your loves deserve my admiration, not
My anger, and I cheerfully resign
All my ambitions, live you happie both.
As I am in this conquest of my self:
I lov'd Honoria well, but justice better.
But Madam, though you must be Alworths Bride,
Yet give me leave to call you Mistress, I
Can be your servant still, and by your influence
Upon me, steer my actions, and keep
My passions in as much obedience,
As any Souldier I command, and Alworth
Be you so just, to tell the world that takes
Delight to snarl, and catch at every errour
In our profession: I am no enemy
To Arts, but can take pleasure to reward
Learning, with all due honour, be your self
The example.

Alw.
You are perfect
In all that's noble, and it were a sin
Not to proclaim it.

Tra.
Sir, This act will crown
Your name for ever.


88

Col.
Make your peace with Honoria,

Hor.
'Tis done, and we owe all we can call happy
To your justice, Sir.

to Mammon.
Col.
Madam, you look upon us through some cloud,
None should be worn this day, and here are some
Did wear the title of your servant. Fulbank

Ful.
Oh you are trulie noble, I ever honoured my Ladie.

Col.
Travers, Alamode,

Squa.
Please you to name me in the list, I can
Be as much a servant to this Ladie, as
The best of these.

Col.
Stand forth, and plead your merits.

Mam.
I excuse them,
Your pardon Sir, I think the best in all the
File unworthie of me.

Col.
Plain truth, Gentlemen.

Mam.
I could give reasons, but I have no humor
To spoil some reputations in publique.

Ala.
I told you what a Gypsie 'twas.

Mam.
Some may
Traduce my fame, and charge me with a levity
And frequent change, but I have been less constant,
Because I found no man had wit enough
To manage me, or worth enough to invite
The stay of my affections. I acknowledge
The Citizen doth promise fair, but breaks:
Lawyers are cunning, but I love not snares:
The Courtier has no care of his own body;
The Countrey-man had no wit but in his acres:
And for you, Sir, your name is Squanderbag,
What would you do with Mammon, cannot keep her?
Beside, these men had the bad luck to court me

89

When I was swaid by an evil genius,
Which now has left me. I see alreadie
A nobler path, and till I finde a man
Knows how to love, and govern me with temperance,
I lay my self an humble servant at
Honoria's feet; your pardon to my past
Neglects, will make me cheerfull to attend you.

Col.
Nay, since y'are come to be my fellow-servant,
If you please, Madam, we may approach neerer;
What think you of me, shall I present my self
A servant to your favour?

Mam.
Sir, you are pleasant.

Col.
I shall be so, if you accept my service;
Though I am a Souldier, I can love, and do
All duties may become your worth and honour.

Mam.
I blush to say how much I am unworthie,
But I shall meet you honourably.

Col.
A match, seal it.

Salute.
Ful.
He has don't it compendiously; But Sir, you know—

Col.
Yes, I know very well what you would say,
But this fair Lady's mine, and I'll deserve her:
Wealth has alreadie made you mad, we have been
Out of the Sun a great while, I invite
You all my guests to day, and Ladie Mammons,
Do me that honour.

Ful.
There is no remedie.

Enter Maslin strip'd.
Ala.
'Tis well you scap'd with loss of Mammon.

Col.
What anti-Masquers this?


90

Mam.
'Tis Mr. Maslin.

Cap.
This fellow wod not bend, and so they broke him.

Mas.
You look like the Commander in chief
Of this Militia.

Col.
What then?

Mas.
I have a suit to you.

Col.
A suit? methinks y'are naked.

Mas.
I know not, but on my knees I beg their pardon
That made me so, they plunder'd me so quaintly,
They are the nimblest Hocus Pocus's
That e're threw dice for hemp.

Col.
I am glad they fitted you.

Mas.
No Sir, it was the Tailor fitted me.

Col.
So, and they unfitted you.

Mas.
But with what art, how most compendiously
They made me an Adamite, Sir—

Col.
Let's hear your wonder.

Mas.
One ill look'd fellow did but swear an oath,
And my hat flew up with the very wind of it,
And fell upon a head, that stood bare for it
Full three yards off:
Another did but squint upon my legs,
And my boors vanish'd with the spurs upon 'em;
Cloak, doublet, jerkin, all convenient broad cloth,
Three pile of wool, went from me at one motion;
No bars nor buttons could prevail a minute,
They broke into my bodie with that nimble

91

Burglarie; I was undone e're I could wink;
But when my narrow shirt came o're my shoulders,
I thought't had been my skin, at every twitch
I roar'd, and gave my self gone for a Rabbet
For the next Officers supper.

Col.
In good time.

Mas.
But truth appear'd when I was strip'd, their charitie
Left me my breeches, but the good old gold
Could not have leave to bear 'em companie,
That was defaulk'd miraculously by a Mirmidon
That had lost both his hands—

Ala.
Lost both his hands,
How could he take your money?

Mas.
With his stumps, Sir,
He routed both my pockets with his stumps;
Oh the knack some men have to fetch our money.

Col.
He is pleasant, see his wardrobe be restord.

Mas.
Shall I be warm agen, Oh Madam—

Squa.
Be not too sawcie, she is now exalted
Above your sphere.

Ful.
Oh Mr. Maslin, we are all undone.

Mas.
So am I, they have not left me a shirt.

Col.
All faults, where we have power this day, are pardon'd.

Ala.
Happiness crown your loves!

Col.
Now to the Priest,
Whose work is onely wanting to confirm us:
Alworth, lead on your fairest Bride, remember
We are both servants to Honoria.


92

Alw.
To shew I can obey you Sir, come Madam.
The Birth of Heaven, and the Earths Morning-star,

Col.
Our life of Peace, and the true soul of War.

Exeunt.
FINIS.