University of Virginia Library

Actus Secundus.

Enter Vayne-man Pumicestone, and Scrivener.
Va.
So, so, now wee are furnish'd.

Pu.
Our acts and deeds are to shew for't.

Scr.
Sigillatum et deliberatum in præsentia notarij
Publici, I thanke you Gentlemen.

Pu.
In the presence of the notorious Publican.
Exit. Scr.
But dee heare, who shall pay backe the monie?

Va.
VVhat mony?

Pu.
The mony wee ha taken up to goe a wooing to
This Kick-shaw.

Va.
Share and share like, how ever, the securitie
Is good, and the Scrivener satisfied.

Pu.
I have a great minde—

Va.
To pay it all, shal have my voyce.

Pu.
Vpon condition the Lady would seale to
Covenants, you should finde me reasonable.

Va.
For that we must take our fates, one of
Vs is sure to carry her against the World.
He that has least wit, has five hundred
Pound a yeere, if that, good clothes, and a
Handsome man with appurtenances, cannot
Tempt an elder sister, would shee were sent
To a Nunnery, letts loose noe time, but advance to her instantlie,

Pu.
Stay I have it, and no unhappy invention,
A divice, if the worst come to the worst,
You will thanke mee fort.

Va.
What ist?
Mercury himselfe be the Doctor Mid-wife, and
Deliver thee.

Pu.
The gentlewoman we aime at, has a great
Estate, a fortune for a Lord.

Va.
All this I know.

Pu.
She has many Sutors,

Va.
So much the worse, proceed.

Pu.
But none in grace, makes her selfe merry with 'em,
And jeeres 'em mainlie, cannot love.

Va.
What comfort is this for us?

Pu.
Now I come too't, wee two doe love this Lady,

Va.
No matter for that, toth'poynt
Wee come a wooing to her.

Pu.
Tis not possible
Wee should both draw the prise, but one can bee
Her husband.

Va.
Of us two, right.

Pu.
And yet in our particular,
Ther's none of us can say, he shall prevaile,
And be the man, the man, that must be Lord
Of the estate, justle the noble-Men. And domineere.

Ua.
What of all this?

Pu.
Now marke mee,
He that shall conquer this Virginian Iland
And write himselfe Lord of the Golden mines,
Will have a very fine time on't.

Va.
Very likelie, what's the conclusion?

Pu.
Nay tell me first, what will
Become of him that must
Sit downe with a willow Garland, that has seal'd
For a thousand pounde; with what deare appetite
Shall hee discharge the Scrivener?

Va.
One on's must loose, unlesse we could devide her.

Pu.
Then I have thought a way to make us both
Gayners, in some proportion.

Va.
That were a tricke worth our learning.

Pu.
Play your Cards wisely, and 'tis done.

Va.
As how prethy?

Pu.
Why thus
Hee that shall marry her of us two,
As one of us must speed, shall enter Bond
At's marriage, to give the other a thousand pound,
This composition may be allowed and sealed to,
If you consider, something will be requisite,
For them, that goe without the maiden-head,
Debts and devises will grow due, and Sacke
Will not be unnecessary, to forget her health in,
What thinke you on't? and who e're obtaines the Lady
Will have no cause to grumble at this motion,
Is not this equall and a certainety for both?

Va.
Let the Articles be drawne, 'tis a safe bargaine,
Heer's my hand too't.

Pu.
A match, the writings,
Will quickly bee prepared, for things must carry
Formality and law, we doe but talke else,

Va.
Withall my hart, subscribe to night, who's this?

Pu.
Tis Confident.

Enter Confident.
Con.
My two ingenious sparkes, my Landed witts,
And therefore more miraculous, what makes
Your lookes exalted, as if Uenus were
Propitious now?

Va.
Th'art right we are in love.

Con.
I knew't, I read thy Caracter in your brow,
I see the desperate Archer in each eye,
Prepar'd with golden Shafts to wound your mistresses,
Their harts must bleed, no destiny will helpe it,
You two are Cupids darlings, and hee's bound
To bring you all the Ladies you can wish for,
Humble and suppliant for the Game.

Pu.
Dost thinke wee shall prevaile then?

Con.
Have I ambition
To be your honorer, and o'th nuptiall night
Light up my epithalamy, to inflame
Your bosomes, and instruct your wanton limbes
The activitie of love beyond fierce Aretine.

Pu.
But dost heare! we are both suters to one Lady;
Which dost thinke shall carry her?

Con.
To the same Lady!

Va.
Thou knowest her,
Jacintha, Lady Peregrines sister.

Con.
The glory of her sex, yau'e plac'd your thoughts,
With a discreete ambition.

Pu.
Who shall have her dost thinke?
Speake thy opinion.

Con.
You, sir.

Pu.
shall I?

Con.
Can you appeare doubtfull?
Be not so much ingrate to natures bountie,
Each part about you in silent oratorie
May plead toth Queene of Love, yau'e to much excellence,
Were all your other graces worne in Clouds,
That eye, that very eye, would charme a Lucrece,
And by the golden unresisted Chaines
Draw up her soule, and melt it in your bosome,
Your presence is a volume of inchantements,
But move, and every beauty falls before you,
But if you speake, which needs not to obtaine,
You give a louder notice to the World,
Then when you list, you conquer, and create
One accent of your tongue, able to make
A Nyobe returne from her cold Marble,
And spring more soft and active then the Aire
To court your amorous breath.

Va.
Hum no more, if thou loust me, we are upon
A composition, hee that winnes the Lady
Shall give the other a thousand pound:
If you make him confident to bee preferrd,
Hee'le never signe to'th'Covenant.

Con.
How prefer'd?
Vnder what misconstruction have I suffer'd?
Although I name it justice, he should challenge
The mistresse of his thoughts, can you want merit
Who live the example of all wit to boast
A victorie in your love? were I a woman
(As nature only hudles into the world
When shee sends forth a man) give me licence
To expresse my thoughts, and had all that invention
And truth could adde, to advance me to opinion,
I should bee hono'rd to be writ your servant,
And call obedience to you, greater triumph,
Then to be Empresse of an other world,
You have so rich a wit, that dotage may
Bee justified upon't, and nothing but
A soule purg'd from all dreggs, and quitted from
Mortalitie, can lay a worthie claime to't,
Yau'e put a question would afflict an Oracle
To understand, and answer, which of you
Should triumph o're a Lady, I am madd
When I consider the necessitie
Of fate, that one of you must be accepted,
And both so bounteouslie deserving. Then,
If I pronounce agen that both must have her,
You'le pardon my ambition, Gentlemen,
Which levells with your wishes.

Pu.
Could I speake thus,
I would not thanke the Ladie should run madd for me.

Va.
Jack prethe lett's fancie him,
Hee has spoke home and handsomelie.

Pu.
Let it be five peeces, oh witt of witts!

Con.
You have, Gentlemen.
A care to enlarge my Librarie, I translate
These into bookes, whose title-page shall owne
Your name in shining Capitalls.

Pu.
Drinke, drinke Sack.
And divine the world with thine owne wit, t'will sell,
Hang other bookes, woot never switch a Play up?

Con.
Las the Comedians have no soule to speake.

Va.
Naie doe not leave us.
We are going to this Lady, shee randevou's
To day at Lady Plotts, we shall have musicke, and dancing
Youle meete my Lord there

Con.
I am his creature, and your humble servant.

Va.
Nay no distinction.

Pu.
What braines some men have?
I would change all my acres for his Poetrie.

Exeunt.
Enter Lord Fitzavarice, and Lady Plott.
La. Plott.
Still peevish!

Lo.
Most invinciblie, no temptation
Can fasten on her, wood I had nere laid seige to her,
The taking of her province, will not be
So much advantage to mee, as the bare
Removing of my seige will loose me credit.
I would she were recoverable by Law,
There were some hope by vexing my estate,
And tiring Westminster, within few Termes
A gentleman might come to issue with her,
If all were of her minde, what would become on't?
Lent, everlasting lent would mortifie
Our masculine concupiscence, and not leave
The strongest body worth an egge at Easter.

Plo.
I am glad your Lordship yet is pleasant with
Her stubbornesse, and were I worthie to
Advise you, it should never trouble your thoughts;
I know your Lordship is not batten of acquaintance.

Lo.
There be more Ladies in the World,
And of the Game.

La.
The Game my Lord? I hope,
You point not this at me, because I use
To passe the howrs at play with Ladies, and gentlemen.

Lo.
At Dice and Cards? you have more charitie,
Then to thinke I accuse your Ladyship,
Though there be some have dar'd to venture both ways
Vpon record, yet seeme stanch to the world,
I and are thought to pray sometimes, I wod-not
For the Indies tempt your Ladiship, I know
You are deafe to all leaud accents.

Plo.
Tis your goodnesse—

Lo.
Never to try thee, tis fit only such
As your cold kins-woman, wenches that have
No spirit should be tempted to those sports;
Nor is shee otherwise considerable
To me, more then my charitie may restore her,
I pitie a hansome woman should eate chalke,
And die i'th sullens, if she might be comforted, and cured.

Plo.
With a Warme bed-fellow?

Lo.
Enter Jacintha, and Lady Bellamia.

Plo.
This I cannot helpe,
He wonot understand.

Lo.
Can you worke, Ladie,
No cure upon your sister by the example
Of your free hart?

Ia.
My Lord I chide her for't,
Tell her what follie 'tis, to wast her health
With feeding so much melancholie, I wish
Shee had my constitution; to laugh.
At all the World.

Lo.
You are satyricall.

Ia.
No matter what men thinke of me: my Lord,
I am no great admirer of their virtues.

Lo.
You doe not hate us, Ladie?

Ia.
But with pardon
Of your Lordship, it is possible, I may never
Runne madd for Love.

Lo.
You doe converse with us.

Ia.
Because I have
As yet, no resolution to bee cloistred:
Sometimes men stirre my pitie, but most commonlie
My laughter.

Lo.
Y'are a strang condition'd Gentlewoman.

Ia.
I would be so my Lord, to all that love mee,
And love my selfe the better, for that humor.

Lo.
You'le never marrie?

Ia.
Certainlie, not while I have any wit,
And can buy follie at a cheeper rate.
My sister has taught me; that Ladie has
A precious husband too, shall I, my Lord,
Bee bold to aske you, but one question,
What are men good for?

Lo.
Pray, Ladie, doe not feare I come a wooing.

Ia.
Your Lordships mirth offends not mee in this.

Lo.
Yet if I could love, I would marrie thee
Of all women alive.

Ia.
Your Lordship should
Have litle cause, I hope, to wish so ill to mee.

Lo.
What sayes my Lady Aprill here, all showrs?

Plo.
My Lord is a great honorer of your sister.

Ia.
Tis his fault in my conscience, but I hope
Shee'le have a care, poore soule.

Enter Vayne-man Pumiceston, and Confident.
Con.
Let mee prepare you,
And when you see me close with Madam Plott,
You may advance.

Pu.
Bee breife.

Co.
Most noble Ladie.
I have no time to enlarge my selfe; your fat's
In danger, if discretion sit not at
The Helme, with love; the Gentlemen, that next
Present themselves, are not to bee admitted
Guests to your bosome, in the yet darke booke
Of destinie, there is a name reseru'd,
To make you happie, your Starrs guide you to
A husband, worthy of this blood, and beautie:
Thinke on the Prophet.

Va.
Now wee may come in.

Pu.
Bright Ladie, make your humble servants proud
To kisse your white hand.

Ia.
Not to fast, Gentlemen,
You doe not meane to marrie mee; some aire,
Or i'le goe tak't abroad: two to one woman?

Pu.
The lot gave mee prioritie, you know,
Therefore obey your chance, I must first court her.

Ia.
These are the guests hee talk'd on sure.

Va.
What shall I doe now?

Con.
Fall in with the chamber-woman, that is a way
To know the ebbe, and flowing of her Mistresse,
Saile by that winde I say.

Pu.
The truth is, Ladie,
I love you in the noble way of Marriage.

Ia.
I am sorry for it.

Pu.
Why my prittie Mistresse?

Ia.
I cannot love that way.

Pu.
Are you in earnest?

Ia.
Doe you take mee for a Jester?

Pu.
Doe but name
The way you have the most minde to bee loved in;
The high way, or the by way, any way,
I am at your service.

Ia.
What is that Gentleman?

Pu.
One that would be in love too,
If he had an apprehension
You'd favour him, a thing has neither witt
Nor honestie, he would needs come along,
I could not shake him off, without a quarrell,
You'le quickelie finde his barrennesse, and dismisse him:
He has bin practising this fortnight, how
To make a legge, that learned Gentleman
Knowes the inside of his soule, for my owne part—

Ia.
Methinks he is a very handsome man.

Pu.
Should he but heare you, Ladie, he would thinke
You jeer'd him fearefullie.

Ia.
And he may have a generous minde. What's his estate?

Pu.
How's this?

Ia.
If you doe love me, give him opportunitie
To tell me his poore minde alitle.

Pu.
I obey.
Shees taken with him, and the worst come
To the worst, there will be a thousand pound good yet.

Con.
So resolute?

Plo.
That man must have a powerfull tongue must charme her,
Into consent of marriage, her estate
Is worth ten thousand pound.

Con.
A glorious summe,
Able to whet ambition, now the others
Turne is, to shew himselfe ridiculous.

Va.
I tell you in three syllables, I love you.

Ia.
That gentleman professes the same language,
Your friend.

Va.
My friend? hee's none of mine, true wee have bin
Acquainted, met, fell into conference of you,
And came together, Ladie, he is no man
Of that cleere fame, to ingage my serious friend-ship,
A verie puff-fist.

Ia.
What's that I praie?

Va.
A Phantome, a meere Phantome.

Ia.
Phantome, what's that?

Va.
A mentall Tiphon, a windle capruch, I doe grace him,
Or so, but he is the impudent'st fellow—

Ia.
Hee speakes well
Of you, gave you a worthie Character.

Va.
Hee cannot choose.
He knowes me well enough, and all the world,
Besides I have a temper must not bee
Provok'd with calumnies, tis true hee has some
Pretty parts, is held an excellent scholler, can sing,
And daunce, and manage a Horse well,
Hee's borne of a good familie, can speake,
When hee lists, to purpose too, I confesse it,
But what's all this when a man will bee a rascall?

Ia.
What blessed paire of customers have I got?
These would make excellent husbands, and love me
To'th purpose.

Enter Lord, and Bellamia.
Lo.
Well, remember, you have promis'd,
Vpon condition, I dismisse you now,
To give mee an other answer.

Con.
My good Lord,
I have an humble suite to you, I should aske
First how your hopes thrive in that sullen Ladie.

Lo,
I must expect, but what's your businesse, to me?

Con.
In breefe, to advance my service to
That Ladie, by your Honors testimonie
Of what I may deserve, I am confident
I shall reward it, by securing her
Faire sister to your wishes, shees your owne,
Or if shee prove too honest, I shall make
A recompence by offering to your pleasure,
The other, who by authoritie of your breath,
May make me Lord of her, and her full fortune,
You understand, my gracious Lord.

Lo.
I doe so.

Pu., Va.
Your Lordships humble creatures.

Lo.
I am your servant.
What shall wee doe, Ladies? but I forget,
I have something more to say to you.

Ia.
To me, my Lord?

Lo.
Your clyents increase, Ladie,
That gentleman tells me, he does love you, and would marry you.
Because I have obseru'd his nature, I'le
Give him in breefe, he is a fellow will
Vndoe thee in a fortnight, though not in
Thy estate, yet in thy minde, a greater mischiefe.
If thou dost marrie him, it will be pollicie,
To turne witch betime, ere he fell thee o're to shame,
And so much povertie, the Divell wonot
Trust thee with a familiar, now beleeve him,
Wee droupe methinks—

Ia.
So, so, here are an other couple, who shall trust
Mankinde? it will be a miracle to finde
One honest man ith bundle, sir, you are
Bound to my Lord.

Con.
His least favours to mee
Are more then my whole life can satisfie,
Oh Ladie, if you knew him but as I doe,
You would be lost in wonder of his goodnesse.
Bove all, he is adorer of chast truth,
And speakes religiouslie of any man.
Hee will not trust obscure traditions,
Or faith implicite, but concluds of things
Within his owne cleare knowledg what hee sayes,
You may beleeve, and pawne your soule uppon't.
Vouchsafe mee kisse your faire hand, whose least touch
Consented to though I were old and dying,
Would quicken mee into a Spring.

Plo.
You forget, my Lord, the musicke was prepar'd
To daunce, and warme her blood.

Lo.
Each take his Ladie.

Ia.
Falstasse I will beleeve thee,
There is noe faith in vilanous man.

Lo.
Beginne there.

They daunce in.
Enter Lady Bellamia, as taking opportunity to goe to her chamber, Enter Lady Plott, and Fitzavarice.
La.
Follow her, my Lord, she is stolen to her chamber: this wil
Give you admittance through my Lodgings, I'le excuse
Your absence, there bee more wayes to'th wood, trie all.

Lo.
How much you blesse mee, shee shall want noe triall,
This opportunitie is worth an Empire.

Exeunt.