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The First Act.
Enter Tryer and Lacy.Tryer,
And how and how?
Lacy,
The cause depends.
Tr.
No Mistresse.
La.
Yes, but no Wife.
Tr.
For now she is a Widdow.
La.
But I resolve—
Tr.
What does shee say to thee.
La.
Shee sayes, I know not what she sayes, but I must take
another course, and yet she is—
Tr.
A creature of much sweetenesse, if all tongues
Be just in her report, and yet tis strange
Having seven yeares expected, and so much
Remonstrance of her Husbands losse at Sea,
She should continue thus.
La.
What if she should
Renew the bond of her devotion
For seven yeares more.
Tr.
You will have time enough,
To pay in your affection.
La.
Ide make,
A voyage to Cassandra's Temple first,
Confesse she gives me a faire respect.
Tr.
Has she,
A hope her Husband may be living yet?
I cannot tell; she may have a conceipt,
Some Dolphin has preserv'd him in the storme,
Or that he may be tenant to some Whale;
Within whose belly he may practise lent,
And feed on fish, till hee be vomited
Vpon some coast, or having scap'd the seas,
And billes of Exchange fayling, he might purpose
To foote it ore the Alpes in his returne,
And by mischance is fallen among the mise,
With whom perhappes he battens upon sleepe,
Beneath the Snow.
Tr.
This were a Vagary.
La.
I know not what to thinke, or is she not
the worse for the coy Lady that lives with her.
Tr.
Her Kinswoman?
La.
Such a malicious peece,
(I meane to love) tis pittie any place
But a cold Nunnery should be troubled with her;
If all maides were but her disciples, wee
Should have no generation, and the world
For want of Children in few yeares undone by't:
Here's one can tell you more, is not that Iarvis
The Widdowes servant.
Enter Venture and Servant.
Ven.
Whether in such haft man?
Ser.
I am commanded Sir to fetch a Gentleman.
Ven.
To thy Mistresse? To give her a heate this morning.
Ser.
I ha spied him; with your pardon—
the servant goes to Lacy
Tr.
Good morrow Maister Venture.
Ven.
Franke Tryer.
Tr.
You looke iocond and high,
Venus has bin propitious,
I dreamt last night thou wert a Bridegrome.
Such a thing may be, the winde blowes now
From a more happie coast,
La.
I must leave you, I am sent for,
Tr.
To thy Mistresse?
La.
Without more ceremony, gentlemen my service—farwell.
Exit.
Ven.
Ile tell thee, I have a Mistresse.
Tr.
I beleeve it
Ven.
And yet I have her not.
Tr.
But you have hope.
Ven.
Or rather certainty.
Tr.
Why, I heare she is
A very Tyrant over men.
Ven.
Worse, worse,
The needle of a Diall never had
So many waverings, but she is touch'd,
And she Points onely this way now, true North;
I am her Pole.
Tr.
And she your Vrsa minor,
Ven.
I laugh to thinke how other of her Rivals
Will looke when I enioy her.
Tr.
Yare not yet contracted?
Ven.
No she chang'd
Some amorous tokens, do you see this Diamond?
A toy she gave me.
Tr.
Cause she saw you a Sparke.
Ven.
Her flame of love is here, and in exchange
She tooke a chaine of Pearle.
Tr.
Youle see it hang'd.
Ven.
These to the wise are arguments of love,
And mutuall Promises.
Enter Lord Bonvile and Page.
Tr.
Your Lordship's welcome to Towne,
I am blest to see your honour in good health.
Lo.
Prethee visit my Lodgings.
Tr.
I shall presume to tender my humble service.
Ven.
What's he?
Exit Lord and Page.
Tr.
A sprigge of the Nobilitie,
A gentleman that loves cleane Napery.
Ven.
I guesse your meaning.
Tr.
A Lady of pleasure, tis no shame for Men
Of his high birth to love a Wench his honour
May priviledge more sinnes, next to a Woman
He loves a running horse, setting a side these recreations,
He has a Noble Nature, valiant, bountifull.
Ven.
I was of his humour till I fell in love,
I meane for wenching, you may guesse a little,
By my legges, but Ile now be very honest,
And when I am married—
Tr.
Then you are confident
To carry away your Mistresse from em all.
Ven.
From Ioue himselfe, thought he should practise all
His shapes to court her, tis impossible
She should put any trick upon me, I
Have wonne her very soule.
Tr.
Her body must
Needes be your owne then.
Ven.
I have a brace of Rivals
Would they were here that I might Ieere em,
And see how opportunely one is come,
Enter Master Rider.
Ile make you a little sport.
Tr.
I ha bin Melancholy,
You will, expresse a favour in't.
Rid.
M. Venture, The first man in my wish,
What gentleman is that?
Ven.
A Friend of mine.
Rid.
I am his servant, looke yee, we are friends
An't shall appeare, how ever things succeed
That I have lov'd you, and you cannot take
My Councell in ill part.
Ven.
Whats the businesse?
Rid.
For my part, I have
That are unlawfull, to direct the streame
Of her affection, it flowes naturally.
Ven.
How's this? prethee observe.
Tr.
I do and shall laugh presently.
Rid.
For your anger
I weare a sword, though I have no desire
It should be guilty of defacing any
Part of your body, yet upon a just
And noble provocation, wherein
My Mistresse love, and honour is engaged,
I dare draw blood.
Tr.
Ha, ha, ha!
Ven.
A Mistresse love and honour? this is pretty.
Rid.
I know you cannot
But understand me, yet I say I love you,
And with a generous breast, and in the confidence
You will take it kindely, I returne to that
I promis'd you, good councell, come leave off
The prosecution.
Ven.
Of what I prethee?
Rid.
There wilbe lesse affront then to expect
Till the last minute, and behold the victory
Anothers, you may guesse, why I declare this?
I am studious to preserve an honest friendshippe.
For though it be my glory, to be adorn'd
With trophies of her vanquisht love.
Ven.
Whose love?
Tr.
This sounds as if he Ieer'd you
Ven.
Mushroompe!
Tr.
What dee meane gentlemen? friends and fall out
About good Councell.
Ven.
Ile put up a gaine
Now I thinke better on't:
Tr.
Tis done discreetly,
Cover the nakednesse of your toole I pray.
Why looke you Sir. If you bestow this Councell
Out of your love, I thanke you; yet there is
No great necessitie, why you should be at
The cost of so much breath, thing's well considered.
A Ladies love is mortall, I know that,
And if a thousand men should love a woman
The dice must carry her, but one of all
Can weare the Garland.
Tr.
Now you come to him.
Ven.
For my owne part, I lov'd the Lady wel,
But you must pardon me, if I demonstrate
There's no such thing as you pretend, and therefore
In quittance of your loving, honest Councell,
I would not have you build an ayry Castle,
Her Starres have pointed her another way,
This instrument will take her height.
Shewes the Ring.
Rid.
Ha.
Ven.
And you may guesse what cause you have to triumph,
I would not tell you this, but that I love you,
And hope you will not runne your selfe into
The cure of Bedlam, hee that weares this favour
Hath sence to apprehend.
Rid.
That Diamond.
Ven.
Observe it perfectly, there are no trophies
Of vanquisht love, I take it, comming toward you,
It will be lesse affront, then to expect
Till the last minute, and behold the victory
Anothers.
Rid.
That Ring I gave her.
Tr.
Ha, ha, ha!
Ven.
This was his gift to her, ha, ha, ha!
Have patience spleene, ha, ha!
Tr.
The scene is chang'd!
Rid.
She wonot use me thus, she did receive it
With all the circumstance of love.
Ven.
I pitty him, my eyes runne ore, dost heare,
I cannot choose but laugh, and yet I pitty thee.
More heartily for this. What dost thinke?
Poore Gentleman how he has foold himselfe.
Rid.
Ile to her againe.
Ven.
Nay, be not passionate!
A faith thou wert too confident, I knew
It could not hold, dost thinke Ide say so much else?
I can tell thee more, but lose her memorie.
Rid.
Were it more rich
hee shewes a Chaine of Pearle.
Then that which Cleopatra gave to Anthony,
With scorne I would returne it.
Tr.
She give you this Chaine?
Rid.
She shall be hang'd in chaines, ere I will keepe it.
Ven.
Stay, stay, let my eye
Examine that—this Chaine—
Rid.
Who would trust woman after this?
Ven.
The very same
She tooke of me, when I receiv'd this Diamond.
Rid.
Ha ha! you doe but iest, she wonot foole
You o'this fashion, looke a little better, one may be like another.
Ven.
Tis the same.
Rid.
Ha, ha, I would it were, that we might laugh
At one another, by this hand I will
Forgive her, prethee tell me—ha, ha, ha!
Tr.
You will carry her
From Ioue himselfe, though he should practise all
His shapes to court her.
Rid.
By this Pearle, o Rogue!
How I doe love her fort, be not dejected;
A Ladies love is mortall, one of all
Must weare the Garland, do not foole your selfe
Beyond the cure of Bedlam.
Tr.
She has fitted you
With a paire of fooles Coates, as hansomely
As any Taylor, that had taken measure.
Ven.
Give me thy hand.
Nay lay your heads together
How to revenge it, and so gentlemen I take my leave.
Ven.
She has abusd us.
Rid.
Let vs take his Councell,
Wee can be but what we are.
Ven.
A paire of credulous fooles.
Rid.
This other fellow Fairefeild has prevail'd.
Ven.
Which if hee have—
Rid.
What shall we do?
Ven.
I thinke we were best let him alone.
Rid.
Dee heare? Weele to her againe, youle
Be ruld by me, and tell her what wee thinke on her.
Ven.
She may come to herselfe, and be asham'd on't.
Rid.
If she would affect one of us, for my part
I am indifferent.
Ven.
So say I too, but to give us both the canvas
Lets walke, and thinke how to behave our selves.
Exeunt.
Enter Mistresse Bonavent, and Mistris Caroll.
Car.
What dee meane to do with him?
Bon.
Thou art
To much a Tyrant, the seven yeares are past,
That did oblige me to expect my Husband
Engag'd to Sea, and though within those limits
Frequent intelligence hath reported him
Lost, both to me, and his owne life, I have
Bin carefull of my vow; and were there hope
Yet to embrace him, I would thinke another
Seven yeares no penance, but I should thus
Be held a cruell woman, in his certaine
Losse, to despise the love of all mankinde.
And therefore I resolve, upon so large
A triall of his Constancy, at last
To give him the reward of his respects
To me and—
Ca.
Marry him.
Bo.
You have apprehended!
Ca.
No marvaile if men raile upon you then,
We Maides are thought the worse on, for your easines,
How are poore women overseene? We must
Cast a way our selves upon a whyning lover
In charity, I hope my Cousens Ghost
Will meete, as you go to Church, or if
You scape it then, upon the Wedding night—
Bo.
Fy, Fy.
Ca.
When you are both a bed and candles out.
Bo.
Nay put not out the candles.
Ca.
May they burne blew then, at his second kisse
And fright him from—well I could say something
But take your course—he's come already.
Enter Lacy.
Put him off, but another twelue moneth, so, so,
Oh love into what foolish labyrinthes
Dost thou leade us! I would all women were
But of my minde, we would have a new world
Quickly, I will goe studie Poetry,
A purpose, to write verses in the praise
Of th' Amazonian Ladies, in whom only
Appeare true valour (for the instruction
Of all posterity) to beate their husbands.
La.
How you endeare your servant.
Ca.
I will not
Be guilty of more stay.
Enter Mr. Fairefeild.
Fa.
Sweete Lady.
Ca.
Y'are come in time Sir, to redeeme me.
Fa.
Why Lady.
Ca.
You wilbe as comfortable as strong waters,
There's a Gentleman.
Fa.
So uncivill to affront you?
Ca.
I had no patience to heare him longer;
Take his offence before you question him.
Fa.
And be most happy if by any service
You teach me to deserve your faire opinion.
Ca.
It is not civill to eauesdrop him, but
I'me sure he talkes on't now.
Of what?
Ca.
Of Love, is any thing more ridiculous?
You know I never cherish that condition,
In you tis the most harsh unpleasing discord,
But I hope you will be instructed better
Knowing how much my fancy goes against it,
Talke not of that and welcome.
Fa.
You retaine
I see your unkind temper, will no thought
Soften your heart, disdaine agrees but ill
With so much beauty; if you would perswade,
Me not to love you, strive to be lesse faire;
Vndoe that face, and so become a Rebell,
To heaven and Nature.
Ca.
You doe love my face then!
Fa.
As heavenly prologue to your minde, I doe not
Dote like Pigmalion on the colours!
Ca.
No you cannot, his was a painted Mistris,
Or if it be the minde you so pretend
To affect, you encrease my wonder of your folly,
For I have told you that so often.
Fa.
What?
Ca.
My minde so opposite to all your Courtship,
That I had rather heare the tedious tales
Of Hollinghead, then any thing that trenches
On Love, if you come fraught with any
Cupids devises, keepe em for his whirligiggs,
Or lande the next edition of his Messenger,
Or post with a mad packet, I shall but
Laugh at them, and pitty you.
La.
That pitty—
Ca.
Doe not mistake me, it shall be a very
Miserable pitty without love!
Were I a man, and had but halfe that hansom'nesse,
(For though I have not love, I hate detraction,)
Ere I would put my invention to the sweate
Of Complement, to court my Mistris hand
And call her smile blessing beyond a Sunne beame,
With wanton, or most lamentable Poesies,
I would turne thrasher.
Fa.
This is a new doctrine,
From women.
Ca.
'Twill concerne your peace, to have some faith in't.
Fa.
You would not be neglected.
Ca.
You neglect
Your selves, the Noblenesse of your birth and nature
By servile flattery of this jigging,
And that coy Mistresse, keepe your priviledge
Your Masculine property.
Fa.
Is there
So great a happinesse in nature!
Ca.
Theres one
just a your minde; can there be such happinesse
In nature, fye upont if it were possible,
That ever I should be so mad to love,
To which I thanke my Starres I am not inclin'd,
I should not hold such servants worth my garters,
Though they would put me in security
To hang themselves, and ease me of their visits.
Fr.
Y'are a strange gentlewoman! why, looke you Lady?
I am not so inchanted with your vertues
But I do know my selfe, and at what distance
To looke upon such Mistresses,
I can be scurvely conditiond, you are—
Ca.
As thou dost hope for any good, rayle now
But a little.
Fa.
I could provoke you.
Ca.
To laugh, but not to lye downe, why! prethee do!
Fa.
Goe y'are a foolish creature, and not worth
My services.
Ca.
A loud that they may heare
The more the merrier, Ile tak't as kindly
As if thou hadst given me the Exchange, what all this cloud
Without a shower?
Y'are most ingratefull!
Ca.
Good, abominable peevish, and a wench
That would be beaten, beaten blacke and blew.
And then perhaps she may have colour for't,
Come, come, you cannot scold with confidence
Nor with grace, you should looke bigge and sweare
You are no gamster, practise Dice
And Cardes a little better, you will get
Many confusions and fine curses by't.
Fa.
Is not she mad?
Ca.
To shew I have my reason
Ile give you some good Councell; and be plaine wo'yee
None that have eyes, will follow the direction
Of a blinde guide, and what dee thing of Cupid?
Women are either fooles, or very wise,
Take that from me, the foolish women are
Not worth your love, and if a woman know
How to be wise, she wonot care for you.
Fa.
Do you give all this Councell without a Fee?
Come, be lesse wild! I know you cannot be
So hard of soule.
Ca.
Prethee let my body alone!
Fa.
Why are you thus peremptory? had
Your mother bin so cruell to mankinde,
This heresy to love, with you had bin unborne.
Ca.
My mother was no maide.
Fa.
How Lady?
Ca.
She was married long ere I was borne, I take it,
Which I shall never be, that rules infallible,
I would not have you foold it'h expectation,
A favour all my Sutors cannot baost of,
Goe home and say your praiers, I wonot looke
For thanks till seven yeare hence.
Fa.
I know not what
To say, yes I will home and thinke a Satyre,
Was ever man Ieer'd thus for his good will?
Exit.
Bon.
The Licence wilbe soone dispatcht.
Leave that
To my care Lady, and let him presume,
Whom you intend to blesse with such a gift,
Seale on your lips the assurance of his heart,
I have more wings then Mercury, expect
Your servant in three minutes.
Ca.
Take more time!
Youle over heate your selfe and catch a surfet.
La.
My nimble Lady I ha busines, wee
Will have a Dialogue another time.
Exit.
Ca.
You do intend to marry him then.
Bon.
I have promised
To be his wife, and for his more security
This morning.
Ca.
How? this morning?
Bon.
What should one
That has resolv'd lose time? I do not love
Much ceremony, suits in love, should not
Like suits in Law, be rack'd from tearme to tearme.
Ca.
You will joyne issue presently, without your councell,
You may be ore throwne; take heed, I have knowne wives
That have bin ore throwne in their owne case, and after
Non suited too, thats twice to be undone,
But take your course, some Widdowes have bin mortifyed.
Bon.
And Maides do now and then meete with their match.
Ca.
What is in your Condition makes you weary?
Y'are sicke of plenty and command, you have
Too too much liberty, too many servants,
Your Ieweles are your owne, and you would see
How they will shew upon your husbands wagtayle,
You have a Coach now, and a Christian Livery
To waite on you to Church, and are not Catechise'd
When you come home, you have a waiting woman,
A Monkey, Squirrell, and a brase of Islands
Which may be thought superfluous in your family
When husbands come to rule. A pretty Wardrobe
A Tayler of your owne, a Doctor too
It'h spring, or fall, or when you have a minde to't
Without controule, you have the benefite
Of talking loud and idle at your table
May sing a wanton ditty, and not be chidde,
Dance and goe late to bed, say your owne prayers,
Or goe to Heaven by your Chaplaine.
Bo.
Very fine.
Ca.
And will you lose all this? For I Sisley, take thee Iohn,
To be my Husband; keepe him still to be your servant,
Imitate me, a hundred suiters cannot
Be halfe the trouble of one husband. I
Dispose my frownes, and favours like a Princesse
Deject, advance, undo, create againe
It keepes the Subjects in obedience,
And teaches em to looke at me with distance.
Enter Venture and Rider.
Bo.
But you encourage some.
Ca.
Tis when I ha nothing else to do for sport,
As for example.
Bo.
But I am not now in tune to heare em, prethee
Lets withdraw.
Enter.
Ven.
Nay, nay, Lady we must follow yee.
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