University of Virginia Library

Actus III.

Scena I.

Enter Cuculus and Grilla, Cuculus in a blacke veluet Cap, and a white Feather, with a paper in his hand.
Cuculus.

Doe not I looke freshly, and like a Youth of the
Trim?

Gril.

As rare an old Youth as euer walkt
crosse-gartered.

Cucul.

Here are my Mistrisses mustred in white and
blacke. Kala the Waiting-woman. I will first begin at
the soote: stand thou for Kala.

Gril.

I stand for Kala, doe your best and your worst.

Cucul.

I must looke bigge, and care little or nothing
for her, because shee is a creature that stands at liuery.
Thus I talke wisely, and to no purpose. Wench, as it is
not fit that thou should'st be either faire or honest; so
considering thy seruice, thou art as thou art, and so are
thy betters, let them bee what they can bee. Thus in
despite and defiance of all thy good parts, if I cannot indure
thy basenesse, tis more out of thy courtesie, then my
deseruing, and so I expect thy answer.

Grill.

I must confesse—

Cucul.

Well said.

Gril.

You are—

Cucul.

That's true too.

Gril.

To speake you right, a very scuruy fellow.—

Cucul.

Away, away, do'st thinke so?

Grill.

A very foule-mouth'd, and misshapen Cockscombe.

Cucul.
Ile neuer beleeue it by this hand.

Grill.
A Magot, most vnworthy to creepe in—
—To the least wrinckle of a Gentlewomans
(What d'ee call) good conceit, or so, or what
You will else.—Were you not refin'd by Courtship
And education, which in my bleare eyes
Makes you appeare as sweet as any nosegay,
Or sauory cod of Muske new fall'n from th'Cat.

Cucul.

This shall serue well enough for the Waiting-woman.
My next Mistris is Cleophyla, the old mad-mans
daughter: I must come to her in whining tune, sigh,
wipe mine eyes, fold my Armes, and blubber out my
speech as thus: Euen as a Kennell of Hounds (sweet
Lady) cannot catch a Hare, when they are full pauncht
on the Carrion of a dead Horse: so, euen so the gorge of
my affections being full cramm'd with the garboyles of
your condolements, doth tickle me with the prick (as it
were) about mee, and fellow-feeling of howling outright.

Grill.

This will doo't, if we will heare.

Cucul.

Thou seest I am crying ripe, I am such another
tender-hearted foole.

Grill.

Euen as the snuffe of a candle that is burnt in
the socket, goes out, and leaues a strong perfume behind
it; or as a piece of toasted cheese next the heart in a
morning is a restoratiue for a sweet breath: so, euen so
the odoriferous sauour of your loue doth perfume my
heart, (Hay ho) with the pure sent of an intolerable
content, and not to be indur'd.

Cucul.

By this hand tis excellent. Haue at thee last
of all: for the Princesse Thamasta, she that is my Mistris

indeed, she is abominably proud. A Lady of a damnable,
high, turbulent, and generous spirit. But I haue a
loud-mouth'd Cannon of mine owne to batter her, and
a pen'd speech of purpose; obserue it.

Grill.
Thus I walke by, heare and minde you not.

Cucul.
Though haughty as the Diuell or his Dam,
Thou dost appeare, great Mistris: yet I am
Like to an vgly fire-worke, and can mount
Aboue the Region of thy sweet Ac—count.
Wert thou the Moone her selfe, yet hauing seene thee,
Behold the man ordain'd to mooue within thee.
—Looke to your selfe, Houswife; answer me
In strong Lines y'are best.

Gril.
Keepe off, poore foole, my beames will strike thee blinde:
Else if thou touch me, touch me but behind.
In Palaces, such as passe in before,
Must be great Princes; for at the backe dore
Tatter-demallains waite, who know not how
To get admittance: such a one—art Thou.

Cucul.
S'foot, this is downe-right roaring.

Grill.

I know how to present a big Lady in her owne
cue. But pray in earnest, are you in loue with all these?

Cucul.

Pish, I haue not a ragge of loue about me. Tis
only a foolish humour I am possest with, to be surnam'd
the Conquerour. I will court any thing; be in loue
with nothing, nor no—thing.

Grill.

A rare man you are, I protest.

Cucul.

Yes, I know I am a rare man, and I euer held
my selfe so.

Enter Pelias and Corax.
Pel.
In amorous contemplation on my life;
Courting his Page by Helicon.

Cucul.
Tis false.

Grill.
A grosse vntruth; Ile iustifie it, Sir,
At any time, place, weapon.

Cucul.
Marry shall she.

Cora.

No quarrels, good'ee Whiske. Lay by your
Trumperies, and fall to your practice. Instructions are
ready for you all. Pelias is your Leader, follow him. Get
credit now or neuer. Vanish, Doodles, vanish.

Cucul.
For the Deuice.

Cora.
The same, get'ee gone, and make no bawling.
Exeunt.
To waste my time thus Droane-like in the Court,
And lose so many houres, as my studies
Haue horded vp, is to be like a man
That creepes both on his hands and knees, to climbe
A mountaines top, where when he is ascended,
One carelesse slip downe, tumbles him againe
Into the bottome whence a first began.
I need no Princes fauour: Princes need
My Art. Then Corax, be no more a Gull,
The best of'em cannot foole thee, nay, they shall not.

Enter Sophronos and Aretus.
Soph.
We find him timely now, let's learne the cause.

Aret.
Tis fit we should—Sir, we approue you learn'd,
And since your skill can best discerne the humours
That are predominant, in bodies subiect
To alteration: tell vs (pray) what diuell
This Melancholy is, which can transforme
Men into Monsters.

Cora.
Y'ar your selfe a Scholer,
And quicke of apprehension: Melancholy
Is not as you conceiue. Indisposition
Of body, but the mindes disease. So Extasie,
Fantastick Dotage, Madnesse, Phrenzey, Rupture,
Of meere imagination differ partly

Vid. Democrit. Iunior.

From Melancholy, which is briefly this,
A meere commotion of the minde, o're-charg'd
With feare and sorrow; first begot i'th' braine,
The Seate of Reason, and from thence deriu'd
As suddenly into the Heart, the Seate
Of our Affection.

Aret.
There are sundry kinds
Of this disturbance.

Cora.
Infinite, it were
More easie to coniecture euery houre
We haue to liue, then reckon vp the kinds,
Or causes of this anguish of the minde.

Soph.
Thus you conclude, that as the cause is doubtfull,
The cure must be impossible; and then
Our Prince (poore Gentleman) is lost for euer,
As well vnto himselfe, as to his subiects.

Cora.
My Lord, you are too quick; thus much I dare
Promise, and doe, ere many minutes passe,
I will discouer whence his sadnesse is,
Or vndergoe the censure of my ignorance.

Aret.
You are a Noble Scholer.

Soph.
For reward,
You shall make your owne demand.

Cora.
May I be sure?

Aret.
We both will pledge our truth.

Cora.
Tis soone perform'd,
That I may be discharg'd from my attendance
At Court, and neuer more be sent for after:
Or if I be, may Rats gnaw all my bookes,
If I get home once, and come here againe,
Though my necke stretch a halter for't, I care not.

Soph.
Come, come, you shall not feare it.

Cora.
Ile acquaint yee
With what is to be done, and you shall fashion it.

Exeunt omnes.
Enter Kala and Eroclea, as before.
Kala.
My Lady do's expect'ee, thinks all time
Too slow till you come to her: wherefore young man,
If you intend to loue me, and me onely,
Before we part, without more circumstance
Let vs betroth ourselues.

Eroc.
I dare not wrong'ee;
You are too violent.

Kala.
Wrong me no more
Then I wrong you: be mine, and I am yours:
I cannot stand on points.

Eroc.
Then to resolue
All further hopes, you neuer can be mine,
Must not, (and pardon though I say) you shall not.

Kala.
The thing is sure a Gelding—Shal not? well,
Y'are best to prate vnto my Lady now,
What proffer I haue made.

Eroc.
Neuer, I vow.

Kala.
Doe, doe, tis but a kind heart of mine owne,
And ill lucke can vndoe me.—Be refus'd?
Of sciruy.—Pray walke on, Ile ouertake'ee.
What a greene sicknesse-liuer'd Boy is this!
Exit Ero.
My Maiden-head will shortly grow so stale,
That 'twill be mouldy: but Ile marre her market.

Enter Menaphon.
Men.
Parthenophill past the way; prethee Kala
Direct me to him.

Kala.
Yes, I can direct'ee:
But you (Sir) must forbeare.

Men.
Forbeare!

Kala.
I said so.
Your bounty h'as ingag'd my truth; receiue
A secret, that will, as you are a man,
Startle your Reason: tis but meere respect
Of what I owe to thankfulnesse. (Deare Sir)
The Stranger whom your courtesie receiued
For Friend, is made your Riuall.

Men.
Riuall, Kala.
Take heed, thou art too credulous.

Kala.
My Lady
Doates on him: I will place you in a roome,
Where, though you cannot heare, yet you shall see
Such passages as will confirme the truth
Of my intelligence.

Men.
Twill make me mad.

Kala.
Yes, yes: it makes me mad too, that a Gentleman
So excellently sweet, so liberall,
So kind, so proper, should be so betray'd
By a young smooth-chind straggler: but for loues sake
Beare all with manly courage.—Not a word,
I am vndone then.

Mena.
That were too much pity:
Honest, most honest Kala; tis thy care,
Thy seruiceable care.

Kal.
You haue euen spoken all can be said or thought.

Men.
I will reward thee:
But as for him, vngentle Boy, Ile whip
His falshood with a vengeance.—

Kala.
O speake little.
Walke vp these staires, and take this key, it opens
A Chamber doore, where at that window yonder,
You may see all their courtship.

Men.
I am silent.
Exit Menap.

Kala.
As little noyse as may be, I beseech yee;
There is a backe-staire to conuey yee forth
Vnseene or vnsuspected.—He that cheates
A Waiting-woman of a free good turne
She longs for, must expect a shrewd reuenge.
Sheepe-spirited Boy, although he had not married me,
He might haue proferd kindnesse in a corner,
And ne'er haue been the worse for't. They are come;
On goes my set of Faces most demurely.

Enter Thamasta and Eroclea.
Tham.
Forbeare the roome.

Kala.
Yes, Madame.

Tham.

Whosoeuer requires accesse to me, deny him
entrance till I call thee, and wait without.

Kala.
I shall. Sweet Venus, turne his courage to a
Snow-ball, I heartily beseech it.

Exit.
Tham.
I expose
The Honour of my Birth, my Fame, my Youth,
To hazard of much hard construction,
In seeking an aduenture of a parley
So priuate with a Stranger; if your thoughts
Censure me not with mercy, you may soone
Conceiue, I haue laid by that modesty,
Which should preserue a vertuous name vnstain'd.

Eroc.
Lady, to shorten long excuses; time
And safe experience haue so throughly arm'd
My apprehension, with a reall taste
Of your most Noble nature, that to question
The least part of your bounties, or that freedome
Which Heauen hath with a plenty made you rich in,
Would argue me vnciuill, which is more,
Base-bred, and which is most of all, vnthankefull.

Tham.
The constant Loadstone, and the Steele are found
In seuerall Mines: yet is there such a league
Betweene these Minerals, as if one Veine
Of earth had nourisht both. The gentle Mirtle
Is not ingraft vpon an Oliues stocke:
Yet nature hath betweene them lockt a secret
Of Sympathy, that being planted neere,
They will both in their branches, and their rootes
Imbrace each other; twines of Iuie round
The well growne Oake; the Vine doth court the Elme;
Yet these are different Plants. Parthenophill,
Consider this aright, then these sleight creatures,
Will fortifie the reasons I should frame
For that vngrounded (as thou think'st) affection,
Which is submitted to a strangers pitie.
True loue may blush, when shame repents too late,
But in all actions, Nature yeelds to Fate.

Eroc.
Great Lady, 'twere a dulnesse must exceed
The grossest and most sottish kind of ignorance,
Not to be sensible of your intents:
I clearely vnderstand them. Yet so much
The difference betweene that height and lownesse,
Which doth distinguish our vnequall fortunes,
Disswades me from ambition; that I am
Humbler in my desires, then Loues owne power
Can any way raise vp.

Tham.
I am a Princesse,
And know no law of slauery, to sue,
Yet be denied?

Ero.
I am so much a subiect
To euery law of Noble honesty,
That to transgresse the vowes of perfect friendship,
I hold a sacriledge as foule, and curs'd,
As if some holy Temple had bin robd,
And I the thiefe.

Tham.
Thou art vnwise, young man,
To inrage a Lyonesse.

Eroc.
It were vniust
To falsifie a faith, and euer after
Disroab'd of that faire ornament, liue naked,
A scorne to time and truth.

Tham.
Remember well who I am, and what thou art.

Ero.
That remembrance
Prompts me to worthy duty, O great Lady.
If some few dayes haue tempted your free heart,
To cast away affection on a stranger:
If that affection haue so ouersway'd
Your Iudgement, that it in a manner hath
Declyn'd your soueraignty of birth and spirit:
How can yee turne your eyes off from that glasse,
Wherein you may new Trim, and settle right
A memorable name?

Tham.
The Youth is idle.

Ero.
Dayes, months and yeeres are past, since Menaphon
Hath lou'd and seru'd you truly: Menaphon;
A man of no large distance in his bloud,
From yours; in qualities desertfull, grac't
With Youth, Experience; euery happy gift
That can by nature, or by Education
Improue a Gentleman: for him (great Lady)
Let me preuaile, that you will yet at last,
Vnlocke the bounty, which your loue and care
Haue wisely treasur'd vp, t'inrich his life.

Tha.
Thou hast a moouing eloquence; Parthenophill,
Parthenophill, in vaine we striue to crosse
The destiny that guides vs. My great heart
Is stoopt so much beneath that wonted pride
That first disguiz'd it, that I now preferre
A miserable life with thee, before
All other earthly comforts.

Eroc.
Menaphon, by me, repeates the selfe-same words to you:
You are too cruell, if you can distrust
His truth, or my report.

Tham.
Goe where thou wilt,
Ile be an exile with thee, I will learne
To beare all change of fortunes.

Ero.
For my friend, I pleade with grounds of reason.

Tham.
For thy loue,
Hard-hearted youth, I here renounce all thoughts
Of other hopes, of other intertainements,—

Eroc.
Stay, as you honour Vertue.

Tham.
When the proffers of other greatnesse—

Eroc.
Lady.

Tham.
When intreats of friends;—

Eroc.
Ile ease your griefe.

Tham.
Respect of kindred;

Eroc.
Pray giue me hearing.

Tham.
Losse of Fame;

Eroc.
I craue but some few minutes.

Tham.
Shall infringe my vowes, let Heauen—

Eroc.
My loue speake t'ee; heare then, goe on.

Tham.
Thy loue, why, tis a Charme to stop a vow
In its most violent course.

Eroc.
Cupid has broke
His Arrowes here; and like a child vnarm'd,
Comes to make sport betweene vs with no weapon,
But feathers stolne from his mothers Doues.

Tham.
This is meere trifling.

Eroc.
Lady, take a secret.
I am as you are, in a lower ranke
Else of the selfe same sexe, a maide, a virgine.
And now to vse your owne words, if your thoughts
Censure me not with mercy, you may soone
Conceiue, I haue laid by that modesty,
Which should preserue a vertuous name vnstain'd.

Tham.
Are you not mankind then?

Eroc.
When you shall reade
The story of my sorrowes, with the change
Of my misfortunes, in a letter printed
From my vnforg'd relation; I beleeue
You will not thinke the sheading of one teare,
A prodigality that misbecomes
Your pitie and my fortune.

Tham.
Pray conceale the errors of my passions.

Eroc.
Would I had
Much more of honour (as for life I value't not)
To venture on your secrecy.

Tham.
It will be
A hard taske for my Reason, to relinquish
The affection which was once deuoted thine,
I shall a while repute thee still the youth
I lou'd so dearely.

Eroc.
You shall find mee euer, your ready faithfull seruant.

Tham.
O the powers
Who doe direct our hearts, laugh at our follies!
We must not part yet.

Ero.
Let not my vnworthines alter your good opinion.

Tham.
I shall henceforth
Be iealous of thy company with any;
My feares are strong and many.

Kala enters.
Kala.
Did your Ladiship call me?

Tham.
For what?

Kala.
Your seruant Menaphon desires admittance.

Enter Menaphon.
Men.
With your leaue, great Mistris! I come—
So priuate: is this well, Parthenophill?

Eroc.
Sir, Noble Sir.

Men.
You are vnkind and treacherous.
This tis to trust a straggler.

Tham.
Prethee seruant.

Men.
I dare not question you, you are my Mistris;
My Princes neerest Kinswoman, but he—

Tham.
Come, you are angry.

Mena.
Henceforth I will bury
Vnmanly passion in perpetuall silence.
Ile court mine owne distraction, dote on folly,
Creepe to the mirth and madnesse of the age,
Rather then be so slau'd againe to woman,
Which in her best of constancy is steddist
In change and scorne.

Tham.
How dare ye talke to me thus?

Men.
Dare? Were you not owne Sister to my friend,
Sister to my Amethus; I would hurle ye
As farre off from mine eyes, as from my heart;
For I would neuer more looke on yee. Take
Your Iewell t'ee. And Youth, keepe vnder wing,
Or—Boy—Boy.

Tham.
If commands be of no force,
Let me intreat thee, Menaphon.

Men.
Tis naught, fye, fye, Parthenophill, haue I deseru'd
To be thus vs'd?

Eroc.
I doe protest—

Men.
You shall not,
Henceforth I will be free, and hate my bondage.

Enter Amethus.
Amet.
Away, away to Court, the Prince is pleas'd
To see a Maske to night, we must attend him:
Tis neere vpon the time.—How thriues your suit?

Men.
The Iudge, your Sister, will decide it shortly.

Tham.
Parthenophill, I will not trust you from me.

Enter Prince, Aretas, Corax (with a Paper-plot) seruants with torches.
Cor.
Lights and attendance, I will shew your highnes,
A trifle of mine owne braine. If you can,
Imagine you were now in the Vniuersity,
You'll take it well enough, a Schollers fancy,
A quab. Tis nothing else a very quab.

Prince.
We will obserue it.

Soph.
Yes, and grace it too Sir.
For Corax else is humorous and testy.

Aret.
By any meanes, men singular in Art,
Haue alwayes some odde whimsey more then vsuall.

Prince.
The name of this conceit.

Cora.
Sir, it is called the Maske of Melancholy.

Aret.
We must looke for nothing but sadnesse, here then.

Cora.
Madnesse rather
In seuerall changes: Melancholy is
The Roote aswell of euery Apish Phrensey,
Laughter and mirth, as dulnesse. Pray my Lord
Hold and obserue the plot, tis there exprest
In kind, what shall be now exprest in action.
Enter Amethus, Menaphon, Thamasta, Eroclea.
No interpretation, take your places quickly.
Nay, nay, leaue ceremony: sound to the entrance.

Florish.
Enter Rhetias, his face whited, blacke shag haire, long nailes, a piece of raw meate.
Rhet.

Bow, Bow, wow, wow; the Moone's eclipsed,
Ile to the Church-yard and sup: Since I turn'd Wolfe,
I bark and howle, and digge vp graues, I will neuer haue
the Sunne shine againe, tis midnight, deepe darke midnight,
get a prey, and fall too, I haue catcht thee now.
Arre.

Cora.
This kind is called, Lycanthropia, Sir,
When men conceiue themselues Wolues.

Prince.
Here I finde it.

Enter Pelias. A Crowne of feathers on, Antickly rich.
Pel.

I will hang 'em all, and burne my wife: was I not an
Emperour; my hand was kist, and Ladies lay downe before
me. In triumph did I ride with my Nobles about
me, till the mad-dog bit mee, I fell, and I fell, and I fell.
It shall be treason by Statute for any man to name water,
or wash his hands throughout all my Dominions;
breake all the looking-glasses, I will not see my hornes;
my wife Cuckolds me, she is a whore, a whore, a whore,
a whore.

Prince.
Hydrophobia terme you this?

Cora.
And men possest so, shun all sight of water:
Sometimes, if mixt with iealousie, it renders them
Incurable, and oftentimes brings death.

Enter Philosopher in blacke rags, a copper chaine on, an old Gowne halfe off, and Booke.
Phi.

Philosophers dwel in the Moone Speculation and
Theory girdle the world about like a wall. Ignorance
like an Atheist, must bee damn'd in the pit. I am very,
very poore, and pouerty is the phisicke for the soule: my
opinions are pure and perfect. Enuy is a monster, and
I defie the beast.

Cora.
Delirium this is call'd, which is meere dotage,
Sprung from Ambition first, and singularity,
Selfe loue, and blind opinion of true merit.

Prince.
I not dislike the course.

Enter Grilla in a rich Gowne, great Vardingale, great Ruffe, Muffe, Fan, and Coxcombe on her head.
Grill.

Yes forsooth, and no forsooth, is not this fine,
I pray, your blessing Gaffer, here, here, here did hee giue
me a shough, and cut offs taile: busse, busse Nuncle, and
ther's a pum for Daddee.

Cora.
You find this noted there, Phrenitis.

Prince.
True.

Cora.
Pride is the ground on't;
It raignes most in women.

Enter Cuculus like a Bedlam singing.
Cucul.
They that will learne to drinke a health in Hell,
Must learne on earth to take Tobacco well,
To take Tobacco well, to take Tobacco well:
For in Hell they drink nor Wine, nor Ale, nor Beere,
But fire, and smoake, and stench, as we do heere.

Rhet.
Ile soope thee vp.

Pel.
Thou'st straight to execution.

Gril.
Foole, Foole, Foole, catch me and thou canst.

Philos.
Expell him the house, tis a Dunce.

Cuculus
sings.
Harke, did yee not heare a rumbling,
The Gobblings are now a tumbling:
Ile teare 'em, Ile seare 'em,
Ile roare 'em, Ile goare 'em:
Now, now, now, my braines are a Iumbling,—

Bounce, the gun's off.
Prince.
You name this here, Hypocondriacall.

Cora.
Which is a windy flattuous humour stuffing
The head, and thence deriu'd to th'animall parts
To be too ouer-curious, losse of goods,
Or friends, excesse of feare, or sorrowes cause it.

Enter a Sea-nimph big-bellied, singing and dancing.
Good your Honours,
Pray your Worships,
Deare your Beauties,

Cucul.
Hang thee.
To lash your sides,
To tame your hides,
To scourge your prides,
And bang thee.

Nym.
Were pretty and dainty, and I will begin,
See how they doe Ieere me, deride me, and grin:
Come sport me, come court me, your Topsaile aduance,
And let vs conclude our delights in a Dance.

All.
A Dance, a Dance, a Dance.

Cora.
This is the Wanton Melancholy; women
With child possest with this strange fury often,
Haue danc'd three dayes together without ceasing.

Prince.
Tis very strange: but Heau'n is full of miracles.

The Dance:—
Which ended, they all run out in couples.
Prince.
We are thy debtor (Corax) for the gift
Of this inuention: but the plot deceiues vs;
What meanes this empty space.

Cora.
One kind of Melancholy
Is onely left vntouch'd; twas not in Art
To personate the shadow of that Fancy.
Tis nam'd Loue-Melancholy. As for instance,
Admit this stranger here (Young man, stand forth)
Intangled by the beauty of this Lady,
The great Thamasta, cherisht in his heart
The waight of hopes and feares: it were impossible,
To lymne his passions in such liuely colours,
As his owne proper sufferance coo'd expresse.

Ero.
You are not modest Sir.

Tham.
Am I your mirth?

Cora.
Loue is the Tyrant of the heart, it darkens
Reason, confounds discretion, deafe to counsell:
It runnes a headlong course to desperate madnesse.
O were your Highnes but toucht home, and throughly,
With this (what shall I call it) Diuell—

Prince.
Hold, let no man henceforth name the word agen
Wait you my pleasure, Youth; tis late, to rest.

Cora.
My Lords—

Soph.
Enough, thou art a perfect Arts-man.

Cora.
Panthers may hide their heads, not change the skin:
And loue pent ne're so close yet will be seene.

Exeunt.