 | A New Wonder, A Woman Never Vext |  |
28
Actus Tertius.
Enter Alderman Bruine, Sir Godfry Speedwell, Innocent Lambskin, and Mistris Jane.Bruine.
Gentlemen, y'are welcome; that once well pronounc'd
Has a thousand Ecchoes; Let it suffice, I have spoke
It to the full: here's your affaires, here's your merchandize,
This is your prise, if you can mix your names and gentle
Bloods with the poore Daughter of a Cittizen.
I make the passage free, to greete and court,
Traffique the mart of love, clap hands and strike
The bargaine through, (she pleas'd) and I shall like.
God. Sp.
'Tis good ware believe me, Sir, I know that by mine
Owne experience; for I have handled the like
Many times in my first wives dayes, I, by Knighthood,
Sometimes before I was marryed too; therefore I
Know't by mine owne experience.
Lamb.
Well Sir, I know by observation, as much as you doe
By experience; for I have knowne many Gentlemen
Have taken up such ware as this is, but it has lyen
On their hands as long as they liv'd; this I
Have seene by observation.
Jane.
I am like to have a couple of faire Chapmen:
If they were at my owne dispose, I would
Willingly rifle them both at twelve pence a share; they
Would be good foode for a new plantation; the
Tone might mend his experience; and the other his
Observation very much.
Speed.
Sir, let me advise you: I see you want experience,
Meddle no further in this case, 'twilbe the
More credit for your observation; for I finde by my
Experience, you are but shallow.
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But shallow Sir? Your experience is a little wide;
You shall finde I wilbe as deepe in this case as
Your selfe; my observation has bin, where your
Experience must waite at doore; yet I will
Give you the fore Horse place, and I wilbe in the
Fill's, because you are the elder Tree, and I the
Young Plant; put on your experience, and I will
Observe.
Speed.
Sweete Virgin, to be prolix and tedious, fits not
Experience; short words and large deedes are
Best pleasing to women.
Jane.
So, Sir.
Speed.
My name is Speedwell, by my fathers Coppy.
Iane.
Then you never serv'd for't it seemes.
Speed.
Yes, sweete Feminine, I have serv'd for it too:
For I have found my nativity suited to my name,
As my name is Speedwel, so have I sped
Well in divers actions.
Jane.
It must needes be a faire and comely suit then.
Lamb.
You observe very well, sweete Virgine; for his
Nativity is his Dublet, which is the upper part
Of his suite; and his name is in's breeches, for
That part which is his name, he defiles many times.
Speed.
Your observation is corrupt, Sir; Let me shew mine
Owne Tale; I say, sweete Beauty, my name is
Speedewell, my God-father by his bounty being an
Old Soldiour, and having serv'd in the wars as far as
Bulloyne, therefore cal'd my name Godfry; a
Title of large renowne; my wealth and wit has
Added to those, the paraphrase of Kinghthood;
So that my name in the full longitude is cal'd
Sir Godfry Speedwell, a name of good experience.
Ian.
If every quality you have be as large in relation as
Your name Sir, I should imagine the best of them, rather
Than heare them reported.
Speed.
You say well, sweet Modesty a good imagination is good,
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Lamb.
Nay, if names can do any good, I beseech you observe
Mine; My name is Lambskin, a thing both hot and harmelesse.
Iane.
On Sir, I would not interrupt you, because you
Should be briefe.
Lamb.
My Godfather seeing in my face some notes of disposition,
In my Cradle did give me the title of Innocent, which I
Have practis'd all my life time; and since my fathers
Decease, my wealth has purchast me in the vanguard
Of my name, the paraphrase of gentility; So that
I am cald Master Innocent Lambskin.
Iane.
In good time; and what Trade was your father, Sir?
Lamb.
My father was of an Occupation before he was a
Tradesman; for, as I have observ'd in my fathers
And mothers report, they set up together in
Their youth; my father was a Starch-maker, and my
Mother a Laundresse; so being partners, they did
Occupy long together before they were marryed;
Then was I borne.
Jane.
What, before your father was marryed?
Lamb.
Truly a little after, I was the first fruits, as they say;
Then did my father change his Copy, and set up
A Brewhouse.
Iane.
I then came your wealth in, Sir.
Lamb.
Your observation's good; I have carryed the Tallyes
At my girdle seven yeares together with much
Delight and observation; for I did ever love to
Deale honestly in the Nick.
Iane.
A very innocent resolution.
Speed.
Your experience may see his course education; but to
The purpose, sweet Female; I doe love that
Face of yours.
Iane.
Sir, if you love nothing but my face, I cannot sell it
From the rest.
Lamb.
You may see his slender observation; sweet Virgin,
I doe love your lower parts better than your face.
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Sir you doe interrupt, and thwart my love.
Lamb.
I Sir, I am your Rivall; and I will thwart your love:
For your love licks at the face, and my love
Shall be Arsy-Versy to yours.
Jane.
I would desire no better wooing of so bad suitors.
Speed.
Mistake me not kinde Heart.
Lamb.
He cals you Tooth drawer by way of experience.
Speed.
In loving your face, I love all the rest of your body,
As you shall finde by experience.
Iane.
Well Sir, you love me then?
Speed.
Let your experience make a tryall.
Iane.
No Sir, I'l beleeve you rather, and I thanke you for't.
Lamb.
I love you too, faire Maide, double and treble,
If it please you.
Iane.
I thanke you too Sir; I am so much beholding
To you both; I am affraid I shall never requite it.
Speed.
Requite one, sweete Chastity, and let it be
Sir Godfry, with the correspondencie of your
Love to him; I will maintaine you like a Lady,
And it is brave, as I know by experience.
Lamb.
I will maintaine you like a Gentlewoman: And
That may be better maintenance than a Ladies,
As I have found by observation.
Speed.
How dare you maintaine that, Sir?
Lamb.
I dare maintaine it with my purse, Sir.
Speed.
I dare crosse it with my sword Sir.
Lamb.
If you dare crosse my purse with your sword Sir,
I'l lay an action of suspition of felony to you;
That's flat, Sir.
Jane.
Nay, pray you Gentlemen doe not quarrell,
Till you know for what.
Bru.
Oh, no quarrelling, I beseech you Gentlemen!
The reputation of my house is soyld, if any
Vncivill noyse arise in't.
Lamb.
Let him but shake his blade at me, and I'l
Throw downe my purse, and cry a rape; I
Scorne to kill him, but I'l hang his knighthood,
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My purse.
Bru.
Nay, good Sir, put up your sword.
Speed.
You have confinde him prisoner for ever,
I hope your experience sees hee's a harmelesse thing.
Enter George the Factor.
Geo.
Sir, heres young Master Foster requests
To speake with you.
Bru.
Does he? Prethee request him. Gentlemen,
Please you taste the sweetenesse of my Garden
Awhile, and let my daughter beare you company.
Speed.
Where she is leader, there will be followers.
Iane.
You send me to the Gallyes, Sir; pray you redeeme
Me as soone as you can; these are pretty
Things for mirth, but not for serious uses.
Bru.
Prethee be merry with them then awhile,
If but for curtesie; thou hast wit enough;
But take heede they quarrell not.
Jane.
Nay I dare take in hand to part 'm without
Any danger; but I beseech you let me not
Be too long a prisoner. Will you walke Gentlemen.
Lamb.
If it please you to place one of us for your conduct,
Otherwise this old Coxcombe and I shall quarrell.
Jane.
Sir Godfry, you are the eldest; pray lead the way.
Speed.
Withall my heart, sweet Virgin; Ah, ha; this place
Promises well in the eyes of experience; Master
Innocent, come you behinde.
Lamb.
Right Sir; but I put the Gentlewoman before, and that
Is the thing I defire
And there your experience halts a little.
Speed.
When I looke backe, Sir, I see your nose behinde.
Lamb.
Then when I looke backe, your nose stands here.
Speed.
Sweet Lady, follow experience.
Lamb.
And let observation follow you.
Exeunt.
Bru.
So, now request you Master Foster in, George; but hark;
Does that newes hold his owne still, that our ships
Are so neare returne, as laden on the Downes
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Geo.
Yes Sir, and the next Tide purpose to put into the River:
Master Foster, your partner, hath now receiv'd more
Such intelligence, with most of the particulars
Of your merchandize, your venture is return'd
With trebble blessing.
Bru.
Let him be ever blest that sent. George now call
In the young man; and hearke yee, George, from him
Run to my Partner, and request him to me, this
Newes I'm sure makes him a joyfull Merchant;
For my owne part, I'l not forget my vow,
Ex. Geo.
This free addition heaven hath lent my state,
As freely backe to heaven I'l dedicate.
Enter Robert Foster.
I marry Sir, would this were a third Sutor
To my daughter Iane, I should better
Like him than all that's come yet. Now master Foster,
Are your father annd your selfe yet reconcil'd?
Rob.
Sir, 'twas my businesse in your courteous tongue
To put the arbitration. I have againe
(Discover'd by my mother) reliev'd my poore Vncle,
Whose anger now so great is multiplyed,
I dare not venter in the eye of either,
Till your perswasions with faire excuse
Have made my satisfaction.
Bru.
Mother a pearle, Sir, 'tis a shrewd taske;
Yet I'l doe my best; your father hath so good newes,
That I hope't will be a faire motive too't;
But womens tongues are dangerous stumbling blocks
Enter George.
To lye in the way of peace. Now George.
Geo.
Master Foster's comming, Sir.
Rob.
I beseech you Sir, let not me see him, till you
Have confer'd with him.
Bru.
Well, well, e'r your returne to Master Foster, call my
Daughter forth of the garden.
Ex. George.
And how does your Vncle, Master Foster?
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Sir, so well, I'd be loth to anticipate the
Same that shortly will o're-spread the city of his good fortunes.
Bru.
Why I commend thee still,
He wants no good from thee, no not in report:
'Tis well done Sir, and you shew duty in't.
Enter Iane.
Now daughter, Where are your lusty Suitors?
Iane.
I was glad of my release, Sir: Suitors call you 'm,
I'd keepe dish water continually boyling, but I'd
Seeth such Suitors; I have had much adoe to
Keepe 'm from bloodshed; I have seene for all
The world, a couple of cowardly Curs quarrell
In that fashion, as t'one turnes his head, the
Other snaps behind; and as he turnes, his
Mouth recoyles againe: but I thanke my paines
For't, I have leagu'd with 'm for a weeke without
Any farther entercourse.
Bru.
Well daughter, well; say a third trouble come;
Say in the person of young Master Foster here
Came a third Suitor: how then?
Iane.
Three's the womans totall Arithmeticke in
Deede, I would learne to number no farther,
If there was a good account made of that.
Rob.
I can instruct you so far, sweeet Beauty.
Iane.
Take heede, Sir; I have had ill handsell to day;
Perhaps 'tis not the fortunate season, you were
Best adjourne your journey to some happier time.
Rob.
There shall no Augurisme fright my plaine
Dealing: Sweete, I feare no houres.
Iane.
You'l not betray me with love-powder
Rob.
Nor with Gun-powder neither ifaith; yet I'l
Make you yeeld if I can.
Bru.
Goe, get you together; your father will be comming;
Leave me with your suite to him, ply this your selfe;
And Iane, use him kindly, he shall be his
Fathers heire I can tell you.
Jane.
Never the more for that, Father; If I use him
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Selfe, and not for any good he borrowes of his father,
But come Sir, will you walke into the Garden; for
That's the field I have best fortune to overcome
My Suitors in.
Rob.
I feare not that fate neither, but if I walke
Into your Garden, I shall be tasting your sweetes.
Iane.
Taste sweetely and welcome Sir; for there growes
Honesty, I can tell you.
Rob.
I shall be plucking at your honesty.
Jane.
By my honesty but you shall not Sir: I'l hold
You a hand full of Penny-royall of that y'faith,
If you touch my honesty there, I'l make you eate
Sorrill to your supper, though I eate Sullenwood my selfe:
No Sir, gather first Time and Sage, and such wholsome
Hearbes; and Honesty and Hearts-ease will ripen
The whil'st.
Rob.
You have faire Roses, have you not?
Iane.
Yes Sir, Roses; but no Gillyflowers.
Ex. Ambo.
Enter Master Foster and his wife.
Bru.
Goe, goe, and rest on Uenus Violets; shew her
A dozin of Batchelors Buttons Boy; Here comes
His father. Now my kind Partner, have we
Good newes?
O. Fost.
Sir, in a word, take it; Your full lading and venture
Is return'd at sixty fold encrease.
Br.
Heaven take the glory; A wondrous blessing;
Oh keepe us strong against these flowing Tides!
Man is too weak to bound himselfe below,
When such high waves doe mount him.
O. Fost.
O Sir, care and ambition seldome meete;
Let us be thrifty; Titles will faster come,
Than we shall wish to have them.
Bru.
Faith I desire none.
O. Fost.
Why Sir, if so you please, I'l ease your cares;
Shall I like a full adventurer now bid you
A certaine ready sum for your halfe traffique.
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I, and I'd make you gainer by it too;
For then would I lay by my trouble, and begin
A worke which I have promis'd unto heaven,
A house, a Domus Dei shall be rays'd,
Which shall to Doomesday be establish'd for succour to
The poore; for in all Ages there must be such.
O. Fost.
Shall I bid your venture at a venter.
Bru.
Pray you doe Sir.
O. Fost.
Twenty thousand pounds.
Bru.
Nay, then you under-rate your owne value much;
Will you make it thirty?
O. Fost.
Shall I meete you halfe way?
Bru.
I meete you there Sir; for five and twenty thousand
Pounds the full ventures yours.
O. Fost.
If you like my payment, 'tis the one halfe in ready
Cash, the other seal'd for six Monethes.
Bru.
'Tis Merchant like and faire; George, you
Observe this? Let the contents be drawne.
Geo.
They shall Sir.
O. Fost.
Your hazard is now all past, Sir.
Bru.
I rejoyce at it, Sir, and shall not grudge your gaines,
Though multiplyed to thousands.
O. Fost.
Beleeve me Sir, I account my selfe a large
Gainer by you.
Bru.
Much good may it be to you, Sir; but one
Thing at this advantage of my love to you
Let me entreate.
O. Fost.
What is it, Sir?
Bru.
Faith my old suite, to reconcile those breaches
'Twixt your kinde son and you; Let not the love
He shewes unto his Vncle, be any more a bar
To sunder your blessings and his duty.
O. Fost.
I would you had enjoyn'd me some great labour
For your owne loves sake, but to that my
Vow stands fixt against; I'm deafe,
Obdurat to either of them.
M. Fost.
Nay Sir, if you knew all, you would not waste your
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Reformation, he has flowne out againe,
And in my sight relieved his Vncle in the
Dicing house; for which, either he shalbe no
Father to him, or no husband to me.
Br.
Well Sir, go call my Daughter forth of the
Garden, and bid her bring her Friend along
With her, troth Sir, I must not leave you thus;
I must needes make him your son againe.
O. Fost.
Sir, I have no such thing a kin to me.
Enter Robin and Iane.
Bru.
Looke you Sir, know you this duty?
O. Fost.
Not I Sir; hee's a stranger to me: Save your
Knee, I have no blessing for you.
M. Fost.
Goe, goe to your Vncle Sir; you know where to
Finde him, hee's at his old haunt, he wants
More money by this time; but I thinke the
Conduite pipe is stopt from whence it ran.
O. Fost.
Did he not say, hee'd beg for you, you'd best
Make use of's bounty.
Bru.
Nay, good Sir.
O. Fost.
Sir, if your daughter cast any eye of favour upon
This Vnthrift restraint, hee's a beggar: Mistris
Iane, take heede what you doe.
M. Fost.
I, I, be wise Mistris Iane; doe not you trust
To spleene and time worne to pitty, you'l
Not finde it so; therefore good Gentlewoman
Take heede.
Bru.
Nay then you are too impenitrable.
O. Fost.
Sir, your money shall be ready, and your bills;
Other businesse I have none: For thee,
Beg, hang, dye like a slave;
Such blessings ever thou from me shalt have.
Ex. Foster and his wife.
Br.
Well Sir: I'l follow you; and Sir, be comforted,
I will not leave till I finde some remorse;
Meane time let not want trouble you;
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Rob.
Sir, 'tis not want I feare, but want of blessing
My knee was bent for; for mine Vncles state,
Which now I dare say out-weighes my fathersfarre,
Confirmes my hopes as rich, as with my fathers,
His love excepted onely.
Bru.
Thy Vncles state, how for heavens love.
Rob.
By his late marriage to the wealthiest widow
That London had, who has not onely made him
Lord of her selfe, but of her whole estate.
Bru.
Mother-a-pearle, I rejoyce in't: this newes
Is yet but young?
Rob.
Fame will soone speake it loud, Sir
Bru.
This may helpe happily to make all peace;
But how have you parly'd with my daughter, Sir.
Jane.
Very well Father: We spake something, but did
Nothing at all; I requested him to pull me
A Catherin Peare, and had not I lookt to him
He would have mistooke and given me a Popperrin;
And to requite his kindenesse, I pluck'd him a Rose,
And he had almost prick'd my finger for my paines.
Bru.
Well said Wag, are there sparkes kindled, quench
'M not for me, 'tis not a fathers roughnesse,
Nor doubtfull hazard of an Vncles kindenesse
Can me deterre; I must to your father.
Where (as a chiefe affaire) I'l once more moue,
And if I can returne him backe to love.
Exeunt.
Enter Doctor and Stephens Wife.
Wife.
Sir, you see I have made a speedy choyse,
And as swift a marriage; be it as it will,
I like the man, if his qualities afflict me,
I shall be happy in't.
Doct.
I must not distaste, what I have help'd to make;
'Tis I that joyn'd you.
Wife.
A good bargaine, I hope.
Enter Roger.
Roger.
Where's your Master?
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The Good man of the house is within forsooth.
Wife.
Not your Master, Sir.
Clo.
'Tis hard of digestion: Yes, my Master is within;
Hee masters you therefore I must be
Content: You have long'd for Crosses a good
While, and now you are like to be
Farther off them than e'r you were; For
I'm affraid, your good husband will leave
You ne'r a crosse i'th' house to blesse you with.
Wife.
Well Sir, I shall be blest in't: But where is he?
Clo.
Where he has mistaken the place a little,
Being his wedding-day; he is in nomine,
When he should be in re.
Wife.
And where's that?
Clo.
In your Counting-house; If he were a kinde
Husband, he would have bin in another
Counting-house by this time: hee's tumbling
Over all his money bags yonder; you shall
Heare of him in the bowling Alley againe.
Wife.
Why Sir, all is his, and at his
Dispose; who shall dare to twhart him?
Enter Stephen with bills and bonds.
Clo.
Looke where he comes.
Wife.
How now, Sweete-heart? what hast thou there?
Ste.
I finde much debts belonging to you, Sweete;
And my care must be now to fetch them in;
Wife.
Ha, ha; prethee doe not mistake thy selfe,
Nor my true purpose; I did not wed to thrall,
Or binde thy large expence, but rather to adde
A plenty to that liberty; I thought by this,
Thou would'st have stuft thy pockets full of Gold,
And throwne it at a hazard; made Ducks and Drakes,
And baited fishes with thy silver flyes;
Lost, and fetcht more: why this had bin my joy;
Perhaps at length thou would'st have wast'd
My store; why, this had bin a blessing to
Good for me.
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Content thee, Sweete, those daies are gone,
I, even from my memorie;
I have forgot that e'r I had such follies,
And I'l not call 'm backe: my eares are bent
To keepe your state, and give you all content.
Roger, goe, call your fellow-servants up to me,
And to my Chamber bring all bookes of debt;
I will o're-looke, and cast up all accounts,
That I may know the weight of all my cares,
And once a yeere give up my stewardship.
Clo.
Now you may see what hastie matching is;
You had thought to have bin vext, and now
You cannot: You have marryed a husband,
That, Sir reverence of the title, now being my Master in law,
I doe thinke hee'l proove the miserablest, covetous
Rascall, that ever beate beggar from his gate. But
'Tis no matter; time was when you were fairely
Offered, if you would have tooke it; you might have had
Other matches y'faith, if it had pleas'd you; and those
That would have crost you; I would have sold away
All that ever you had had; have kept two or three
Whores at liverie under your nose; have turn'd you out
In your smocke, and have us'd you like a woman; where
As now, if you'd hang your selfe, you can have none of
These blessings: but 'tis well enough, now you must
Take what followes.
Wife.
I'm new to seeke for crosses, the hopes I meant
Turne to despaire, and smoother in content.
Enter Robert.
Ste.
O Nephew are you come. The welcom'st wish
That my heart has; This is my hinsman, Sweete.
Wife.
Let him be largely texted in your love,
That all the Citty may reade it fairely;
You cannot remember me, and him forget;
We were alike to you in poverty.
Ste.
I should have beg'd that bounty of your love,
Though you had scanted me to have given't him;
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He an Nephew Vncle, but my Sweete selfe,
My slow request you have anticipated
With proffer'd kindenesse; and I thanke you for it.
But how, kinde Cozin, does your father use you?
Is your name found againe within his bookes?
Can he reade son there?
Rob.
'Tis now blotted quite: for by the violent instigation
Of my cruell Stepmother, his Vowes and Othes
Are stampt against me, ne'r to acknowledge me,
Ne'r to call, or blesse me as a childe;
But in his brow, his bounty, and behaviour
I reade it almost plainelie.
Ste.
Cozin, grieve not at it; that father lost at home,
You shall finde here; and with the losse of his inheritance,
You meete another amply profferd you;
Be my adopted son, no more my kinsman;
So that this borrowed bounty doe not stray
From your consent.
Wife.
Call it not borrowed, Sir, 'tis all your owne;
Here 'fore this reverent man I make it knowne,
Thou art our childe as free by adoption,
As deriv'd from us by conception, birth, and
Propinquitie; Inheritour to our full substance.
Rob.
You were borne to blesse us both,
My knee shall practise a sons duty
Even beneath sons, giving you all
The comely dues of parents: yet not
Forgetting my duty to my father;
Where e'r I meet him, he shall have my knee,
Although his blessing ne'r returne to me.
Ste.
Come then my dearest son, I'l now give thee
A taste of my love to thee; be thou my deputy,
The Factour and disposer of my businesse;
Keepe my accounts, and order my affaires;
They must be all your owne; for you, deere Sweet,
Be merry, take your pleasure, at home, abroad;
42
To your owne will, downe to the Country ride;
For cares and troubles lay them all aside,
And I will take them up, it's fit that weight
Should now lye all on me: take thou the height
Of quiet and content, let nothing grieve thee;
I brought thee nothing else, and that I'le give thee.
Ex. Stephen and Robin.
Wife.
Will the Tide never turne? Was ever woman
Thus burden'd with unhappy happinesse?
Did I from Ryot take him, to waste my goods,
And he strives to augment it? I did mistake him.
Doct.
Spoyle not a good Text with a false Comment;
All these are blessings, and from heaven sent;
It is your husbands good, hee's now transform'd
To a better shade, the prodigall's return'd.
Come, come, know joy, make not abundance scant;
You 'plaine of that which thousand women want.
Exeunt.
Enter Alderman Bruine, Master Foster and Factors bearing o'r bags.
Bru.
So, so, haste home good Lads, and returne for the rest.
Would they were cover'd, George, 'tis too Publicke
Blazon of my estate; but 'tis no matter now;
I'l bring it abroad againe e'r it belong.
Sir, I acknowledge receit of my full halfe debt,
Twelve thousand five hundred pounds; it now remaines
You seale those writings, as assurance for the rest,
And I am satisfyed for this time.
O. Fost.
Pray stay Sir, I have bethought me, let me once
Throw Dice at all, and either be a compleate
Merchant, or wracke my estate for ever:
Heare me Sir, I have of wares that are now vendible,
So much as will defray your utmost penny;
Will you accept of them, and save this charge
Of wax and parchment.
Bru.
Be they vendible Sir? I am your Chapman:
What are they, Master Foster?
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Broad clothes, Karsies, Cutchineale, such
As will not stay two dayes upon your hands.
Bru.
I finde your purpose; you'd have your Ware-
Houses empty for the receit of your full fraught;
I'l be your furtherer, make so your rates, that
I may be no looser.
Enter George and Richard.
O. Fost.
I have no other end, Sir; let our
Factors peruse and deale for both.
Bru.
Mine is return'd; George, here's a new businesse;
You and Richard must deale for some commodities
Betwixt us, if you finde 'm even gaine or but
Little losse, take carriage presently and carry 'm home.
Geo.
I shall.
O. Fost.
Richard, have you any further newes yet from our shipping?
Ric.
Not yet, Sir; but by account from the last, when they
Put from Dover, this Tide should bring them into
Saint Catharins Poole; the winde has bin friendly.
O, Fost.
Listen their arrivall, and bid the Gunner speake it
In his lowd thunder all the Citty over;
Tingle the Merchants eares at the report
Of my abundant wealth; now goe with George.
Rich.
I shall doe both, Sir.
Exeunt Factors.
O. Fost.
I must plainely now confesse, Master Alderman,
I shall gaine much by you. The halfe of your
Ship defrayes my full cost.
Bru.
Beshrew me if I grudge it, being my selfe a
Sufficient gainer by my venter, Sir.
Enter Mistris Foster.
M. Fost.
Still flowes the Tide of my unhappinesse,
The stars shoote mischiefe, and every houre
Is criticall to me.
O. Fost.
How now woman? wrackt in the heaven of felicity?
What ayl'st thou?
M. Fost.
I thinke the divel's mine enemy
44
I hope so too; his hate is better than his friendship.
M. Fost.
Your brother, your goodbrother, Sir.
O. Fost.
What of him? hee's in Ludgate againe.
M. Fost.
No, hee's in Hye-gate; he struts it bravely,
An Aldermans pace at least.
O, Fost.
Why, these are Oracles, doubtfull Enigmaes!
M. Fost.
Why, I'm sure you have heard the newes;
Hee's marryed forsooth.
O. Fost.
How, marryed? no woman of repute would choose
So slightly.
M. Fost.
A woman, in whose brest, I had thought had liv'd
The very quintessence of discretion; and who is't,
Thinke you? nay you cannot ghesse, though I should give
You a day to riddle it; 'tis my Gossip, Man, the rich
Widdow of Cornehill.
O. Fost.
Fye, fye, 'tis fabulous.
M. Fost.
Are you my husband? then is shee his wife;
How will this upstart beggar shoulder up,
And take the wall of you? his new found pride
Will know no eldership.
O. Fost.
But wife, my wealth will five times double his, e'r
This Tide ebbe againe; I wonder I heare not the
Brazen Cannon proclame the Arrivall of my
Infinite substance.
M. Fost.
But beggars will be proud of little, and shoulder at the best.
O. Fost.
Let him first pay his old score, and then reckon;
But that shee:—
M. Fost.
I, that's it mads me too.
Would any woman, lesse to spite her selfe,
So much prophane the sacred name of wedlock:
A Dove to couple with a Storke, or a Lambe a Viper?
O. Fost.
Content thee; Forgive her; shee'l doe so no more;
She was a rich widdow, a wife hee'l make her poore.
Bru.
So Sir, you have clos'd it well; if so ill it prove,
Leave it to proofe, and wish not misery
Enter Stephen and Robert.
45
O. Fost.
You say true 'tis my enemy indeede.
Ste.
Save you Master Alderman, I have some businesse with you.
Bru.
With me, Sir, and most welcome, I rejoyce to see you.
M. Fost.
Doe you observe, Sir; he will not know you now?
Iockeye's a Gentleman now.
O. Fost.
Well fare rich widowes, when such beggars flourish;
But ill shall they fare, that florish o're such beggars.
Ste.
Ha, ha, ha.
M. Fost.
He laughes at you.
O. Fost.
No wonder, woman, he would doe that in Ludgate;
But 'twas when his kind Nephew did relieve him:
I shall heare him cry there againe shortly.
Ste.
Oysters, new Walfleet Oysters.
O. Fost.
The Gentleman is merry.
M. Fost.
No, no, no; he does this to spight me; as who
Should say, I had bin a fish-wife in my younger dayes.
Bru.
Fye, fye, Gentlemen, this is not well;
My eares are guilty to heare such discords.
Looke, Master Foster; turne your eye that way;
There's duty unregarded, while envy struts
In too much state: believe me, Gentlemen,
I know not which to chide first.
O. Fost.
What Idoll kneeles that heritique too.
Ste.
Rise Boy; thou art now my son, and owest no knee
To that unnaturall; I charge you rise.
O. Fost.
Doe Sir, or turne your adoration that way;
You were kind to him in his tatter'd state;
Let him requite it now.
M. Fost.
Doe, doe, we have pai'd for't aforehand,
Rob.
I would I were devided in two halfes, so that
Might reconcile your harsh devision
Ste.
Proud Sir, this son which you have alienated
For my loves sake, shall by my loves bounty
Ride side by side in the best Equipage
Your scornes dare patterne him.
46
I, I, a beggars gallop up and downe.
M. Fost.
I, 'tis up now, the next step downe.
Ste.
Ha, ha, I laugh at your envy Sir, my businesse
Is to you.
Bru.
Good Sir, speake of any thing but this.
Ste.
Sir, I am furnishing some shipping forth,
And want some English traffique, Broad-clothes, Karsies
Or such like, my voyage is to the Straites:
If you can supply me, Sir, I'l be your Chapman.
Bru.
That I shall soone resolve you, Sir;
Enter Factors.
Come hither George.
O. Fost.
This is the rich Merchant-man;
M. Fost.
That's neither grave not wise;
O. Fost.
Who will kill a man at Tiburne shortly.
M. Fost.
By Carts that may arise; Or if the hangman dye,
He may have his office.
Bru.
Then you have bargain'd, George.
Geo.
And the Ware carryed home, Sir; you must looke
To be little gainer; but lose you cannot.
Bru.
'Tis all I desire from thence, Sir I can furnish you
With Wares I lately from your brother bought;
Please you goe see them, for I would faine divide you,
Since I can win no nearer friendship.
Ste.
I'l goe with you, Sir.
Exeunt Alderman, Stephen and George.
O. Fost.
Take your adoption with you, Sir.
Rob.
I crave but your blessing with me, Sir.
O. Fost.
'Tis my curse then; get thee out of mine eye.
Th'art a beame in't, and I'le teare it out e'r it
Offend to looke on thee.
M. Fost.
Goe, goe, Sir; follow your Vncle-father,
Helpe him to spend, what thrift has got together;
'Twilbe charity in you to spend,
Because your charity it was to lend.
Rob.
My charity; you can a vertue name.
And teach the use, yet never knew the same
Exit.
47
O. Fost.
See wife, here comes Richard;
Now listen, and heare me crown'd
The wealthiest London Merchant.
Why dost thou looke so sadly?
M. Fost.
Why dost not speake; hast lost thy tongue?
Rich.
I never could speake worse.
O. Fost.
Why, thy voyce is good enough.
Ric.
But the worst accent Sir, that ever you heard,
I speake a Screechowles note. Oh you have made
The most unhappiest bargaine that ever Merchant did!
O. Fost.
Ha? what can so balefull be, as thou would'st seeme
To make by this sad prologue? I am no traytor
To confiscate my goods: speake, what e'r it be.
Ric.
I would you could conceite it, that I might not speake it.
O. Fost.
Dally not with torments, sinke me at once.
Ric.
Now y'ave spoke it halfe; 'tis sinking I must treate of;
Your ships are all sunke.
O. Fost.
Hah!
M. Fost.
O thou fatall Raven; Let me pull thine eyes out for this
Sad croake.
O. Fost.
Hold woman; hold prethee; 'tis none of his fault.
M. Fost.
No, no, 'tis thine, thou wretch; and therefore
Let me turne my vengeance all on thee; thou
Hast made hot haste to empty all my Ware-houses,
And made roome for that the sea hath drunk before
Thee.
O. Fost.
Vndone for ever! Where could this mischiefe fall?
Were not my ships in their full pride at Dover;
And what English Carybda's has the divell dig'd
To swallow nearer home.
Ric.
Even in the Mouth, and entrance of the Thames
They were all cast away.
O. Fost.
Dam up thy Mouth from any farther
Mischievous relation.
Rich.
Some men were sav'd, but not one penny-worth of goods.
48
Even now thy balefull utterance was chok'd,
And now it runs too fast; thou fatall Bird no more.
M. Fost.
May Serpents breed, and fill this fatall Streame,
And poyson her for ever.
O. Fost.
O curse not, they come too fast!
M. Fost.
Let me curse somewhere, Wretch, or else I'l throw
Them all on thee; 'tis thou, ungodly Slave,
That art the marke unto the wrath of Heaven:
I thriv'd e'r I knew thee.
O. Fost.
I prethee split me too.
M. Fost.
I would I could; I would I had never seene thee;
For I ne'r saw houre of comfort since I knew thee.
O. Fost.
Vndone for ever, my credit I have crackt,
To buy a Venture, which the Sea has sok'd;
What worse can woe report.
M. Fost.
Yes worse than all,
Thy enemies will laugh, and scorne thy fall.
O. Fost.
Be it the worst then; that place I did assigne
My unthrifty brother, Ludgate, must now be mine.
Breake, and take Ludgate.
M. Fost.
Take Newgate rather.
O. Fost.
I scorn'd my child, now he may scorne his father.
M. Fost.
Scorne him still.
O. Fost.
I will; would he my wants relieve,
I'd scorne to take what he would yeeld to give:
My heart be still my friend, although no other;
I'l scorne the helpe of either son, or brother,
My portion's begging now; seldome before.
In one sad houre, was man so rich and poore.
Exeunt.
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