 | The Honest mans Fortune |  |
Actus Tertius.
Scæna prima.
Enter Madam Lamira, Madam le Orleans, Veramour.Lam.
You see Lady
What harmlesse sports ous Countrey life affords;
And though you meet not here with City dainties,
Or Courtly entertainment, what you have
Is free and hearty.
L. Orl.
Madam, I finde here
What is a stranger to the Court, content,
And receive curtesies done for themselves,
Without an expectation of returne,
Which binds me to your service.
Lam.
Oh your love;
My homely house built more for use then shew
Observes the Golden mean equally distant
From glittering pompe, and sordid avarice;
For Maskes we will observe the workes of nature
And in the place of visitation read.
Our Physick shall be wholsome walkes, our viandes,
Nourishing not provoking: for I finde
Pleasures are tortures, that leave stings behind.
L. Orl.
You have a great estate.
Lam.
A competency
Sufficient to maintaine me and my ranke,
Nor am I, I thank Heaven, so Courtly bred
As to imploy the utmost of my Rents
In paying Tailors for phantastick Roabes;
Or rather then be second in the fashion,
Eate out my Officers and my Revenues
With grating usury; my back shall not
Be the base on which your soothing Citizen
Erects his Summer-houses; nor on the other side
Will I be so penuriously wise,
As to make money (thats my slave) my Idoll,
Which yet to wrong, merits as much reproof,
As to abuse our servant.
L. Orl.
Yet with your pardon
I thinke you want the Crown of all contentment.
Lam.
In what good Madam?
L. Orl.
In a worthy husband.
Lam.
—It is strange the galley-slave should praise
His Oare, or stroakes; or you, that have made shipwracke
Of all delight upon this Rock cal'd marriage,
Should sing Encomions o't.
L. Orl.
Madam, though one fall
From his horse and breake his neck, will you
Conclude from that it is unfit to ride?
Or must it follow, because Orleance
My Lord's pleased to make his passionate triall
Of my suspected patience, that my brother,
(Were he not so, I might say, worthy Amiens)
Will imitate his ills, that cannot fancy
What's truely Noble in him?
Lam.
I must grant
There's as much worth in him as can be lookt for
From a young Lord, but not enough to make
Me change my golden liberty and consent
To be a servant to it, as wives are
To the Imperious humors of their Lords:
Me thinks I'm well, I rise and goe to bed
When I thinke fit, eate what my appetite
Desires without controle, my servants study
Is my contentment, and to make me merry
Their farthest ayms; my sleeps are enquired after,
My rising up saluted with respect:
Command and liberty now waite upon
My Virgin state; what would I more? change all,
And for a husband? no; these freedomes die,
In which they live with my Virginity;
Tis in their choice that's rich to be a wife,
But not being yoakt to chuse the single life.
Ver.
Madam.
Lam.
How like you the Countrey?
Uer.
I like the ayre of it well Madam, and the rather
because as on Irish Timber your Spiders will not make
his web, so for ought I see yet your Cheater, Pander, and
Informer being in their dispositions too foggy for this
piercing climate, shun it, and choose rather to walk in
mists in the City.
Lam.
Who did you serve first boy?
Ver.
A rich Merchants widdow, and was by her preferred
to a young Court-lady.
L. Orl.
And what difference found you in their service?
Uer.
Very much: for looke how much my old City
Madam gave to her-young visitants, so much my Lady
received for her hoary Court-servants.
Lam.
And what made you to leave her?
Ver.
My father (Madam) had a desire to have me a taleman,
took me from thence.
Lam.
Well, I perceive you inherit the wag, from your
father.
Ver.
Doves beget Doves; and Eagles, Eagles, Madam:
A Citizen here, tho left never so rich, seldome at the best
proves a Gentleman: the sonne of an Advocate, tho
dub'd like his father, will shew a relish of his discent,
and the fathers thriving practice, as I have heard: she
that of a Chambermayd is metamorphosed into a Madam,
will yet remember how oft her daughter by her
mother ventured to lie upon the rushes before she could
get in that which makes many Ladies.
L. Orl.
But what think you of your late Master?
Ver.
Oh Madam—
Sigh.
Lam.
Why doe you sigh? you are sorry that you left him,
He made a wanton of you.
Ver.
Not for that:
Or if he did, for that my youth must love him.
Oh pardon me, if I say liberty
Is bondage, if compared with his kind service;
To its desert; I should be well content
To be an old man when his praise were ended:
And yet, if at this instant you were pleased,
I should begin, the livery of age
Would take his lodging upon this head
Ere I should bring it to a period.
In briefe he is a man (for God forbid
That I should ever live to say he was
Of such a shape as would make one beloved,
That never had good thought;) and to his body
He hath a mind of such a constant temper
In which vertues throng to have a room:
Yet 'gainst this noble Gentleman, this Montague,
For in that name I comprehend all goodnesse,
Wrong, and the wrested law, false witnesses,
And envy sent from hell, have rose in Armes,
And tho not pierced, battered his honourd shield.
What shall I say? I hope you will forgive me,
That if you were but pleas'd to love,
I know no Juno worthy such a Jove.
Enter Charlot with a letter.
Lam.
Tis well yet that I have the second place
In your affection: From whence?
Charl.
From the Lord Amiens, Madam.
Lam.
Tis welcome, though it beare his usual language:
I thought so much, his love-suit speake his health.
What's he that brought it?
Charl.
A Gentleman of good ranke, it seems.
Lam.
Where is he?
Charl.
Receiving entertainment in your house
Sorting with his degree.
Lam.
Tis well.
Charl.
He waites your Ladiships pleasure.
Lam.
He shall not waite long:
Ile leave you for a while; nay stay you boy,
Attend the Lady.
Exeunt Lam. Charl.
Vir.
Would I might live once
To waite on my poore Master.
L. Orl.
That's a good boy:
This thankfulnesse looks lovely on thy forehead,
And in it, as a book, me thinks I read
Instructions for my selfe, that am his debtor,
And wo'd do much that I might be so happy
To repaire that which to our griefe is ruin'd.
Vir.
It were a worke a King might glory in,
If he saw with my eyes: If you please Madam,
For sure to me you seem to me unapt to walke,
To sit, although the churlish Birds deny
To give us musicke in this grove, where they
Are prodigall to others: Ile strain my voyce
For a sad Song, the place is safe and private.
L. Orl.
Twas my desire; begin good Viramour.
Musick a Song, at the end of it enter Montague fainting, his Sword drawn.
L. Orl.
What's he Viramour?
Vir.
A goodly personage.
Mont.
Am I yet safe? or is my flight a dream?
My wounds and hunger tell me that I wake:
Whither have my feares borne me? no matter where,
Who hath no place to goe to, cannot erre:
What shall I doe? cunning calamity
That others grosse wits uses to refine,
When I most need it duls the edge of mine.
L. Orl.
Is not this Montagues voyce?
Vir.
My Masters? fie.
Mont.
What sound was that, pish,
Feare makes the wretch think every leafe oth' Jury:
What course to live, beg? better men have done it,
But in another kind: steale? Alexander
Though stiled a Conquerour, was a proud thiefe
Though he robd with an Army; fie how idle
These meditations are: though thou art worse
Then sorrows tongue can speak thee, thou art still
Or shouldst be, honest Montague.
L. Orl.
Tis too true.
Vir.
Tis he: what villaines hands did this? oh that my flesh
Were Balme; in faith sir, I would plucke it off
As readily as this; pray you accept
My will to doe you service: I have heard
The Mouse once sav'd the Lyon in his need,
As the poore Scarab spild the Eagles seed.
L. Orl.
How do you?
Mont.
As a forsaken man.
L. Orl.
Do not say so, take comfort,
For your misfortunes have been kind in this,
To cast you on a hospitable shoare,
Where dwels a Lady—
Vir.
She to whom, good Master,
You prefer'd me.
L. Orl.
In whose house, whatsoere
Your dangers are, Ile undertake your safety.
Mont.
I feare that I am pursued, and doubt that I
In my defence have kild an Officer.
Uir.
Is that all? there's no law under the Sunne
But will I hope confesse, one drop of blood
Shed from this arme is recompence enough
Though you had cut the throats of all the Catchpoles
In France, nay in the world.
Mont.
I would be loth
To be a burthen, or feed like a drone
On the industrious labour of a Bee,
And baser far I hold it to owe for
The bread I eate, what's not in me to pay;
Then since my full fortunes are declined,
To their low ebb Ile fashion my high mind.
It was no shame to Hecuba to serve
When Troy was fired: ift be in your power
To be a means to make her entertainment,
And far from that I was; but to supply
My want with habit fit for him that serves,
I shall owe much to you.
L. Orl.
Leave that care to me.
Vir.
Good sir, leane on my shoulder; helpe good Madam:
oh that I were a horse for halfe an houre, that I
might carry you home on my backe: I hope you wil love
me still?
Mont.
Thou dost deserve it boy, that I should live
To be thus troublesome.
L. Orl.
Good sir, tis none.
Vir.
Trouble most willingly; I would be changd
Like Apuleius, weare his Asses eares,
Provided I might still this burthen beare.
L. Orl.
Tis a kind boy.
Mont.
I finde true proofe of it.
Exeunt.
Enter Amiens and Longeville with a Paper.
Ami.
You'l carry it.
Long.
As I live although my packet were like Bellerophons,
what have you seen in me or my behaviour since
your favours so plentifully showed upon my wants, that
may beget distrust of my performance?
Ami.
Nay, be not angry, if I entertained
But the least scruple of your love, or courage,
Should do me right in this, nor can you blame me
If in a matter of such consequence
I am so importunate.
Long.
Good my Lord tell me, prevent your further conjurations
To rayse my spirit, I know this is a challenge
To be delivered unto Orleance hand,
And that my undertaking ends not there,
But I must be your second, and in that
Not alone search your enemy, measure weapons,
But stand in all your hazzards, as our blouds
Ran in the self same veines, in which if I
Better not your opinion, as a limbe
That's putrifyed and uselesse, cut me off,
And underneath the Gallous bury it.
Ami.
At full you understand me, and in this
Binde me and what's mine to you and yours,
I wil not so much wrong you as to adde
One sylable more, let it suffice I leave
My honor to your guard: and in that prove
You hold the first place in my heart and love.
Exit Ami.
Long.
The first place in a Lords affection? very good;
and how long doth that last? perhaps the changing of
some three shirts in the Tennis Court; wel it were very
necessary that an order were taken (if it were possible,)
that younger brother, might have more wit, or more
money: for now how ever the foole hath long bin put
upon him that inherits his revenew hath brought him
a spunge, and wip't off the imputation, and for the understanding
of the younger, let him get as much rhetorick
as he can to grace his language.
They wil see he shall have glosse little enough to set out
his barck; stand Dubois look about all safe.
Dub.
Approach not neer me but with reverence
Lawrell and adorations, I have done more then deserve a 100 thanks.
Long.
How now what's the matter?
Dub.
With this hand only aided by this brain,
Without an Orpheus Harp redeem'd from hels
Three headed Porter, our Euridice.
Long.
Nay prithee speak sence, this is like the stale braggart
in a Play.
Dub.
Then in plaine Prose thus, and with as little
action as thou canst desire, the three headed Porter, were
three unexorable Catch-poles out of whose jawes with
out the help of Orpheus Harp, baite or bribe, for those
too stringes, makes the Musique that mollifies those
flinty furies, I rescued our Euridice, I meane my old
Master Montague.
Long.
And is this all, a poor rescue, I thought thou
hadst reverst the judgement for his overthrow, in his
sute, or wrought upon his adversary Orleance, taken the
shape of a Ghost, frighted his mind into distraction, and
for the appeasing of his conscience forc'd him to make
restitution of Montagues Lands, or such like rescued;
slight I would have hired Crohieture for two Cardekues
to have done so much with his whip.
Dub.
You wood sir, and yet tis more then three on
their foot-cloathes durst do for a sworne Brother, in a
Coach.
Long.
Besides what proofs of it, for ought I know this
may be a trick, I had rather have him a Prisoner, where
I might visit him, and do him service, then not at all, or
I know not where.
Dub.
Well sir, the end wil shew it, what's that a challenge?
Long.
Yes, wher's Orleance? though we fight in jest he
must meet with Amiens in earnest,—fall off, we are
discovered; my horse garcon ha'.
Dub.
Were it not in a house and in his presence,
To whom I owe all duty—
Long.
What would it do? prate as it do's? but be as far
from stricking as he that owes it Orleans.
Dub.
How?
Long.
I think thou art his Porter,
Set here to answer creditors, that his Lordship
Is not within or takes the diet. I am sent,
And wil grow here untill I have an answer,
Not to demand a debt of money, but
To call him to a strict account for wrong
Done to the honors of a Gentleman,
Which nothing but his heart-bloud shall wash off.
Dub.
Shall I hear this?
Long.
And more, that if I may not
Have accesse to him, I will fix this here
To his disgrace and thine.
Dub.
And thy life with it.
Long.
Then have the coppies of it pasted on posts,
Like Phamplet titles that sue to be sold;
Have his disgrace talk for Tobacco shops,
His picture bafful'd.
Dub.
All respect away, wer't in a Church—
draw both
Long.
This is the book I pray with.
Orl.
Forbear upon your lives.
Long.
What are you rous'd? I hope your Lordship can
read (though he staine not his birth with scholler-ship)
doth it not please you now? if you are a right Mounsier,
muster up the rest of your attendance, which is a
page, a cook, a pander, coach-man, and a foot man, in
these dayes a great Lords traine, pretending I am unworthy
to bring you a challenge, in stead of answering
it, have me kik't.
Dub.
If he does thou deserv'st it.
Long.
I dare you all to touch me, I'le not stand still,
What answer you?
Orl.
That thou hast done to Amience
The office of a faithfull friend which I
Would cherish in thee were he not my foe,
How ever since on honorable tearmes
He cals me forth, say I will meet with him,
And by Dubois ere Sun-set make him know
The time and place, my swords length, and what ever
Scruple of circumstance he can expect.
Long.
This answer comes unlookt for, far you well,
Finding your temper thus, wood I had sayd lesse.
Exit.
Orl.
Now Comes thy love to the test.
Dub.
My Lord 'twill hold,
And in all dangers prove it selfe true gold.
Exeunt
Enter Laverdine La-poop Malicorne, servant.
Ser.
I wil acquaint my Lady with your comming.
Please you repose your selves here.
Mal.
Ther's a tester, nay now I am a woer I must be
bountifull.
Ser.
If you would have two three-pences for it sir,
To give some of your kindred as you ride, I'le see if I can
get them; we use not (tho Servants) to take Bribes.
Exit.
Lav.
Then thou art unfit, to be in office either in
Court or City.
La-p.
Indeed corruption is a Tree whose branches are
of an unmeasurable length they spread every where, and
the dew that drops from thence have infected some
chayres and stooles of authority.
Mal.
Ah Captaine, lay not all the fault upon Officers
witnesse Montague.
Lav.
Hang him, hee's safe enough; you had a hand in
it to and have gained by him; but I wonder you Citizens
that keep so many bookes, and take such strict accounts
for every farthing due to you from others, reserve
not so much as a memorandum for the curtesies
you receive.
Mal.
Would you have a Citizen book those? thankfulnes
is a thing we are not sworn to in our indentures:
you may as well urge conscience.
Lav.
Talke no more of such vanities. Montague is irrecoverably
sunk, I would we had twenty more to
send after him; the Snake that would be a Dragon and
have wings must eate; and what imployes that but this,
that in this Canniball age he that would have the sute
of wealth must not care—whom he feeds on? and as
I have heard no flesh battens better, then that of a profest
friend; and he that would mount to honour must
not make dainty to use the head of his mother, back of
his father, or neck of his brother, for ladders to his
preferment; for but observe, and you shall finde for the
most part cunning villany sit at a feast as principall
guest, and Innocent honesty waite as a contemn'd servant
with a trencher.
La-p.
The Ladies.
Enter Mountague bare-headed, Lamira, Lady Orleance, Charlo, Veramour, salute.
Mont.
Do yee smell nothing?
Cha.
Not I sir.
Mont.
The carrion of knaves is very strong in my nostrels.
Lav.
We came to admire, and finde fame was a niggard
Which we thought prodigall in our report
Before we saw you.
Lam.
Tush sir, this Courtship's old.
La-p.
Ile fight for thee sweet wench,
This is my tongue and woes for me?
Lam.
Good man of War,
Hands of; if you take me it must be by siege,
Not by an onset; and for your valour, I
Think that I have deserved few enemies,
And therefore need it not.
Mal.
Thou needst nothing sweet Lady, but an obsequious
husband, and where wilt thou finde him, if not
in the City we are true Moscovits to our Wives, and are
never better pleased, then when they use us as slaves,
bridle and saddle us; have me, thou shalt command all
my wealth as thine own, thou shalt sit like a Queen in
my ware house; And my factors at the returne with my
ships shall pay thee tribute of all the rarities of the earth;
thou shalt wear gold, feed on delicates, the first peascods-strauberies,
grapes, cherries shall—
Lam.
Be mine; I apprehend what you would say,
Those dainties which the City payes so dear for,
The Country yeilds for nothing, and as early;
And credit me your far fet viandes please not
My appetite better then those that are neer hand.
Then for your promis'd service and subjection
To all my humors, when I am your wife,
Which as it seemes is frequent in the City,
I cannot finde what pleasure they receive
In using there fond husbands like their Maydes;
But of this more hereafter; I accept
Your proffer kindly, and yours; my house stands open
To entertain you; take your pleasure in it,
And ease after your journey.
La. Orl.
Do you note the boldnesse of the fellowes?
Lam.
Alas Madam, a virgin must in this be like a lawyer,
And as he takes all fees, shee must hear all suitors; the
One for gaine, the other for her mirth; stay with the
Gentlemen, wee'l to the Orchards.
Exeunt Lamira, La. Orle. Veram. Charl.
La-p.
—what art thou?
Mont.
An honest man, though poor;
And look they like to monsters, are they so rare?
Lav.
Rose from the dead.
Mal.
Do you heare Mounsier Serviture, didst thou never
heare of one Montague a prodigall gull, that lives
about Paris?
Mont.
So sir.
Lav.
One that after the losse of his maine estate in a
Law sute, bought an Office in the Court.
La-p.
And should have letters of Mart, to have the
Spanish treasure as it came from the Indies; were not
thou and he twins? put of thy hat, let me see thy forehead.
Mont.
Though you take priviledge to use your tongues,
I pray you hold your fingers,
'Twas your base cozenage made me as I am,
And were you some where else I would take off
This proud filme from your eyes, that will not tell you,
Know I am Montague.
Enter Lamira behinde the Arras.
Lam.
I will observe this better.
Lav.
And art thou he? I wil do thee grace; give me
thy hand; I am glad thou hast taken so good a course;
serve God and please thy Mistris; if I prove to be thy Master
as I am very likely, I will do for thee.
Mal.
Faith the fellow's well made for a servingman,
and will no doubt carry a chyne of Beefe with good
grace.
La-p.
Prithee be carefull of me in my chamber, I will
remember thee at my departure.
Mont.
All this I can indure under this roof,
And so much owe I her, whose now I am,
That no wrong shall incense me to molest
Her quiet house; while you continue here,
I will not be ashamed to do you service
More then to her, because such is her pleasure.
But you that have broke thrice, and fourteen times
Compounded for two shillings in the pound,
Know I dare kick you in your shop; do ye hear?
If ever I see Paris, though an army
Of musty Murrions, rusty brown bils and clubs,
Stand for your guard—I have heard of your tricks,
And you that smell of Amber at my charge,
And triumph in your cheat; well I may live
To meet thee, be it among a troop of such
That are upon the faire face of the Court
Like running ulcers, and before thy whore
Trampell upon thee.
La-p.
This a language for a livery? take heed, I am
a Captaine.
Mont.
A Cox-comb are you not? that thou and I
To give proof, which of us dares most, were now
In mid'st of a rough Sea, upon a piece
Of a split ship, where only one might ride,
Exit Lamira from the Arras.
I would—but foolish anger makes me talke
Like a Player.
Lam.
Indeed you act a part
Doth ill become you my servant; is this your
duty?
Mont.
I crave your pardon, and wil hereafter be more
circumspect.
Lav.
Oh the power of a Womans tongue! it had
put a madde man to silence.
Lam.
Why Sirra these are none of your comrades
To drink with in the celler; one of them
For ought you know may live to be your Master.
La-p.
Ther's some comfort yet.
Lam.
Here's choyce of three, a wealthy Merchant.
Mal.
Hem, shee's taken, she hath spy'd my good Calf,
And many Ladies chuse their husbands by that.
Lam.
A Courtier that's in grace, a valiant Captaine,
And are these mates for you? away be gon.
Mont.
I humbly pray you will be pleased to pardon,
And to give satisfaction to you Madam.
(Although I break my heart) I will confesse
That I have wrong'd them too, and make submission.
Lam.
No I'le spare that; goe bid the Cook haste
Supper.
Exit Mont.
La-p.
Oh brave Lady thou art worthy to have servants,
to be commandresse of a Family, that knowst how to use
and govern it.
Lav.
You shall have many Mistresses that will so
mistake as to take their horse keepers, and footemen insteed
of their Husbands, thou art none of those.
Mal.
But she that can make distinction of men, and
knowes when she hath gallants, and fellowes of rank and
quality in her house—
Lam.
Gallants indeed, if it be the Gallants fashion
To triumph in the miseries of a man,
Of which they are the cause: one that transcends
(In spight of all that fortune hath, or can be done)
A million of such things as you, my doores
Stand open to receive all such as wear
The shape of Gentlemen, and my gentlier nature
(I might say weaker) weighes not the expence
Of entertainment; think you i'le forget yet
What's due unto my selfe? do not I know,
That you have dealt with poor Montague, but like
Needy Commanders, cheating Citizens,
And perjured Courtiers? I am much mov'd, else use not
To say so much, if you will bear your selves
As fits such you would make me think you are,
You may stay; if not the way lies before you.
Exit.
Mal.
What think you of this Captaine?
La-p.
That this is a baudy house, with Pinacles
and Turrets, in which this disguised Montague goes to
rut gratis, and that this is a landed pandresse, and makes
her house a brothell for charity.
Mal.
Come, that's no miracle; but from whence derive
you the supposition?
Lav.
Observe but the circumstance; you all know
that in the height of Montagues prosperity, hee did
affect and had his love return'd by this Lady Orleans;
since her divorcement, and his decay of estate, it is
knowne, they have met not so much as his boy is
wanting; and that this can be any thing else then a meer
plot for their night work, is above my imagination to
conceive.
Mal.
Nay it carries probability, let us observe it
better, but yet with such caution as our prying be not
discovered: here's all things to be had without cost, and
therefore good staying here.
La-p.
Nay that's true, I would we might woe her
twenty years like Penelopes sutors; come Laverdine.
Exeunt Malli. La-Poop.
Lav.
I follow instantly, yonder he is.
Enter Viramor.
The thought of this Boy hath much coold my affection
to his Lady, and by all conjectures, this is a disguised
whore; I will try if I can search this Mine.
Page—
Ver.
Your pleasure sir?
Lav.
Thou art a pritty Boy.
Ver.
And you a brave man: now I am out of your debt.
Lav.
Nay prithy stay.
Uer.
I am in haste sir.
Lav.
By the faith of a Courtyer.
Uer.
Take heed what you say, you have taken a strange
Oath.
Lav.
I have not seene a youth that hath pleased me
better, I would thou could'st like me, so far as to leave
thy Lady and waite on me, I would maintaine thee in
the bravest Cloaths.
Ver.
Though you took them up on trust, or bought
'em at the brokers.
Lav.
Or any way: then thy imployments should
bee so neate and cleanly, thou shouldst not touch
a payre of Pantables in a Moneth, and thy lodging—
Uer.
Should be in a brothell.
Lav.
No, but in mine armes.
Ver.
That my be the circle of a Baudy house, or
worse.
Lav.
I meane thou shouldest lie with me.
Uer.
Lie with you? I had rather lie with my Ladies
Monkey; 'twas never a good World since our French
Lords learned of the Neopolitans; to make their Pages
their Bed-fellowes, doth more hurt to the Suburbe
Ladies then tweenty dead Vacations; Tis Supper
time sir.
Lav.
I thought so, I know by that 'tis a Woman,
for because peradventure she hath made tryall of the
Monkey, she preferrs him before me, as one unknown;
well these are standing Creatures, and have strange
desires; And men must use strange meanes to quench
strange fires.
Exit.
| The Honest mans Fortune | |