 | The Night-Walker, or the Little Thief |  |
213
Actus Secundus.
Enter Tom. Lurch, and his Boy.Lur.
What hast thou done?
Boy.
I have walked through all the lodgings.
A silence as if death dwelt there inhabits.
Lur.
What hast thou seen?
Boy.
Nought but a sad confusion
Every thing left in such a loose disorder
That were there twenty theeves, they would be laden.
Lu.
'Tis very well, I like thy care, but 'tis strange
A wedding night should be so solitary.
Boy.
Certainly there is some cause, some death or
sickness
Or some strange news is come.
Lu.
Are they all a bed?
Boy.
I think so, and sound asleep, unless it be
Some women that keep watch in a low parlor,
And drink, and weep, I know not to what end.
Lur.
Where's all the plate?
Boy.
Why lockt up in that room.
I saw the old Lady, ere she went to bed
Put up her plate, and some of the rich hangings
In a small long chest, and chains and rings are there too,
It stands close by the Table on a form.
Lur.
'Twas a good notice, didst thou see the men.
Boy.
I saw them sad too, and all take their leaves,
But what they said I was too far to hear Sir.
Lur.
'Tis daintily discover'd, we shall certainly
Have a most prosperous night, which way?
Boy.
A close one,
A back door, that the women have left open,
To go in and out to fetch necessaries,
Close on the Garden side.
Lur.
I love diligence,
Wert thou not fearful?
Boy.
Fearful? I'll be hang'd first.
Lur.
Say they had spied thee.
Boy.
I was then determin'd
To have cry'd down right too, and have kept 'em company,
As one that had an interest in their sadness,
Or made an errand to I know not whom Sir.
Lur.
My dainty Boy, let us discharge, that plate
Makes a perpetual motion in my fingers,
Till I have fast hold of it.
Boy.
Pray be wise Sir, do't handsomly, be not greedy,
Lets handle it with such an excellence
As if we would bring thieving into honor:
We must disguise, to fright these reverend wathces.
Lur.
Still my blest Boy.
Boy.
And clear the room of drunken jealousies,
The chest is of some weight, and we may make
Such noise ith'the carriage we may be snap'd.
Lur.
Come open, here's a devils face.
Boy.
No, no, Sir, wee'l have no shape so terrible,
We will not do the devil so much pleasure,
To have him face our plot.
Lur.
A winding sheet then.
Boy.
That's too cold a shift,
I would not wear the reward of my wickedness,
I wonder you are an old thief, and no cunninger,
Where's the long Cloak?
Lur.
Here, here.
Boy.
Give me the Turbant
And the false beard, I hear some coming this way,
Stoop, stoop, and let me sit upon your shoulders,
And now as I direct, stay, let them enter,
And when I touch move forward, make no noise.
Enter Nurse and Tobie.
Nur.
Oh 'tis a sad time, all the burnt wine is burnt Nic.
Tob.
We may thank your dry chaps for't, the Canarie's gone too
No substance for a sorrowful mind to work upon,
I cannot mourn in beer, if she should walk now
As discontented spirits are wont to do.
Nur.
And meet us in the Cellar.
Tob.
What sence have we with single beer against her?
What heart can we defie the Devil with?
Nur.
The March beer's open.
Tob.
A fortification of March beer will do well,
I must confess 'tis a most mighty Armor,
For I presume I cannot pray.
Nur.
Why Nicolas?
Tob.
We Coachmen have such tumbling faiths, no prayrs
Can go an even pace.
Nur.
Hold up your candle
Tob.
Verily Nurse, I have cry'd so much
For my young Mistriss, that is mortified,
That if I have not more sack to support me,
I shall even sleep: heiho, for another flagon;
These Burials, and Christnings are the mournful matters,
And they ask more drink.
Nur.
Drink to a sad heart's needful.
To.
Mine's ever sad, for I am ever dry Nurse.
Nur.
Methinks the light burns blew, I prethee snuff it,
There's a thief in't I think.
To.
There may be one near it.
Nur.
What's that that moves there, ith' name of—
Nicholas?
That thing that walks.
Ta.
Would I had a Ladder to behold it,
Mercy upon me, the Ghost of one oth'Guard sure,
'Tis the devil by his clawes, he smels of Brimstone,
Sure he farts fire, what an Earth-quake I have in me;
Out with thy Prayer-book Nurse.
Nur.
It fell ith' the frying pan, and the Cat's eat it.
Tob.
I have no power to pray, it grows still onger,
'Tis Steeple high now, and it sayls away Nurse.
Lets call the butler up, for he speaks Latine,
And that will daunt the devil: I am blasted,
My belly's grown to nothing.
Nu.
Fye, fye, Tobie.
Exit.
Boy.
So let them go, and whilst they are astonish'd
Let us presently upon the rest now suddenly.
Lur.
Off, off, and up agen, when we are near the parlor,
Art sure thou knowst the Chest?
Boy.
Though it were ith'dark Sir,
I can go to't.
Lur.
On then and be happy.
Exit.
Enter Tobie.
Tob.
How my haunches quake, is the thing here still?
Now can I out-do any Button-maker, at his own trade,
I have fifteen sits of an Ague, Nurse, 'tis gone I hope,
The hard-hearted woman has left me alone. Nurse—
And she knows too I ha but a lean conscience to keep me company.
Noise within.
The devil's among 'em in the Parlour sure,
The Ghost three stories high, he has the Nurse sure,
He is boyling of her bones now, hark how she whistles:
There's Gentlewomen within too, how will they do?
I'll to the Cook, for he was drunk last night,
And now he is valiant, he is a kin to th'devil too,
And fears no fire.
Enter Lurcher and Boy.
Lur.
No light?
Boy.
None left Sir,
214
Their fright is infinite, let's make good use on't,
We must be quick sir, quick, or the house will rise else.
Lu.
Was this the Chest?
Boy.
Yes, yes.
Lur.
There was two of 'em.
Or I mistake.
Boy.
I know the right, no stay Sir,
Nor no discourse, but to our labor lustily,
Put to your strength and make as little noise,
Then presently out at the back door.
Lur.
Come Boy.
Come happy child and let me hug thy excellence.
Exit.
Enter Wildbrain.
Wil.
What thousand noises pass through all the rooms?
What cryes and hurries? sure the devil's drunk.
And tumbles through the house, my villanies
That never made me apprehend before
Danger or fear, a little now molest me;
My Cosens death sits heavy o'my conscience,
Would I had been half hang'd when I hammer'd it.
I aim'd at a living divorce, not a burial
That Frank might have had some hope: hark still
In every room confusion, they are all mad,
Most certain all stark mad within the house,
A punishment inflicted for my lewdness,
That I might have the more sense of my mischief,
And run the more mad too, my Aunt is hang'd sure,
Sure hang'd her self, or else the fiend has fetch'd her.
I heard a hundred cryes, the Devil, the Devil,
Than roaring, and then tumbling, all the chambers
Are a meer Babel, or another Bedlam.
What should I think? I shake my self too:
Can the Devil find no time, but when we are merry,
Here's something comes.
Enter Newlove.
New.
Oh that I had some company,
I care not what they were, to ease my misery,
To comfort me.
Wil.
Whose that?
New.
Again? nay then receive—
Wil.
Hold, hold I am no fury.
The Merchants wife.
New.
Are ye a man? pray heaven you be.
Wil.
I am.
New.
Alass I have met Sir
The strangest things to night.
Wil.
Why do you stare.
New.
Pray comfort me, and put your candle out,
For if I see the spirit again I dye for't.
And hold me fast, for I shall shake to pieces else.
Wil.
I'll warrant you, I'll hold ye,
Hold ye as tenderly; I have put the light out,
Retire into my Chamber, there I'll watch wi'ye,
I'll keep you from all frights.
New.
And will ye keep me.
Wil.
Keep you as secure Lady.
New.
You must not wrong me then, the devil will have us.
Wil.
No, no, I'll love you, then the devil will fear us.
For he fears all that love, pray come in quickly,
For this is the malicious house he walks in,
The hour he blasts sweet faces, lames the limbs in,
Depraves the senses, now within this half hour
He will have power to turn all Citizens wives
Into strange Creatures, Owles, and long-tail'd Monkeys,
Jayes, Pies, and Parrots, quickly, I smell his brimstone.
New.
It comes agen I am gone shift for your self Sir.
Exit.
Wil.
Sure this whole night is nothing but illusion,
Here's nothing comes, all they are mad, damn'd devil
To drive her back again, 't had been thy policy
To have let us alone, we might have done some fine thing
To have made thy hel-hood laugh, 'tis a dainty wench,
If I had her again, not all your fellow goblins,
Nor all their clawes should scratch her hence, I'll stay still,
May be her fright will bring her back again,
Yet I will hope.
Enter Toby.
Tob.
I can find no bed, no body, nor no chamber,
Sure they are all ith'Cellar, and I cannot find that neither,
I am led up and down like a tame ass, my light's out.
And I grope up and down like blind-man-buffe,
And break my face, and break my pate.
Wil.
It comes again sure
I see the shadow, I'll have faster hold now,
Sure she is mad, I long to lye with a mad-woman,
She must needs have rare new tricks.
Tob.
I hear one whisper
If it be the devil now to allure me into his clutches,
For devils have a kind of tone like crickets,
I have a glimpse of her guise, 'tis she would steal me;
But I'll stand sure.
Tob.
I have but a dram of wit left,
And that's even ready to run, oh for my bed now.
Wil.
She nam'd a bed, I like that, she repents sure,
Where is she now?
Tob.
Who's that?
Wil.
Are you there, In, In, In presently.
Tob.
I feel his talents through me,
'Tis an old haggard devil, what will he do with me?
Wil.
Let me kiss thee first, quick, quick.
Tob.
A leacherous Devil.
Wil.
What a hairy whore 'tis, sure she has a muffler.
Tob.
If I should have a young Satan by him, for I dare not deny him,
In what case were I? who durst deliver me?
Wil.
'Tis but my fancy, she is the same, in quickly,
gently my Sweet girl.
Tob.
Sweet devil be good to me.
Exeunt.
Enter Lurch, and Boy.
Lur.
Where's my love, Boy.
Boy.
She's coming with a Candle
To see our happy prize.
Lur.
I am cruel weary.
Boy.
I cannot blame ye, plate is very heavy
To carry without light or help.
Lur.
The fear too
At every stumble to be discover'd boy,
At every cough to raise a Constable,
Well, we'll be merry now.
Boy.
We have some reason;
Things compass'd without fear or eminent danger,
Are too luxurious sir to live upon.
Money and wealth got thus are as full venture,
And carry in their nature as much merit
As his, that digs 'em out 'oth' mine, they last too
Season'd with doubts and dangers most delitiously,
Riches that fall upon us are too ripe,
And dull our appetites.
Lu.
Most learned child.
Enter Mistriss.
Mi.
Y'are welcome, where have you left it.
Lu.
In the next room, hard by.
Mi.
Is it plate all.
Lu.
All, all, and Jewels, I am monstrous weary,
Prethee let's go to bed.
Mi.
Prethee let's see it first.
Lu.
To morrow's a new day sweet.
Mi.
Yes to melt it,
215
I'll have a new gown.
Lur.
'Shat have any thing.
Mi.
And such a riding suit as Mistress Newloves:
What though I be no Gentlewoman born,
I hope I may atchieve it by my carriage.
Lu.
Thou sayst right.
Mi.
You promis'd me a horse too, and a lackquay.
Lur.
Thou shalt have horses six, and a postilion.
Mi.
That will be stately sweet heart a postilion.
Lu.
Nay, we'll be in fashion; he shall ride before us
In winter, with as much dirt would dampe a musket;
The inside of our coach shall be of scarlet.
Mi.
That will be dear.
Lu.
There is a dye projecting
Will make it cheap, wench, come thou shalt have any thing.
Mi.
Where is this chest, I long, sweet, to behold
Our Indies.
Boy.
Mistress lets melt it first, and then 'tis fit
You should dispose it, then 'tis safe from danger.
Mi.
I'll be a loving Mistress to my boy too.
Now fetch it in and lets rejoyce upon't.
Boy.
Hold your light Mistress, we may see to enter.
Mi.
Ha what's here? call you this a chest?
Boy.
We ha mist Sir.
Our haste and want of light made us mistake.
Mi.
A very Coffin.
Lu.
How! a Coffin? Boy, 'tis very like one.
Boy.
The devil ow'd us a shame, and now he has paid us.
Mi.
Is this your Treasure?
Boy.
Bury me alive in't.
Lu.
It may be there is no room.
Mi.
Nay, I will search it:
I'll see what wealth's within,—a womans face,
And a fair womans.
Boy.
I cannot tell sir,
Belike this was the sadness that possest 'em;
The plate stood next, I'm sure.
Lur.
I shake, I shake Boy, what a cold sweat?—
Boy.
This may work, what will become on's Sir?
Mi.
She is cold, dead cold: de'e find' your conscience,
De'e bring your Gillians hither—nay, she's punish'd,
You conceal'd love's cas'd up?
Lur.
'Tis Maria, the very same, the Bride, new horror!
Mi.
These are fine tricks, you hope she's in a sound
But I'll take order she shall ne'r recover
To bore my Nose, come, take her up and bury her
Quickly, or I'll cry out; take her up instantly.
Lu.
Be not so hasty fool, that may undo us;
We may be in for murther so; be patient,
Thou seest she's dead, and cannot injure thee.
Mi.
I am sure she shall not.
Boy.
Be not, Sir, dejected,
Too much a strange mistake! this had not been else,
It makes me almost weep to think upon't.
Lu.
What an unlucky thief am I?
Mi.
I'll no considering, either bestir your self, or—
Lu.
Hold.
Mi.
Let it not stay, to smell then, I will not
Indure the stink of a Rival.
Lu.
Would 'twere there again.
Boy.
We must bury her.
Lur.
But were o'th sudden, or with what providence,
That no eyes watch us.
Mi.
Take a Spade and follow me,
The next fair ground we meet, make the Church-yard;
As I live, I'll see her lodg'd.
Exit.
Lu.
It must be so,
How heavy my heart is, I ha no life left.
Boy.
I am past thinking too, no understanding,
That I should miss the right Chest.
Lu.
The happy Chest.
Boy.
That, which I saw and markt too.
Lu.
Well passion wo'not help us,
Had I twenty falls for this?
Boy.
'Twas my fault sir.
And twenty thousand fears for this, oth'devil,
Now could I curse, well, we have her now,
And must dispose her.
Enter Mistress.
Mi.
Hang both for two blind buzzards, here's a Spade
Quickly or I'll call the neighbors.
There's no remedy,
Would the poor hungry prisoners had this pastie.
Exeunt.
Enter Justice, and a Servant with a light.
Ser.
'Twas a strange mischance Sir.
Ju.
Mischance, sayst? No 'twas happiness to me,
There's so much charge sav'd, I have her portion,
I'll marry twenty more on such conditions.
Ser.
Did it not trouble you Sir,
To see her dead?
Ju.
Not much, I thank my conscience;
I was tormented till that happen'd, furies
Were in my brain to think my self a Cuckold
At that time of the night
When I come home, I charge you shut my doors,
Locks, bolts, and bars, are little enough to secure me.
Ser.
Why, and please you?
Ju.
Fool to ask that question;
To keep out women, I expect her Mother
Will visit me with her clamors, oh I hate
Their noise, and do abhor the whole sex heartily;
They are all walking Devils, Harpyes: I will study
A week together how to rail sufficiently,
Upon 'em all, and that I may be furnish'd,
Thou shalt buy all the railing Books and Ballads,
That Malice hath invented against women,
I will read nothing else, and practise 'em,
Till I grow fat with curses.
Ser.
If you'll go
To th'charge, let me alone to find you Books.
Ju.
They come neer us
Ser.
Whats that?
Ju.
Where? hold up the Torch Knave.
Ser.
Did you hear nothing, 'tis a—
Ju.
Why dost make a stand?
Ser.
Whats that?
Ju.
Where, where, dost see any thing?
We are hard by the Church-yard, and I was never
Valiant at midnight in such irksome places;
They say Ghosts walk sometimes, hark, de'e hear nothing?
Enter Lurcher, Boy, and Mistress.
Mi.
No farther, dig here, and lay her in quickly.
Lur.
What light is that Boy, we shall be discover'd;
Set the Coffin up an end, and get behind me,
There's no avoiding.
Boy.
Oh!
Ju.
Where's that groan? I begin to be afraid.
Ser.
What shall we do Sir?
Ju.
We are almost at home now, thou must go forward,
Perhaps 'twas my imagination.
Lur.
'Tis he?
Boy.
I know him too, let me alone.
Ser.
Oh Sir, a Ghost, the very Ghost of Mistress Bride,
I have no power to run away.
Ju.
Cursed Ghost, bless me, preserve me,
I do command thee what so ere thou art,
I do conjure thee leave me; do not fright me;
If thou beest a devil vex me not so soon,
If thou beest.
The spirit of my wife.
216
Thy Wife.
Ju.
I shall be tormented.
Boy.
Thy abus'd wife, that cannot peaceably
Enjoy her death, thou hast an evil conscience.
Ju.
I know it
Boy.
Among thy other sins which black thy soul,
Call to thy mind thy vow made to another,
Whom thou hast wrong'd, and make her satisfaction
Now I am dead, thou perjur'd man: or else
A thousand black tormentors shall pursue thee,
Untill thou leap into eternal flames;
Where gold which thou ador'st here on earth
Melted, the fiends shall powre into thy throat;
For this time pass, go home and think upon me.
Lur.
Away.
Ser.
There are more spirits.
Ju.
Thank you dear wife,
I'll bestow twenty nobles of a Tomb for thee,
Thou shalt not walk and catch cold after death.
They go Backward in.
Lu.
So, so, they'r gone, 'twas my ingenious rascal:
But how dost thou know he made vows to another?
Boy.
I over-heard the woman talk to night on't;
But now let's lose no time Sir, pray lets bury
This Gentlewoman, where's my Mistress?
Enter Mistress.
Mi.
Here I durst not tarry.
Lu.
We ha so cosen'd the old forty i'th hundred,
And the devil hinder him not, he'll go a pilgrimage;
But come, about our business, set her down again.
Mar.
Oh!
Lur.
She groans, ha.
Mar.
Oh!
Lur.
Again, she stirs.
Mi.
Lets fly, or else we shall be torn in pieces.
Lur.
And you be good at that, bury your self,
Or let the Sexton take ye for his fee,
Away boy.
Exit.
Mar.
I am very cold, dead cold;
Where am I? What's this? a Coffin? where have I been?
Mercy defend me: Ha? I do remember
I was betray'd, and swounded, my heart akes,
I am wondrous hungry too, dead bodies eat not;
Sure I was meant for burial, I am frozen;
Death, 'like a cake of Ice dwells round about me;
Darkness spreads o're the world too, where? what path?
Best providence direct me.
Exit.
| The Night-Walker, or the Little Thief | |