 | The Humorous Lieutenant |  |
Scæne 3.
Enter Antigonus, Menippus, and Leucippe.Ant.
Will she not yeeld?
Leu.
For all we can urge to her;
I swore I would marry her, she laugh'd extremely,
And then she rail'd like thunder.
139
Call in the Magitian.
Enter Mag. with a bowle.
I must, and will obtaine her, I am ashes else.
Mag.
Are all the Philters in? charmes, powders, roots?
They are all in: and now I onely stay
The invocation of some helping spirits.
Ant.
To your worke then, and dispatch.
Mag.
Sit still, and feare not.
Leu.
I shall ne're indure these sights.
Ant.
Away with the woman: goe wait without.
Leu.
When the Devils gone pray call me.
Exit.
Ant.
Be sure you make it powerfull enough.
Mag.
Pray doubt not.—
He Conjures.
A Song.
Rise from the shades below,
All you that prove
The helpes of loose Love;
Rise and bestow
Upon this Cup, what ever may compell
By powerfull Charme, and un-resisted Spell.
A heart un-warm'd to melt in Loves desires,
Distill into this Liquor all your fires;
Heats, longings, teares,
But keepe back frozen feares,
That she may know, that has all power defied,
Art is a power that will not be denied.
The Answer.
I obey , I obey,
And am come to view e're day
Brought along, all may compell,
All the earth has, and one hell:
Here's a little little Flower,
This will make her sweat an houre,
Then unto such flames arise,
A thousand joyes will not suffice.
Here's the powder of the Moone
With which she caught Endymion,
The powerfull teares that Venus cryed,
When the Boy Adonis dyed.
Here's Medeas Charme, with which
Jasons heart she did bewitch,
Omphale this Spell put in
When she made the Libian spin.
This dull root pluckt from Lethe flood,
Purges all pure thoughts, and good.
These I stir thus, round, round, round,
Whilst our light feet beat the ground.
Mag.
Now sir 'tis full, and whosoever drinkes this
Shall violently doat upon your person,
And never sleepe nor eate unsatisfied:
So many houres 'twill worke, and worke with violence,
And those expired 'tis done. You have my art sir.
Enter Leucippe.
Ant.
See him rewarded liberally—Leucippe.
Here, take this bowle, and when she calls for wine next—
Leu.
Be sure you give her this, and see her drinke it;
Delay no time when she calls next.
Leu.
I shall sir.
Ant.
Let none else touch it on your life.
Leu.
I am charged sir.
Ant.
Now if she have an antidote art let her scape me.
Exeunt.
Enter Leontius, Lieutenant, Gent.
1 Gent.
There's the door Lieutenant, if you dare do any thing.
Leo.
Here's no man waites.
1 Gent.
H'as given a charge that none shall,
Nor none shall come within the hearing of him:
Dare ye goe forward?
Lieut.
Let me put on my skull first.
My head's almost beaten into th'pap of an Apple.
Leo.
Are there no Guns i'th' doore?
The rogue will doe it,
And yet I know he has no stomack to't.
Lieut.
What loope-holes are there when I knock for stones,
For those may pepper me? I can perceeive none.
Leo.
How he viewes the Fortification.
Lieut.
Farewell Gentlemen,
If I be kill'd—
Leo.
Wee'le see thee buried bravely.
Lieut.
Away: how should I know that then? Ile knock softly.
Pray heaven he speak in a low voice now to comfort me:
I feele I have no heart to't:—Is't well, Gentlemen.
Colonel, my Troope—
Leo.
A little louder.
Lieut.
Stay, stay;
Here is a window, I will see, stand wide.
Leo.
By—he's charging of a Gun:
There's no such matter.
Lieut.
There's no body in this roome.
O'twas a fire-shovell:
Now ile knock lowder: if he say who's there,
As sure he has so much manners, then will I answer him
So finely & demurely: my Troop Colonel—
(knock louder,
1 Gent.
Knock louder foole, he heares not.
Lieut.
You foole, doe you.
Doe and ye dare now.
1 Gent.
I doe not undertake it.
Lieut.
Then hold your peace, & medle with your own matters.
Leo.
Now he will knock.
Knocks louder.
Lieut.
Sir, sir: wil't please you heare sir?
Your Grace: Ile looke againe: what's that?
Leo.
He's there now:
Lord! How he stares! I ne're yet saw him thus alter'd:
Stand now, and take the Troope.
Lieut.
Would I were in't,
And a good horse under me: I must knock againe.
The devil's at my fingers ends: he comes now.
Now Colonel, if I live—
Leo.
The Troop's thine own Boy.
Enter Dem. a pistol.
Dem.
What desperate foole, ambitious of his ruine?
Lieut.
Your father would desire ye, sir, to come to dinner.
Dem.
Thou art no more,
Lieut.
Now, now, now, now.
Dem.
Poore coxcomb,
Why doe I aime at thee?
Exit.
Leo.
His feare has kill'd him.
En. Leuc. with a bowl.
2 Gent.
I protest hee's almost stiffe: bend him, and rub him:
Hold his nose close, you, if you be a woman,
Helpe us a little: here's a man neere perish't.
Leu.
Alas, alas, I have nothing here about me.
Looke to my bowle: Ile run in presently
And fetch some waters: bend him, and set him upwards.
Leo.
A goodly man—
Exit.
Here's brave heart: he's warme againe: you shall not
2 Gent.
Leave us i'th'lurch so, sirrah.
Now he breathes too.
Leo.
If we had but any drinke to rayse his spirits.
What's that i'th' bowle? upon my life good Liquor,
She would not owne it else.
140
He sees.
Leo.
Looke up boy,
And take this cup, and drinke it off, I'le pledge thee,
Guide it to his mouth: he swallowes heartily.
2. Gen.
Oh! feare and sorrowes dry; 'tis off—
Leo.
Stand up man.
Lieu.
Am I not shot?
Leo.
Away with him, and cheere him:
Thou hast won thy Troop.
Lieu.
I thinke I won it bravely.
Leo.
Goe, I must see the Prince, he must not live thus;
And let me heare an houre hence from ye.
Well sir—
Ex. Gen. and Lieu.
Enter Leucippe with water.
Leu.
Here, here: where's the sicke Gentleman?
Leo.
Hee's up and gone, Lady.
Leu.
Alas: that I came so late.
Leo.
He must still thanke ye,
Ye left that in a cup here did him comfort.
Leu.
That in the bowle?
Leo.
Yes truly, very much comfort,
He dranke it off, and after it spoke lustily.
Leu.
Did he drinke it all?
Leo.
All off.
Leu.
The devill choke him,
I am undone: 'has twenty devils in him,
Undone for ever: left he none?
Leo.
I thinke not.
Leu.
No not a drop: what shall become of me now?
Had he no where else to swound? a veng'ance swound him:
Undone, undone, undone: stay, I can lye yet,
And sweare too at a pinch, thats all my comfort,
Ent. De.
Look to him; I say look to him, & but mark what folows.
Ex
Leo.
What a devill ayles the woman? here comes the Prince again,
With such a sadnes on his face, as sorrow,
Sorrow her self, but poorely imitates.
Sorrow of sorrowes on that heart that caus'd it.
De.
Why might she not be false & treacherous to me?
And found so by my father? she was a woman,
And many a one of that sexe, young and faire,
As full of faith as she have fallen, and fouly.
Leo.
It is a wench: O that I knew the circumstance.
Dem.
Why might not, to preserve me from this ruine,
She having lost her honor, and abused me,
My father change the formes o'th' coines, and execute
His anger on a fault she ne're committed,
Only to keep me safe? why should I thinke so?
She never was to me but all obedience,
Sweetnes, and love.
Leo.
How heartily he weeps now?
I have not wept these thirty yeares and upward;
But now, if I should be hang'd I cannot hold from't;
It grieves me to the heart.
Dem.
Who's that that mocks me?
Leo.
A plague of him that mocks ye: I grieve truly,
Truly and heartily to see you thus sir:
And if it lay in my power, Gods are my witnesse,
Who ere he be, that tooke your sweet peace from ye;
I am not so old yet, nor want I spirit—
Dem.
No more of that no more Leontius,
Revenges are the gods: our part is sufferance:
Farewell, I shall not see thee long.
Leo.
Good sir, tell me the cause, I know there is a woman in't;
Doe you hold me faithfull? dare ye trust your souldier?
Sweet Prince, the cause?
Dem.
I must not, dare not tell it,
And as thou art an honest man, enquire not.
Leo.
Will ye be merry then?
Dem.
I am wondrous merry.
Leo.
'Tis wondrous well: you think now this becomes ye.
Shame on't, it does not sir, it shewes not hansomely;
If I were thus, you would sweare I were an asse straight;
A wooden asse; whine for a wench?
Dem.
Prethee leave me.
Leo.
I will not leave ye for a fit.
Dem.
Leontius?
Leo.
For that you may have any where for sixepence,
And a deare penny worth too.
Dem.
Nay, then you are troublesome.
Leo.
Not halfe so troublesome as you are to your self sir;
Was that brave heart made to pant for a placket:
And now i'th' dog-daies too, when nothing dare love?
That noble mind to melt away, and moulder
For a hay-nonny-nonny? would I had a glasse here,
To shew ye what a pretty toy ye are turn'd to.
Dem.
My wretched fortune.
Leo.
Will ye but let me know her?
I'le once turne bawd: go too, they are good mens offices,
And not so contemptible as we take 'em for:
And if she be above ground, and a woman,
I aske no more; I'le bring her o' my backe sir,
By this hand I will: and I had as lieve bring the devill,
I care not who she be, nor where I have her,
And in your armes, or the next bed deliver her,
Which you thinke fittest: and when you have danc'd your galliard.
Dem.
Away, and foole to them are so affected:
O thou art gone, and all my comfort with thee;
Wilt thou do one thing for me?
Leo.
All things i'th' world sir,
Of all dangers.
Dem.
Sweare.
Leo.
I will.
Dem.
Come neere me no more then.
Leo.
How?
Dem.
Come no more neere me:
Thou art a plague-sore to me.
Exit.
Leo.
Give you good ev'n sir;
If you be suffer'd thus, we shall have fine sport.
I will be sorry yet.
Ent. 2 Gent.
1 Gent.
How now, how does he?
Leo.
Nay, if I tell ye hang me, or any man else
That hath his nineteen wits; he has the bots I thinke,
He groanes, and roares, and kicks.
2 Gent.
Will he speake yet?
Leo.
Not willingly:
Shortly he will not see a man; if ever
I look'd upon a Prince so metamorphis'd,
So juggled into I know not what, shame take me;
This 'tis to be in love.
1 Gent.
Is that the cause on't?
Leo.
What is it not the cause of but beare baitings?
And yet it stinkes much like it: out upon't,
What Giants, and what dwarffs, what owles and apes,
What dogs, and cats it makes us? men that are possest with it,
Live as if they had a legion of devils in 'em,
And every devill of a severall nature,
Nothing but Hey passe, re-passe: where's the Lieutenant?
Has he gathered up the end on's wits againe?
1 Gent.
He is alive: but you that talke of wonders,
Shew me but such a wonder as he is now.
Leo.
Why? he was ever at the worst a wonder.
2 Gent.
He is now most wonderfull; a blazer now sir:
141
What ailes the fooles? and what star raignes now gentlemen
We have such prodigies?
2 Gen.
'T will poaze your heaven-hunters;
He talks now of the King no other language,
And with the King, as he imagines hourely,
Courts the King, drinks to the King, dies for the King,
Buyes all the pictures of the King, wears the Kings colors,
Leo.
Does he not lye i'th' Kings street too?
1. Gen.
Hee's going thither,
Makes praiers for the King in sundry languages,
Turnes all his Proclamations into meeter,
Is really in love with the King, most doatingly,
And sweares Adonis was a devill to him:
A sweet King, a most comely King, and such a King—
2. Gen.
Then down on's mary-bones: O excellent King:
Thus he begins, Thou light and life of creatures,
Angell-ey'd King, vouchsafe at length thy favour;
And so proceeds to incision: what think ye of this sorrow?
1. Gen.
Will as familiarly kisse the Kings horses
As they passe by him: ready to ravish his footmen.
Leo.
Why this is above Ela?
But how comes this?
1. Gen.
Nay thats to understand yet,
But thus it is, and this part but the poorest,
'Twould make a man leap over the Moone to see him act these.
2. Gen.
With sighes as though his heart would breake:
Cry like a breech'd boy, not eat a bit.
Leo.
I must goe see him presently,
For this is such a gig: for certaine Gentlemen
The Fiend rides on a Fiddlesticke.
2. Gen.
I thinke so.
Leo.
Can ye guide me to him? for half an houre I am his,
To see the miracle.
1. Gen.
We sure shall start him.
Exeunt.
| The Humorous Lieutenant | |