 | The Chances |  |
Scæna prima.
Eter Land-lady and Peter.Land.
Ccome ye doe know.
Pet.
I do not by this hand Mistris.
But I suspect.
Land.
What?
Pet.
That if egges continue
At this price, women wil ne're be sav'd
By their good works.
Land.
I will know.
Pet.
Yee shall, any thing
Lyes in my power: The Duke of Loraine now
Is seven thousand strong: I heard it of a fish-wife,
A woman of fine knowledge.
Land.
Sirrah, sirrah.
Pe.
The Popes Buls are broke loose too, and 'tis suspected
They shall be baited in England.
Lan.
Very well sir.
Pet.
No, 'tis not so well neither.
Lan.
But I say to yee,
Who is it keeps your Master company?
Pet.
I say to you, Don Iohn.
Lan.
I say what woman?
Pet.
I say so too.
Lan.
I say againe, I will know.
Pet.
I say 'tis fit yee should.
Lan.
And I tell thee
He has a woman here.
Pet.
And I tell thee
'Tis then the better for him.
Lan.
You are no Bawd now?
Pet.
Would I were able to be call'd unto it:
A worshipfull vocation for my elders;
For as I understand it is a place
Fitting my betters farr.
Lan.
Was ever Gentlewoman
So frumpt off with a foole? well sawcy sirrah,
I will know who it is, and for what purpose;
I pay the rent, and I will know how my houle
Comes by these Inflamations: if this geere hold,
Best hang a signe-post up, to tell the Signiors,
Here ye may have lewdnesse at Liverie.
Ent. Fredrick.
Pet,
'Twould be a great ease to your age.
Fred.
How now?
Why what's the mater Land-lady?
Lan.
What's the matter?
Ye use me decently among ye gentlemen.
Fr.
Who has abus'd her, you sir?
Lan.
'Ods my witnesse
I will not be thus treated, that I will not.
Pet.
I gave her no ill language.
Lan.
Thou lyest lewdly,
Thou tookst me up at every word I spoke,
As I had been a Mawkin, a flurt Gillian;
And thou thinkst, because thou canst write & read,
Our noses must be under thee.
Fr.
Dare you sirrah?
Pet.
Let but the truth be known Sir, I beseech ye,
She raves of wenches, and I know not what sir:
La.
Go to, thou know'st too well, thou wicked varlet,
Thou instrument of evill.
Pet.
As I live Sir,
She is ever thus till dinner.
Fr.
Get ye in,
Ile answer you anon sir.
Pet.
By this hand
Ile break your Possit pan.
Exit.
Lan.
Then by this hood
Ile lock the meat up.
Fr.
Now your grief, what is't?
For I can ghesse—
Lan.
Ye may with shame enough,
If theer were shame amongst yee; nothing thought on,
But how yee may abuse my house: not satisfi'd
With bringing home your Bastards to undoe me,
But you must drill your whores here too; my patience
11
And as they say am willing to groan under)
Must be your make-sport now.
Fred.
No more of these words,
Nor no more murmurings Lady: for you know
That I know something. I did suspect your anger,
But turne it presently and handsomely,
And beare your selfe discreetly to this woman,
For such a one there is indeed.
Land.
'Tis well sonne.
Fr.
Leaving your devils Matins, and your melanchollies,
Or we shall leave our lodgings.
Land.
You have much need
To use these vagrant wayes, and to much profit:
Ye had that might content
(At home within your selves too) right good gentlemen,
Wholsome, and yee said handsome: But you gallants,
Boast that I was to beleeve ye—
Fr.
Leave your suspicion:
For as I live there's no such thing.
Lan.
Mine honour:
And 'twere not for mine honour.
Fr.
Come, your honour,
Your house, and you too, if you dare beleeve me
Are well enough: sleek up your self, leave crying,
For I must have yee entertain this Lady
With all civility, she well deserves it,
Bowle of wine ready.
Together with all secresie: I dare trust yee,
For I have found yee faithfull: when you know her
You will find your owne fault; no more words, but doe it.
Lan.
You know you may command me.
Ent. Don. Ioh.
Io.
Worshipfull Lady,
How does thy Velvet scabbard? by this hand
Thou look'st most amiably: now could I willingly
And 'twere not for abusing thy Geneva print there,
Venture my body with thee.
Lan.
You'll leave this roperie,
When you come to my yeares.
Ioh.
By this light
Thou art not above fifteen yet, a meere girle,
Thou hast not half thy teeth: come—
Fred.
Prethee Iohn
Let her alone, she has been vex'd already:
Shee'll grow starke mad man.
Ioh.
I would see her mad,
An old man woman
Fred.
Prethee be patient.
Ioh.
Is like a Millers Mare, troubled with tooth-ache.
Shee'll make the rarest faces.
Fred.
Goe, and doe it,
And doe not mind this fellow.
Lan.
Well Don Iohn.
There will be times agen; when O good Mother,
What's good for a carnosity in the Bladder?
O the green water, mother.
Ioh.
Doting take yee,
Doe ye remember that?
Fr.
She has payd ye now sir.
La.
Clarry, sweet mother, Clarry.
Fr.
Are ye satisfied?
Lan.
Ile never whore againe; never give Petticoats
And Wastcoats at five pound a peece; good Mother,
Quickly Mother: now mock on Son.
Ioh.
A devill grinde your old chaps.
Exit Land.
Fr.
By this hand wench
Ile give thee a new hood for this.
Has she met with your Lordship?
Touch-wood rake her.
Enter Anthony.
Shee's a rare ghostly mother.
Ant.
Below attends yee
The Gentlemans man sir that was with yee.
Joh.
Well Sir;
My time is come then: yet if my project hold,
You shall not stay behinde: Ile rather trust.
A Cat with sweet milk Fredrick; by her face
Enter Constan.
I feele her feares are working.
Const.
Is there no way,
I doe beseech yee think yet, to divert
This certaine danger?
Fr.
'Tis impossible:
Their honours are engag'd.
Con.
Then there must be murther,
Which, Gentlemen, I shall no sooner heare of,
Then make one in't: you may, if you please sir,
Make all goe lesse yet.
John.
Lady wer't mine owne cause,
I could dispence: but loaden with my friends trust,
I must go on; though generall massacres
As much I feare—
Const.
Doe ye heare sir; for heavens pittie
Let me request one love of you.
Fred.
Yes any thing.
Con.
This gentleman I find too resolute,
Too hot, and fiery for the cause, as ever
You did a vertuous deed, for honours sake
Go with him, and allay him: your fair temper
And noble disposition, like wish'd showres,
May quench those eating fires, that would spoile all else.
I see in him destruction.
Fred.
I will doe it;
And 'tis a wise consideration,
To me, a bounteous favour: harke ye John,
I will goe with yee.
Joh.
No.
Fred.
Indeed I will,
Ye goe upon a hazzard: no denyall;
For as I live, Ile goe.
John.
Then make ye ready,
For I am straight a horse-back.
Fred.
My sword on,
I am as ready as you: what my best labour,
With all the Art I have can work upon 'em,
Be sure of, and expect faire end: the old gentlewoman
Shall wait upon you; she is both grave and private,
And yee may trust her in all points.
Const.
Ye 're noble:
And so I kisse your hand.
John.
That seale for me too,
And I hope happy issue Lady.
Const.
All heavens care upon yee, and my prayers.
Joh.
So,
Now my mind's at rest.
Fred.
Away, 'tis late John.
Exeunt.
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