University of Virginia Library

Scæna prima.

Enter Balbus, Proculus, Chilax, Licinius.
Bal.
I never saw the like, shee's no more stirr'd,
No more another woman, no more alter'd,
With any hopes or promises layd to her
(Let 'em be nev'r so waighty, nev'r so winning,
Then I am with the motion of my owner legs.

Pro.
Chilax.
You are a stranger yet in these designes,
At least in Rome; tell me, and tell me truth,
Did you ere know in all your course of practise,
In all the wayes of woman you have runne through
(For I presume you have been brought up Chilax,
As we to fetch and carry.)

Chi.
True I have so:

Pro.
Did you I say againe in all this progresse,
Ever discover such a peece of beauty,
Ever so rare a Creature, and no doubt
One that must know her worth too, and affect it,
I and be flatter'd, else tis none: and honest?
Honest against the tide of all temptations,
Honest to one man, to her husband only,
And yet not eighteene, not of age to know
Why she is honest?

Chi.
I confesse it freely,
I never saw her fellow, nor er'e shall,
For all our Græcian Dames, all I have tri'd,
(And sure I have tri'd a hunderd, if I say two
I speake within my compasse) all these beauties,
And all the constancy of all these faces,
Mayds, Widdows, Wives, of what degree or calling,
So they be Greekes, and fat, for there's my cunning,
I would undertake and not sweat for't, Proculus,
Were they to try againe, say twice as many,
Vnder a thousand pound, to lay 'em bedrid;
But this Wench staggers me.

Lyc.
Doe you see these Iewells?
You would thinke these pretty baytes; now Ile assure ye
Here's halfe the wealth of Asia.

Bal.
These are nothing
To the full honours I propounded to her;
I bid her think, and be, and presently
What ever her ambition, what the Councell
Of others would adde to her, what her dreames
Could more enlarge, what any President
Of any woman rising up to glory,
And standing certaine there, and in the highest,
Could give her more, nay to be Empresse.

Pro.
And cold at all these offers?

Bal.
Cold as Christall,
Never to be thaw'd again,

Chi.
I trid her further,
And so farre, that I think she is no woman,
At least as women goe now.

Lyc.
Why what did you?

Chi.
I offerd that, that had she been but Mistris
Of as much spleene as Doves have, I had reach'd her;
A safe revenge of all that ever hates her,
The crying down for ever all beauties
That may be thought come neare her.

Pro.
That was pretty.

Chi.
I never knew that way faile, yet Ile tell ye
I offerd her a gift beyond all yours,
That, that had made a Saiuct start, well considerd,
The Law to be her creature, she to make it,
Her mouth to give it, every creature living
From her aspect, to draw their good or evill
Fixd in 'em spight of Fortune; a new Nature
She should be called, and mother of all ages,
Time should be hers, and what she did lame vertue
Should blesse to all posterities: her aire
Should give us life, her earth and water feed us.
And last, to none but to the Emperour,
(And then but when she pleas'd to have it so,)
She should be held for mortall.

Lyc.
And she heard you?

Chi.
Yes, as a Sick man heares a noise, or he
That stands condemn'd his Iudgment, let me perish,
But if there can be vertue, if that name
Be any thing but name and emptie title,
If it be so as fooles have been pleas'd to faigne it,
A power that can preserve us after ashes,
And make the names of men out-reckon ages,
This Woman has a God of vertue in her.

Bal.
I would the Emperor were that God.

Chi.
She has in her
All the contempt of glory and vaine seeming
Of all the Stoicks, all the truth of Christians,
And all their Constancy: Modesty was made
When she was first intended: When she blushes
It is the holyest thing to looke upon;
The purest temple of her sect, that ever
Made nature a blest Founder.

Pro.
Is there no way
To take this Phenix?

Lyc.
None but in her ashes.

Chi.
If she were fat, or any way inclining
To ease or pleasure, or affected glory,
Proud to be seene and worship'd, t'were a venture;
But on my soule she is chaster then cold Camphire.

Bal.
I thinke so too; for all the wayes of woman,
Like a full saile she bears against: I aske her
After my many offers, walking with her,
And her as many down-denyals, how
If the Emperor grown mad with love should force her;
She pointed to a Lucrece, that hung by,
And with an angry looke, that from her eyes
Shot Vestall fire against me, she departed.

Pro.
This is the first wench I was ever pos'd in,
Yet I have brought young loving things together
This two and thirty yeare.

Chi.
I find by this wench
The calling of a Bawd to be a strange,
A wife, and subtile calling; and for none
But staid, discreet, and understanding people:
And as the Tutor to great Alexander,
Would say a young man should not dare to read
His morall books, till after five and twenty;
So must that he or she, that will be bawdy,
(I meane discreetly bawdy, and be trusted)
If they will rise, and gaine experience,
Wel steept in yeares, and discipline, begin it,
I take it tis no boys play.

Bal.
Well, what's thought off?

Pro.
The Emperour must know it.

Lyc.
If the women should chance to faile too,

Chi.
As tis ten to one,

Pro.
Why what remaines, but new nets for the purchase?

Chi.
Let's goe consider then: and if all faile,
This is the first quick Eele, that sav'd her taile.

Exeunt.