 | The Woman-Hater |  |
Scæna Prima.
Enter Lucio.Luc.
Now whilst the young Duke follows his delights,
We that do mean to practise in the State,
Must pick our times, and set our faces in,
And nod our heads as it may prove most fit
For the main good of the dear Common-wealth:
Who's within there?
Enter a Servant.
Serv.
My Lord?
Luc.
Secretary, fetch the Gown I use to read Petitions
in, and the Standish I answer French Letters with: and call
in the Gentleman that attends:
Little know they that do not deal in State,
How many things there are to be observ'd,
Which seem but little; yet by one of us
(Whose brains do wind about the Common-wealth)
Neglected, cracks our credits utterly.
Enter Gentleman and a Servant.
Sir, but that I do presume upon your secresie, I would not
have appear'd to you thus ignorantly attir'd without a
tooth-pick in a ribbond, or a Ring in my bandstring.
Gent.
Your Lordship send for me?
Luc.
I did: Sir, your long practice in the State, under
a great man, hath led you to much experience.
Gent.
My Lord.
Luc.
Suffer not your modesty to excuse it: in short, and in
private, I desire your direction, I take my study already to
be furnisht after a grave and wise method.
Gent.
What will this Lord do?
Luc.
My Book-strings are sutable, and of a reaching
colour.
Gent.
How's this?
Luc.
My Standish of Wood, strange and sweet, and my
sore-flap hangs in the right place, and as near Machiavel's,
as can be gathered by tradition.
Gent.
Are there such men as will say nothing abroad, and
play the fools in their Lodgings? this Lord must be followed:
and hath your Lordship some new made words to scatter
in your speeches in publick, to gain note, that the
hearers may carry them away, and dispute of them at dinner?
Luc.
I have Sir: and besides, my several Gowns and
Caps agreeable to my several occasions.
Gent.
'Tis well, and you have learn'd to write a bad hand,
that the Readers may take pains for it.
Luc.
Yes Sir, and I give out I have the palsie.
Gent.
Good, 'twere better though, if you had it: your
Lordship hath a Secretary, that can write fair, when you
purpose to be understood.
Luc.
'Faith Sir I have one, there he stands, he hath been
my Secretary these seven years, but he hath forgotten to
write.
Gen.
If he can make a writing face, it is not amiss, so he
keep his own counsel: your Lordship hath no hope of the
Gout?
Luc.
Uh, little Sir, since the pain in my right soot left
me.
Gent.
'Twill be some scandal to your wisdom, though I
see your Lordship knows enough in publick business.
Luc.
I am not imploy'd (though to my desert) in occasions
forreign, nor frequented for matters domestical.
Gent.
Not frequented? what course takes your Lordship?
Luc.
The readiest way, my door stands wind, my Secretary
knows I am not denied to any.
Gent.
In this (give me leave) your Lordship is out of
the way: make a back door to let out Intelligencers; seem to
be ever busie, and put your door under keepers, and you
shall have a troop of Clients sweating to come at you.
Luc.
I have a back door already, I will henceforth be busie,
Secretary, run and keep the door.
Exit Secretary.
Gent.
This will fetch 'um?
Luc.
I hope so.
Enter Secretary.
Secr.
My Lord, there are some require access to you, about
weighty affairs of State.
Luc.
Already?
Gent.
I told you so.
Luc.
How weighty is the business?
Secr.
Treason my Lord.
Luc.
Sir, my debts to you for this are great.
Gent.
I will leave your Lordship now.
Luc.
Sir, my death must be suddain, if I requite you
not: at the back door good Sir.
Gent.
I will be your Lordships Intelligencer for once.
Enter Secretary.
Secr.
My Lord.
Luc.
Let 'em in, and say I am at my study.
Enter Lazarello, and two Intelligencers, Lucio being at his study.
1 Int.
Where is your Lord?
Secr.
At his study, but he will have you brought in.
Laza.
Why Gentlemen, what will you charge me withal?
2 Int.
Treason, horrible treason, I hope to have the
leading of thee to prison, and prick thee on i'th'arse with a
Halbert: to have him hang'd that salutes thee, and call all
those in question that spit not upon thee.
Laz.
My thred is spun, yet might I but call for this dish
endur'd: the Curtain opens, now my end draws on.
Secretary draws the Curtain.
Luc.
Gentlemen, I am not empty of weighty occasions at
this time; I pray you your business.
1 Int.
My Lord, I think we have discover'd one of the
most bloudy Traitors, that ever the world held.
Luc.
Signior Lazarillo, I am glad ye are one of this discovery,
give me your hand.
2 Int.
My Lord, that is the Traitor.
Luc.
Keep him off, I would not for my whole estate have
touchd him.
Laz.
My Lord.
Luc.
Peace Sir, I know the devil is at your tongue's end,
to furnish you with speeches: what are the particulars
you charge him with?
They deliver a paper to Lucio, who reads.
Both Int.
We conferr'd our Notes, and have extracted
that, which we will justifie upon our oaths.
Luc.
That he would be greater than the Duke, that he
had cast plots for this, and meant to corrupt some to betray
him, that he would burn the City, kill the Duke, and
poison the Privy Council; and lastly kill himself. Though
thou deserv'st justly to be hang'd, with silence yet I allow
thee to speak, be short.
Laz.
My Lord, so may my greatest wish succeed,
So may I live, and compass what I seek,
As I had never treason in my thoughts,
Nor ever did conspire the overthrow
Of any creatures but of brutish beasts,
Fowls, Fishes, and such other humane food,
As is provided for the good of man.
If stealing Custards, Tarts, and Florentines
By some late Statute be created Treason;
How many fellow-Courtiers can I bring,
Whose long attendance and experience,
Hath made them deeper in the plot than I?
Luc.
Peace, such hath ever been the clemency of my gracious
Master the Duke, in all his proceedings, that I had
thought, and thought I had thought rightly; that malice
would long e'r this have hid her self in her Den, and have
turn'd her own sting against her own heart: but I well perceive,
that so froward is the disposition of a deprav'd nature,
that it doth not only seek revenge, where it hath receiv'd
injury, but many times thirst after their destruction,
where it hath met with benefits.
Laz.
But my good Lord—
2 Int.
Let's gagg him.
Luc.
Peace again, but many times thirst after destruction,
where it hath met with benefits; there I left: Such,
and no better are the business that we have now in hand.
1 Int.
He's excellently spoken.
1 Int.
He'll wind a Traitor I warrant him,
Luc.
But surely methinks, setting aside the touch of conscience,
and all inward convulsions.
2 Int.
He'll be hang'd, I know by that word.
Laz.
Your Lordship may consider—
Luc.
Hold thy peace: thou canst not answer this speech:
no Traitor can answer it: but because you cannot answer
this speech, I take it you have confess'd the Treason.
1 Int.
The Count Valore was the first that discover'd
him, and can witness it; but he left the matter to your
Lordship's grave consideration.
Luc.
I thank his Lordship, carry him away speedily to
the Duke.
Laz.
Now Lazarillo thou art tumbl'd down
The hill of fortune, with a violent arm;
All plagues that can be, Famine, and the Sword
Will light upon thee, black despair will boil
In thy despairing breast, no comfort by,
Thy friends far off, thy enemies are nigh.
Luc.
Away with him, I'll follow you, look you pinion
him, and take his money from him, lest he swallow a shilling,
and kill himself.
2 Int.
Get thou on before.
Exeunt.
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