 | The Woman-Hater |  |
Scæna Tertia.
Enter Lazarello and his Boy.Laz.
Whereabouts are we?
Boy.
Sir, by all tokens this is the house,
bawdy I am sure, because of the broken windows, the Fish
head is within; if ye dare venture, here you may surprize
it.
Laz.
The misery of man may fitly be compar'd to a Didapper,
who when she is under water, past our sight, and
indeed can seem no more to us, rises again; shakes but her
self, and is the same she was, so is it still with transitory
man, this day: oh but an hour since, and I was mighty,
mighty in knowledge, mighty in my hopes, mighty
in blessed means, and was so truly happy, that I durst
have said, live Lazarello, and be satisfied: but now—
Boy.
Sir, ye are yet afloat, and may recover, be not your
own wreck, here lies the harbor, goe in and ride at ease.
Laz.
Boy, I am receiv'd to be a Gentleman, a Courtier,
and a man of action, modest, and wise, and be it spoken
with thy reverence, Child, abounding virtuous; and wouldst
thou have a man of these choise habits, covet the cover of
a bawdy-house? yet if I goe not in, I am but—
Boy.
But what Sir?
Laz.
Dust boy, but dust, and my soul unsatisfied, shall
haunt the keepers of my blessed Saint, and I will appear.
Boy.
An ass to all men; Sir, these are no means to stay
your appetite, you must resolve to enter.
Laz.
Were not the house subject to Martial Law—
Boy.
If that be all, Sir, ye may enter, for ye can know nothing
here that the Court is ignorant of, only the more
eyes shall look upon you, for there they wink one at anothers
faults.
Laz.
If I doe not.
Boy.
Then ye must beat fairly back, again fall to your
physical mess of porridge, and the twice sack'd carkass of
a Capon: Fortune may favour you so much, to send the
bread to it: but it's a meet venture, and money may be put
out upon it.
Laz.
I will go in and live; pretend some love to the Gentlewoman,
screw my self in affection, and so be satisfied.
Pan.
This Fly is caught, is mash'd already, I will suck
him, and lay him by.
Boy.
Muffle your self in your cloak by any means, 'tis a receiv'd
thing among gallants, to walk to their leachery, as
though they had the rheum, 'twas well you brought not
your horse.
Laz.
Why Boy?
Boy.
Faith Sir. 'tis the fashion of our Gentry, to have
their horses wait at door like men, while the beasts their
Masters, are within at rack and manger, 'twould have discover'd
much.
Laz.
I will lay by these habits, forms, and grave respects
of what I am, and be my self; only my appetite, my sire, my
soul, my being, my dear appetite shall go along with me,
arm'd with whose strength, I fearless will attempt the
greatest danger dare oppose my fury: I am resolv'd where
ever that thou art, most sacred dish, hid from unhallow'd
eyes, to find thee out.
To be a rival in black Pluto's love;
Or mov'st thou in the heavens, a form Divine:
Lashing the lazie Sphear,
Or if thou be'st return'd to thy first Being,
Thy mother Sea, then will I seek thee forth.
Earth, Air, nor Fire,
Nor the black shades below shall bar my sight
So daring is my powerful appetite.
Boy.
Sir, you may save this long voyage, and take a shorter
cut: you have forgot your self, the fish head's here, your
own imaginations have made you mad.
Laz.
Term it a jealous fury, good my boy.
Boy.
Faith Sir term it what you will, you must use other
terms before you can get it.
Laz.
The looks of my sweet love are fair,
Fresh and feeding as the air.
Boy.
Sir, you forget your self.
Laz.
Was never seen so rare a head,
Of any Fish alive or dead.
Boy.
Good Sir remember: this is the house, Sir.
Laz.
Cursed be he that dare not venture.
Boy.
Pity your self, Sir, and leave this fury
Laz.
For such a prize, and so I enter.
Exit Lazarello and Boy.
Pan.
Dun's i'th' mire, get out again how he can:
My honest gallant, I'll shew you one trick more
Than e'er the fool your father dream'd of yet.
Madona Julia?
Enter Madona Julia, a Whore.
Julia.
What news my sweet rogue, my dear sins-broker,
what good news?
Pan.
There is a kind of ignorant thing,
Much like a Courtier, now gone in.
Jul.
Is he gallant?
Pan.
He shines not very gloriously, nor does he wear one skin
perfum'd to keep the other sweet; his coat is not in Or, nor
does the world run yet on wheels with him; he's rich enough,
and has a small thing follows him, like to a boat tyed to a
tall ships tail: give him entertainment, be light, and flashing
like a Meteor, hug him about the neck, give him a kiss, and
lisping cry, good Sir; and he's thine own, as fast as he were
tied to thine arms by Indenture.
Jul.
I dare doe more than this, if he be o'th' true Court
cut; I'll take him out a lesson worth the Learning: but we
are but their Apes; what's he worth?
Pan.
Be he rich, or poor; if he will take thee with him,
thou maist use thy trade from Constables, and Marshals: who
hath been here since I went out?
Jul.
There is a Gentlewoman sent hither by a Lord, she's
a piece of dainty stun my rogue, smooth and soft, as new
Sattin; she was never gumm'd yet boy, nor fretted.
Pan.
Where lies she?
Jul.
She lies above, towards the street, not to be spoke
with, but by my Lord that sent her, or some from him,
we have in charge from his servants.
Enter Lazarello.
Pan.
Peace, he comes out again upon discovery; up with
all your Canvas, hale him in; and when thou hast done,
clap him aboard bravely, my valiant Pinnace.
Jul.
Begone, I shall doe reason with him.
Laz.
Are you the special beauty of this house?
Jul.
Sir, you have given it a more special regard by your
good language, than these black brows can merit,
Laz.
Lady, you are fair
Jul.
Fair Sir: I thank ye? all the poor means I have left
to be thought grateful, is but a kiss, and ye shall have it Sir.
Laz.
Ye have a very moving lip.
Jul.
Prove it again Sir, it may be your sense was set too
high, and so over-wrought it self.
Laz.
'Tis still the same: how far may ye hold the time to
be spent Lady?
Four a clock, Sir.
Laz.
I have not eat to day.
Jul.
You will have the better stomach to your supper;
in the mean time I'll feed you with delight.
Laz.
'Tis not so good upon an empty stomach: if it
might be without the trouble of your house, I would eat?
Jul.
Sir, we can have a Capon ready,
Laz.
The day?
Jul.
'Tis Friday, Sir.
Laz.
I do eat little flesh upon these days.
Jul.
Come sweet, ye shall not think on meat; I'll drown
it with a better appetite.
Laz.
I feel it work more strangely, I must eat.
Jul.
'Tis now too late to send; I say ye shall not think
on meat: if ye do, by this kiss I'll be angry.
Laz.
I could be far more sprightful, had I eaten, and
more lasting.
Jul.
What will you have Sir? name but the Fish, my
Maid shall bring it, if it may be got,
Laz.
Methinks your house should not be so unfurnish'd,
as not to have some pretty modicum.
Jul.
It is now: but cou'd ye stay till supper?
Laz.
Sure I have offended highly, and much, and my
afflictions makes it manifest, I will retire henceforth, and
keep my chamber, live privately, and dye forgotten.
Jul.
Sir, I must crave your pardon, I had forgot my
self; I have a dish of meat within, and it is fish; I think this
Dukedom holds not a daintier: 'tis an Umbranoes head.
Laz.
This kiss is yours, and this.
Jul.
Hoe? within there? cover the board, and set the
Fish head on it.
Laz.
Now am I so truly happy, so much above all fate
and fortune, that I should despise that man, durst say, remember
Lazarello, thou art mortal.
Enter Intelligencers with a Guard.
2 Int.
This is the villain, lay hold on him.
Laz.
Gentlemen, why am I thus intreated? what is the
nature of my crime?
2 Int.
Sir, though you have carried it a great while privately,
and (as you think) well; yet we have seen you Sir,
and we do know thee Lazarello, for a Traitor.
Laz.
The gods defend our Duke,
2 Int.
Amen, Sir, Sir, this cannot save that stiff neck
from the halter.
Jul.
Gentlemen, I am glad you have discover'd him, he
should not have eaten under my roof for twenty pounds;
and surely I did not like him, when he call'd for Fish,
Laz.
My friends, will ye let me have that little favour—
1 Int.
Sir, ye shall have Law, and nothing else.
Laz.
To let me stay the eating of a bit or two, for I protest
I am yet fasting.
Jul.
I'll have no Traitor come within my house.
Laz.
Now could I wish my self I had been a Traitor, I
have strength enough for to endure it, had I but patience:
Man thou art but grass, thou art a bubble, and thou must
perish.
Since I have lost my hopes, welcome my fall.
2 Int.
Away Sir.
Laz.
As thou hast hope of man, stay but this dish this
two hours, I doubt not but I shall be discharged: by this
light I will marry thee.
Jul.
You shall marry me first then.
Laz.
I do contract my self unto thee now, before these
Gentlemen.
Jul.
I'll preserve jt till you be hang'd or quitted.
Laz.
Thanks, thanks.
2 Int.
Away, away, you shall thank her at the gallows.
Laz.
Adieu, adieu.
Exeunt Laz. 2 Int. and Guard.
Jul.
If he live I'll have him, if he be hang'd, there's no
loss in it.
Exit.
Enter Oriana and her waiting woman, looking out at a window.
Orian.
Hast thou provided one to bear my Letter to my
brother?
Wait.
I have enquir'd, but they of the house will suffer
no Letter nor message to be carried from you, but such as
the Lord Gondarino shall be acquainted with: truly Madam
I suspect the house to be no better than it should be.
Ori.
What dost thou doubt?
Wait.
Faith I am loth to tell it, Madam.
Ori.
Out with it, 'tis not true modesty to fear to speak
that thou dost think.
Wait.
I think it to be one of these Bawdy houses.
Ori.
'Tis no matter wench, we are warm in it, keep thou
thy mind pure, and upon my word, that name will do thee
no hurt: I cannot force my self yet to fear any thing;
when I do get out, I'll another encounter with my Woman-Hater.
Here will I sit. I may get sight of some of my friends,
it must needs be a comfort to them to see me here.
Enter Duke, Gondarino, Count, Arrigo.
Gond.
Are we all sufficiently disguis'd? for this house
where she attends me, is not to be visited in our own
shapes.
Duke.
We are not our selves.
Arr.
I know the house to be sinful enough, yet I have
been heretofore, and durst now, but for discovering of you,
appear here in my own likeness.
Duke.
Where's Lucio?
Arri.
My Lord, he said the affairs of the Common-wealth
would not suffer him to attend always.
Duke.
Some great ones questionless that he will handle.
Count.
Come, let us enter.
Gond.
See how Fortune strives to revenge my quarrel upon
these women, she's in the window, were it not to undoe
her, I should not look upon her.
Duke.
Lead us Gondarino.
Gond.
Stay; since you force me to display my shame,
Look there, and you my Lord, know you that face?
Duke.
Is't she?
Count.
It is.
Gond.
'Tis she, whose greatest virtue ever was
Dissimulation; she that still hath strove
More to sin cunningly, than to avoid it:
She that hath ever sought to be accounted
Most virtuous, when she did deserve most scandal:
'Tis she that itches now, and in the height
Of her intemperate thoughts, with greedy eyes
Expects my coming to allay her Lust:
Leave her; forget she's thy sister.
Count.
Stay, stay.
Duke.
I am as full of this, as thou canst be,
The memory of this will easily
Hereafter stay my loose and wandring thought
From any Woman.
Count.
This will not down with me, I dare not trust
this fellow.
Duke.
Leave her here, that only shall be her punishment,
never to be fetcht from hence; but let her use her trade to
get her living.
Count.
Stay good my Lord, I do believe all this, as great
men as I, have had known whores to their Sisters, and have
laught at it: I would fain hear how she talks, since she
grew thus light: will your grace make him shew himself to
her, as if he were now come to satisfie her longing! whilst
we, unseen of her, over-hear her wantonness, let's make our
best of it now, we shall have good mirth.
Duke.
Do it Gondarino.
Gond.
I must; fortune assist me but this once.
Count.
Here we shall stand unseen, and near enough.
Gond.
Madam, Oriana.
Who's that? oh! my Lord?
Gond.
Shall I come up?
Oria.
Oh you are merry, shall I come down?
Gond.
It is better there.
Oria.
What is the confession of the lye you made to the
Duke, which I scarce believe, yet you had impudence enough
to do? did it not gain you so much faith with me, as
that I was willing to be at your Lordships bestowing,
till you had recover'd my credit, and confest your self a lyar,
as you pretended to do? I confess I began to fear you,
and desir'd to be out of your house, but your own followers
forc'd me hither.
Gond.
'Tis well suspected, dissemble still, for there are
some may hear us.
Oria.
More tricks yet, my Lord? what house this is I
know not, I only know my self: it were a great conquest,
if you could fasten a scandal upon me: 'saith my Lord,
give me leave to write to my brother?
Duke.
Come down.
Count.
Come down.
Arr.
If it please your Grace, there's a back door.
Count.
Come meet us there then.
Duke.
It seems you are acquainted with the house.
Arr.
I have been in it.
Gond.
She saw you and dissembled.
Duke.
Sir, we shall know that better,
Gond.
Bring me unto her, if I prove her not
To be a strumpet, let me be contemn'd
Of all her sex.
Exeunt.
| The Woman-Hater | |