 | The Woman-Hater |  |
Scæna Tertia.
Enter two Intelligencers, discovering treason in the Courtiers words.1. Intel.
There take your standing, be close and vigilant,
here will I set my self, and let him look to his
language, a shall know the Duke has more ears in Court
than two.
2. Int.
I'll quote him to a tittle, let him speak wisely, and
plainly, and as hidden as a can, or I shall crush him, a shall
not scape charracters, though a speak Babel, I shall crush
him: we have a Fortune by this service hanging over us,
that within this year or two, I hope we shall be called to be
examiners, wear politick gowns garded with copper lace,
making great faces full of fear and office, our labors may
deserve this.
1. Int.
I hope it shall: why has not many men been raised
from this worming trade, first to gain good access to great
men, then to have commissions out for search, and lastly,
to be worthily nam'd at a great Arraignment: yes, and why
not we? They that endeavor well deserve their Fee.
Enter Count, Lazarello, and his Boy.
Laz.
Farewell my hopes, my Anchor now is broken,
Farewell my quondam joys, of which no token
Is now remaining, such is the sad mischance,
Where Lady Fortune leads the slipp'ry dance.
Yet at the length, let me this favour have,
Give me my wishes, or a wished grave.
Count.
The gods defend so brave and valiant maw,
Should slip into the never satiate jaw
Of black Despair; no, thou shalt live and know
Thy full desires, hunger thy ancient foe,
Shall be subdued; those guts that daily tumble
Through ayr and appetite, shall cease to rumble:
And thou shalt now at length obtain thy dish,
That noble part, the sweet head of a fish.
Laz.
Then am I greater than the Duke.
2. Int.
There, there's a notable peece of treason, greater
than the Duke, mark that.
Count.
But how, or where, or when this shall be compas'd,
is yet out of my reach.
Laz.
I am so truely miserable, that might
I be now knockt oth' head, with all my heart
I would forgive a dog-killer.
Count.
Yet doe I see through this confusedness some little comfort.
Laz.
The plot my Lord, as er'e you came of a woman, discover.
1. Int.
Plots, dangerous plots, I will deserve by this most liberally.
Count.
'Tis from my head again.
Laz.
O that it would stand me, that I might fight, or have
some venture for it, that I might be turn'd loose, to try my fortune
amongst the whole frie in a Colledge, or an Inn of
Court, or scramble with the prisoners in the dungeon; nay
were it set down in the outward court,
With their knives drawn, which were a dismall sight,
And after twenty leisurely were told,
I to be let loose only in my shirt,
To trie the valour, how much of the spoyl,
I would recover from the enemies mouths:
Wilt thou lose this opinion, for the cold head of a Fish?
I say, let it goe: I'll help thee to as good a dish of meat.
Laz.
God let me not live, if I doe not wonder,
Men should talk so propanely:
But it is not in the power of loose words,
Of any vain or misbeleeving man,
To make me dare to wrong thy purity.
Shew me but any Lady in the Court,
That hath so full an eye, so sweet a breath,
So soft and white a flesh: this doth not lie
In almond gloves, nor ever hath bin washt
In artificiall baths: no traveller
That hath brought doctor home with him, hath dar'd
With all his waters, powders, Fucusses,
To make thy lovely corps sophisticate.
Count.
I have it, 'tis now infus'd, be comforted.
Laz.
Can there be that little hope yet left in nature? shall
I once more erect up Trophies? Shall I enjoy the sight of
my dear Saint, and bless my pallate with the best of creatures,
ah good my Lord, by whom I breathe again, shall
I receive this Being?
Count.
Sir I have found by certain calculation, and setled
revolution of the stars, the Fish is sent by the Lord Gondarino
to his Mercer, now 'tis a growing hope to know where 'tis.
Laz.
O 'tis far above the good of women, the Pathick
cannot yield more pleasing titilation.
Count.
But how to compass it search, cast about, and
bang your brains, Lazarello, thou art too dull and heavy to
deserve a blessing.
Laz.
My Lord, I will not be idle; now Lazarello, think,
think, think,
Count.
Yonder's my informer
And his fellow with table books, they nod at me
Upon my life, they have poor Lazarello, that beats
His brains about no such waighty matter, in for
Treason before this—
Laz.
My Lord, what doe you think, if I should shave my self,
Put on midwives apparell, come in with a hand-kercher,
And beg a piece for a great bellied woman, or a sick child?
Count.
Good, very good.
Laz.
Or corrupt the waiting prentise to betray the reversion.
1. Inte.
There's another point in's plot, corrupted with
money; to betray: sure 'tis some Fort a means: mark, have
a care.
Laz.
And 'twere the bare vinegar 'tis eaten with, it would
in some sort satisfie nature: but might I once attain the
dish it self, though I cut out my means through sword and
fire, through poison, through any thing that may make
good my hopes.
2. Int.
Thanks to the gods, and our officiousness, the
plots discover'd, fire, steel, and poison, burn the Palace,
kill the Duke and poison his privie Councell.
Count.
To the mercers, let me see: how, if before we
can attain the means, to make up our acquaintance, the
fish be eaten?
Laz.
If it be eaten, here he stands, that is the most dejected,
most unfortunate, miserable, accursed, forsaken slave
this Province yields: I will not sure outlive it, no I will dye
bravely, and like a Roman; and after death, amidst the
Elizian shades, I'll meet my love again.
1. In.
I will dye bravely, like a Roman: have a care, mark
that, when he hath done all, he will kill himself.
Count.
Will nothing ease your appetite but this?
Laz.
No could the Sea throw up his vastness,
And offer free his best inhabitants: 'twere not so much as
a bare temptation to me.
Count,
If you could be drawn to affect Beef, Venison, or
Fowl, 'twould be far the better.
Laza.
I doe beseech your Lordships patience,
I doe confess that in this heat of blood,
I have contemn'd all dull and grosser meats,
But I protest I doe honor a Chine of Beef,
I doe reverence a loyn of Veal,
But good my Lord, give me leave a little to adore this:
But my good Lord, would your Lordship, under color of
taking up some silks, goe to the Mercers, I would in all
humilitie attend your honor, where we may be invited, if
Fortune stand propitious.
Count.
Sir you shall work me as you please.
Laza.
Let it be suddenly, I doe beseech your Lordship,
'tis now upon the point of dinner time.
Count.
I am all yours.
Exeunt Lazarello and Count.
1. In.
Come let us confer,
Imprimis he saith, like a blasphemous villain, he's greater than
the Duke, this peppers him, and there were nothing else.
2. In.
Then he was naming plots; did you not hear?
1. In.
Yes but he fell from that unto discovery, to corrupt
by money, and so attain.
2. In.
I, I, he meant some Fort, or Cyttadell the Duke hath,
his very face betraid his meaning, O he is very subtile and a
dangerous knave, but if he deal a Gods name, we shall worm
him
1. In.
But now comes the Stroak, the fatall blow, Fire,
Sword and Poyson, O Canibal, thou bloody Canibal.
2. In.
What had become of this poor state, had we not been?
1. In.
Faith it had lyen buried in his own ashes; had not
a greater hand been in't.
2. In.
But note the rascalls resolution, after th'acts done,
because he wo'd avoid all fear of torture, and cousen the Law,
he wo'd kill himself; was there ever the like danger brought
to light in this age? sure we shall merit much, we shall be
able to keep two men a peece, and a two hand-sword between
us, we will live in favour of the State, betray our ten
or twelve treasons a week, and the people shall fear us:
come, to the Lord Lucio, the Sun shall not goe down till
he be hang'd.
Exeunt.
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