 | The City-Madam |  |
18
Actus secundus
Scena prima.
Enter Luke, Holdfast, Goldwire, Tradewell.Holdfast.
The like was never seen.
Luke.
Why in this rage man?
Holdfast.
Men may talk of Country-Christmases, and Court-gluttonie,
Their thirty pound butter'd eggs, their Pies of Carps tongues,
Their Pheasants drench'd with Ambergreece, the carkases
Of three fat Weathers bruised for gravie to
Make sauce for a single Peacock, yet their feasts
Were fasts compar'd with the Cities.
Tradewell.
What deer dainty
Was it thou murmur'st at?
Holdfast.
Did you not observe it?
There were three sucking piggs serv'd up in a dish,
Took from the sow as soon as farrowed,
A fortnight fed with dates, and muskadine,
That stood my Master in twenty marks a piece,
Besides the puddings in their bellies made
Of I know not what. I dare swear the cook that dress'd it
Was the Devill, disguis'd like a Dutch-man.
Goldwire.
Yet all this
Will not make you fat, fellow-Holdfast.
Holdfast.
I am rather
Starv'd to look on't. But here's the mischief, though
The dishes were rais'd one upon another
As woodmongers do billets, for the first,
The second, and third course, and most of the shopps
Of the best confectioners in London ransack'd
To furnish out a banquet, yet my Lady
Call'd me penurious rascall, and cri'd out,
There was nothing worth the eating.
Goldwire.
You must have patience,
19
Holdfast.
'Tis not fit it should,
Three such dinners more would break an Alderman,
And make him give up his cloak. I am resolv'd
To have no hand in't. I'le make up my accompts
And since, my Master longs to be undone:
The great Fiend be his Steward, I will pray,
And blesse my self from him.
Exit Holdfast.
Goldwire.
The wretch shews in this
An honest care.
Luke.
Out on him, with the fortune
Of a slave, he has the mind of one. However
She bears me hard, I like my Ladies humor,
And my brothers sufferage to it. They are now
Busie on all hands; one side eager for
Large portions, the other arguing strictly
For jointures, and securitie; but this
Being above our scale, no way concerns us.
How dul you look? in the mean time how intend you
To spend the hours?
Goldwire.
We well know how we would,
But dare not serve our wills.
Tradewell.
Being prentices,
We are bound to attendance.
Luke.
Have you almost serv'd out
The term of your Indentures, yet make conscience
By starts to use your liberty? Hast thou traded
In the other world, expos'd unto all dangers,
To make thy Master rich, yet dar'st not take
Some portion of the profit for thy pleasure?
Or wilt thou being keeper of the Cash,
Like an Ass that carries dainties, feed on Thistles?
Are you gentlemen born, yet have no gallant tincture
Of gently in you? You are no Mechanicks,
Nor serve some needy shop-keeper, who surveighs
His every-day-takings. You have in your keeping,
A masse of wealth, from which you may take boldly,
And no way be discover'd. He's no rich man
20
For his servants to make prey of. I blush for you,
Blush at your poverty of spirit, you
The brave sparks of the City?
Goldwire.
M. Luke,
I wonder, you should urge this, having felt
What miserie follows riot.
Tradewell.
And the penance
You indur'd for't in the Counter.
Luke.
You are fools,
The case is not the same. I spent mine own money,
And my stock being smal, no mervail 'twas soon wasted.
But you without the least doubt or suspicion,
If cautelous, may make bold with your Masters.
As for example; when his Ships come home,
And you take your receipts, as 'tis the fashion,
For fifty bales of Silk you may write forty,
Or for so many pieces of Cloth of Bodkin,
Tissue, Gold, Silver, Velvets, Sattins, Taffaties,
A piece of each deducted from the grosse
Will never be miss'd, a dash of a pen will do it.
Trad.
I, but our fathers bonds that lye in pawn
For our honesties must pay for't.
Luke.
A meer bugbear
Invented to fright children. As I live
Were I the master of my brothers fortunes,
I should glory in such servants. Did'st thou know
What ravishing lechery it is to enter
An Ordinarie, ca pa pe, trim'd like a Gallant,
(For which in truncks conceal'd be ever furnish'd)
The reverence, respect, the crouches, cringes,
The musical chime of Gold in your cram'd pockets,
Commands from the attendants, and poor Porters?
Tradewell.
Oh rare!
Luke.
Then sitting at the Table with
The braveries of the kingdom, you shall hear
Occurrents from all corners of the world,
The plots, the Counsels, the designs of Princes,
21
Cri'd up, or decri'd, as their passions lead 'em;
Judgment having nought to do there.
Tradewell.
Admirable!
Luke.
My Lord no sooner shal rise out of his chair,
The gameing Lord I mean, but you may boldly
By the priviledge of a gamester fill his room,
For in play you are all fellows; have your knife
Assoon in the Pheasant; drink your health as freely,
And striking in a luckie hand or two,
Buy out your time.
Tradewell.
This may be: but suppose
We should be known.
Luke.
Have mony and good cloaths
And you may passe invisible. Or if
You love a Madam-punck, and your wide nostrill
Be taken with the sent of cambrick smocks
Wrought, and perfum'd.
Goldwire.
There, there, M. Luke,
There lyes my road of happiness.
Luke.
Injoy it,
And pleasures stol'n being sweetest, apprehend
The raptures of being hurried in a Coach
To Brainford, Stanes, or Barnet.
Goldwire.
'Tis inchanting,
I have prov'd it.
Luke.
Hast thou?
Goldwire.
Yes in all these places,
I have had my several Pagans billeted
For my own tooth, and after ten pound suppers
The curtains drawn, my Fidlers playing all night
The shaking of the sheets, which I have danc'd
Again, and again with my Cockatrice. M. Luke,
You shall be of my counsel, and we two sworn brothers,
And therefore I'le be open. I am out now
Six hundred in the Cash, yet if on a sudden
I should be call'd to account, I have a trick
How to evade it, and make up the sum.
22
Is't possible?
Luke.
You can intrust your Tutor.
How? how? good Tom.
Goldwire.
Why look you. We cash-keepers
Hold correspondence, supply one another
On all occasions. I can borrow for a week
Two hundred pounds of one, as much of a second,
A third lays down the rest, and when they want,
As my Masters monies come in, I do repay it,
Ka me, ka thee.
Luke.
An excellent knot! 'tis pity
It e're should be unloos'd; for me it shall not,
You are shew'n the way friend Tradewell, you may make use on't,
Or freeze in the ware-house, and keep company
With the Cator Holdfast.
Tradewell.
No, I am converted.
A Barbican Broker will furnish me with out side,
And then a crash at the Ordinarie.
Goldwire.
I am for
The Lady you saw this morning, who indeed is
My proper recreation.
Luke.
Go to Tom,
What did you make me?
Goldwire.
I'le do as much for you,
Imploy me when you please:
Luke.
If you are enquired for,
I will excuse you both.
Tradewell.
Kind M. Luke;
Goldwire.
Wee'l break my Master to make you;
You know.
Luke.
I cannot love money, go boyes. When time serves
It shall appear, I have another end in't.
Exeunt.
Enter Lord, Sir John, Lacie, Plenty, Lady, Ann, Mary, Milliscent.
Sir John.
Ten thousand pounds a piece I'le make their portions,
And after my decease it shall be double,
23
800l. per annum, and intail
A thousand more upon the heirs male,
Begotten on their bodies.
Lord.
Sir, you bind us
To very strict conditions.
Plentie.
You my Lord
May do as you please: but to me it seems strange,
We should conclude of portions, and of jointures,
Before our hearts are settled.
Ladie.
You say right,
A chair set out.
There are counsels of more moment, and importance
On the making up of marriages to be
Consider'd duly, then the portion, or the jointures
In which a mothers care must be exacted,
And I by speciall priviledge may challenge
A casting voice.
Lord.
How's this?
Lady.
Even so my Lord,
In these affairs I govern.
Lord.
Give you way to't?
S. John.
I must my Lord.
Lady.
'Tis fit he should, and shall:
You may consult of somthing else, this Province
Is wholly mine.
Lacie.
By the City custom Madam?
Lady.
Yes my young Sir, and both must look my daughters
Will hold it by my Copie.
Plenty.
Brave i'faith.
S. John.
Give her leave to talk, we have the power to do;
And now touching the businesse we last talk'd of,
In private if you please.
Lord.
'Tis well remembred,
You shall take your own way Madam.
Exeunt Lord and S. John.
Lacie.
What strange lecture
Will she read unto us?
Lady.
Such as wisedom warrants
From the Superiour bodies. Is Stargaze ready
24
Millis.
Yes Madam, and attends
Your pleasure.
Exit Milliscent.
Lacie.
Stargaze, Ladie: What is he?
Lady.
Call him in. You shall first know him, then admire him
For a man of many parts, and those parts rare ones.
Hee's every thing indeed, parcel Physician,
And as such prescribes my diet, and foretells
My dreams when I eat Potato's; parcel Poet,
And sings Encomiums to my virtues sweetly;
My Antecedent, or my Gentleman Usher;
And as the starrs move, with that due proportion
He walks before me; but an absolute Master
In the Calculation of Nativities;
Guided by that ne're-erring science, call'd,
Judicial Astrologie.
Plentie.
Stargaze! sure
I have a penny Almanack about me
Inscrib'd to you, as to his Patroness,
In his name publish'd.
Lady.
Keep it as a jewel.
Some States-men that I will not name, are wholly
Governed by his predictions, for they serve
For any latitude in Christendome,
Aswell as our own climate.
Enter Milliscent, and Stargaze, with two Schemes.
Lady.
I believe so.
Plentie.
Must we couple by the Almanack?
Lady.
Be silent,
And e're we do articulate, much more
Grow to a full conclusion, instruct us
Whether this day and hour, by the planets, promise
Happie success in marriage.
Stargaze.
In omni
Parte, & toto.
Plentie.
Good learn'd Sir, in English.
And since it is resolved we must be Coxcombs,
Make us so in own language.
25
You are pleasant:
Thus in our vulgar tongue then.
Ladie.
Pray you observe him.
Stargaze.
Venus in the West-angle, the house of marriage the
7th house, in Trine of Mars, in Conjunction of Luna, and Mars
Almuthen, or Lord of the Horoscope.
Plentie.
Hoy day
Ladie.
The Angels language, I am ravish'd! forward.
Stargaze.
Mars as I said Lord of the Horoscope, or geniture,
in mutual reception of each other, shee in her Exaltation, and
he in his Triplicitie trine, and face, assure a fortunate combination
to Hymen, excellent prosperous and happie.
Ladie.
Kneel, and give thanks.
The Women kneel
Lacie.
For what we understand not.
Plenty.
And have as little faith in't.
Lady.
Be credulous,
To me 'tis Oracle.
Stargaze.
Now for the sovereigntie of my future Ladies, your
daughters after they are married.
Plenty.
Wearing the breeches you mean.
Lady.
Touch that point home,
It is a principal one, and with London Ladies
Of main consideration.
Stargaze.
This is infallible: Saturn out of all dignities in his
detriment and fall, combust: and Venus in the South-angle
elevated above him, Ladie of both their Nativities; in her essential,
and accidental dignities; occidental from the Sun, oriental
from the Angle of the East, in Cazini of the Sun, in her joy, and
free from the malevolent beams of infortunes; in a sign commanding,
and Mars in a constellation obeying, she fortunate, and
he dejected, he disposers of marriage in the Radix of the native
in feminine figures, argue foretel, and declare preheminence, rule,
preheminence and absolute soveraignity in women.
Lacie.
Is't possible!
Stargaze.
'Tis drawn, I assure you, from the Aphorismes of
the old Chaldeans; Zoroastes the first and greatest Magician,
Mercurius Trismegistus, the later Ptolomy, and the everlasting
Prognosticator, old Erra Pater.
Lady.
Are you yet satisfi'd?
26
In what?
Lady.
That you
Are bound to obey your Wives, it being so
Determin'd by the starrs, against whose influence
There is no opposition.
Plenty.
Since I must
Be married by the Almanack, as I may be,
'Twere requisite the services and duties
Which, as you say, I must pay to my wife,
Were set down in the Calender.
Lacie.
With the date
Of my Apprenticeship.
Lady.
Make your demands;
I'le sit as Moderatrix, if they presse you
With over hard conditions.
Lacie.
Mine hath the Van,
I stand your charge, sweet.
Stargaze.
Silence.
Anne.
I require first
(And that since 'tis in fashion with kind husbands,
In civil manners you must grant) my will
In all things whatsoever, and that will
To be obey'd, not argu'd.
Lady.
And good reason.
Plenty.
A gentle Imprimis.
Lacie.
This in grosse contains all;
But your special Items, Lady.
Anne.
When I am one
(And you are honour'd to be styl'd my husband)
To urge my having my Page, my Gentleman-Usher;
My Woman sworn to my secrets; my Caroch
Drawn by six Flanders Mares; my Coachman, Grooms,
Postilian, and Footmen.
Lacie.
Is there ought else
To be demanded?
Anne.
Yes Sir, mine own Doctor; French, and Italian Cooks; Musicians, Songsters,
And a Chaplain that must preach to please my fancie;
27
The private Box took up at a new Play
For me, and my retinue; a fresh habit,
(Of a fashion never seen before) to draw
The Gallants eies that sit on the Stage upon me;
Some decay'd Ladie for my Parasite,
To flatter me, and rail at other Madams;
And there ends my ambition.
Lacie.
Your desires
Are modest, I confess.
Anne.
These toies subscrib'd to,
And you continuing an obedient Husband
Upon all fit occasions, you shall find me
A most indulgent Wife.
Lady.
You have said, give place
And hear your younger Sister.
Plenty.
If shee speak
Her language, may the great Fiend booted & spurr'd,
With a Sithe at his girdle, as the Scotchman saies,
Ride headlong down her throat.
Lacie.
Curse not the Judg
Before you hear the sentence.
Mary.
In some part
My Sister hath spoke well for the Citie pleasures,
But I am for the Countries, and must say
Under correction in her demands
She was too modest.
Lacie.
How like you this Exordium?
Plenty.
Too modest, with a mischief!
Mary.
Yes, too modest:
I know my value, and prize it to the worth;
My youth, my beauty.
Plenty.
How your glasse deceives you?
Mary.
The greatnesse of the portion I bring with me,
And the Sea of happinesse that from me flows to you.
Lacie.
She bears up close.
Mary.
And can you in your wisedom,
Or rusticall simplicity imagine,
28
Look'd further then her fathers farm, nor knew more
Then the price of corn in the Market; or at what rate
Beef went a stone? that would surveigh your dayrie,
And bring in mutton out of Cheese, and butter?
That could give directions at what time of the Moon
To cut her Cocks, for Capons against Christmas,
Or when to raise up Goslings?
Plenty.
These are arts
Would not mis-become you, though you should put in
Obedience and duty.
Mary.
Yes, and patience,
To sit like a fool at home, and eye your thrashers;
Then make provision for your slavering Hounds,
When you come drunk from an Ale-house after hunting,
With your Clowns and Comrades as if all were yours,
You the Lord Paramount, and I the drudge;
The case Sir, must be otherwise.
Plentie.
How, I beseech you?
Mary.
Marry thus. I will not like my Sister challenge
What's usefull, or superfluous from my Husband,
That's base all o're. mine shall receive from me,
What I think fit. I'le have the State convey'd
Into my hands; and he put to his pension,
Which the wise virago's of our climate practise,
I will receive your rents.
Plenty.
You shall be hang'd first.
Mary.
Make sale, or purchase. Nay I'le have my neighbours
Instructed, when a passenger shall ask,
Whose house is this? though you stand by to answer,
The Lady Plenties. Or who owes this manner?
The Lady Plenty. Whose sheep are these? whose oxen?
The Lady Plenties.
Plentie.
A plentifull Pox upon you.
Mary.
And when I have children, if it be enquir'd
By a stranger whose they are, they shall still Eccho
My Lady Plenties? the Husband never thought on.
Plenty.
In their begetting I think so.
29
Since you'l marry
In the City for our wealth, in justice, we
Must have the Countries Soveraignty.
Plenty.
And we nothing.
Mary.
A Nagg of forty shillings, a couple of Spaniels,
With a Spar-Hawk is sufficient, and these too,
As you shall behave your self, during my pleasure,
I will not greatly stand on. I have said Sir,
Now if you like me, so.
Lady.
At my intreaty,
The Articles shall be easier.
Plenty.
Shall they i'faith?
Like Bitch, like Whelps:
Lacie.
Use fair words.
Plenty.
I cannot;
I have read of a house of pride, and now I have found one:
A whirle winde overturn it.
Lacie.
On these terms,
Wil your minxship be a Lady?
Plenty.
A Lady in a morris,
I'le wedd a Pedlers punck first.
Lacie.
Tinkers trull,
A begger without a smock.
Plenty.
Let Mounsieur Almanack,
Since he is so cunning with his Jacob's Staffe,
Find you out a Husband in a bowling Ally.
Lacie.
The general pimp to a Brothel.
Plenty.
Though that now,
All the loose desires of man were rak'd up in me,
And no means but thy Maiden-head left to quench 'em,
I would turn Cynders, or the next Sow-gelder,
On my life should libb me, rather then imbrace thee.
Ann.
Wooing do you call this?
Mary.
A Bear-baiting rather.
Plenty.
Were you worried, you deserve it, and I hope
I shall live to see it.
Lacie.
I'le not rail, nor curse you,
Only this; you are pretty peates, and your great portions
30
You would command your Husbands you are beggers,
Deform'd, and uglie.
Lady.
Hear me.
Plenty.
Not a word more.
Exeunt Lacie and Plenty.
Ann.
I ever thought 'twould come to this.
Mary.
Wee may
Lead Apes in Hell for Husbands, if you bind us
T' articulate thus with our sutors.
Both speak weeping.
Stargaze.
Now the Clowd breaks,
And the Storm will fall on me.
Lady.
You rascal, jugler.
She breaks his head, and beats him.
Stargaze.
Dear Madam.
Lady.
Hold you intelligence with the Starrs,
And thus deceive me?
Stargaze.
My art cannot erre,
If it does I'le burn my Astrolabe. In mine own Starr
I did fore see this broken head, and beating;
And now your Ladyship sees, as I do feel it,
It could not be avoided.
Lady.
Did you?
Stargaze.
Madam,
Have patience but a week, and if you finde not
All my predictions true touching your daughters,
And a change of fortune to your self, a rare one,
Turn me out of doors. These are not the men, the Planets
Appointed for their Husbands, there will come
Gallants of another metall.
Milliscent.
Once more trust him.
Ann. Mary.
Do, Lady mother.
Ladie.
I am vex'd, look to it;
Turn o're your books, if once again you fool me,
You shall graze elswhere: Come Girles.
Exeunt
Stargaze.
I am glad I scap'd thus.
31
Scena tertia.
Enter Lord, and Sir John.Lord.
The plot shews very likely.
Sir John.
I repose
My principal trust in your Lordship; 'twill prepare
The physick I intend to minister
To my Wife, and Daughters.
Lord.
I will do my parts
To set it off to the life.
Enter Lacie and Plenty.
Sir John.
It may produce
A Scene of no vulgar mirth. Here come the Suitors;
When we understand how they relish my Wife's humors,
The rest is feasible.
Lord.
Their looks are cloudie.
Sir John.
How sits the wind? Are you ready to launch forth
Into this sea of marriage.
Plenty.
Call it rather
A Whirle-pool of afflictions.
Lacie.
If you please
To injoin me to it, I will undertake
To find the North-passage to the Indies sooner,
Then plough with your proud Heifer.
Plenty.
I will make
A Voiage to Hell first.
Sir John.
How, Sir?
Plenty.
And court Proserpine
In the sight of Pluto, his three headed Porter
Cerberus standing by, and all the furies,
With their whips to scourge me for't, then say, I Jeffrey
Take your Mary for my Wife.
Lord.
Why what's the matter?
Lacie,
The matter is, the mother, with your pardon,
32
Proud, insolent Ladie.
Plenty.
And the daughter's worse.
The Damm in years had th'advantage to be wicked,
But they were so in her belly.
Lacie.
I must tell you,
With reverence to your wealth, I do begin
To think you of the same leaven.
Plenty.
Take my counsel;
Tis safer for your credit to professe
Your self a Cuckold, and upon record,
Then say they are your Daughters.
Sir John.
You go too far Sir.
Lacie.
They have so Articl'd with us.
Plenty.
And will not take us
For their Husbands, but their slaves, and so aforehand
They do profess they'l use us.
Sir John.
Leave this heat:
Though they are mine I must tell you, the perverseneess
Of their manners (which they did not take from me,
But from their mother) qualified, they deserve
Your equalls.
Lacie.
True, but what's bred in the bone
Admits no hope of cure:
Plenty.
Though Saints, and Angels
Were their Physitians.
Sir John.
You conclude too fast.
Plenty.
God bowy you, I'le travail three years, but I'le bury
This shame that lives upon me.
Lacie.
With your licence,
I'le keep him company.
Lord.
who shall furnish you,
For your expences?
Plenty.
He shall not need your help,
My purse is his, we were rivals, but now friends,
And will live and die so.
Lacie.
E're we go I'le pay
My duty as a son.
33
And till then leave you.
Ext. Lacie and Plenty.
Lord.
They are strangely mov'd.
Sir John.
What's wealth, accompanied
With disobedience in a wife and children?
My heart will break
Lord.
Be comforted, and hope better;
Wee'l ride abroad, the fresh air and discourse,
May yield us new inventions.
Sir John.
You are noble,
And shall in all things, as you please command me.
Exeunt
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