University of Virginia Library

Actus quinti

Scæna prima.

Sophia, Corisca, Hilario.
Sophia.
Are they then so humble

Hilario.
Hunger and hard labour
Haue tamde 'em Madam, at the first they below'd
Like staggs tane in a toyle and would not worke
For sullennesse, but when they found with out it
There was no eating, and that to starue to death
Was much against their stomachs, by degree
Against their wills they fell to it.

Corisca.
And now feed on
The little pittance you allow with gladnesse

Hilario.
I do remember that they stop'd their noses
At the sight of beefe, and mutton as course feeding
For their fine palats, but now their worke being ended
They leape at a barley crust and hold chose parings
With a spoonefull of pal'd wine pour'd in their water,
For festiuall excedings.

Corisca.
When I examine
My spinsters worke hee trembles like a prentice
And takes a boy on the eare when I spie faults
And botches in his labour, as a fauour
From a curst mistrisse.

Hilario.
The other to reele well


For his time, and if your ladiship would please.
To see 'em for your sport, since they want ayring
It would do well in my iudgement, you shall heere
Such a hungry diologe from 'em.

Sophia.
But suppose
When they are out of prison they should grow
Rebellious?

Hilario.
Neuer feare't Ill vndertake
To lead 'em out by the nose with a course thred
Of the ones spinning and make the other reele after
And without grumbling, & when you are weary of
Their company as easily returne 'em.

Corisca
Deere Madam it will helpe to driue away
Your melancholy.

Sophia.
Well on this assurance
I am content, bring 'em hither.

Hilario.
I will do it
In stately Equipage.
Exit Hilario.

Sophia.
They haue confessed then
They were set on by the Queene to taynt mee in
My loyalty to my Lord?

Corisca.
Twas the maine cause,
That brought 'em hither.

Sophia.
I am glad I know it
And as I haue begun before I end
Ill at the height reuenge it, let vs steppe aside
They come the obiects so ridiculous
In spight of my sad thoughts I cannot but
Lend a forc'd smile to grace it.

Enter Hilario, Vbaldo spinning, Ricardo reeling.
Hilario.
Come away
Worke as you go, and loose no time 'tis precious
You'll find it in your Commons.

Ricardo.
comons call you it
The word is proper I haue graz'd so long
Vpon your commons I am almost staru'd heere

Hilario.
Worke harder and they shall be better'd

Vbaldo.
better'd?
worser they cannot be would I might lye


Like a dogge vnder her table and serue for a footstoole
So I might haue my belly full of that
Her Island curr refuses.

Hilario.
How do you like
Your ayring? is it not a fauour?

Ricardo.
Yes
Iust such a one as you vse to a brace of gray-houndes
When they are ledd out of their kennels to scumber
But our case is ten times harder, we haue nothing
In our bellies to be vented, if you will bee
And honest yeoman phenterer, feed vs first,
And walke vs after?

Hilario.
Yeomen phenterer?
Such another word to your Gouernor, and you goe
Supperlesse to bed fort.

Ubaldo.
Nay euen as you please.
The comfortable names of breake-fasts, dinners,
Collations, supper, beuerage, are words
Worne out of our remembrance.

Ricardo.
O for the steame
Of meat in a cookes shoppe?

Vbaldo.
I am so drie
I haue not spittle enough to wett my fingers
When I draw my flax from my distaffe

Ricardo.
Nor I strength
To raise my hand to the top of my reeler. oh.
I haue the crampe all ouer me

Hilario.
What do you thincke
Were best to apply to it, a crampstone as I take it
Were very vsefull.

Ricardo.
Oh no more of stones
We haue beene vsd to long like hawkes already.

Ubaldo.
We are not so high in our flesh now to need casting
We will come to an empty fist.

Hilario.
Nay that you shall not
So hoe birdes, how the eyaffes scratch, and scramble
Take heed of a surfet do not cast your gorges,
This is more then I haue commission for, be thankefull.

Sophia.
Were all that studie the abuse of women


Vsd thus, the citty would not swarme with Cuccholds
Nor so many trads-menbreake.

Corisca.
Pray you appeare now
And marke the altetation.

Hilario.
To your worke
My Lady is in presence, show your duties
Exceeding well.

Sophia.
How do your scollers profite?

Hilario.
Hold vp your heads demurely. Prettily
For young beginners.

Corisca
and will do well in time
If they be kept in awe.

Ricardo.
In awe I am sure
I quake like an aspen leafe.

Vbaldo.
no mercy Lady?

Ricardo.
Nor intermission?

Sophia.
Let me see your worke.
Fie vpon't what a thredds heere, a poore coblers wife
Would make a finer to sow a clounes rent start vp
And heere you reele as you were druncke.

Ricardo.
I am sure it is not with wine

Sophia.
O take heade of wine
Could water is far better for your healths
Of which I am very tender, you had foule bodies
And must continue in this phisicall diet
Tell the cause of your disease be tane away
For feare of a relaps and that is dangerous
Yet I hope alredy that you are in some
Degree recouerd and that way to resolue me
Answer me truely, nay what I propound
Concernes both neerer, what would you now giue
If your meanes were in your hands to lye all night
With a fresh and hansume ladie?

Ubaldo.
How a lady?
O I am pasd it, hunger with her razor
Hath made me an euenuch

Ricardo.
for a messe of porridge
well sop'd with a bunch of raddish and a carret
I would sell my barr on rie but for women. oh


Noe more of women not a doyte for a doxeic
After this hungry voyage.

Sophia.
These are truly
Good symptomes, let them not venture to much in the ayre
Till they are weaker.

Ricardo.
this is tyranie

Ubaldo.
Scorne vpon scorne

Sophia.
You were so
In your malitious intents to me
Enter a seruant
And therefore tis but iustice whats the busnesse?

Seruant.
My Lords great frend signior Baptista Madam
Is newly lighted from his horse with certaine
Assurance of my Lords arriuall.

Sophia.
How
And stand I trifling here, hence with the mungrells
To there seuerall kennels, there let them houle in priuat
Ile bee no farther troubled.

Exeunt Sophia and seruant.
Vbaldo.
O that euer
I saw this fury

Ricardo.
Or look'd one a woman
But as a prodigie in nature

Hilario.
Silence
Noe more of this

Corisca.
me thincks you haue noe cause
To repent your being heere

Hilario
haue you not learnt
When your states are spent your seuerall trades to liue by
and neuer charge the hospitall?

Corisca.
Worke but titely
And wee will not vse a dishe-cloute in the house
But of your spinning

Ubaldo.
O I would this hempe
Were turnd to a halter

Hilario
Will you march

Ricardo.
A soft one
Good generall I beseech you

Ubaldo.
I can hardly
Draw my legs after me

Hilario.
For a crouch you may vse


Your distaffe, a good wit makes vse of all things.

Exeunt.

Scæna secunda.

Enter Sophia, Baptista.
Sophia.
Was he iealous of me?

Baptista.
Ther's no perfite loue
Without some touch of't Madam.

Sophia.
And my picture
Made by your diuelish art, a spie vpon
My actions? I neuer sate to be drawne,
Nor had you sir comision for't,

Baptista.
excuse me,
At his earnest sute I did it.

Sophia.
Very good,
Was I growne so cheape in his opinion of me?

Baptista.
The prosperous euents that cround his fortunes
May qualifie the offence.

Sophia.
Rood the euents
The sanctuary fooles and madmen flie to,
when their rash and desperat vndertakings thriue well
But good, and wisemen are directed by
Graue counsailes, and with such deliberation
Proceed in their affaires that chance had nothing
To do with 'em, howsoere, take the paynes sir
To meete the honor in the King, and Queenes
Approches to my house, that breakes vpon mee
I will expect them with my best of care

Baptista.
To entertaine such royall ghests.

Sophia.
I know it
Exit Baptista.
Leaue that to me sir what should moue the Queene
So giuen to ease and pleasure, as fame speakes her,
To such a iourney? or worke on my Lord
To doubt my loyalty? nay more to take
For the resolution of his feares, a course
That is by holy writ denide a christian?
'Twas impious in him, and perhaps the welcome
He hopes in my embraces may deceiue
His expectation the trumpets speake
The Kings arriuall, helpe a womans wit now,
To make him know his fault and my iust anger.

Exit Sophia.


scæna vltima.

Loud musicke, Enter Mathias, Eubulus, Ladislaus, Ferdinand, Honoria, Baptista, Acanthe, with attendants
Eubulus.
Your maiesty must be weary.

Honoria.
No my Lord
A willing mind makes a hard iourney easie

Mathias.
Not loue attended on by Hermes, was
More welcome to the cottage of Philemon,
And his poore Baucis, then your gratious selfe.
Your matchlesse Queene, and all your royall traine
Are to your seruant and his wife.

Laudislaus.
Where is she?

Honoria.
I long to see her as my now loud riuall

Eubulus.
And I to haue a smach at her, 'tis a cordiall
To an old man, better then sacke, and a tost
Before he goes to supper.

Mathias.
Ha is my house turnd
To a wildernesse? nor wife nor seruants ready
Withall rites due to maiesty to receiue
Such vnexpected blessings? you assurd me
Of better preparation, hath not
Th'excesse of ioy transported her beyond
Her vnderstanding?

Baptista.
I now parted from her,
And gaue her your directions.

Mathias.
How shall I begge
Your maiesties patience? sure my famelie's druncke
Or by some witch in enuie of my glory
A dead sleepe throwne vpon 'em.

Enter Hilario, and seruants.
1 seruant.
Sir.

Mathias.
But that
The sacred presence of the King forbids it,
My sword should make a massacre among you.
Where is your mistris?

Hilario.
First you are welcome home sir
Then know she saies shee's sicke sir, there's no notice
Taken of my brauery.



Mathias.
Sicke at such a time!
I cannot be though she were on her death bed,
And her spirit euen now departed heere stand they
Could call it backe againe, and in this honor
Giue her a second being, bring me to her,
I know not what to vrge, or how to redeeme
This morgage of her manners.

Exeunt Mathias and Hilario.
Eubulus.
Ther's no climate
On the world I thinke where on iades tricke or other
Raignes not in women,

Ferdinand.
You were euer bitter
Against the Sex.

Ladislaus.
This is very strange.

Honoria.
Meane women
Haue their faults as well, as Queenes.

Laudislaus.
O shee appeares now.

Enter Mathias, Sophia.
Mathi.
The iniury that you conceiue I haue done you
Dispute heereafter, and in your peruersenes
Wrong not your selfe, and me.

Sophia.
I am passd my childhood,
And need no tutor.

Mathias.
This is the great King.
To whom I am ingag'd till death for all
I stand posess'd of.

Sophia.
My humble roofe is proud sir.
To be the canopie of so much greatnes,
Set off with goodnes.

Ladislaus.
My owne prayses flying
In such pure ayre, as your sweete breath faire Lady
Cannot but please me.

Mathias.
This is the Queene of Queenes,
In her magnificence to me.

Sophia.
In my duty
I kisse her highnes robe.

Honoria.
You stoope to low
To her whose lipps would meete with yours.

Sophia.
Howere.
It may appeare prepostrous in women


Soe to encounter, 'tis your pleasure Madam
And not my proud ambition, do you heere sir.
Without a magicall picture in the touch,
I find your printe of close and wanton kisses
On the Queenes lipps

Mathias.
Vpon your life be silent.
And now salute these Lords.

Sophia.
Since you'll haue me
You shall see I am experienc'd at the game
And can play it titely, you are a braue man sir
And do deserue a free and harty welcome
Be this the prologe to it.

Eubulus.
An old mans turne
Is euer last in kissing, I haue lipps too
Howeuer cold ones Madam.

Sophia.
I will warme 'em.
With the fire of mine.

Eubulus.
And so she has I thanke you.
I shall sleepe the better all night for't.

Mathias.
You expresse
The boldnes of a wanton courtezan,
And not a matrons modesty, take vp,
Or you are disgrac'd foreuer.

Sophia.
How? with kissing
Feelingly as you tought mee? would you haue me
Turne my cheeke to 'em, as proud ladies vse
To their inferiors, as if they intended
Some businesse should be whisperd in their eare
And not a salutation, what I doe
I will do freely, now I am in the humor
I'll flie at all, are there any more?

Mathias.
Forbeare.
Or you will rayse my anger to a height,
That will descend in fury.

Sophia.
Whie? you know
How to resolue your selfe what my intents are,
By the helpe of Mephostophiles, and your picture,
Pray you looke vpon't againe, I humbly thanke
The Queenes great care of me, while you were absent.


She knew how tedious 'twas for a young wife,
And being for that time a kind of widdow,
To passe away her melancholly howers
Without good company, and in charity therefore
Prouided for me, out of her owne store
She culd the Lords Ubaldo, and Ricardo,
Two principall courtiers for Ladies seruice,
To do me all good offices, and as such
Imployd by her, I hope I'haue receaud,
And entertaind 'em, nor shall they depart
Without the effect arissing from the cause
That brought 'em hither.

Mathias.
Thou dost be-lye thy selfe,
I know that in my absence thou wer't honest,
Howeuer now turnd monster.

Sophia.
The truth is
We did not deale like you in speculations
On cheating pictures; we knew shadowes were
No substances and actuall performance
The best assurance, I will bring 'em hither
To make good in this presence so much for me.
Some minutes space I begge your maiesties pardon
You are mou'd now champe vpon this bit a little
Anon you shall haue another, waite me Hilario.

Exeunt Sophia, & Hilario.
Ladislaus.
How now? turnd statue sir?

Mathias.
Flie, and flie quicklie
From this cursed habitation, or this Gorgon
Will make you all as I am, in her tongue
Millions of adders hisse, and euery hayre
Vpon her wicked head a snake more dreadfull
Then that Tisiphon, threw on Athamas,
Which in his madnes forc'd him to dismember
His proper issue O that euer I
Repos'd my trust in magicke, or beleeud
Impossiblities, or that charmes had power



Eubulus.
These are the fruites
Of marriage, and old batchelor, as I am,
And what's more will continue so, is not troublde
With these fine fagaries.

Ferdinand.
Till you are resolu'd sir,
Forsake not hope.

Baptista.
Vpon my life this is
Dissimulation.

Ladislaus.
And it sutes not with
Your fortitude and wisdome to be thus
Transported with your passion.

Honoria.
You were once
Deceaud in me sir as I was in you,
Yet the deceipte please both.

Mathias.
She hath confes'd all,
What further proofe should I aske?

Honoria.
Yet remember
The distance that is interpos'd betweene
A womans tongue, and her hart, and you must grant
You build vpon no certaineties.

Enter Sophia, Corisca, Hilario, Ubaldo, & Ricardo, as before.
Eubulus.
What haue we heere?

Sophia.
You must come on and show you selues.

Vbaldo.
The King!

Ricardo.
And Queene too, would I were as far vnder the earth
As I am aboue it.

Vbaldo.
Some Poet will
Prom this relation, or in verse, or proofe,
Or both together blended render vs
Ridiculous to all ages,

Ladislaus.
I remember
This face when it was in a better plight
Are not you Ricardo?

Honoria.
And this thing I take it
Was once Vbaldo.

Vbaldo.
I am now I know not what.

Ricardo.
We thanke your maiesty for imploying vs
To this subiill Circe.



Eubulus.
How my Lord? turnd spinster.
Do you worke by the day or by the great?

Ferdinand.
Is your Theorbo
Turnd to a distaffe Signior, and your voyce
With which you chanted rome for a lusty gallant
Turnd to the note of lacreymæ?

Eubulus.
Prethee tell me
For I know thou art free, how often and to the purpose
Haue you beene merry with this lady.

Ricardo.
Neuer, neuer.

Ladislaus.
Howsoeuer you should say so, for your credit
Being the only court bull.

Vbaldo.
O that euer
I saw this kicking heyfer,

Sophia.
You see Madam
How I haue curd your seruants, and what fauours
They with their rampaht valour haue woone from me.
You may as they are phisickd, I presume
Trust a faire virgine with 'em, they haue learnd
Their seuerall trades to liue by, and payd nothing
But cold, and hunger for 'em, and may now
Set vp for them selues for heere I giue 'em ouer,
And now to you sir, why doe you not againe,
Peruse your picture? and take the aduice
Of your learned consort? these are the men, or none
That made you, as the Italian sayes a beco.

Mathias.
I know not which way to intreat your pardon
Nor am I worthy of it my Sophia,
My best Sophia, heere before the king,
The Queene, these Lords, and all the lookers on
I do renounce my error, and embrace you
As the great example to all after times
For such as would dye chast, and noble wiues
With reuerence to immitate.

Sophia.
Not so sir.
I yet hold of, howeuer I haue purg'd
My doubted innocence, the foule aspertions
In your vnmanly doubts cast on my honor


Cannot so soone be washd of.

Eubulus.
Shall we haue
More ijggobobs yet?

Sophia.
When you went to the warrs
I set no spie vpon you to obserue
which way you wandred, though our sex by nature
Is subiect to suspitions and feares,
My confidence in your loyalty freed me from 'em.
But to deale as you did gainst your religion
With this inchanter to suruey my actions
Was more then womans weaknes, therefore know
And tis my boone vnto the King, I doe
Desire a seperation from your bed
For I will spend the remnant of my life
In prayer, and meditation.

Mathias.
O take pitty
Vpon my weake condition, or I am
More wretched in your innocence, then if
I had found you guilty, haue you showne a iewell
Out of the cabinet of your rich mind
To locke it vp againe? She turnes away
Will none speake for me? shame, and sinne hath robd me
Of the vse of my tongue.

Ladislaus.
Since you haue conquerd Maddam
You wrong the glory of your victory
If you vse it not with mercy.

Ferdinand.
Any penance
You please to impose vpon him I dare warrant
He will gladly suffer.

Eubulus.
Haue I liu'd to see
But on good woman, and shall we for a trifle
Haue her returne nun? I will first pull downe the cloyster
To the ould sport againe with a good lucke to you
'Tis not alone enough that you are good,
We must haue some of the breed of you, will you destroy
The kind, and race of goodnesse? I am conuerted
And aske your pardon Madam for my ill opinion
Against the sex, and show me but two such more


I'll marry yet, and loue em.

Honoria.
She that yet
Nere knew what 'twas to bend but to the King
Thus begge remission for him.

Sophia.
O deere Madam
Wrong not your greatnesse so.

Omnes.
We all are sutors.

Vbaldo.
I do deserue to bee hard among the rest.

Ricardo.
And we haue sufferd for it

Sophia.
I perceiue
Thers no resistance but suppose I pardon
What's past, who can secure me, He'll be free
From iealousie heereafter.

Mathias.
I will be
My owne security, go ride where you please,
Feast, reuele, banquet, and make choise with whom
I'll set no watch vpon you, and for proofe, oft
This cursed picture I surrender vp
To a consuming fire,

Baptista.
As I abuire
The practise of my art.

Sophia.
Vpon this termes.
I am reconcil'd and for these that haue payd
The price of their folly, I desire your mercy.

Ladislaus.
At your request they haue it.

Vbaldo.
Hang all trades now.

Ricardo.
I will find a new one, and that is to liue honest.

Hilario.
These are my fee's.

Ubaldo.
Pray you take 'em with a mischeefe.

Ladislaus.
So all ends in peace now
And to all married men be this a caution.
Which they should duly tender as their life
Neither to dote to much nor doubt a wife.

Exeunt Omnes.
FINIS.