 | A Cure for a Cuckold |  |
ACT 3.
SCENE 1.
Enter Lessingham and Bonvile.Bon.
We are first i'th field: I think your Enemy is staid at
Dover, or some other Port, we hear not of his landing.
Less.
I am confident he is come over.
Bon.
You look methinks fresh coloured.
Less.
Like a red Morning, friend, that still foretels a stormy
day to follow: But methinks now I observe your face, that you
look pale, there's death in't already.
Bon.
I could chide your error, do you take me for a Coward?
A Coward is not his own friend, much less can he be another
mans. Know, Sir, I am come hither to instruct you by my generous
example, to kill your enemy, whose name as yet I never
question'd.
Less.
Nor dare I name him yet, for dis-heartning
you.
Bon.
I do begin to doubt the goodness of your Quarrel.
Less.
Now you hav't; for I protest that I must fight with one
from whom in the whole course of our acquaintance, I never did
receive the least injury.
Bon.
It may be the forgetful Wine begot some sudden blow,
and thereupon 'tis Challenge, howe're you are engaged; and for
my part I will not, take your course, my unlucky friend, to say
your Conscience grows pale and heartless, maintaining a bad
Cause: fight as Lawyers plead, who gain the best of reputation
when they can fetch a bad Cause smoothly off: you are in, and
must through.
Oh my friend, the noblest ever man had: when my fate
threw me upon this business, I made trial of divers had profest to
me much love, and found their friendship like the effects that
kept our company together, Wine and Riot: giddy and sinking
I had found 'em oft, brave Seconds at pluralities of Healths, but
when it came to'th proof, my Gentlemen appeared to me as promising
and failing as cozening Lotteries; but then I found this
Jewel worth a thousand Counterfeits: I did but name my Engagement,
and you flew unto my succor with that chearfulness,
as a great General hastes to a Battel, when that the chief of the
adverse part is a man glorious, but of ample fame: you left your
Bridal-bed to finde your Death-bed, and herein you most nobly
exprest, that the affection 'tween two loyal friends is far beyond
the love of man to woman, and is more near allied to eternity.
What better friends part could be showed i'th world? it transcends
all! My father gave me life, but you stand by my honor
when 'tis falling, and nobly under-propt it with your sword. But
now you have done me all this service, how? how shall I requite
this? how return my grateful recompence for all this love? For
it am I come hither with full purpose to kill you.
Bon.
Ha?
Less.
Yes: I have no opposite i'th would but
your self: There, read the Warrant for your death.
Bon.
'Tis a womans hand.
Less.
And 'tis a bad hand too: the most of 'em speak fair, write
foul, mean worse.
Bon.
Kill me! away, you jest.
Less.
Such jest as your sharp-witted Gallants use to utter, and
loose their friends; Read there how I am fettered in a womans
proud Command: I do Love madly, and must do madly: deadliest
Hellebore or vomit of a Toad is qualified poyson to the malice
of a woman.
Bon.
And kill that friend? Strange!
Less.
You may see, Sir, although the Tenure by which Land
was held in Villenage be quite extinct in England, yet you have
women there at this day living, make a number of slaves.
Bon.
And kill that friend? She mocks you upon my life, she
does Equivocate: her meaning is, you cherish in your breast either
self-love, or pride, as your best friend, and she wishes you'd
kill that.
Less.
Sure her Command is more bloody; for she loathes me,
quit and free from me; but such is the violence of my affection,
that I must undergo it. Draw your sword, and guard your self,
though I fight in fury, I shall kill you in cold blood, for I protest
'tis done in heart-sorrow.
Bon.
Ile not fight with you, for I have much advantage; the
truth is, I wear a privy Coat.
Less.
Prithee put it off then, if then bee'st manly.
Bon.
The defence I mean, is the justice of my Cause that
would guard me, and fly to thy destruction: what confidence thou
wearest in a bad cause, I am likely to kill thee if I fight, and then
you fail to effect your Mrs. bidding, or to enjoy the fruit of't; I
have ever wisht thy happiness, and vow I now so much affect it in
compassion of my friends sorrow, make thy way to it.
Less.
That were a cruel Murder.
Bon.
Believ't 'tis ne're intended otherwise, when 'tis a womans
bidding.
Less.
Oh the necessity of my fate.
Bon.
You shed tears.
Less.
And yet must on in my cruel purpose! a Judge methinks
looks lovelyest when he weeps, pronouncing of deaths Sentence:
how I stagger in my resolve! guard thee, for I came hither to do,
and not to suffer; wilt not yet be perswaded to defend thee?
turn the point, advance it from the ground above thy head, and
let it underprop thee otherwise, in a bold resistance.
Bon.
Stay. Thy injunction was, thou shouldst kill thy friend.
Less.
It was.
Bon.
Observe me, he wrongs me most, ought to offend me least,
and they that study man, say of a friend, there's nothing in the
world that's harder found, nor sooner lost: thou camest to kill
thy friend, and thou mayest brag thou hast don't; for here for ever
all friendship dyes between us, and my heart for bringing forth
any effects of love, shall be as barren to thee as this sand we
tread on; cruel, and inconstant as the Sea that beats upon this
Beach. We now are severed: thus hast thou slain thy friend, and
satisfied what the Witch thy Mrs. bad thee. Go and report that
thou hast slain thy friend.
Less.
I am served right.
Bon.
And now that I do cease to be thy friend, I will fight with
thee as thine enemy, I came not over idly to do nothing.
Oh friend !
Bon.
Friend? The naming of that word shall be the quarrel.
What do I know but that thou lovest my wife, and faind'st this
plot to divide me from her bed, and that this Letter here is
counterfeit? Will you advance Sir.
Less.
Not a blow; 'twould appear ill in either of us to fight:
in you unmanly; for believe it Sir, you have disarmed me already,
done away all power of resistance in me, it would show beastly
to do wrong to the dead: to me you say, you are dead for ever,
lost on Callis-sands, by the cruelty of a woman; yet remember
you had a noble friend, whose love to you shall continue after
death: shall I go over in the same Barque with you?
Bon.
Not for yon town of Callis, you know 'tis dangerous living
at Sea, with a dead body.
Less.
Oh you mock me, may you enjoy all your noble wishes.
Bon.
And may you finde a better friend then I, and better
keep him.
Exeunt.
Enter Nurse, Compass, and his Wife.
Nurse.
Indeed you must pardon me, Goodman Compass, I have
no authority to deliver, no not to let you see the Childe: to tell
you true, I have command unto the contrary.
Comp.
Command. From whom?
Nuase.
By the father of it.
Comp.
The father. Who am I?
Nurse.
Not the father sure. The Civil Law has found it otherwise.
Comp.
The Civil Law: why then the Uncivil Law
shall make it mine agen; Ile be as dreadful as a Shrove-tuesday
to thee, I will tear thy Cottage but I will see my Childe.
Nurse.
Speak but half so much agen, Ile call the Constable,
and lay Burglary to thy charge.
Wife.
My good husband, be patient. And prithee Nurse let
him see the Childe.
Nurse.
Indeed I dare not: the father first delivered me the
Childe, he pays me well, and weekly for my pains, and to his use
I keep it.
Comp.
Why thou white Bastard breeder, is not this
the mother?
Nurse.
Yes, I grant you that.
Comp.
Dost thou? and I grant it too: And is not the Childe
mine own then by the wises Coppy-hold?
Nurse.
The Law must try that.
Law? Dost think Ile be but a Father in Law? all the
Law betwixt Black-wall and Tuttle-street, and there's a pretty deal,
shall not keep it from me mine own flesh and blood? who does
use to get my children but my self?
Nurse.
Nay, you must look to that, I ne're knew you get any.
Comp.
Never? put on a clean Smock and try me, if thou darest,
three to one I get a Bastard on thee to morrow morning between
one and three.
Nurse.
Ile see thee hangd first.
Enter Franckford and Luce.
Comp.
So thou shalt too.
Nurse.
Oh here's the father, now pray talk with him.
Franck.
Good morrow Neighbor: morrow to you both.
Comp.
Both? Morrow to you and your wife too.
Franck.
I would speak calmly with you.
Comp.
I know what belongs to a Calm and a Storm too. A
cold word with you: You have tyed your Mare in my ground.
Franck.
No, 'twas my Nag.
Comp.
I will cut off your Nags tayl, and make his rump make
Hair-buttons, if e're I take him there agen.
Franck.
Well sir, but to the Main.
Comp.
Main. Yes, and Ile clip his Main too, and crop his
ears too, do you mark? and back-gaul him, and spur-gaul him,
do you note? And slit his Nose, do you smell me now, Sir?
Unbritch his Barrel, and discharge his Bullets: Ile gird him till
he stinks, you smell me now I'm sure.
Franck.
You are too rough neighbor, to maintain.
Comp.
Maintain? you shall not maintain no childe of mine,
my wife does not bestow her labor to that purpose.
Franck.
You are too speedy: I will not maintain
Comp.
No marry shall you not.
Franck.
The deed to be lawful: I have repented it, and to
the Law given satisfaction, my purse has paid for't.
Bomp.
Your purse: 'twas my wifes purse. You brought in
the Coin indeed, but it was found base and counterfeit.
Franck.
I would treat colder with you, if you be pleased.
Comp.
Pleased? yes I am pleased well enough, serve me so
still: I am going agen to sea one of these days, you know where I
dwell, yet you'l but loose your labor, get as many children as
Franck.
You are mad.
Comp.
If I be horn-mad, what's that to you?
Franck.
I leave off milder phrase, and then tell you plain you
are a
Comp.
A what? what am I?
Fr.
A Coxcomb.
Comp.
A Coxcomb? I knew 'twould begin with a C.
Franck.
The childe is mine, I am the father of it; As it is past
the deed, 'tis past the shame, I do acknowledge, and will enjoy it.
Comp.
Yes, when you can get it agen, is it not my wifes labor?
I'm sure she's the mother, you may be as far off the father
as I am; for my wife's acquainted with more Whore-masters besides
your self, and crafty Merchants too.
Wife.
No indeed husband, to make my offence both least and
most, I knew no other man, he's the begetter, but the childe is
mine, I bred and bore it, and I will not loose it.
Luce.
The childe's my husbands, Dame, and he must have it:
I do allow my sufferance to the deed, in lieu I never yet was fruitful
to him, and in my barrenness excuse my wrong.
Comp.
Let him dung his own ground better at home, then if
he plant his Reddish roots in my garden, Ile eat 'em with bread
and Salt, though I get no Mutton to 'em; what tho your husband
lent my wife your distaff, shall not the yarn be mine? Ile have
the head, let him carry the spindle home agen.
Fr.
Forebear more words, then let the Law try it: mean time
Nurse keep the childe, and to keep it better here take more pay
beforehand. There's money for thee.
Comp.
There's money for me too, keep it for me, Nurse: give
him both thy dugs at once: I pay for thy right dug.
Nurs.
I have two hands you see, Gentlemen this does but
show how the law will hamper you: even thus you must be used.
Fr.
The law shall show which is the worthier Gender: a
School-boy can do't.
Comp.
Ile whip that School-boy that declines the childe from
my wife and her heirs: do not I know my wifes case the Genetive
Case, and that's Hujus, as great a case as can be.
Fr.
Well, fare you well, we shall meet in another place.
Come Luce
Exit.
Comp.
Meet her in the same place agen if you dare, and do
your worst: must we go to law for our Children now a days? No
a Lymb, a Leg, a Joynt, a Nayl,
I will spend more then a whole childe in getting,
Some win by play, and others by, by betting.
Exeunt.
Enter Raymond, Eustace, Lyonel, Grover, Annabel, Clare.
Lyon.
Whence was that Letter sent?
Ann.
From Dover, Sir
Lyon.
And does that satisfie you what was the cause of his going
over?
Ann.
It does: yet had he onely sent this it had bin sufficient.
Ray.
Why, what's that?
Ann.
His Will, wherein he has estated me in all his land.
Eust.
He's gone to fight.
Lyon.
Lessinghams second certain.
Ann.
And I am lost, lost in't for ever.
Clare.
Oh fool Lessingham, thou hast mistook my injunction
utterly, utterly mistook it, and I am mad, stark mad with my own
thoughts, not knowing what event their going or'e will come too;
'tis too late now for my tongue to cry my heart mercy, would I
could be senceless till I hear of their return: I fear me both are
lost.
Ray.
Who should it be Lessinghams gone to fight with?
Eust.
Faith I cannot possibly conjecture.
Ann.
Miserable creature! a Maid, a Wife, and Widow in the
compass of two days.
Ray.
Are you sad too?
Clare.
I am not very well, Sir.
Ray.
I must put life in you.
Clare.
Let me go, Sir.
Ray.
I do love you in spight of your heart.
Clare.
Believe it there was never a fitter time to express it;
for my heart has a great deal of spight in't.
Ray.
I will discourse to you fine fancies.
Clare.
Fine fooleries, will you not?
Ray.
By this hand I love you, and will court you.
Clare.
Fie, you can command your tongue, and I my ears to
hear you no further.
Ray.
On my reputation,
she's off o'th hindges strangely.
Ent. Woodroff, Rochfeild, and a saylor.
Wood.
Daughter, good news.
An.
What is my husband heard of?
Wood.
That's not the business; but you have here a Cousin you
may be mainly proud of, and I am sorry 'tis by your husbands kindred,
not your own, that we might boast to have so brave a man in
Ann.
What so soon return'd? you have made but a short voyage.
howsoever you are to me most welcome.
Roch.
Lady thanks, 'tis you have made me your own creature,
of all my being fortunes and poor fame, if I have purchas'd any,
and of which I no way boast, next the high providence, you have
bin the sole creatress.
Ann.
Oh deer Cousin, you are grateful above merit, what occasion
drew you so soon from Sea?
Wood.
Such an occasion, as I may bless Heaven for, you thank
their bounty, and all of us be joyful.
Ann.
Tell us how.
Wood.
Nay daughter, the discourse will best appear in his relation,
where he fails, Ile help.
Roch.
Not to molest your patience with recital of every vain,
and needless Circumstance, 'twas briefly thus: Scarce having
reacht to Margets, bound on our voyage, suddenly in view appeared
to us three Spanish men of War, these having spied the
English Cross advance, salute us with a piece to have us strike,
ours better spirited and no way daunted, at their unequal oddes,
though but one bottom, returned 'em fire for fire: the fight
begins, and dreadful on the sudden, still they proffered to board
us, still we bravely beat 'em off.
Wood.
But daughter, mark the Event.
Roch.
Sea room we got, our ship being swift of sayl, it helpt us
much, yet two unfortunate shot, one struck the Captains head off,
and the other with an unlucky splinter laid the Master dead on
the hatches; all our spirits then failed us.
Wood.
Not all, you shall hear further, daughter.
Roch.
For none was left to manage, nothing now was talkt of
but to yeild up ship and goods, and mediate for our peace.
Wood.
Nay Cous. proceed.
Roch.
Excuse me, I intreat you, for what's more, hath already
past my memory.
Wood.
But mine it never can: Then he stood up, and with his
oratory made us agen to recollect our spirits so late dejected.
Roch.
Pray Sir.
Wood.
Ile speak't out; by unite consent then the command
was his, and 'twas his place now to bestir him, down he went below,
ordinance bravely, then agen up to the decks; courage is there
renewed, fear now not found amongst us: within less then four
hours fight two of their ships were sunk, both foundered, and
soon swallowed: not long after the three begins to wallow, lyes on
the Lee to stop her leakes, then boldly we come on, boarded and
took her, and she's now our prize.
Sayl.
Of this we were eye witness.
Wood.
And many more brave boys of us, besides my self for one;
never was, Gentlemen, a Sea-fight better mannaged.
Roch.
Thanks to Heaven we have saved our own, dammaged
the enemy, and to our Nations glory, we bring home honor and
profit.
Wood.
In which Cousin Rochfeild, you as a venturer have a
double share, besides the name of Captain, and in that a second
benefit, but most of all, way to more great employment.
Roch.
Thus your bounty hath been to me a blessing.
Ray.
Sir, we are all indebted to your valor, this beginning may
make us of small venturers, to become hereafter wealthy Merchants.
Wood.
Daughter and Gentlemen, this is the man was born to
to make us all, come enter, enter; we will in and feast, he's in
the Bridegrooms absence my chief guest.
Exeunt.
| A Cure for a Cuckold | |