University of Virginia Library

Scene II.

Palate, Compasse, Ironside.
Pal.
The witty Mr. Compasse! how is't, with you?

Com.
My Lady staies for you, and for your Councell,
Touching her Neice Mrs. Placentia Steele!
Who strikes the fire of full fourteene, to day,
Ripe for a husband.

Pal.
I, she chimes, shee chimes,
Saw you the Doctor Rut, the house Physician?
He's sent for too.

Com.
To Councell? 'time yo' were there.
Make haste, and give it a round quick dispatch:
That wee may goe to dinner betimes, Parson:
And drinke a health, or two more, to the busines.

Iro.
This is a strange put-off! a reverend youth,
You use him most surreverently me thinkes!
What? call you him? Palate Please? or Parson Palate?

Com.
All's one, but shorter! I can gi' you his Character.
Hee, is the Prelate of the Parish, here;
And governes all the Dames; appoints the cheere;
Writes downe the bils of fare; pricks all the Guests;
Makes all the matches and the marriage feasts
Within the ward; drawes all the parish wils;
Designes the Legacies; and strokes the Gills
Of the chiefe Mourners; And (who ever lacks)
Of all the kindred, hee hath first his blacks.
Thus holds hee weddings up, and burials,
As his maine tithing; with the Gossips stals,
Their pewes; He's top still, at the publique messe;
Comforts the widow, and the fatherlesse,
In funerall Sack! Sits 'bove the Alderman!
For of the Ward-mote Quest, he better can,
The mysterie, then the Levitick Law:
That peece of Clark-ship doth his Vestry awe.
Hee is as he conceives himselfe, a fine
Well furnish'd, and apparaled Divine.

Iro.
Who made this Epigramme, you?

Com.
No, a great Clarke
As any'is of his bulke. (Ben: Ionson) made it.

Iro.
But what's the other Character, Doctor Rut?

Com.
The same man made 'hem both: but his is shorter,
And not in rime, but blancks. Ile tell you that, too.
Rut is a young Physician to the family:
That, letting God alone, ascribes to nature
More then her share; licentious in discourse,
And in his life a profest Voluptary;
The slave of money, a Buffon in manners;
Obscene in language; which he vents for wit;
Is sawcy in his Logicks, and disputing,
Is any thing but civill, or a man.
See here they are! and walking with my Lady,
In consultation, afore the doore;
Wee will slip in, as if we saw 'hem not.