 | A Pleasant Comedy, Called :The Case is Altered |  |
Scæne 8.
Enter Onion, Iuniper, Valentine, Sebastian, Balthasar, Martino.Onion.
Come on Ifaith, lets to some exercise or other my hearts:
Fetch the hilts fellow Iuniper, wilt thou play:
Exit Martino.
Iun.
I cannot resolue you? tis as I am fitted with the ingenuity,
quantity, or quality of the cudgell.
Valen.
How dost thou bastinado the poore cudgell with
tearmes?
Iuni.
O Ingle, I haue the phrases man, and the Anagrams and
the Epitaphs, fitting the mistery of the noble science.
Oni.
Ile be hangd & he were not misbegotten of some fencer.
Sebast.
Sirrah Valentine, you can resolue me now, haue they
their maisters of defence in other countries as we haue here in
Italy?
Valen.
O Lord, I, especially they in Vtopia, there they performe
their prizes and chalenges, with as great cerimony as the
Italian or any nation else.
Balt.
Indeed? how is the manner of it (for gods loue) good
Valeniine?
Iuni.
Ingle? I prithee make recourse vnto vs, wee are thy
friends and familiars: sweet Ingle.
Valen.
Why thus sir.
Oni.
God a mercy good Valentine, nay go on.
Iuni.
Silentium bonus socius Onionus, good fellow Onion be
not so ingenious, and turbulent: so sir? and how? how sweete
Ingle?
Valen.
Marry, first they are brought to the publicke Theater:
Iuni.
What? ha? they Theater there
Valen.
Theaters? I and plaies to: both tragidy and comedy
& set foorth with as much state as can be imagined?
Iuni.
By Gods so; a man is nobody, till he has trauelled.
And how are their plaies? as ours are? extemporall?
Valen.
O no? all premeditated things, and some of them very
good I faith, my maister vsed to visite them often when he
was there.
Balth.
Why how are they in a place where any man may see
them?
Valen.
I, in the common Theaters, I tell you. But the sport
is at a new play to obserue the sway and variety of oppinion
that passeth it. A man shall haue such a confus'd mixture of
iudgement, powr'd out in the throng there, as ridiculous, as
laughter it selfe: one saies he likes not the writing, another
likes not the plot, another not the playing. And sometimes a
fellow that comes not there past once in fiue yeare at a Parliament
time or so, will be as deepe myr'd in censuring as the
best, and sweare by Gods foote he would neuer stirre his foote
to see a hundred such as that is.
Oni.
I must trauell to see these things, I shall nere think well
of my selfe else.
Iunip.
Fellow Onion, Ile beare thy charges and thou wilt
but pilgrimize it along with me, to the land of Vtopia.
Sebast.
Why but me thinkes such rookes as these should be
asham'd to iudge.
Valen.
Not a whit? the rankest stinkard of them all, will take
vpon him as peremptory, as if he had writ himselfe in artibus
magister.
Sebast.
And do they stand to a popular censure for any thing
they present.
Valen.
I euer, euer, and the people generally are very acceptiue
and apt to applaud any meritable worke, but there are
two sorts of persons that most commonly are infectious to a
whole auditory.
Balth.
What be they?
Iunip.
I come lets know them.
Oni.
It were good they were noted.
Valen.
Marry? one is the rude barbarous crue a people that
haue no braines, and yet grounded iudgements, these will hisse
the other are worth the obseruation, I faith.
Omnes.
What be they? what be they?
Valen.
Faith a few Caprichious gallants.
Iunip.
Caprichious? stay, that word's for me.
Valen.
And they haue taken such a habit of dislike in all
things, that they will approue nothing, be it neuer so conceited
or elaborate, but sit disperst, making faces, and spitting,
wagging their vpright eares and cry filthy, filthy. Simply vttering
their owne condition, and vsing their wryed countenances
in stead of a vice, to turne the good aspects of all that shall
sit neere them, from what they behold.
Enter Martino with cudgels.
Oni.
O that's well sayd, lay them downe, come sirs.
Who plaies, fellow Iuniper, Sebastian, Balthasar:
Some body take them vp, come.
Iunip.
Ingle Valentine?
Valen.
Not I sir, I professe it not.
Iunip.
Sebastian.
Sebast.
Balthasar.
Balth.
Who? I?
Oni.
Come, but one bout, Ile giue hem thee, I faith.
Balth.
Why, heres Martino.
Oni.
Foe he, alas he cannot play a whit, man.
Iunip.
That's all one: no more could you in stata quo prius,
Martino, play with him, euery man has his beginning and
conduction.
Mart.
Will you not hurt me fellow Onion?
Oni.
Hurt thee, no? and I do, put me among pot-hearbs,
And chop me to peeces, come on?
Iunip.
By your fauor sweet bullies giue them roome, back, so,
Martino, do not looke so thin vpon the matter.
Oni.
Ha, well-plaid, fall ouer to my legge now? so, to your
guard againe, excellent, to my head now, make home your
blow: spare not me, make it home, good, good againe.
Sebast.
Why how now Peter?
Gods so, Onion has caught a bruise.
Iunip.
Couragio? be not caprichious? what?
Oni.
Caprichious? not I, I scorn to be caprichious for a scrach,
Martino must haue another bout, come.
Val. Seb. Balth.
No, no, play no more, play no more.
Oni.
Foe, tis nothing, a philip, a deuise, fellow Iuniper prithee
get me a Plantan, I had rather play with one that had skil
by halfe.
Mart.
By my troth, fellow Onion, twas against my will.
Oni.
Nay that's not so, twas against my head,
But come, weele ha oue bout more.
Iunip.
Not a bout, not a stroke.
Omnes.
No more, no more.
Iunip.
Why Ile giue you demonstration, how it came,
Thou openest the dagger to falsifie ouer with the back sword
frick, and he interrupted, before he could fall to the close.
Oni.
No, no, I know best how it was better thē any man here,
I felt his play presently: for looke you, I gathered vpon him
thus, thus do you see? for the double locke, and tooke it single
on the head.
Valen.
He sayes very true, he tooke it single on the head.
Sebast.
Come lets go.
Enter Martino with a cob-web.
Mar.
Here fellow Onion, heres a cob-web.
Oni.
How? a cob-web Martino, I will haue another bout
with you? S'wounds do you first breake my head, and then
giue me a plaister in scorne? come to it, I will haue a bout.
Mart.
God's my witnesse.
Oni.
Tut! your witnesse cannot serue.
Iunip.
S'bloud? why what, thou art not lunatike, art thou?
and thou bee'st auoide Mephostophiles. Say the signe shoud be
in Aries now: as it may be for all vs, where were your life? Answere
me that?
Sebast.
Hee sayes well, Onion.
Valen.
I indeed doo's he.
Iunip.
Come, come, you are a foolish Naturalist, go, get a
white a of an egge, and a little flax, and close the breach of the
not insinuate vpon your good fortune, but play an honest part
and beare away the bucklers.
Exeunt.
| A Pleasant Comedy, Called :The Case is Altered | |