 | The Sphinx : A "Touch From The Ancients," |  |
Scene III.
—The exterior of “Nuts-to-Crack” Lodge. The Sphinx's dwelling; gates and shrubbery in the modern villa style. Sphinx discovered reclining on a pedestal, C., in the attitude of the Egyptian statues, his face towards the audience.Sph.
So—“after dinner, sit awhile,” they say,
And as the dinner-things are cleared away,
Here I'll enjoy my otium in the sun—
That roasted shepherdess was scarcely done;
Those scraggy peasants wern't a bite a-piece—
It's very odd they can't get fat in Greece.
No matter, quantity makes up for quality,
And, altogether, mine's a life of jollity.
These Thebans are such dolts—so easy caught—
Each single riddle has a dinner brought,
Quick as the wand of any necromancer:
In point of fact, I find my questions answer.
19
Here in good luck I'm basking,
And these dull Thebans tasking,
For, like Billy Black, I never lack,
Conundrums to be asking.
They give 'em up—they give 'em up.
And these dull Thebans tasking,
For, like Billy Black, I never lack,
Conundrums to be asking.
They give 'em up—they give 'em up.
(Spoken.)
Such as this:—Why does a miller wear a white
hat? eh? D'ye give it up? To be sure they do; then I,
Fight 'em—bite 'em; beat 'em—eat 'em,
Right too looral ido.
Right too looral ido.
These Thebans are such fools, sirs,
As you've all read at schools, sirs,
It's sad, though true, they cannot do
A long division rule, sirs.
But give it up—yes, give it up.
As you've all read at schools, sirs,
It's sad, though true, they cannot do
A long division rule, sirs.
But give it up—yes, give it up.
(Spoken.)
I've tried them so—If a herring and a half cost
three halfpence, how many can you get for a shilling? D'ye
give it up? Yes; oh, yes. So, then, I, of course, as it's
very proper I should,
Fight 'em—bite 'em; beat 'em—eat 'em.
Right too looral ido.
Right too looral ido.
But soft! Fe! Fi! Fo! Fum! you all know that
In ogre's language means—I smell a rat.
Somebody's coming! so, now, I'll be quick with them;
They'll soon find out that I've a bone to pick with them.
In ogre's language means—I smell a rat.
Somebody's coming! so, now, I'll be quick with them;
They'll soon find out that I've a bone to pick with them.
[Exit, L.
Enter Mercury.
Mer.
There goes again! I do believe he kills
More folks each day than any patent pills.
Yes!—there he's got 'em—oh, the greedy sinner!
Two more poor peasants for to-morrow's dinner.
Re-enter Sphinx, dragging in Dullus and Noïdeas.
Dul.
Dread monster, spare us!
Sph.
Caitiffs, not before
You've told me when a door is not a door?
Noï.
Oh, mercy, mercy!
Sph.
Well, then, please to state—
What makes more noise than one pig in a gate?
Or, if you would prefer it, tell me soon—
How many cows' talls would reach to the moon?
Noï.
I've no idea!
Sph.
Of course you never had.
Dul.
I can't imagine!
20
No; don't try, my lad.
But come, d'ye give it up?
Noï.
Yes.
Sph.
Ah! that's right!
You'll just be nice at supper-time to-night.
[Pinching them.
I think you're fat enough to roast; and you
Will do to boil in onions, for a stew.
Dul.
Oh, spare us—let us go!
Sph.
I'll tell you what—
I will let you go—that is, go to pot;
Your friend I've said I'll roast—come, there I've nicked him.
Mer.
You horrid glutton!
Sph.
(aside)
Ha! another victim!
(to Mer.)
Excuse me, sir; but may I trouble you
To tell me what's most like a horse's shoe?
[Mercury laughs at him.
Pray, who are you, my pow'r thus disregarding?
Mer.
Why, I'm the Chorus—
Sph.
Oh! I beg your parding.
Mer.
There—go on, don't mind me.
Sph.
You're very kind.
Pris'ners, you stand convicted here, I find,
Of want of brains. What have you got to say
Against being eaten in the usual way?
SONG.—Tune—“It will nebber do to gib it up so.”
Sph.
What can you say, my precious swell?
Dul.
Indeed, sir, that is more than I can tell.
Sph.
Oh, very good, sir. What say you?
Noï.
Well, I'm afraid I must give it up too.
Mer.
Oh! 'twill never do to give it up so.
It will never do to give it up so.
It will never do to give it up so.
No! no! no!
Cho.
It will never do, &c.
[Sphinx drives Dullus and Noïdeas before him into the house.
Mer.
That's how the population's thinn'd, you see;
And p'r'aps you'll say, that thinn'd it wants to be,
The folks being all so thick.—Well, half the nation
Have made their minds up to try emigration,
And go to Cali—oh no—I forget,
For California's not discovered yet.
21
Oh, the time's not come yet when those arts and those sciences
Furnish proud man with all means and appliances
Nature's resources to seize for himself,
And to make every element add to his pelf.
Famed California hasn't been thought about;
Railways and steam-engines haven't been brought about;
Gun-cotton, printing, a prison for debt,
And electrical lights, are not dreamt about yet.
Furnish proud man with all means and appliances
Nature's resources to seize for himself,
And to make every element add to his pelf.
Famed California hasn't been thought about;
Railways and steam-engines haven't been brought about;
Gun-cotton, printing, a prison for debt,
And electrical lights, are not dreamt about yet.
This is the period of gods and of goddesses,
Which you've all read of in Illiads and Odysseys;
When in Arcadia the shepherds are seen,
And like chimney-sweeps live each man-Jack in the Green.
This is the period of which Ovid offers his
Views and opinions in his Metamorphoses.
Facts I just mention your minds to direct,
For our piece is as classical as it's correct.
Which you've all read of in Illiads and Odysseys;
When in Arcadia the shepherds are seen,
And like chimney-sweeps live each man-Jack in the Green.
This is the period of which Ovid offers his
Views and opinions in his Metamorphoses.
Facts I just mention your minds to direct,
For our piece is as classical as it's correct.
The Thebans are now little better than savages,
So that the Sphinx all their country now ravages:
With all his questions they're readily caught—
For as yet, we know, joking they haven't been taught;
Riddles arn't printed now with answers under 'em;
No “Boys' own Book” to explain a conundrum;
No comic writers—no songs at Vauxhall—
No plays—no burlesques—nor no nothing at all.
So that the Sphinx all their country now ravages:
With all his questions they're readily caught—
For as yet, we know, joking they haven't been taught;
Riddles arn't printed now with answers under 'em;
No “Boys' own Book” to explain a conundrum;
No comic writers—no songs at Vauxhall—
No plays—no burlesques—nor no nothing at all.
The King is going, too, upon the sly.
Mind, that's a secret, for the Queen don't know it;
Though when she hears—but there, the piece will show it.
It's near the time these fellows meant to go.
[Looks at his watch.
Just to a minute.
[Music.—Scene changes to
| The Sphinx : A "Touch From The Ancients," | |