University of Virginia Library

Scene III.

A Guard-room in Engelbory.
Soldiers drinking.
First Sol.

Humphrey shall sing.

Sec. Sol.

Humphrey'll be damned first!

Third Sol.

Let him be; he'll sing when he's drunk.

First Sol.

Ay, and better when he's damned. The

devil chirps about him like a sparrow about a grain of wheat. Dost thou not fear to be damned, man?

Sec. Sol.

I believe not in damnation.

First Sol.

Then thou art a worse heathen than I took thee for.

Sec. Sol.

Didst thou ever see a man damned?

First Sol.

Never yet.

Sec. Sol.

On whose word dost thou believe it, then?

First Sol.

On the word of the clergy.

Sec. Sol.

Good! Didst thou ever hear one of the clergy say that he — id est the clericus — should be damned?

First Sol.

Never.

Sec. Sol.

Then thou that believest the clergy, believest they shall not be damned. What then? Why this. Shall a monk be saved, and a soldier be damned? Quod est absurdum, which is absurd. Ergo, Q. E. D., quod est demonstrandum.

First Sol.

I am stranded indeed.

Sec. Sol.

Anglice, which was to be proven. Videlicet, a soldier shall be saved. Come, fill me a cup of wine.

Third Sol.

When wert thou at the university, Humphrey?

Sec. Sol.

In the year when Noah encountered the dragon, which being interpreted by Scripture history, is—never.

Third Sol.

Where gott'st thou thy learning, then?

Sec. Sol.

My mother ate lollipops wrapt in the

Latin grammar, which infected her milk, whereby I sucked in learning.—Drink, you fools. Come, let one sing.

Fourth Sol.

I'll sing you a song.

Sec. Sol.

Away! thou hast a little piping voice like a sickly weasel; I had as lief hear a grasshopper. We'll none of it. It turns the wine sour on the stomach.

Third Sol.

“Where horny Sigfrid handled—”

Sec. Sol.

Stop him! appease him! quiet him! Why, man, are our ears anvils, that thou hammerest them thus? If thou must needs sing, go out to sea a quarter of a mile or so, and sing to them on shore, and let them see that the wind be against thee.

First Sol.

Edmund shall sing.

Sec. Sol.

Oh, he sings beastly out of tune. Nay, if you will have it, I'll sing myself; and do thou with the little tiny voice sing with a helmet over thy face, and let him with the big horrid voice sing from under a cushion and so keep chorus.

Enter Ethel in a cloak, with a lantern.
Eth.
No rioting, knaves.
Sing if you will, but no drunkenness.
Who guards the prisoners?

Sec. Sol.
Two steady men within, sir.

Eth.
Show me the room, one of you.

[One goes out with Ethel.
Sec. Sol.
There goes a fellow now. Whewgh!

Re-enter Ethel.
Eth.
Who are they that took these gentlemen prisoners?
Why do you look at one another?

Sec. Sol.
They heard you called them idiots, and chafed at them.

Eth.
If I said so, I was not temperate;
They have done good service. Let them come to me,
And look to be rewarded.

[Exit.
First Sol.

I am glad of this. I thought it was a lie that he was angry with poor fellows for doing their best.

Third Sol.

Ay, and it was a tough job they had of it too. But what means he now by going in to them? Will he let them go free?

Sec. Sol.

Look you, this he means. Do you know tomorrow we march against the King, our own King?

Sols.

Against the King!

Sec. Sol.

Ay, he shall be deposed, and his head chopt off: so say I that know. And who shall be king

in his stead? Our friend in the cloak, I take it. Ergo, this will he do. He will in, and say, “Robert, thou beast, arise!”—for Robert, mind you, shall be asleep, and Arthur shall be awake. Then shall he say, “Will you help me to put the crown on this head?” and he shall tap his own.

Third Sol.

Then will they say yes?

Sec. Sol.

Will you hear it? or will you tell it? If you know it, tell it. I say, they shall not say yes; but tell it you.

Sols.

Tell us you, Humphrey, what they shall say.

Sec. Sol.

Let him hold his tongue, then. They will say, “No;” or, they will say, “Ay, we will.” If they say no, then he saith, “Die and be” what I believe not: for he believeth it firmly. If they say, “Ay,” he shall say, “Cut and run;” and then shall they cut and run, but first shall our friend in the cloak have told the two fellows on guard they are not wanted, and bid them come drink with us.

First Sol.

And what shall fall to them when their prisoners escape?

Sec. Sol.

What, the guard? Oh, they shall be hung by Cornelius, look you, for deserting their post; and their story of Felborg coming in will be a monstrous and inconceivable lie; and we, mind you, we shall have been very drunk, and mistaken the devilknows-who in a cloak for the Earl of Felborg. For my part, I shall have been so drunk, I shall not have

seen any body at all, and I would have you all drunk to the same degree. Drink about.

First Sol.

The General will play no such scurvy tricks. If he mean to let them free, he will bring them out through the middle of us. I can tell you the General loves fair play; ay, and will see it too. Dost thou remember, man, when we were had up on a false charge of plundering after proclamation — how he that is in prison there for joining the Swede would have hung us out of hand, and how Felborg made him take time, and how he ferreted and laboured and toiled till he got at the truth of it?

Third Sol.

Ay, ay.

Fourth Sol.

I remember this much of him, when I was left for dead in the field, that if he should bid me cut my throat, ay, or another man's for the matter of that, look you, I would do it and never wink.

Sec. Sol.

Ay, as far as that goes, I too would do what he bid me; for a man would look queer that should disobey him. Let him say to me in his way, “Humphrey, thy father's head tomorrow!” Lord, I should bring it him, like John the Baptist's, on a battlehorse.

Third Sol.

Why on a battle-horse, Humphrey?

Sec. Sol.

Nay, I know not; but so it is written.

Third Sol.

A charger, man; it is written a charger.

Sec. Sol.

And if a charger be not a battle-horse, thou art not an ass, which is absurd. Q.E.D., which was to be proven. Ergo, thou art an ass.

Third Sol.

Thy father would think thy obedience over-exquisite.

Sec. Sol.

Tush; I would convince him. I would say, Pater reverendissime, which is, God bless you, father. Unto different men are different dispensations; to dead men and robins worms, and to live men meat and raiment,—the godly preach, and others have their infirmities.

First Sol.

This will convince us that thou art drunk, but scarcely thy father to lend thee his head for ever so short a while.

Sec. Sol.

Nay, but look you, the General would not bid me do it without good reason; and I would tell him the reason.

First Sol.

And that would convince him?

Sec. Sol.

That and the other would convince him, which is in Latin. I know not what it is in Latin.

Third Sol.

But is't good truth that we march against the King?

Sec. Sol.

Ay, is it.

First Sol.

I thought he was not born so leadenspirited as to endure his injuries.

Third Sol.

And yet he wears an even face.

Fifth Sol.

An even face, my God, but such a sad one!

Sec. Sol.

Loquitur, he speaketh; try again, Silence.

Fifth Sol.

'Tis a strange temper; I can tell you that. I have seen him passionate, too, with a peevish drummer lad that struck an innocent child for begging

bread. I would not have you anger him. Over his face came night, and lightning out of's eyes; I would have eaten myself to be out of his way.

Third Sol.

What did he do?

Fifth Sol.
He stood a moment; then with mild eyes,
But steadfast, that I trembled, and calm voice
Remonstrating, but oh, the music of it!
He spoke to me; with one arm, like a father
He lifted to his breast the naked babe:
“What, fellow!” said he, “do you strike these helpless ones?
Think of it, boy!” his hand laid on my head.
The action, the endearment, the white child
Weeping in's breast,—oh, if a man had seen it,
He would have thought that Charity and Mercy,
Not two, but one, had left their homes in heaven,
And in a soldier's coat went to the wars.
To me he seemed an angel; my repentance
Rained itself down in tears.

Sec. Sol.

Is that the lad that goes about with you?

Fifth Sol.

Ay, the same child. God knows he shall not want while I eat bread.

Third Sol.

You served Felborg?

Fifth Sol.

I was his body servant after that. You say you love him; I wonder if the heart of any other holds him as dear as I do.

First Sol.

What's this about the Lady Violenzia? Is't true they ravished her at court?

Fourth Sol.

She was naught.

Fifth Sol.

You lie!

Third Sol.

By all the fiends in hell! are you mad to die? I would not have her name in my mouth in the same continent with yonder cloak—not for gold pieces. Let him hear you!

Fourth Sol.

I'll in and sleep.

Third Sol.

There's a big fire in the anteroom: get another bottle, and Humphrey shall finish his song.

First Sol.

Ay, he's singing drunk.

Sec. Sol.

I am as drunk as an owl; which is, to be sapiently intoxicated. Come away.

Third Sol.

How those dogs of Swedes ran today! [Exeunt.