Poems By William Walsham How ... New and Enlarged Edition |
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A Puzzling Question.
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A Puzzling Question.
“Why does the Rector keep an ass?”
This was the theme of a hot dispute,
As ruefully cropping the scanty grass
In front of the Rectory stood the brute.
This was the theme of a hot dispute,
As ruefully cropping the scanty grass
In front of the Rectory stood the brute.
His collar was chained to an iron peg;
A fetter was strapped to each fore-leg;
And he brayed out a long-drawn asinine volley,
The essence of musical melancholy.
A fetter was strapped to each fore-leg;
And he brayed out a long-drawn asinine volley,
The essence of musical melancholy.
A lady famed for practical views
Offered a simple explanation:—
‘The donkey,’ quoth she, ‘they constantly use
‘For drawing the Rector's beer from the station.’
Offered a simple explanation:—
‘The donkey,’ quoth she, ‘they constantly use
‘For drawing the Rector's beer from the station.’
Said a second, ‘For shame! It is perfectly clear
‘The Rector cannot drink all that beer.
‘I believe that the ass (which is far more pleasant)
‘From some dear friend was a touching present:
‘The Rector cannot drink all that beer.
‘I believe that the ass (which is far more pleasant)
‘From some dear friend was a touching present:
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‘Perhaps it was little when first he had it,
‘And little donkeys are dear little things,
‘And I'm sure it does his feelings credit
‘If, now it is old, to the beast he clings.’
‘And little donkeys are dear little things,
‘And I'm sure it does his feelings credit
‘If, now it is old, to the beast he clings.’
‘I,’ said an epicure, ‘venture to speak:—
‘You saw in the Times how uncommonly well
‘A party of gentlemen only last week
‘Dined upon horse at the Langham Hotel:
‘You saw in the Times how uncommonly well
‘A party of gentlemen only last week
‘Dined upon horse at the Langham Hotel:
‘Well, it strikes me as not such a very bad guess
‘That the Rector, regarding the dearness of food,
‘Thinks if horse-flesh turns out such a savoury mess,
‘In all probability donkey's as good.’
‘That the Rector, regarding the dearness of food,
‘Thinks if horse-flesh turns out such a savoury mess,
‘In all probability donkey's as good.’
Said another, ‘My notion is speedily told:
‘The Rector is troubled with corns on his toes,
‘So in primitive guise, like a patriarch old,
‘To visit his flock on his donkey he goes.’
‘The Rector is troubled with corns on his toes,
‘So in primitive guise, like a patriarch old,
‘To visit his flock on his donkey he goes.’
‘What nonsense you talk!’ said a boy fresh from school,
‘Why, you'd make out the Rector a regular fool:
‘Each summer, I tell you, he gives a school-feast,
‘And to run in the races he keeps the good beast.’
‘Why, you'd make out the Rector a regular fool:
‘Each summer, I tell you, he gives a school-feast,
‘And to run in the races he keeps the good beast.’
‘Now I have a notion,’ cried one, ‘in my brain:—
‘The Rector for learning a character bears,
‘While his flock are mere rustics, and hard is the strain
‘To bring down his thoughts and his language to theirs:
‘The Rector for learning a character bears,
‘While his flock are mere rustics, and hard is the strain
‘To bring down his thoughts and his language to theirs:
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‘So just as a barber selects the fair tresses,
‘And first manufactures his wigs on a block,
‘To the donkey the Rector his sermons addresses,
‘Thus fitting his words to the brains of his flock.’
‘And first manufactures his wigs on a block,
‘To the donkey the Rector his sermons addresses,
‘Thus fitting his words to the brains of his flock.’
Then a lady propounded one other solution,
While a little smile twinkled half-hid in her eye:—
‘The Rector,’ she said, ‘has a constitution
‘Full of brotherly love and sympathy.’
While a little smile twinkled half-hid in her eye:—
‘The Rector,’ she said, ‘has a constitution
‘Full of brotherly love and sympathy.’
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