Songs and Verses Social and Scientific: By An old contributor to Maga [i.e. Charles Neaves]: Fourth Edition, Enlarged |
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HOW TO MAKE A NOVEL.
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92
HOW TO MAKE A NOVEL.
A SENSATIONAL SONG.
Try with me and mix
What will make a Novel,
All hearts to transfix
In house or hall or hovel.
Put the caldron on,
Set the bellows blowing,
We'll produce anon
Something worth the showing.
What will make a Novel,
All hearts to transfix
In house or hall or hovel.
Put the caldron on,
Set the bellows blowing,
We'll produce anon
Something worth the showing.
Toora-loora-loo, &c.
Never mind your plot;
'Tisn't worth the trouble:
Throw into the pot
What will boil and bubble.
Character's a jest;
What's the use of study?
All will stand the test
That's black enough and bloody.
'Tisn't worth the trouble:
Throw into the pot
What will boil and bubble.
Character's a jest;
What's the use of study?
93
That's black enough and bloody.
Toora-loora, &c.
Here's the ‘Newgate Guide,’
Here's the ‘Causes Célèbres;’
Tumble in beside,
Pistol, gun, and sabre.
These Police reports
Those Old Bailey trials,
Horrors of all sorts,
To match the Seven Vials.
Here's the ‘Causes Célèbres;’
Tumble in beside,
Pistol, gun, and sabre.
These Police reports
Those Old Bailey trials,
Horrors of all sorts,
To match the Seven Vials.
Toora-loora, &c.
Down into a well,
Lady, thrust your lover;
Truth as some folks tell,
There he may discover.
Stepdames, sure though slow,
Rivals of your daughters,
Bring us from below
Styx and all its waters.
Lady, thrust your lover;
Truth as some folks tell,
There he may discover.
Stepdames, sure though slow,
Rivals of your daughters,
Bring us from below
Styx and all its waters.
Toora-loora, &c.
94
Crime, that breaks all bounds,
Bigamy and arson,
Poison, blood, and wounds,
Will carry well the farce on.
Now it's just in shape;
Yet, with fire and murder,
Treason, too, and rape
Might help it all the further.
Bigamy and arson,
Poison, blood, and wounds,
Will carry well the farce on.
Now it's just in shape;
Yet, with fire and murder,
Treason, too, and rape
Might help it all the further.
Toora-loora, &c.
Or, by way of change,
In your wild narration
Choose adventures strange
Of fraud and personation.
Make the job complete;
Let your vile assassin
Rob and forge and cheat,
For his victim passin'.
In your wild narration
Choose adventures strange
Of fraud and personation.
Make the job complete;
Let your vile assassin
Rob and forge and cheat,
For his victim passin'.
Toora-loora, &c.
Tame is Virtue's school;
Paint, as more effective,
Villain, knave, and fool,
With always a Detective.
Hate for Love may sit;
Gloom will do for Gladness,
Banish Sense and Wit,
And dash in lots of Madness.
Paint, as more effective,
Villain, knave, and fool,
With always a Detective.
95
Gloom will do for Gladness,
Banish Sense and Wit,
And dash in lots of Madness.
Toora-loora, &c.
Stir the broth about;
Keep the furnace glowing:
Soon we'll pour it out
In three bright volumes flowing.
Some may jeer and jibe:
We know where the shop is,
Ready to subscribe
For a thousand copies!
Keep the furnace glowing:
Soon we'll pour it out
In three bright volumes flowing.
Some may jeer and jibe:
We know where the shop is,
Ready to subscribe
For a thousand copies!
Toora-loora-loo,
Toora-loora-leddy;
Now the dish will do,
Now the Novel's ready.
Toora-loora-leddy;
Now the dish will do,
Now the Novel's ready.
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