 | Outlines of Edinburgh, and Other Poems |  |
25
OUTLINE THE THIRD.
“Oh, heavy lightness! serious vanity!
“Misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms!”
Romeo and Juliet.
“Misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms!”
Romeo and Juliet.
'Tis half-past ten, and chairs and coaches hurry
To the assembly rooms in George's Street;
Some fair ones enter in a sort of flurry,
Thinking of Beaus they may—or may not meet;
Gow looks around, and after some demur, he
Seizes his fiddle-stick, and takes his seat.
The Patroness, who in the midst is seen,
Feels (for the evening) every inch a queen.
To the assembly rooms in George's Street;
Some fair ones enter in a sort of flurry,
Thinking of Beaus they may—or may not meet;
Gow looks around, and after some demur, he
Seizes his fiddle-stick, and takes his seat.
The Patroness, who in the midst is seen,
Feels (for the evening) every inch a queen.
26
Here strangers will behold no kind M. C.
No steward successive partners to insure;
The room is fill'd with smiling Belles, but he
Sees each Belle pass him silent, and demure,
As if they all imagin'd him to be
“A low born man, of parentage obscure”—
A hermit in a ball-room, and though not
“The world forgetting;—by the world forgot.”
No steward successive partners to insure;
The room is fill'd with smiling Belles, but he
Sees each Belle pass him silent, and demure,
As if they all imagin'd him to be
“A low born man, of parentage obscure”—
A hermit in a ball-room, and though not
“The world forgetting;—by the world forgot.”
In fact, a stranger's prospects, cash, and rank,
Should (in the style of Norval) be declar'd,
“My Name is (so and so,) my prospects (blank),
“My Father owns (blank) lands, a wealthy laird,
“Whose constant savings hoarded in the bank,
“Will by his only son (myself) be shar'd
“With Her, who my affections can engage;
“I am a single man, and just of age.”
Should (in the style of Norval) be declar'd,
“My Name is (so and so,) my prospects (blank),
“My Father owns (blank) lands, a wealthy laird,
“Whose constant savings hoarded in the bank,
“Will by his only son (myself) be shar'd
“With Her, who my affections can engage;
“I am a single man, and just of age.”
27
At private parties, servants should announce
Our who's, and what's, and whence's, with our names:
And Dowagers might then decide at once,
With small deliberation, on our claims;
'Twould be so ludicrous to see them pounce
Upon the images in gilded frames!
Saying, before the victim dar'd to stir—
“Permit me to present my daughter, Sir.”
Our who's, and what's, and whence's, with our names:
And Dowagers might then decide at once,
With small deliberation, on our claims;
'Twould be so ludicrous to see them pounce
Upon the images in gilded frames!
Saying, before the victim dar'd to stir—
“Permit me to present my daughter, Sir.”
The Ball begins, quadrilles in triumph now
Drive into shade the contre dance, and reel;
Scotch feet forget the strathspey; and Scotch Gow
In foreign airs reluctantly must deal;
Each dancer moves with melancholy brow,
And solemn form, and elephantic heel:
With doleful looks chassezing right or left;
As if of friends and kindred just bereft.
Drive into shade the contre dance, and reel;
Scotch feet forget the strathspey; and Scotch Gow
In foreign airs reluctantly must deal;
Each dancer moves with melancholy brow,
And solemn form, and elephantic heel:
With doleful looks chassezing right or left;
As if of friends and kindred just bereft.
28
But if they lapse into a reel by chance,
Forgetting that quadrilles are thought more right;
The awkward spell forsakes them, and they dance
With life and spirit, and the toe is light
And quite fantastic; and the merry glance
Beams from each Scottish Lassie purely bright,
Whilst hands and voices are uprais'd, to gain
A faster fiddle, or a changing strain.
Forgetting that quadrilles are thought more right;
The awkward spell forsakes them, and they dance
With life and spirit, and the toe is light
And quite fantastic; and the merry glance
Beams from each Scottish Lassie purely bright,
Whilst hands and voices are uprais'd, to gain
A faster fiddle, or a changing strain.
(My gentle reader—do not call for salts,
If waltzing's mention'd, do not faint away;
I cannot understand a waltzer's faults,
I'll argue on that point another day;)
Here they at length have introduc'd the waltz,
At least midst Fashion's votaries, for they
“Can turn, and turn, and yet go on; and turn
“Again”—(like Desdemona) as you'll learn.
If waltzing's mention'd, do not faint away;
I cannot understand a waltzer's faults,
I'll argue on that point another day;)
Here they at length have introduc'd the waltz,
At least midst Fashion's votaries, for they
“Can turn, and turn, and yet go on; and turn
“Again”—(like Desdemona) as you'll learn.
29
If in these places, you would wish to pass
For something very tonish, and uncommon,
Lounge at a door, and looking through your glass,
Say, “'Pon my honour—that's a d—d fine woman;”
Stare rudely at each Caledonian lass,
And pray be careful that you speak to no man,
Unless his coat looks London, and unless
He knows (what few men do know) how to dress.
For something very tonish, and uncommon,
Lounge at a door, and looking through your glass,
Say, “'Pon my honour—that's a d—d fine woman;”
Stare rudely at each Caledonian lass,
And pray be careful that you speak to no man,
Unless his coat looks London, and unless
He knows (what few men do know) how to dress.
If you would pass for something very high,
When your progenitors are rather low;
Pretend to be recherché, and pass by
All unknown persons, whom you ought to know;
I've Ladies—women rather—in my eye,
Who do such things,—and if they serve me so,
Why—let them cut, and welcome, I'll maintain
It never shall be cut and come again.
When your progenitors are rather low;
Pretend to be recherché, and pass by
All unknown persons, whom you ought to know;
I've Ladies—women rather—in my eye,
Who do such things,—and if they serve me so,
Why—let them cut, and welcome, I'll maintain
It never shall be cut and come again.
30
If you would pass for clever, you must gape
When people speak to you, and not reply;
Frown—and seem looking at some unseen shape,
And they will think there's talent in your eye.
When common-place men speak to you, escape
And put yourself in attitudes, and sigh,
Sneer upon those around,—as if you never
Saw such absurdities,—they'll think you clever.
When people speak to you, and not reply;
Frown—and seem looking at some unseen shape,
And they will think there's talent in your eye.
When common-place men speak to you, escape
And put yourself in attitudes, and sigh,
Sneer upon those around,—as if you never
Saw such absurdities,—they'll think you clever.
If you would pass for a delightful man,
Be scandalous, you're certain to succeed;
Some folks there are, who gather all they can
From those who tattle scandal;—if they read
A volume penn'd on a satiric plan,
They all declare 'tis very wrong indeed:
Each shuts the book, exclaiming “I can see
“That filthy character was meant for me.”
Be scandalous, you're certain to succeed;
Some folks there are, who gather all they can
From those who tattle scandal;—if they read
A volume penn'd on a satiric plan,
They all declare 'tis very wrong indeed:
Each shuts the book, exclaiming “I can see
“That filthy character was meant for me.”
31
And what have their employments been, who hate
Him they believe the author? they all quiz
And hint this Lady's origin, and state
Their doubts respecting that, and say it is
Strange t'other looks so pensive, and relate
Tales of her spouse, and say the fault is his.—
The author's wit is some excuse; they sit
Venting the venom unredeem'd by wit.
Him they believe the author? they all quiz
And hint this Lady's origin, and state
Their doubts respecting that, and say it is
Strange t'other looks so pensive, and relate
Tales of her spouse, and say the fault is his.—
The author's wit is some excuse; they sit
Venting the venom unredeem'd by wit.
They have no souls for Music! I declare,
I say it with regret; but in defiance
Of Scotch claymores I positively swear
They have no souls for music as a science;
Their concerts are, alas! extremely rare,
And I must say—(if I'm compell'd to fly hence
For saying so,) 'tis true:—here vocal folks
Soften no rocks, and bend no knotted oaks.
I say it with regret; but in defiance
Of Scotch claymores I positively swear
They have no souls for music as a science;
Their concerts are, alas! extremely rare,
And I must say—(if I'm compell'd to fly hence
For saying so,) 'tis true:—here vocal folks
Soften no rocks, and bend no knotted oaks.
32
I dearly love Scotch songs, when they are sung
By Scottish voices, but the charm is gone,
When English Ladies with an English tongue
Attempt to quaver them; I freely own
These lays to them exclusively belong;
Their simple, touching, tenderness of tone
Is charming, Lewy Gordon is divine,
And nothing moves me more than Auld lang Syne.
By Scottish voices, but the charm is gone,
When English Ladies with an English tongue
Attempt to quaver them; I freely own
These lays to them exclusively belong;
Their simple, touching, tenderness of tone
Is charming, Lewy Gordon is divine,
And nothing moves me more than Auld lang Syne.
But Saint Cecilia they would not admire,
Unless she came in bonnet, and in plaid;
They would not listen to her heavenly lyre,
So she must call the bagpipes to her aid;
Tartans become her well; all I desire
Is to behold the Maid at times array'd
In other garbs; I wish not to new-fashion all,
E'en bagpipes please me here, the noise is national.
Unless she came in bonnet, and in plaid;
They would not listen to her heavenly lyre,
So she must call the bagpipes to her aid;
Tartans become her well; all I desire
Is to behold the Maid at times array'd
In other garbs; I wish not to new-fashion all,
E'en bagpipes please me here, the noise is national.
| Outlines of Edinburgh, and Other Poems | |