Rough Sketches of Bath, and Other Poems By Thomas Bayly ... Fifth Edition, with Additions |
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THE DANDIES OF THE PRESENT, AND THE MACARONIES OF THE PAST. |
 | Rough Sketches of Bath, and Other Poems |  |
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THE DANDIES OF THE PRESENT, AND THE MACARONIES OF THE PAST.
When men some shining excellence possess,
In mind or form, in faculties or dress;
Their just pre-eminence is apt to raise
The world's ill-nature, rather than its praise:
Envy pursues their progress, if their plan
Adorns the inward or the outward man;
Though actions may be blameless, still some blame
May slyly wound the source from whence they came;
If in the cause no errors they detect,
Abuse may still be aim'd at the effect:
When both are perfect, a satiric sneer
May make approval secretly severe;
'Tis sweet to praise, but sweeter to pursue
Conceal'd defects, and drag them forth to view.
Thus military men, whose deeds of arms
Rescued the countrymen from war's alarms;
The danger past, these rescued rogues unite,
And grieve their rescue was not managed right;
And prattle on their sofas, one by one,
Of what they did, and what they might have done.
In mind or form, in faculties or dress;
Their just pre-eminence is apt to raise
The world's ill-nature, rather than its praise:
Envy pursues their progress, if their plan
Adorns the inward or the outward man;
Though actions may be blameless, still some blame
May slyly wound the source from whence they came;
If in the cause no errors they detect,
Abuse may still be aim'd at the effect:
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May make approval secretly severe;
'Tis sweet to praise, but sweeter to pursue
Conceal'd defects, and drag them forth to view.
Thus military men, whose deeds of arms
Rescued the countrymen from war's alarms;
The danger past, these rescued rogues unite,
And grieve their rescue was not managed right;
And prattle on their sofas, one by one,
Of what they did, and what they might have done.
And thus (oh, more severe!) the Dandy clan,
Those sweet refinements of the race of man,
Who place on outward gloss their whole reliance,
Who make their smiles an art, their dress a science;
Who toil themselves, that others may be blest
In looking at their pretty forms when drest:
These, in their turn, are slander'd, (injured race!)
And e'en their graces blamed as a disgrace.
And what is their offence?—must they be chid
For doing what their fathers freely did?
Dandy and Macaroni are the same,
Alike in all respects except the name;
The service is unchanged, though it may be
They labour in another livery:
But take a calf, and dress it how you will,
The calf will be the self-same creature still.
Those sweet refinements of the race of man,
Who place on outward gloss their whole reliance,
Who make their smiles an art, their dress a science;
Who toil themselves, that others may be blest
In looking at their pretty forms when drest:
These, in their turn, are slander'd, (injured race!)
And e'en their graces blamed as a disgrace.
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For doing what their fathers freely did?
Dandy and Macaroni are the same,
Alike in all respects except the name;
The service is unchanged, though it may be
They labour in another livery:
But take a calf, and dress it how you will,
The calf will be the self-same creature still.
In days of yore, youths understood the art
Of looking fashionable, gay, and smart;
And had the title “Dandy” then been known,
They might have fairly claimed it as their own.
The ample frill of the embroider'd shirt;
The velvet coat's enormity of skirt;
The ruffled wrists; the lace-trimm'd lawn cravat;
The triple corners of the huge cock'd hat;
The spacious waistcoat, which (we thank our stays)
Would cut up into six in modern days;
The buckles which on knees and shoes were placed,
Immense machines composed of costly paste.
Of looking fashionable, gay, and smart;
And had the title “Dandy” then been known,
They might have fairly claimed it as their own.
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The velvet coat's enormity of skirt;
The ruffled wrists; the lace-trimm'd lawn cravat;
The triple corners of the huge cock'd hat;
The spacious waistcoat, which (we thank our stays)
Would cut up into six in modern days;
The buckles which on knees and shoes were placed,
Immense machines composed of costly paste.
And next the head! ye gods, what labour then
To beautify the heads of mortal men!
First came pomatum breathing sweet perfume,
And pounds of powder flying o'er the room;
One skilful artist (haply more than one)
Had much employment ere the work was done:
The irons hiss'd, and round about their ears,
Stiff tortured curls arose in even tiers;
And, lest in fascination curls should fail,
Tradition tells us thereby hung a tail.
Twas thus our fathers' heads enormous rose;—
“Hide your diminish'd heads,” ye modern beaux.
Stupendous men! methinks I see them now,
Erect in walk, but most profound in bow:
Were they permitted to revisit earth,
And view the realm of all their former mirth,
They'd stare to see the changes there have been,
Since they perform'd their parts in fashion's scene:
How they would scorn the dancers, who forget
The measured movements of the minuet!
Who dress'd in trowsers, more surprising still!
Whirl in a waltz, or glide through a quadrille:
They'd find it difficult to comprehend
The body stooping in the Grecian bend;
The careless lounge of dislocated hips,
And chins in a perpetual eclipse.
To beautify the heads of mortal men!
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And pounds of powder flying o'er the room;
One skilful artist (haply more than one)
Had much employment ere the work was done:
The irons hiss'd, and round about their ears,
Stiff tortured curls arose in even tiers;
And, lest in fascination curls should fail,
Tradition tells us thereby hung a tail.
Twas thus our fathers' heads enormous rose;—
“Hide your diminish'd heads,” ye modern beaux.
Stupendous men! methinks I see them now,
Erect in walk, but most profound in bow:
Were they permitted to revisit earth,
And view the realm of all their former mirth,
They'd stare to see the changes there have been,
Since they perform'd their parts in fashion's scene:
How they would scorn the dancers, who forget
The measured movements of the minuet!
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Whirl in a waltz, or glide through a quadrille:
They'd find it difficult to comprehend
The body stooping in the Grecian bend;
The careless lounge of dislocated hips,
And chins in a perpetual eclipse.
But not alone do dress and gesture change,
We've other transformations quite as strange;
Were they on earth, with what surprise they'd see
Men walking aided by machinery—
Moving with vast velocity and force,
Each on his ambulating hobby-horse!
We've other transformations quite as strange;
Were they on earth, with what surprise they'd see
Men walking aided by machinery—
Moving with vast velocity and force,
Each on his ambulating hobby-horse!
All have their hobbies—those who cannot pay
For riding in a gig, or one-horse chay,
May now bestride an inoffensive steed,
Take to their wheels and move with wondrous speed—
On level-ground, or down a smooth descent,
Securely glide, nor fear an accident;
And when a rising hill obstructs their course,
Upon their shoulders carry up the horse.
Sublime invention! swiftly thus we run
From scolding wife or unrelenting dun:
Talk not of racers, tits, and bits of blood,
We ride on metal steeds, and bits of wood.
For riding in a gig, or one-horse chay,
May now bestride an inoffensive steed,
Take to their wheels and move with wondrous speed—
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Securely glide, nor fear an accident;
And when a rising hill obstructs their course,
Upon their shoulders carry up the horse.
Sublime invention! swiftly thus we run
From scolding wife or unrelenting dun:
Talk not of racers, tits, and bits of blood,
We ride on metal steeds, and bits of wood.
Our Theatres and Ball-Rooms far surpass
Those of past times in magnitude and gas:
The excellence of gas no youth can doubt,
So soon illumined, and so soon put out;
And beaux and belles well know that none can mark
A kiss bestow'd or taken—in the dark.
Those of past times in magnitude and gas:
The excellence of gas no youth can doubt,
So soon illumined, and so soon put out;
And beaux and belles well know that none can mark
A kiss bestow'd or taken—in the dark.
Could I command a muse who would not spoil it,
My subject now should be the Dandy's toilet:
The modern Dandy, that divine unique,
Perfumed with lavender and huile antique;
His stays—(oh! fye, that term should not be heard)
His riding-belt—(aye, that's the proper word);
His padded coat, in which he seems to ape
A wet-nurse's rotundity of shape;
His tight pelisse, with silken lining's graced;
His trowsers puff'd and plaited at the waist:
But hold!—why thus, whilst outward graces please,
Should we explore his hidden mysteries?
No, let us gaze with rapture when he's dress'd,
But let expressive silence speak the rest.
My subject now should be the Dandy's toilet:
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Perfumed with lavender and huile antique;
His stays—(oh! fye, that term should not be heard)
His riding-belt—(aye, that's the proper word);
His padded coat, in which he seems to ape
A wet-nurse's rotundity of shape;
His tight pelisse, with silken lining's graced;
His trowsers puff'd and plaited at the waist:
But hold!—why thus, whilst outward graces please,
Should we explore his hidden mysteries?
No, let us gaze with rapture when he's dress'd,
But let expressive silence speak the rest.
All men are Dandies, not perhaps in dress,
But all some Dandy qualities possess;
Some youths there are, professing to despise
Fashion's excess and town frivolities,
Who trudge with unpremeditated march,
In pudding neckcloths, innocent of starch;
With beavers badly made, and badly placed,
And obsoletest longitude of waist;
Yet these good folks, dissemble as they may,
Have Dandy notions in their own snug way.
But all some Dandy qualities possess;
Some youths there are, professing to despise
Fashion's excess and town frivolities,
Who trudge with unpremeditated march,
In pudding neckcloths, innocent of starch;
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And obsoletest longitude of waist;
Yet these good folks, dissemble as they may,
Have Dandy notions in their own snug way.
Some show them in their villas, gardens, grounds,
Furniture, horses, equipage, or hounds;
Some in their books, and though not gay themselves,
With gilded bindings ornament their shelves;
And things like these the coxcomb may denote,
As well as starch'd cravat or Dandy coat.
Furniture, horses, equipage, or hounds;
Some in their books, and though not gay themselves,
With gilded bindings ornament their shelves;
And things like these the coxcomb may denote,
As well as starch'd cravat or Dandy coat.
Hail, race of Dandies! though condemn'd by some:
Hail, sparkling race, past, present, and to come!
All hail to those who, many years ago,
Appear'd full dressed, and every inch the beau;
Who flocked, at half-past six, to Drury-lane,
With spruce chapeau and golden-headed cane,
To see immortal Garrick playing Richard;
To gaze at Mistress Yates or Mistress Pritchard;
Charm'd with each look, attentive to each word—
(For then looks could be seen, and voices heard).
Hail, sparkling race, past, present, and to come!
All hail to those who, many years ago,
Appear'd full dressed, and every inch the beau;
Who flocked, at half-past six, to Drury-lane,
With spruce chapeau and golden-headed cane,
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To gaze at Mistress Yates or Mistress Pritchard;
Charm'd with each look, attentive to each word—
(For then looks could be seen, and voices heard).
And hail to those, who now more degagé,
In long loose trowsers saunter to the play;
But not at vulgar hours—at eight they dine.
And reach the lobbies about half-past nine;
Then in the boxes, they with much ado
On tip-toe gain a slight perspective view;
And e'en when out of hearing, seem to feel,
Dying with Kean, and fainting with O'Neil.
In long loose trowsers saunter to the play;
But not at vulgar hours—at eight they dine.
And reach the lobbies about half-past nine;
Then in the boxes, they with much ado
On tip-toe gain a slight perspective view;
And e'en when out of hearing, seem to feel,
Dying with Kean, and fainting with O'Neil.
And hail to those, whose embryo career
Shall charm the fair ones of some future year;
Who, whilst some tutor's mandate they obey,
Are all “in arms, and eager for the fray.”
Shall charm the fair ones of some future year;
Who, whilst some tutor's mandate they obey,
Are all “in arms, and eager for the fray.”
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And hail ye tutors! scientific teachers,
Renown'd as schoolmen, sportsmen, fops, and preachers,
Who, paid by fathers, teach their hopeful sons
The eligible use of dogs and guns;
And, shots yourselves, still aid your loved pursuit,
And “teach the young idea how to shoot.”
Renown'd as schoolmen, sportsmen, fops, and preachers,
Who, paid by fathers, teach their hopeful sons
The eligible use of dogs and guns;
And, shots yourselves, still aid your loved pursuit,
And “teach the young idea how to shoot.”
Ye belles! whose sweet society refines
The native roughness of us masculines;
Whenever noble objects we pursue,
The inspiration is received from you:
Without your charms the world were unenjoy'd,
Life were a dull uninteresting void;
Without the spirit which your smile imparts
We were indeed unworthy of your hearts.
The native roughness of us masculines;
Whenever noble objects we pursue,
The inspiration is received from you:
Without your charms the world were unenjoy'd,
Life were a dull uninteresting void;
Without the spirit which your smile imparts
We were indeed unworthy of your hearts.
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Oh! may you all be blest, where'er you move,
Each, with the sort of man you most approve;
May sweet Arcadian nymphs in rural plains
Live snug and quiet with Arcadian swains;
Delight to shun the busy haunts of men,
Get up at six, and go to bed at ten.
May fashionable belles in town be blest
With those who suit them most and love them best;
Those youths, for ever ready at a ball
To seek a carriage or adjust a shawl;
Who stand behind pianos, and discern
The very moment when the leaves should turn;
Who always dance quadrilles, and know the way
To talk incessantly with nought to say;
Who pay long morning visits, and discourse
Upon the best formation of a purse;
Or spend the day—all other aims forgotten,
In drawing patterns, or in winding cotton.
Surely, ye fair, devoted slaves like these,
In word, or deed, can never fail to please;
And call them Dandy—Macaroni—Beau,
Or what you will;—'twas you that made them so.
Each, with the sort of man you most approve;
May sweet Arcadian nymphs in rural plains
Live snug and quiet with Arcadian swains;
Delight to shun the busy haunts of men,
Get up at six, and go to bed at ten.
May fashionable belles in town be blest
With those who suit them most and love them best;
Those youths, for ever ready at a ball
To seek a carriage or adjust a shawl;
Who stand behind pianos, and discern
The very moment when the leaves should turn;
Who always dance quadrilles, and know the way
To talk incessantly with nought to say;
Who pay long morning visits, and discourse
Upon the best formation of a purse;
Or spend the day—all other aims forgotten,
In drawing patterns, or in winding cotton.
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In word, or deed, can never fail to please;
And call them Dandy—Macaroni—Beau,
Or what you will;—'twas you that made them so.
First the mamma beholds her son with joy,
And in his hearing calls him “lovely boy,”
Sends him to school eclipsing other scholars,
And bids the washerwoman starch his collars.
The sisters then will spoil him in their turn,
And teach him all a lady's man should learn;
The art of sacrificing to the graces,
And looking knowingly in public places:
When more mature, the belles surround the man,
And soon complete what fond mamma began.
And shall the fair their proselytes condemn,
Rejecting those who live and breathe for them?
Can ye, oh! damsels, injure those, whose pride
Is to be seen gallanting at your side?
Whose love for self, unquestionably true,
Is almost equalled by their love for you.
Assert the Dandy's cause; and deign to prove
A lady's man is what the ladies love.
And in his hearing calls him “lovely boy,”
Sends him to school eclipsing other scholars,
And bids the washerwoman starch his collars.
The sisters then will spoil him in their turn,
And teach him all a lady's man should learn;
The art of sacrificing to the graces,
And looking knowingly in public places:
When more mature, the belles surround the man,
And soon complete what fond mamma began.
And shall the fair their proselytes condemn,
Rejecting those who live and breathe for them?
Can ye, oh! damsels, injure those, whose pride
Is to be seen gallanting at your side?
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Is almost equalled by their love for you.
Assert the Dandy's cause; and deign to prove
A lady's man is what the ladies love.
Could a youth in the full costume of the present day have suddenly appeared before our ancestors, and sported a waltz or a quadrille, he would have caused no small sensation; but could a Macaroni of the past as suddenly arise, with a minuet step and an elevated head, he would at least be received in our Ball-rooms with equal surprise. What should we think of a figure like the following:—[Extract from a daily paper, published in the year 1770.]—“A few days ago, a Macaroni made his appearance in the Assembly-rooms, Whitehaven, in the following dress:—a mixed silk coat, pink satin waistcoat and breeches, covered with an elegant silver net, white silk stockings with pink clocks, pink satin shoes with large pearl buckles, a mushroom coloured stock, covered with fine point lace, hair dressed remarkably high, and stuck full of pearl pins.”—
How ye are degenerated, ye tight lads of the year 1820!!!
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