Songs, Ballads, and Other Poems by the late Thomas Haynes Bayly; Edited by his Widow. With A Memoir of the Author. In Two Volumes |
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I.
Scene—Junior United Service Club.
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 | Songs, Ballads, and Other Poems |  |
I. Scene—Junior United Service Club.
CAPTAIN BIGGS AND LIEUTENANT WILKINS.CAPTAIN.
Come, Charles! another glass, my boy!
I've gained my end, my point is carried;
One bumper more to wish me joy—
When next we meet I shall be married.
I knew you'd stare—but can you guess
Who is the object of my passion?
Oh! she's the pink of loveliness,
The very paragon of fashion!
I've gained my end, my point is carried;
One bumper more to wish me joy—
When next we meet I shall be married.
I knew you'd stare—but can you guess
Who is the object of my passion?
Oh! she's the pink of loveliness,
The very paragon of fashion!
Nay, do not try—you'll guess in vain—
And yet, upon consideration,
I own the case is pretty plain,
You must have noticed the flirtation.
'Tis Fanny Miles! the reigning belle!
The all-accomplished, pretty Fanny!
You must confess I've managed well
To win a prize sought by so many.
And yet, upon consideration,
I own the case is pretty plain,
You must have noticed the flirtation.
'Tis Fanny Miles! the reigning belle!
The all-accomplished, pretty Fanny!
You must confess I've managed well
To win a prize sought by so many.
LIEUTENANT.
I am surprised, I must allow,
I thought the girl was too capricious.
6
Nay, nay, she never loved till now.
LIEUTENANT.
Well, but the mother's so ambitious,
She will make up to Earls and Dukes,
And now and then is disconcerted
By chilling slights, and such rebukes
As glasses raised, or eyes averted.
CAPTAIN.
That may be over-anxious zeal,
To elevate her only daughter;
You cannot feel as mothers feel.
To elevate her only daughter;
You cannot feel as mothers feel.
LIEUTENANT.
No—but the girl—you're sure you've caught her?
You think she loves you?
CAPTAIN.
Think she loves!
How can you ask so cold a question.
Her pallid cheek her passion proves—
LIEUTENANT.
Pooh! that may all be indigestion!
CAPTAIN.
Oh! do not jest; she doats on me:
There ne'er was woman so devoted.
There ne'er was woman so devoted.
LIEUTENANT.
Since she came out—stop—let me see,—
On one—two—three—four—five she's doated.
Her dotage may pass off.
CAPTAIN.
You wrong
The kindest of all earthly creatures!
Did frailty ever yet belong
To such a set of faultless features?
The kindest of all earthly creatures!
Did frailty ever yet belong
To such a set of faultless features?
7
Don't smile, for I'll convince you yet,
A patient listener entreating;
I'll say, how, when, and where we met,
And all that happened at the meeting.
It was at Almack's; she had got
One ticket, and she begg'd another;
But Lady C. declared she'd not
For worlds admit the humdrum mother.
A patient listener entreating;
I'll say, how, when, and where we met,
And all that happened at the meeting.
It was at Almack's; she had got
One ticket, and she begg'd another;
But Lady C. declared she'd not
For worlds admit the humdrum mother.
LIEUTENANT.
And yet the daughter went?
CAPTAIN.
Oh yes!—
You know—that is—what should prevent her?
You know—that is—what should prevent her?
LIEUTENANT.
If 'gainst my parent, I confess,
A door were shut, I'd scorn to enter.
CAPTAIN.
One ticket came—how could it please
Maternal feelings not to use it?
A ticket for the Duke of D's,—
Or even Almack's—who'd refuse it?
Maternal feelings not to use it?
A ticket for the Duke of D's,—
Or even Almack's—who'd refuse it?
LIEUTENANT.
Are girls so mean! Well, well, proceed.
She went, it seems—and there you met her?
She went, it seems—and there you met her?
CAPTAIN.
We met—we waltzed—and we agreed
To meet again—could I forget her?
I called next day, and Mr. Miles,
And Mrs. Miles seem'd charm'd to know me,
Contributing with many smiles
Each kind attention they could show me.
And I was ask'd to dine and sup,
And cards for balls were never wanting.
The carriage came and took me up—
We went together, t'was enchanting!
I saw at once it was their aim
That she and I should be united,
For every morning, when I came,
To something gay I was invited.
To meet again—could I forget her?
I called next day, and Mr. Miles,
And Mrs. Miles seem'd charm'd to know me,
Contributing with many smiles
Each kind attention they could show me.
And I was ask'd to dine and sup,
And cards for balls were never wanting.
The carriage came and took me up—
We went together, t'was enchanting!
8
That she and I should be united,
For every morning, when I came,
To something gay I was invited.
In purchases, she sought my taste;
Where'er we went, 'twas I escorted;
In gallopades, I held her waist;
In morning walks, my arm supported.
I saw the time was come, in fact,
When honour bade me to disclose all,
So in the Opera's last act
Last night—I whisper'd a proposal!
Where'er we went, 'twas I escorted;
In gallopades, I held her waist;
In morning walks, my arm supported.
I saw the time was come, in fact,
When honour bade me to disclose all,
So in the Opera's last act
Last night—I whisper'd a proposal!
LIEUTENANT.
And what said Fanny?
CAPTAIN.
Oh! she sigh'd—
And raised her fan a blush to smother.
I gently breathed, “Oh! with what pride
Shall I present you to my brother.”
She started—(timid pet!) the word
Was premature—the thought a bad one.
“Brother!” she said; “I never heard—
You never mention'd that you had one.”
And raised her fan a blush to smother.
I gently breathed, “Oh! with what pride
Shall I present you to my brother.”
She started—(timid pet!) the word
Was premature—the thought a bad one.
“Brother!” she said; “I never heard—
You never mention'd that you had one.”
“My elder brother!” I exclaim'd.
She turn'd away—(sweet bashful creature!
To hear her future brother named
No doubt had crimson'd ev'ry feature.)
Then pleading earnestly I stood,
With half-averted face she heard me,
And answer'd “Sir—you're—very—good—”
But to her “dear mamma” referred me.
She turn'd away—(sweet bashful creature!
To hear her future brother named
No doubt had crimson'd ev'ry feature.)
Then pleading earnestly I stood,
With half-averted face she heard me,
And answer'd “Sir—you're—very—good—”
But to her “dear mamma” referred me.
I hurried home, and quickly wrote,
As 'twere with wand of necromancer;
To Mrs. Miles I sent the note,
And now I'm waiting for the answer.
As 'twere with wand of necromancer;
To Mrs. Miles I sent the note,
And now I'm waiting for the answer.
9
Sit down, my friend—don't fidget so—
Those men at breakfast will observe us—
Sit down, I beg of you—
Those men at breakfast will observe us—
Sit down, I beg of you—
CAPTAIN.
Oh! no,
I really can't, I am so nervous.
Ha! what is this!—a note for me!
'Tis it!—“No answer” did the man say?—
Now then my longing eyes will see
All that sincere affection can say!
(reads)
I really can't, I am so nervous.
Ha! what is this!—a note for me!
'Tis it!—“No answer” did the man say?—
Now then my longing eyes will see
All that sincere affection can say!
“Sir—your obliging note—high sense—
My daughter has—of the great honour—
Of good opinion—preference—”
There, my boy!—there—'tis plain I've won her!
(reads again)
My daughter has—of the great honour—
Of good opinion—preference—”
There, my boy!—there—'tis plain I've won her!
“But—you're a younger brother, Sir!
And I must say—you will excuse it—
You were to blame to think of her;
And your proposal—must refuse it.
“I think it best to add at once,
That in declining your acquaintance—”
I'll read no more!—Oh, idiot! dunce!
How shall I bear this cruel sentence?
And I must say—you will excuse it—
You were to blame to think of her;
And your proposal—must refuse it.
“I think it best to add at once,
That in declining your acquaintance—”
I'll read no more!—Oh, idiot! dunce!
How shall I bear this cruel sentence?
LIEUTENANT.
Be calm, my friend.
CAPTAIN.
Alas! till now,
I never knew what blighted hope meant.
I never knew what blighted hope meant.
LIEUTENANT.
Be pacified.
CAPTAIN.
Ah! tell me how
I best may manage an elopement.
I'll seek a druggist—happy plan!
And I will ask him—
I best may manage an elopement.
10
And I will ask him—
LIEUTENANT.
Pray be placid!
CAPTAIN.
For Epsom crystals; but the man
I'll bribe to give oxalic acid!
I'll bribe to give oxalic acid!
LIEUTENANT.
Nay, seek amusement—it is right.
CAPTAIN.
I'll tell my man to load my pistols.
LIEUTENANT.
Come to the opera to-night.
CAPTAIN.
I'll go and buy the fatal crystals.
LIEUTENANT.
I've got two tickets—'tis a sin
To die despairing. Come, my crony!
To die despairing. Come, my crony!
CAPTAIN.
Well—to please you—I'll just drop in
And take one peep at Taglioni.
And take one peep at Taglioni.
| Songs, Ballads, and Other Poems | |