Epistles from Bath Or, Q.'s Letters to His Yorkshire Relations; And Miscellaneous Poems. By Q. In The Corner [i.e. N. T. H. Bayly] |
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| 2. | EPISTLE THE SECOND,
FROM Q. TO HIS AUNT RUTH.
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 | Epistles from Bath |  |
13
EPISTLE THE SECOND, FROM Q. TO HIS AUNT RUTH.
From Bath's gay realm, where Fashion's airy throng
Pursue the joys of midnight dance and song;
Where belles and beaux to pass their hours away,
Sport half the night, and slumber half the day;
Whose nerves can scarce the load of life sustain
Till charming candle-light returns again;
Who thus the vulgar charms of daylight shun,
While close drawn curtains quite exclude the sun.
From scenes like these so variously gay,
How shall the Muse each tempting bliss portray;
Or how, dear Aunt, shall I contrive to give
A just description of the life we live?
Pursue the joys of midnight dance and song;
Where belles and beaux to pass their hours away,
Sport half the night, and slumber half the day;
Whose nerves can scarce the load of life sustain
Till charming candle-light returns again;
Who thus the vulgar charms of daylight shun,
While close drawn curtains quite exclude the sun.
From scenes like these so variously gay,
How shall the Muse each tempting bliss portray;
Or how, dear Aunt, shall I contrive to give
A just description of the life we live?
In this auspicious region all mankind
(Whate'er their taste) congenial joys may find;
Here monied men may pass for men of worth,
And wealthy cits may hide plebeian birth;
Here men devoid of cash may live with ease,
Appear genteel, and pass for what they please;
Here single men their better half may claim,
And flirting spinsters lose that doleful name;
Here husbands weary of domestic strife,
May please themselves, and live a single life;
And married ladies, in their husbands' view,
May freely flirt, and boast their conquests too;
Here boys and girls may marry in their teens,
And live on visionary ways and means;
Here fortune-hunting beaux delude the fair
With large estates and castles in the air;
Here lovely belles so sensitive appear,
They fall in love at least four times a year;
And dames who well the board of green cloth know,
Sit—where they sat near sixty years ago.
Here busy Scandal's ever ready tongue
Will interfere to regulate the young,
Brings every hidden mystery to light,
Corrects the weak, and sets the erring right,
Declares what actions they should chuse or shun,
What they may do, and what must not be done.
Here doctors conscientiously contrive,
By daily calls, to keep their friends alive;
Who, though declining, many days may see,
Whilst daily calls produce a daily fee.
(Whate'er their taste) congenial joys may find;
Here monied men may pass for men of worth,
And wealthy cits may hide plebeian birth;
14
Appear genteel, and pass for what they please;
Here single men their better half may claim,
And flirting spinsters lose that doleful name;
Here husbands weary of domestic strife,
May please themselves, and live a single life;
And married ladies, in their husbands' view,
May freely flirt, and boast their conquests too;
Here boys and girls may marry in their teens,
And live on visionary ways and means;
Here fortune-hunting beaux delude the fair
With large estates and castles in the air;
Here lovely belles so sensitive appear,
They fall in love at least four times a year;
And dames who well the board of green cloth know,
Sit—where they sat near sixty years ago.
Here busy Scandal's ever ready tongue
Will interfere to regulate the young,
Brings every hidden mystery to light,
Corrects the weak, and sets the erring right,
Declares what actions they should chuse or shun,
What they may do, and what must not be done.
Here doctors conscientiously contrive,
By daily calls, to keep their friends alive;
Who, though declining, many days may see,
Whilst daily calls produce a daily fee.
15
All systems change, and physic, like the rest,
When newly fashioned operates the best:
Thus each practitioner his system draws
From some internal ever-ruling cause,
And laying former doctrines on the shelf,
Cures by a mode peculiar to himself.
One feels your pulse and potently observes—
All your complaints originate in nerves;
If still unsatisfied, the next you call
Will vow that people have no nerves at all:
One says the stomach is the tainted part,
One says the head's in fault, and one the heart;
One undertakes to set you up with ease,
And swears that bile occasions your disease,
Says bile affects you if you glow or shiver,
And throws new lights upon his patient's liver.
When newly fashioned operates the best:
Thus each practitioner his system draws
From some internal ever-ruling cause,
And laying former doctrines on the shelf,
Cures by a mode peculiar to himself.
One feels your pulse and potently observes—
All your complaints originate in nerves;
If still unsatisfied, the next you call
Will vow that people have no nerves at all:
One says the stomach is the tainted part,
One says the head's in fault, and one the heart;
One undertakes to set you up with ease,
And swears that bile occasions your disease,
Says bile affects you if you glow or shiver,
And throws new lights upon his patient's liver.
A time there was ere modern ills were known,
When matrons had a system of their own;
Each wife possessed a closet amply fill'd
With drugs well mixed, and waters well distill'd;
Alternate food and physic stored her book,
With precepts for the doctress and the cook;
There sage prescriptions followed rich receipts,
And nauseous bitters counteracted sweets:
If sickness pained her spouse, her ready skill
Possessed a remedy for every ill;
Each seasoned dish, each potent draught she knew,—
She made him sick, and cured his sickness too.
But this is past—no spouse now risks his life,
Or trusts his constitution to his wife.
When matrons had a system of their own;
Each wife possessed a closet amply fill'd
With drugs well mixed, and waters well distill'd;
Alternate food and physic stored her book,
With precepts for the doctress and the cook;
There sage prescriptions followed rich receipts,
And nauseous bitters counteracted sweets:
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Possessed a remedy for every ill;
Each seasoned dish, each potent draught she knew,—
She made him sick, and cured his sickness too.
But this is past—no spouse now risks his life,
Or trusts his constitution to his wife.
And now, dear Aunt, allow me to proceed
And sketch the Fashionable Invalid,—
By day, all langour—stretched upon the bed,
With feeble body, and with aching head;
Her limbs extended, motionless and faint,
Seemed chained, and stiffened by some sad complaint;
And her pale cheek apparently reveals
A complication of all earthly ills:
But night comes on—then friendly rouge supplies
Health to her cheek, and brightness to her eyes;
Her prudent flannels, and her wraps give place
To airy muslin and transparent lace,—
And, drest for conquest, lovely dimples play
Around those lips that scarcely moved all day;
That tongue which lately, clothed in sickly white,
Exposed its symptoms to the doctor's sight,
Now nimbly moves, from langour's bondage free,
And charms the croud with jest and reparteé.
And sketch the Fashionable Invalid,—
By day, all langour—stretched upon the bed,
With feeble body, and with aching head;
Her limbs extended, motionless and faint,
Seemed chained, and stiffened by some sad complaint;
And her pale cheek apparently reveals
A complication of all earthly ills:
But night comes on—then friendly rouge supplies
Health to her cheek, and brightness to her eyes;
Her prudent flannels, and her wraps give place
To airy muslin and transparent lace,—
And, drest for conquest, lovely dimples play
Around those lips that scarcely moved all day;
That tongue which lately, clothed in sickly white,
Exposed its symptoms to the doctor's sight,
Now nimbly moves, from langour's bondage free,
And charms the croud with jest and reparteé.
Q
| Epistles from Bath | |