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All the talents' garland

or, A few rockets let off at a celebrated ministry. Including Elijah's mantle, the Uti Possidetis, and other poems of the same author. By eminent political characters. The third edition, greatly enlarged [by E. A. Barrett]
 

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THE LION, HORSE, FOX, AND OTHER BEASTS.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


78

THE LION, HORSE, FOX, AND OTHER BEASTS.

AN ALLEGORICAL TALE.

BY THE AUTHOR OF “FLAGELLUM FLAGELLATED.”
“Qui capit, ille facit.”

Once on a time, no matter where,
A Fox prowl'd out to take the air:
Long had he sigh'd for the enjoyment
Of that best thing yclep'd employment—
Oft had he seen a Royal brood,
And oft had long'd to taste their blood:
For years had tried each various art,
And well this Fox could play his part;
Could cringe, could fawn, as Courtiers do,
When a good place they have in view;
But not succeeding, he could rail,
And snarl, and bark, and wag his tail.
This Fox was never known to blush—
Fierce were his eyes, and broad his brush;

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Of various colours, shape, and hue;
Nay, some affirm, 'twas buff and blue—
Strange it appears, but yet 'tis true.
The Royal Lion ne'er could bear
To his false tales to lend an ear:
And though he flatter'd, lied, and swore,
No Fox could ever love him more,
Yet all this cant he ne'er believ'd,
Nor by his arts could be deceiv'd.
The Royal Lion, with despair,
Saw this sad Fox cajole his Heir,
And lead him fairly by the nose,
His royal wishes to oppose.
This griev'd th'illustrious Father's heart;
He bade Old Reynard straight depart,
And never thenceforth dare approach
His royal person, or his coach.
Nay, smile not, reader, for I say
My tale resembles those of Gay,
Who gave to birds and beasts, you know,
The use of speech, both Fox and Crow.
Read but his Hare and many Friends—
Wretched he who on them depends.
Of this, let me, Sir, then avail,
And freely thus pursue my tale;
Give speech to birds, and also beasts;
Nay, ask them too, to city feasts.

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Soon as Fox heard the order gave,
He storm'd, he swore, at times did rave:
Went round to ev'ry beast he knew,
And mix'd up lies with what was true.
Some smil'd, some sneer'd, some gave applause
And swore they would support his cause.
These were a crew of all descriptions,
And to uphold him, made subscriptions.
Reynard went round and squeez'd each paw,
And swore their will should be his law.
All that he wanted was their voice,
To shew the world he was their choice.
In saying this, the Fox well knew
The temper of this motley crew;
And that the magic word of Freedom
Was the right vein in which to bleed 'em.
Freely they bled—Liberty—Fox,
Drew the last penny from the box;
Whilst Reynard laughed at his ease,
As when the Crow let fall the cheese.
Just so this cunning Prince of Bilks
Turn'd out—a Liberty and Wilkes;
For then this Fox by other beasts
Was ask'd to sev'ral city feasts:
And sure whenever he went there
Was instant voted in the chair.

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His speech was soft, was kind, and civil,
Not much unlike a Master Devil;
Nay, Belzee's self could not outvie him,
And well, I'm sure, could not outlie him.
His speeches suited just the times,
Which gave a varnish to all crimes.
“You are all equal,” said the Fox,
“Nor Lion better than the Ox.”
This speech was sure to gain applause,
Which trampled under feet all laws.
The Sheep would bleat, the Asses bray'd,
At ev'ry word Old Reynard said.
The Monkies chatter'd forth his praise,
Commending all his artful ways.
When the Baboon, to shew his parts,
Propos'd a plan, too near their hearts:
“Let's pull the Lion from his den,
And make Old Reynard King of Men.”
Bray, roar, and groan, make ev'ry noise,
Expressive of most beastly joys!
As loud as when Sir Francis spoke
Against all jails, or freedom's yoke;
For beasts, like men, are not inclin'd,
In any way, to be confin'd.
As soon as order was restor'd
At their great, noisy, beastly board,

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Reynard, by trite insinuation,
Declin'd the royal situation;
For well he knew, or soon, or late,
Hanging would be his certain fate;
And wisely did their ardour check,
To keep the halter from his neck.
“Well,” quoth the Wolf, “at least be then
Of beasts the king, if not of men;
And I declare it quite decorous
That Pidcock should be brought before us,
Who, in disgrace of this our land,
Keeps a Bastile upon the Strand,
Where I've a brother close confin'd
Merely for speaking of his mind,
And saying, that he'd like to see
All royal heads upon that tree,
Nam'd by French Monkies, Liberty.”
The Lynx too swore, he had another
Whose crime was merely that of murder;
And what you'll think most strange and rare is,
That Pidcock is a second Aris.
“Haste, drag him forth,” aloud they bellow,
“We'll hang up the inhuman fellow.”

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When, lo! to stop their brutal force,
Loud neigh'd the bold, intrepid Horse:
“The champion of his king and laws,
The great protector of their cause.”
And as the noble Horse drew near,
The Wolf and Fox both shook with fear.
His eyes indignant flash'd with fire,
Just like his noble godlike Sire;
And thus he spoke: “Ye rebel crew,
What mischief have ye in your view!
Ye know not all the shoals and rocks
On which you're steering by this Fox;
Ye know not half his wily arts
To gain your weak and wicked hearts;
With which he'd lead you by the nose,
And bring some lives to fatal close.
No longer then his councils heed,
But prove yourselves of British breed,
Who the last drop of blood would shed
To shield the noble Lion's head.
Has not the Sovereign of all Earth
Made him your Ruler from his birth?
And will you wickedly presume
To place another in his room?
On Virtue's basis stands his throne;
Protect it then as if your own:

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Mild are the laws, and only meant
For cruel beasts a punishment.
Have not the wicked, by his breath,
Been sav'd from ignominious death?
How many now had not been here,
Their tongues to wag, or heads to rear,
If justice had been done to those
Who now his royal will oppose?
You'll be abhorr'd by God and Man,
If you pursue this Fox's plan.
Shame on ye all, ungrateful crew,
Traitors to King and Country too!”
The Fox drew back at this bold speech,
And stalk'd behind the Bear's large breech;
For well he knew 't would nought avail,
And truth o'er falsehood must prevail.
For months this Fox was never heard,
Nor at their councils e'er appear'd;
For those who saw the noble Horse,
Felt all his reas'ning and its force;
So like our Pitt, you'd swear, indeed,
He'd sprung from the same Patriot breed,
Who, scorning all base fear and dread,
Boldly crush'd down Rebellion's head.
Ah! would he were but now alive,
To force the Hornets from the hive,

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Who buzz around the Royal Throne,
Providing only for their own!
As Kings are made by Bonaparte,
Supporters of his guilty heart;
So they, to prop their forc'd commands,
Distribute stars and bloody hands
Amongst their motley, needy crew,
In fortune poor, in honour too;
Gamesters, who glory when they cheat
Tradesmen—by holding of a seat.
But here let prudence stop my pen;
Beasts are my theme, not honest men.
Soon as the noble Horse perceiv'd
That all he utter'd was believ'd,
And that the Fox had stole away,
But little more he'd need to say.
“You see, my friends, I have no view,
But giving ev'ry one his due,
The noble Lion to protect,
Whilst he himself the laws respect.
Grown old, and worn with canker cares,
Bending beneath the weight of years,
Oh! shield your father and your friend;
On you his glory doth depend:
His honour, sceptre, and his crown,
You must defend them as your own;

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For well I know a neighb'ring power,
Who gladly would our King devour,
Who wants to make us beasts like them,
Who seiz'd and stole a diadem;
And he who stole it, made their Chief,
Desires us to support the thief;
Nay more, his title for to own,
And prostrate bow before his Throne.
Will British Beasts to this submit?
Not one, I'm sure, no more than Pitt.
To the Usurper send defiance;
With German Beasts let's form alliance;
And Russian Bears—although they're rough,
They're brave and honest, bold and tough:
They'll stand their ground, nor will they flinch,
And ne'er retreat, but inch by inch:
They never yield, they scorn to fly;
Their motto's, Death or Victory:
They've only Monkies to attack,
Who oft to us have shown their back,
On their own ground, like cowards fled
Before our Noble Royal Ned,
Who single-handed did advance,
And scourg'd these treach'rous Beasts of France.
Shall we then crouch, distort our shapes,
Merely because of men—they're Apes?”

87

“No,” growl'd the Mastiff, loud and hoarse,
With all the spirit of a Horse;
Whilst the bold Bull-dog join'd the cry,
Who'd fight, but never knew to fly.
“United thus,” replies the Horse,
“Who can withstand our gallant force?”
The Poet now, as Poets will
Shew their dexterity and skill,
For this so grand, sublime alliance,
And to the foe hurls forth defiance;
Then closer this alliance draws,
By ev'ry mode of Honour's laws;
Each article drawn out and fit,
To which all parties must submit;
Determin'd, when they take the field,
To sign no sep'rate peace or yield,
But bravely follow Honour's call,
To conquer, or together fall.
This seal'd and sign'd by ev'ry pow'r,
Anxious they wait th'approaching hour,
When German Boars and Russian Bears
Shall seize the Monkies by the ears.
Yet oft the noble Horse had told,
“Ye Boars and Bears, be not too bold;
Be cautious ere the fight begin,
Lest knowing Monkies take you in;

88

Ne'er look too lightly on the foe,
Let prudence guide each step you go;
For one rash step may ruin all,
And our best schemes together fall.”
Thus spoke the Horse, and oft impress'd
These words on their obdurate breast;
Begg'd them to wait the fav'ring wind,
Till Bears and Bull-dogs all had join'd;
And thus united form a band
A phalanx firm in head and hand,
The foe to conquer and command.
Yet let not conquest be our aim,
But honour, liberty, and fame:
To keep these Monkies in due awe,
Make them respect each nation's law;
Restrain within their proper bounds,
Nor ravage all their neighbours' grounds.
If apes of men they wish to be,
Teach them what is true liberty:
'Tis that enables Britain's isle
At Frenchmen's threats with scorn to smile;
'Tis that which keeps all rogues in awe;
E'en makes the King respect the law.
True liberty, in proper dress,
Is foe to all licentiousness.”
Thus spoke the noble, gen'rous Horse,
And reason gave his words full force;

89

Boars, Bears, and Bull-dogs, all agreed
Nobly, in freedom's cause, to bleed.
Ere yet the Bears had join'd the Boars,
Or Bull-dogs left their native shores,
Too rash the Boars now take the field,
Not arm'd with prudence, valour's shield;
Jealous of honour, loud in talk,
They whet their tusks, and blindly walk
Into a snare the Monkies laid,
Forgetting all the Horse had said.
The Monkies now began th'attack,
Now bite their ears, now mount their back,
As Frenchmen did the coward Mack.
The Boars retreat and homeward steer;
Some lose an eye, and some an ear;
And some there were they left behind,
From being rather short of wind;
Whilst others were oblig'd to stay,
Because they could not get away.
Well, after this one would have thought,
By wisdom thus so dearly bought,
They ne'er again would risk their ruin
Till join'd by Bull-dogs and by Bruin.
But, no; impell'd by fate's decree,
Or what is worse, base treachery,
When half the Bears had join'd the force,
Forgetting still th'advice of Horse,

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Madly they rush into the field,
Oppress'd by numbers, forc'd to yield;
Whilst their weak Leader fell in fits,
Just like a King at Austerlitz,
Who, when reviv'd, forgot his fame,
Stamp'd with disgrace th'Imperial name.
Not so the Bears—with well-arm'd paws,
They scorn'd to yield up honour's cause;
Proudly defy'd the Monkey Chief,
Call'd him both murderer and thief;
Contemn'd his threats, despis'd his arts;
“We're Bears, but we have honest hearts:
Nay, would they not so much as hear him,
Or suffer him to come a near'em;
And though you've bought the Boars, yet know
We Bears cannot be purchas'd so:
True to the cause we undertook,
And swore by ev'ry saint and book:
Then know, Usurper of a Throne,
If beat, our honour's still our own.”
The Monkies shook with fear and rage,
Nor dar'd the Russian Bears engage.
“Here will we die, nor quit the field;
The Bull-dogs know we will not yield:
Oh! were we now but join'd by them,
We'd shake thy stolen diadem.”

91

So Alexander spoke, when told
The Germans were to Frenchmen sold:
“Shame on the dastard coward Chief,
Who yielded to the artful thief.
Know Alexander hates those knaves
Who style him King of Gallic Slaves.
Austria, in Gaul thy Crown is dipt,
Thy tow'ring eagle's wings are clipt;
Hoodwink'd by Gallic fraud, thy sons
Forsook their honour with their guns;
Basely their country's rights they sold,
Brib'd by the touch of Gallia's gold;
Whilst wav'ring Prussia saw the fact,
Who, though she promis'd, durst not act.
Go, hide thy heads from scorn and shame,
For honour blushes at thy name.”
Just so the Boars were bought with husks,
Their freedom sold, and lost their tusks;
Now wander o'er the German bogs,
No longer Boars, but grov'ling Hogs.
Rash Swine, too wise in thy conceit,
Thou foolish plann'd thy own defeat;
Thy hasty steps t'attack the foe,
Caus'd all our ruin and our woe.
Soon as the Horse this news he hears,
Down his long face, fast roll'd the tears;

92

Whilst his big heart with pangs was rent,
Too great to give his griefs their vent;
Then burst that heart, his spirit fled,
And now he's number'd with the dead;
Yet ere his short-drawn breath was wholly past,
“Oh, save my country, Heaven!” was his last.
Let ev'ry royal, loyal Beast deplore
His loss, and grieve that he's, alas! no more!