 | Pleasant Odes |  |
57
Mr. Arthur James Balfour.
59
I.
Dear Mr. Arthur James Balfour,
I have been thinking about you;
And, between ourselves,
I begin to incline to the opinion
That you are
Rather
A notable
Person.
60
II.
Golf, people tell me,Is a great game:
When I ask them why,
They say: “Well—er—well—
You see—
Mr. Balfour
Plays it.”
And then I say:
“Mr. Balfour, of course,
Is not the only sensible man
Who plays golf?”
And they say:
“Oh, no.”
61
III.
Now, Sir,Mr. Pinero
Has lately demonstrated
That a little logic goes a long way,
And I, for one,
Am prepared to argue
That if golf be a great game
Because Mr. Balfour plays it,
Politics must also be a great game
For precisely the same reason:
Do you take me, Sir?
Or
Do you not?
62
IV.
FortunatelyI have never myself
Observed you
In the act
And process
Of playing golf.
I was once at North Berwick
When you were doing it,
But I declined to go and watch you,
Because I felt
That the spectacle
Of a Minister of the Crown
And a philosopher
Knocking a little ball about
With the end of a stick
Would not materially
Edify me.
63
V.
On the other hand,The pleasure of beholding you
In the House of Commons
Has been mine
Many a time
And oft.
In that chamber
Of oratorical horrors, Sir,
You are, in a manner of speaking,
One of the few objects
Worth beholding
And worth considering:
You satisfy the eye
With gracility
(Gracility is one better than Rossetti's “gracile”)
And a talent for sitting on your shoulder-blades;
You satisfy the ear
With an unobtrusive
And slightly careless eloquence;
You satisfy what nowadays passes for the intellect,
With a sort of affable reasonableness;
And you satisfy what may be termed the Parliamentary sense
Because you play “the game” skilfully and like a sportsman.
64
VI.
Sir, I have a high opinion of you.65
VII.
I used to be a Radical.66
VIII.
I am a Radical still:But if Arthur James Balfour
Ever put up for the constituency in which I have the honour to reside,
I should vote for Arthur James Balfour,
And subscribe towards the Liberal or Radical candidate's election expenses.
67
IX.
Also,I am delighted to see you
In the House
O' nights,
And to note
That you are looking
Well and fit;
And as your wellness and fitness
Are no doubt due
To your golf-playing,
I forgive you
Your predilection
In that direction
(Who says I can't rhyme?).
68
X.
And now, my dear Mr. Balfour,In the parlance of the game that you love,
We have “holed the round.”
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