University of Virginia Library

II

Failed! Back again in the ice-gloom
Of our bare, bleak, rat-haunted room!

171

The moon still looks—what does she care
To see my moon-flower lying there?
My rose, once red and white and fair,
Now white and wan, and pinched and thin,
Cold, through the coat I've wrapped her in,
And shivering, even in her sleep,
To hear how wakeful rats can keep.
We dragged our weary faltering feet
Through the bright noisy crowded street,
And reached the square where, stern in stone,
Her father's town-house sulks alone.
Sick, stupid, helpless, wretched, poor,
We waited at her father's door.
They let us in. Then let us tread
Through the warm hall with soft furs spread.
Next, ‘Name and business.’ Oh, exact
Were the man's orders how to act,
If e'er his master's child should come
To cross the threshold of her home!
I told our name. The man ‘would see
If any message was’ for me.
We waited there without a word.
How warm the whole house was! We heard

172

Soft music with soft voices blent,
And smelt sweet flowers with mingled scent,
And heard the wine poured out—that chink
That glass makes as the diners drink—
The china clatter. We, at least,
Appreciated that night's feast.
Then some one gave a note to me
With insolent smile. I read: ‘When she
Is tired of love and poverty,
And chooses to return to what
She left, the duties she forgot,
And never see again this man,
And be here as before—she can.’
We came away: that much is clear;
I don't know how we got back here—
I must have carried her somehow,
And have been strong enough. And now
She lies asleep—and I, awake,
Must do this something for her sake—
The only possible thing to do,
Oh, love! to cut our soul in two,
And take ‘this man’ away from you!

173

If now I let your father know
My choice is made, and that I go
And you are here—oh, love! oh, wife!
I break my heart and save your life.
Doubt what to do? All doubt's about
The deeds that are not worth a doubt!
This deed takes me, and I obey,
And there is nothing left to say.
Good-bye, dear eyes I cannot see—
Weep only gently, eyes, for me;
Dear lips, I've kissed and kissed again,
Lose those encircling lines of pain;
Dear face, so thin and faded now,
Win back youth's grace, and light, and glow;
Oh, hands I hold in mine—oh, heart
That holds mine in it—we must part!
When you wake up, and find me fled,
And find your father here instead,
Will you not wonder how my feet
Ever could turn from you, my sweet?
Ah, no! your heart and mine are one;
Our heart will tell you how 'twas done.

174

No more we meet until I've won
Enough to dare be happy on;
And if I fail—I have known bliss,
And bliss has bred an hour like this.
I am past Fate's harming—all her power
Could mix nought bitterer than this hour.
Good-bye—our room—our marriage life!—
Oh, kiss me through your dreams, my wife!