R---y---l Stripes Or A Kick from Yar---h to Wa---s; With the Particulars of an Expedition to Oat---ds, and the Sprained Ancle: A Poem. By P--- P--- [i.e. George Daniel] |
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 | R---y---l Stripes |  |
1
“Loud roar'd the P---e, but roar'd in vain,
L---d Y---h brandish'd high his cane,
And guided ev'ry r---y---l movement;
Now up, now down, now to, and fro,
The R---g---t nimbly mov'd his toe,
The Lady much enjoy'd the show,
And complimented his improvement.”
L---d Y---h brandish'd high his cane,
And guided ev'ry r---y---l movement;
Now up, now down, now to, and fro,
The R---g---t nimbly mov'd his toe,
The Lady much enjoy'd the show,
And complimented his improvement.”
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POEM &c.
The morn was bright, the Pr---e was gay,
His prancing steeds began to neigh,
Joy seem'd to usher in the day,
(From such another Heav'n forfend us!)
His royal guards, a goodly band,
Sat ready mounted sword in hand,
The pride and glory of our land,
A sight to British eyes tremendous.
His prancing steeds began to neigh,
Joy seem'd to usher in the day,
(From such another Heav'n forfend us!)
His royal guards, a goodly band,
Sat ready mounted sword in hand,
The pride and glory of our land,
A sight to British eyes tremendous.
His H---ess in a chariot bright
Loll'd, with M`M---n on his right,
A soldier, and a warlike wight,
And on his left, the Chief Ge---mb,—
A German warrior stout and grim,
Of aspect savage, huge of limb,
Munchausen was a dwarf to him,
And Mars, great god of war, a lamb.
Loll'd, with M`M---n on his right,
A soldier, and a warlike wight,
And on his left, the Chief Ge---mb,—
A German warrior stout and grim,
Of aspect savage, huge of limb,
Munchausen was a dwarf to him,
And Mars, great god of war, a lamb.
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“Long live the P---e!” was echo'd wide,
“Britannia's hope—Britannia's pride—
Long live the fav'rite of the people!”
The windows throng'd, all burn'd to see,
Not the church cornices were free,
And some were mounted on the steeple.
“Britannia's hope—Britannia's pride—
Long live the fav'rite of the people!”
The windows throng'd, all burn'd to see,
Not the church cornices were free,
And some were mounted on the steeple.
Ten thousand 'kerchiefs wav'd on high,
Ten thousand voices shook the sky,
Butchers with marrowbones and cleavers;
Fifes, fiddles, hautboys, drums, and trumpets,
Maids, widows, wives, and loyal strumpets,
Jews, infidels, and true believers.
Ten thousand voices shook the sky,
Butchers with marrowbones and cleavers;
Fifes, fiddles, hautboys, drums, and trumpets,
Maids, widows, wives, and loyal strumpets,
Jews, infidels, and true believers.
From ev'ry quarter folks were thronging,
To see their P---e each subject longing,
(For British jaws are fond of gaping;)
Some play'd a tuneful hurdy-gurdy,
While loyal pickpockets so sturdy,
Among the happy croud were 'scaping.
To see their P---e each subject longing,
(For British jaws are fond of gaping;)
Some play'd a tuneful hurdy-gurdy,
While loyal pickpockets so sturdy,
Among the happy croud were 'scaping.
To Oa---ds all in grand array,
The long procession drove away,
And left the staring fools behind 'em;
Some lost their purses, watches, rings,
With half a hundred different things,
And much they marvell'd where to find'em.
The long procession drove away,
And left the staring fools behind 'em;
Some lost their purses, watches, rings,
With half a hundred different things,
And much they marvell'd where to find'em.
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And here a moral I might pen,
Did it not savour of pomposity,—
Beware, ye thoughtless sons of men,
How you indulge, and where, and when,
That idle dæmon, Curiosity.
Did it not savour of pomposity,—
Beware, ye thoughtless sons of men,
How you indulge, and where, and when,
That idle dæmon, Curiosity.
For if—but truce to dull digression—
So now to follow the procession,—
The P---e laugh'd loudly at their whim,
And thought the folks as dull as stones,
To risk their cash, and precious bones,
Merely to have a peep at him
So now to follow the procession,—
The P---e laugh'd loudly at their whim,
And thought the folks as dull as stones,
To risk their cash, and precious bones,
Merely to have a peep at him
“For what is R---y---l---y?” he cried,—
“The star that glitters at my side,
“At best, is but a badge of pride,
A childish toy---a lady's trinket;”
Thus did his H---ess sit and muse,
For P---es (whom the world abuse)
Can all be moral when they chuse,
Though many people scarce can think it.
“The star that glitters at my side,
“At best, is but a badge of pride,
A childish toy---a lady's trinket;”
Thus did his H---ess sit and muse,
For P---es (whom the world abuse)
Can all be moral when they chuse,
Though many people scarce can think it.
“But Colonel, since my spirits fail,
“I pr'ythee read to me a tale,
“All dull unpleasant thoughts to hinder,
“Writ by the bard who makes me smile,
“And wisely imitates the style
“Of that droll mortal Peter Pindar.”
“I pr'ythee read to me a tale,
“All dull unpleasant thoughts to hinder,
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“And wisely imitates the style
“Of that droll mortal Peter Pindar.”
THE TALE.
When all were up in arms,
And Frenchmen threaten'd to invade us,
When officers did up and down parade us,
To keep us safe and sound from harms,
And Frenchmen threaten'd to invade us,
When officers did up and down parade us,
To keep us safe and sound from harms,
When pert apprentices, God bless us!
March'd forth as volunteers, like ganders,
And citizens would oft address us,
As dire invincible commanders;
March'd forth as volunteers, like ganders,
And citizens would oft address us,
As dire invincible commanders;
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When ev'ry man his loyalty to shew,
Declar'd he'd meet the raging foe,
And give his enemies a damper;
And boldly march to field of battle,
Where trumpets sound, and cannons rattle,
But never promis'd not to scamper.
Declar'd he'd meet the raging foe,
And give his enemies a damper;
And boldly march to field of battle,
Where trumpets sound, and cannons rattle,
But never promis'd not to scamper.
A true bred Briton, who was lame,
With military ardor rose,
To gain a sprig of honest fame,
And not to dress himself—but dress his foes.
With military ardor rose,
To gain a sprig of honest fame,
And not to dress himself—but dress his foes.
Stood forth—and said he wish'd to fight,
That he might future laurels claim,
For battle was his chief delight,
But there was one objection—he was lame.
That he might future laurels claim,
For battle was his chief delight,
But there was one objection—he was lame.
“Lame!” cried the Briton, “z---ds, I say
“I came to fight, and not to run away,”
“I came to fight, and not to run away,”
The P---e he smil'd, but still 'twas clear,
He thought the satire too severe,
For oft he rubb'd his R---y---l phiz hard;
M`M---n frown'd, and d---d the tale,
The B---r---n's whisker'd cheeks grew pale,
And much he grumbled in his gizzard.
He thought the satire too severe,
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M`M---n frown'd, and d---d the tale,
The B---r---n's whisker'd cheeks grew pale,
And much he grumbled in his gizzard.
But merry chat, of this and that,
(Which much the bard doth recommend)
And pun and rhyme, beguil'd the time,
And brought them to their journey's end.
(Which much the bard doth recommend)
And pun and rhyme, beguil'd the time,
And brought them to their journey's end.
And now before the palace gate
Y---k's pamper'd powder'd servants wait,
Dress'd in their liveries of state,
With faces of congratulation,
To usher to their master's sight,
And all his lords and ladies bright,
Britannia's darling and delight,
The mighty R---g---t of the nation.
Y---k's pamper'd powder'd servants wait,
Dress'd in their liveries of state,
With faces of congratulation,
To usher to their master's sight,
And all his lords and ladies bright,
Britannia's darling and delight,
The mighty R---g---t of the nation.
M`M---n calls, the chariot stops,
Each length'ning jaw with wonder drops,
To view the B---r---n's whisker'd chops.
The P---e alights with great agility,
And bows with such an easy air,
That ev'ry lord and lady fair,
In one united voice declare
P---e G---e a pattern of gentility,
Each length'ning jaw with wonder drops,
To view the B---r---n's whisker'd chops.
The P---e alights with great agility,
And bows with such an easy air,
That ev'ry lord and lady fair,
In one united voice declare
P---e G---e a pattern of gentility,
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Behold they bend their necks so pliant,
A simper makes a man a giant,
As big as those which live in fable;
And while they compliment and flatter,
They chatter
Worse than the noisy tongues of Babel.
A simper makes a man a giant,
As big as those which live in fable;
And while they compliment and flatter,
They chatter
Worse than the noisy tongues of Babel.
And now the merry glass goes round,
And now the tabors sweetly sound,
And dancers nimbly foot the ground,
To waltzes, hornpipes, and cotillions;
One dances all so light and airy,
You'd think the damsel was a fairy,
While others follow the contrary,
And jump as heavy as postillions.
And now the tabors sweetly sound,
And dancers nimbly foot the ground,
To waltzes, hornpipes, and cotillions;
One dances all so light and airy,
You'd think the damsel was a fairy,
While others follow the contrary,
And jump as heavy as postillions.
Some play at cards, and cheat their neighbours,
And get a kicking for their labours,
And dance to other things than tabors,
Horsewhips, perhaps, instead of music;
While nymphs of gold and jewels bare,
Instruct their pretty tongues to swear,
And leave the table in despair,
Of ombre, cribbage, put, and loo sick.
And get a kicking for their labours,
And dance to other things than tabors,
Horsewhips, perhaps, instead of music;
While nymphs of gold and jewels bare,
Instruct their pretty tongues to swear,
And leave the table in despair,
Of ombre, cribbage, put, and loo sick.
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Beaux whisper to some ma'am or miss,
Soft rhapsodies and tales of bliss,
And while they whisper, steal a kiss,
So sweet and tempting are their features;
While some, a little further go,
And kiss their bosoms, white as snow,
Whether the maidens will or no,
Which much offends the modest creatures.
Soft rhapsodies and tales of bliss,
And while they whisper, steal a kiss,
So sweet and tempting are their features;
While some, a little further go,
And kiss their bosoms, white as snow,
Whether the maidens will or no,
Which much offends the modest creatures.
Stale dowagers in corners prying,
Abusing, mouthing, chattering, lying,
The couple in their gambols spying,
And while they ogle, sadly rate 'em,—
Old hags, who from behind their veils,
In whisp'ring scandal's busy tales,
Waft forth their pestilential gales,
Of brandy, powder, and pomatum.
Abusing, mouthing, chattering, lying,
The couple in their gambols spying,
And while they ogle, sadly rate 'em,—
Old hags, who from behind their veils,
In whisp'ring scandal's busy tales,
Waft forth their pestilential gales,
Of brandy, powder, and pomatum.
And valiant colonels, powder'd beaux,
So prim and stiff, unfit for wars;
You'd swear they serv'd in by their cloaths
The field of Venus, not of Mars.
So prim and stiff, unfit for wars;
You'd swear they serv'd in by their cloaths
The field of Venus, not of Mars.
There guests were seen of all conditions,
Pimps, patriots, placemen, politicians,
Bards, painters, barbers, and physicians,
Lawyers with wigs, and eke their clients;
Good sober youths, and rakish gay-men,
Proud lawn-sleev'd bishops, half-starv'd laymen,
And the poor clerk that bellows “Amen,”
Turks, Christians, Jews, and dwarfs and giants.
Pimps, patriots, placemen, politicians,
Bards, painters, barbers, and physicians,
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Good sober youths, and rakish gay-men,
Proud lawn-sleev'd bishops, half-starv'd laymen,
And the poor clerk that bellows “Amen,”
Turks, Christians, Jews, and dwarfs and giants.
Ne'er at the palace had been seen,
In reign of any king or queen,
So choice a company I ween,
Of dancing lords and simp'ring ladies;
The nymphs with roses in their hair,
And deck'd with costly gems so rare,
Like actors at a country fair
Or shepherd boys and girls on May-days.
In reign of any king or queen,
So choice a company I ween,
Of dancing lords and simp'ring ladies;
The nymphs with roses in their hair,
And deck'd with costly gems so rare,
Like actors at a country fair
Or shepherd boys and girls on May-days.
Now turkies, rabbits, geese, and widgeons,
Pigs, plovers, partridges, and pidgeons,
Fat food for folks of all religions,
Smok'd on each royal dish and platter;
The banquet met with vast applause,
In fact the gormandizing cause,
Found such employment for their jaws,
As left the folks no time to chatter.
Pigs, plovers, partridges, and pidgeons,
Fat food for folks of all religions,
Smok'd on each royal dish and platter;
The banquet met with vast applause,
In fact the gormandizing cause,
Found such employment for their jaws,
As left the folks no time to chatter.
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Old hock, madeira, port, and sherry,
Ale, Yorkshire stingo, cyder, perry,
Soon made the Royal party merry,
Loud were the toasts, and brimm'd the bumpers;
They drank with universal glee.
“The King and P---e, with three times three,
“The Church and State, and keep 'em free,
And d---n all canting cushion-thumpers!”
Ale, Yorkshire stingo, cyder, perry,
Soon made the Royal party merry,
Loud were the toasts, and brimm'd the bumpers;
They drank with universal glee.
“The King and P---e, with three times three,
“The Church and State, and keep 'em free,
And d---n all canting cushion-thumpers!”
Next fruit, blomonges, vermicellies,
Pies, conserves, gingerbread, and jellies,
Call'd the attention of their bellies,
With maccaroni cakes and ices,
Paste figures form'd with curious art,
John Bull at blows with Bounaparte,
Two Cupids, with a bleeding heart,
Adorn'd the table as devices.
Pies, conserves, gingerbread, and jellies,
Call'd the attention of their bellies,
With maccaroni cakes and ices,
Paste figures form'd with curious art,
John Bull at blows with Bounaparte,
Two Cupids, with a bleeding heart,
Adorn'd the table as devices.
Old Father Neptune with his trident
Britannia's chariot at the side on't,
Sea-gods and sprites, were made to ride on't,
With other emblematic figures:—
And next, the picture of a fight,
The French, poor devils, in a fright,
Scamp'ring away with all their might,
To 'scape the vengeance of our triggers.
Britannia's chariot at the side on't,
Sea-gods and sprites, were made to ride on't,
With other emblematic figures:—
And next, the picture of a fight,
The French, poor devils, in a fright,
Scamp'ring away with all their might,
To 'scape the vengeance of our triggers.
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The gliding hours too swiftly pass'd,
For that grave monitor, old Time,
Whose scythe must mow us down at last,
Though now we triumph in our prime;
Came forth their gentle ears to shock,
And told the folks 'twas two o'clock.
For that grave monitor, old Time,
Whose scythe must mow us down at last,
Though now we triumph in our prime;
Came forth their gentle ears to shock,
And told the folks 'twas two o'clock.
But still the jovial glass went round,
And still their mirth was in its prime;
The dancers nimbly trod the ground,
And mock'd the warning of old Time.
And still their mirth was in its prime;
The dancers nimbly trod the ground,
And mock'd the warning of old Time.
Lord M---i---a sung in high soprano,
Her ladyship in soft piano,
His H---ss roar'd a note pomposo;
F---tz---t, that old witch rheumatic,
Scream'd like an owl her stave cromatique,
And Sh---y's voice was very so so.
Her ladyship in soft piano,
His H---ss roar'd a note pomposo;
F---tz---t, that old witch rheumatic,
Scream'd like an owl her stave cromatique,
And Sh---y's voice was very so so.
'Tis an old saying, and a true one,
When gen'rous wine o'ercomes the brain,
A thousand vagaries pursue one,
And reason scar'd, resigns her reign.
When gen'rous wine o'ercomes the brain,
A thousand vagaries pursue one,
And reason scar'd, resigns her reign.
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But though this reas'ning may be fine,
I fain must own, my nature frail
Prefers one pint of precious wine,
To twenty quarts of Adam's ale.
I fain must own, my nature frail
Prefers one pint of precious wine,
To twenty quarts of Adam's ale.
Water I own is cheaper drink,
Yet wine is better some will think,
(In drinking it I ne'er can harm see,)
And if I drown, or soon, or late,
Let me, like Clarence, gen'rous fate,
Be sous'd into a butt of malmsy.
Yet wine is better some will think,
(In drinking it I ne'er can harm see,)
And if I drown, or soon, or late,
Let me, like Clarence, gen'rous fate,
Be sous'd into a butt of malmsy.
But heavenly truth demands my story—
Know, reader, that Britannia's glory,
The R---t with his star imperial;
Had long beheld a beauteous dame,
Whom prudence tells me not to name,
And faith, her name is not material.
Know, reader, that Britannia's glory,
The R---t with his star imperial;
Had long beheld a beauteous dame,
Whom prudence tells me not to name,
And faith, her name is not material.
Cupid, a little wayward urchin,
Upon his r---y---l shoulder perching,
Shot from his bow the fatal arrow,
And took an aim so strait and true,
He pierc'd his H---ss through and through,
And down he tumbled like a sparrow.
Upon his r---y---l shoulder perching,
Shot from his bow the fatal arrow,
And took an aim so strait and true,
He pierc'd his H---ss through and through,
And down he tumbled like a sparrow.
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His blood began to boil and ferment,
And much he marvell'd what the stir meant,
And what his passions meant to drive at;
At last, he much implor'd the dame,
(The darling object of his flame,)
To let him speak a word in private.
And much he marvell'd what the stir meant,
And what his passions meant to drive at;
At last, he much implor'd the dame,
(The darling object of his flame,)
To let him speak a word in private.
The P---e he kneel'd, the Nymph consented,
And both you'll find in time repented:
For thus he plied the wond'ring fair,
“Sweet maid, permit a P---e to sip
The tempting honey of your lip,
And snatch your lover from despair.”
And both you'll find in time repented:
For thus he plied the wond'ring fair,
“Sweet maid, permit a P---e to sip
The tempting honey of your lip,
And snatch your lover from despair.”
“Sire,” she replied, “I'm much amaz'd,
I fain would think your H---ss craz'd,
For much your speech of madness savors;
What, has F---tz---t run to waste,
Or has the hag at last grown chaste,
And in old age denied her favors?
I fain would think your H---ss craz'd,
For much your speech of madness savors;
What, has F---tz---t run to waste,
Or has the hag at last grown chaste,
And in old age denied her favors?
“Your brother Y---k, that sweet Adonis,
Can furnish you with cast-off cronies,
Ladies of modesty and fashion,
Whose hearts, not by the Furies steel'd,
All soft as buttermilk will yield,
And amply recompense your passion.
Can furnish you with cast-off cronies,
Ladies of modesty and fashion,
Whose hearts, not by the Furies steel'd,
All soft as buttermilk will yield,
And amply recompense your passion.
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“To those I'd have you soon apply,—
Nay P---e, suppress that ardent sigh,
And be more sparing of your groans;
For should Lord Y---h pass this way,
You must excuse me, if I say
I think he'd break your r---y---l bones.
Nay P---e, suppress that ardent sigh,
And be more sparing of your groans;
For should Lord Y---h pass this way,
You must excuse me, if I say
I think he'd break your r---y---l bones.
“For faith, he is a noble swain,
Not like some colonels of your train,
****, ****, pimps and setters;
Who long the army have disgrac'd,
And to your r---y---l shame are plac'd
O'er humble corporals their betters.”
Not like some colonels of your train,
****, ****, pimps and setters;
Who long the army have disgrac'd,
And to your r---y---l shame are plac'd
O'er humble corporals their betters.”
Thus spake the lady flush'd with ire,
When urg'd by madness and desire,
G---e seiz'd the victim in his arms,
Resolv'd to snatch one hasty kiss,
(That melting harbinger of bliss,)
And rifle all her blooming charms.
When urg'd by madness and desire,
G---e seiz'd the victim in his arms,
Resolv'd to snatch one hasty kiss,
(That melting harbinger of bliss,)
And rifle all her blooming charms.
The lady scream'd and made resistance,
And call'd the gods to her assistance,
The P---e he kiss'd and press'd with fury;
And hugg'd her with such warmth I ween,
As if the modest fair had been
The coarsest street-walker of Drury.
And call'd the gods to her assistance,
The P---e he kiss'd and press'd with fury;
And hugg'd her with such warmth I ween,
As if the modest fair had been
The coarsest street-walker of Drury.
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But Heaven who stands a friend to virtue,
Resolv'd the P---e should do no hurt to
A nymph who scorn'd the breath of malice;
So to preserve her honor clear,
Sent Y---h as her guardian peer,
To treat with chastisement severe
This rude defiler of the palace.
Resolv'd the P---e should do no hurt to
A nymph who scorn'd the breath of malice;
So to preserve her honor clear,
Sent Y---h as her guardian peer,
To treat with chastisement severe
This rude defiler of the palace.
Lord Y---h's blood began to freeze,
To see P---e G---e upon his knees,
Yet guess'd the meaning of his motions;
And thinking this no time for speech,
Gave him a kick across the breech,
Which marr'd his H---ss's devotions.
To see P---e G---e upon his knees,
Yet guess'd the meaning of his motions;
And thinking this no time for speech,
Gave him a kick across the breech,
Which marr'd his H---ss's devotions.
“Sire,” cried the Peer, “for Justice sake,
Excuse the liberty I take,
Such as perhaps might scare beholders;
But for this noble deed, I pray
Forgive me, R---t, if I lay
My came across your r---y---l shoulders.
Excuse the liberty I take,
Such as perhaps might scare beholders;
But for this noble deed, I pray
Forgive me, R---t, if I lay
My came across your r---y---l shoulders.
“I fear there's fever in your blood,
Some exercise may do you good,
See how I'll make this noble man go;
Come turn your toes out, shake your heel;
Suppose we dance a Highland reel,
A waltz, cotillion, or fandango.”
Some exercise may do you good,
See how I'll make this noble man go;
Come turn your toes out, shake your heel;
Suppose we dance a Highland reel,
A waltz, cotillion, or fandango.”
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Loud roar'd the P---e, but roar'd in vain,
L---d Y---h brandish'd high his cane,
And guided every r---y---l movement;
Now up, now down, now to, and fro,
The R---t nimbly mov'd his toe,
The lady much enjoy'd the show,
And complimented his improvement.
L---d Y---h brandish'd high his cane,
And guided every r---y---l movement;
Now up, now down, now to, and fro,
The R---t nimbly mov'd his toe,
The lady much enjoy'd the show,
And complimented his improvement.
His R---y---l H---ss boldly swore
He never danc'd so much before,
And utter'd many a sad petition,
His knees were stiff, his ancle sprain'd!!!
His back with bruises sore inflam'd,
And all his rakish blood was tam'd
And in a peaceable condition.—
He never danc'd so much before,
And utter'd many a sad petition,
His knees were stiff, his ancle sprain'd!!!
His back with bruises sore inflam'd,
And all his rakish blood was tam'd
And in a peaceable condition.—
“Know ye,” he cried, “what man I am?
A lion once, but now a lamb,”—
(Quoth Y---h to the r---y---l martyr;)
“A P---e of morals fam'd for lightness,
The very mirror of politeness,
Knight of the Order of the Garter.”
A lion once, but now a lamb,”—
(Quoth Y---h to the r---y---l martyr;)
“A P---e of morals fam'd for lightness,
The very mirror of politeness,
Knight of the Order of the Garter.”
19
Soft pity touch'd the tender fair,
She heard his accents of despair,
His piteous sighs, his deep repentance;
And begg'd Lord Y---h to refrain,
And give some respite to his cane,
And mitigate the r---y---l sentence.
She heard his accents of despair,
His piteous sighs, his deep repentance;
And begg'd Lord Y---h to refrain,
And give some respite to his cane,
And mitigate the r---y---l sentence.
The Peer obey'd—the nymph admir'd—
No more he laid his stick upon him;
And Britain's blubb'ring P---e retir'd,
With blushing honors thick upon him.
No more he laid his stick upon him;
And Britain's blubb'ring P---e retir'd,
With blushing honors thick upon him.
But here I'll pen a little moral,
With which let none presume to quarrel.
With which let none presume to quarrel.
Ye P---es, as you love your lives,
Ne'er meddle with your neighbours' wives,
But keep your brittle hearts from tripping;
Lest some rude Lord, to scare beholders,
Should compliment your p---ce---y shoulders
With such another r---y---l whipping.
Ne'er meddle with your neighbours' wives,
But keep your brittle hearts from tripping;
Lest some rude Lord, to scare beholders,
Should compliment your p---ce---y shoulders
With such another r---y---l whipping.
20
The R---t long live he;
A nd when again he gets a sprain,
May I be there to see.
| R---y---l Stripes | |