 | Quo Musa Tendis? |  |
39
LAPSUS ULTIMI.
41
The Splinter.
One stormy day in winter,
When all the world was snow,
I chanced upon a splinter,
Which ran into my toe.
The world went round:
The stubborn ground
Defied the deadliest dinter:
They brought me tea,
And muffins three:
My little maid
Fetched marmalade:
My grace I said,
And breakfasted:
But all that morn in winter
I thought about the splinter.
When all the world was snow,
I chanced upon a splinter,
Which ran into my toe.
The world went round:
The stubborn ground
Defied the deadliest dinter:
They brought me tea,
And muffins three:
My little maid
Fetched marmalade:
My grace I said,
And breakfasted:
But all that morn in winter
I thought about the splinter.
At ten o'clock
The postman's knock:
A friend was dead:
Another wed:
Two invitations:
Five objurgations:
A screed from my solicitor:
They brought the Times:
A list of crimes:
A deadly fight
'Twixt black and white:
A note from “B”
On Mr. G.,
And other things
From cats to Kings,
Known to that grand Inquisitor:—
But all that morn in winter,
I thought about the splinter.
The postman's knock:
A friend was dead:
Another wed:
Two invitations:
Five objurgations:
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They brought the Times:
A list of crimes:
A deadly fight
'Twixt black and white:
A note from “B”
On Mr. G.,
And other things
From cats to Kings,
Known to that grand Inquisitor:—
But all that morn in winter,
I thought about the splinter.
But, oh; at last
A lady passed
Beside my chamber casement,
With modest guise
And down-cast eyes
And fair beyond amazement:
She passed away
Like some bright fay
Too fair for earthly regions,
So sweet a sight
Would put to flight
The fiend and all his legions!
And I, that noon in winter,
Forgot the cruel splinter.
A lady passed
Beside my chamber casement,
With modest guise
And down-cast eyes
And fair beyond amazement:
She passed away
Like some bright fay
Too fair for earthly regions,
So sweet a sight
Would put to flight
The fiend and all his legions!
And I, that noon in winter,
Forgot the cruel splinter.
43
My Education.
At school I sometimes read a book,
And learned a lot of lessons;
Some small amount of pains I took,
And showed much acquiescence
In what my masters said, good men!
Yet after all I quite
Forgot the most of it: but then
I learned to write.
And learned a lot of lessons;
Some small amount of pains I took,
And showed much acquiescence
In what my masters said, good men!
Yet after all I quite
Forgot the most of it: but then
I learned to write.
At Lincoln's Inn I'd read a brief,
Abstract a title, study
Great paper-piles, beyond belief
Inelegant and muddy:
The whole of these as time went by
I soon forgot: indeed
I tried to: yes: but by and by
I learned to read.
Abstract a title, study
Great paper-piles, beyond belief
Inelegant and muddy:
The whole of these as time went by
I soon forgot: indeed
I tried to: yes: but by and by
I learned to read.
By help of Latin, Greek and Law
I now can write and read too:
Then perish each forgotten saw,
Each fact I do not need too:
But still whichever way I turn
At one sad task I stick:
I fear that I shall never learn
Arithmetic.
I now can write and read too:
Then perish each forgotten saw,
Each fact I do not need too:
But still whichever way I turn
At one sad task I stick:
I fear that I shall never learn
Arithmetic.
44
After the Golden Wedding.
(Three Soliloquies.)
1. The husband's.
She's not a faultless woman; no!
She's not an angel in disguise:
She has her rivals here below:
She's not an unexampled prize:
She's not an angel in disguise:
She has her rivals here below:
She's not an unexampled prize:
She does not always see the point
Of little jests her husband makes:
And, when the world is out of joint,
She makes a hundred small mistakes:
Of little jests her husband makes:
And, when the world is out of joint,
She makes a hundred small mistakes:
She's not a miracle of tact:
Her temper's not the best I know:
She's got her little faults in fact,
Although I never tell her so.
Her temper's not the best I know:
She's got her little faults in fact,
Although I never tell her so.
But this, my wife, is why I hold you
As good a wife as ever stepped,
And why I meant it when I told you
How cordially our feast I kept:
As good a wife as ever stepped,
And why I meant it when I told you
How cordially our feast I kept:
You've lived with me these fifty years,
And all the time you loved me dearly:
I may have given you cause for tears:
I may have acted rather queerly.
And all the time you loved me dearly:
I may have given you cause for tears:
I may have acted rather queerly.
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I ceased to love you long ago:
I loved another for a season:
As time went on I came to know
Your worth, my wife: and saw the reason
I loved another for a season:
As time went on I came to know
Your worth, my wife: and saw the reason
Why such a wife as you have been
Is more than worth the world beside;
You loved me all the time, my Queen;
You couldn't help it if you tried.
Is more than worth the world beside;
You loved me all the time, my Queen;
You couldn't help it if you tried.
You loved me as I once loved you,
As each loved each beside the altar:
And whatsoever I might do,
Your loyal heart could never falter.
As each loved each beside the altar:
And whatsoever I might do,
Your loyal heart could never falter.
And, if you sometimes fail me, sweetest,
And don't appreciate me, dear,
No matter: such defects are meetest
For poor humanity, I fear.
And don't appreciate me, dear,
No matter: such defects are meetest
For poor humanity, I fear.
And all's forgiven, all's forgot,
On this our golden wedding day;
For, see! she loves me: does she not?
So let the world e'en go its way.
On this our golden wedding day;
For, see! she loves me: does she not?
So let the world e'en go its way.
I'm old and nearly useless now,
Each day a greater weakling proves me:
There's compensation anyhow:
I still possess a wife that loves me.
Each day a greater weakling proves me:
There's compensation anyhow:
I still possess a wife that loves me.
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2. The wife's.
Dear worthy husband! good old man!
Fit hero of a golden marriage:
I'll show towards you, if I can,
An absolutely wifely carriage.
Fit hero of a golden marriage:
I'll show towards you, if I can,
An absolutely wifely carriage.
The months or years which your career
May still comprise before you perish,
Shall serve to prove that I, my dear,
Can honour, and obey, and cherish.
May still comprise before you perish,
Shall serve to prove that I, my dear,
Can honour, and obey, and cherish.
Till death us part, as soon he must,
(And you, my dear, should shew the way)
I hope you'll always find me just
The same as on our wedding day.
(And you, my dear, should shew the way)
I hope you'll always find me just
The same as on our wedding day.
I never loved you, dearest: never!
Let that be clearly understood:
I thought you good, and rather clever,
And found you really rather good.
Let that be clearly understood:
I thought you good, and rather clever,
And found you really rather good.
And, what was more, I loved another,
But couldn't get him: well, but, then
You're just as bad, my erring brother,
You most impeccable of men:—
But couldn't get him: well, but, then
You're just as bad, my erring brother,
You most impeccable of men:—
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Except for this: my love was married
Some weeks before I married you:
While you, my amorous dawdler, tarried
Till we'd been wed a year or two.
Some weeks before I married you:
While you, my amorous dawdler, tarried
Till we'd been wed a year or two.
You loved me at our wedding: I
Loved some one else: and after that
I never cast a loving eye
On others: you—well, tit for tat!
Loved some one else: and after that
I never cast a loving eye
On others: you—well, tit for tat!
But after all I made you cheerful:
Your whims I've humoured: saw the point
Of all your jokes: grew duly tearful,
When you were sad, yet chose the joint
Your whims I've humoured: saw the point
Of all your jokes: grew duly tearful,
When you were sad, yet chose the joint
You liked the best of all for dinner,
And soothed you in your hours of woe:
Although a miserable sinner,
I am a good wife, as wives go.
And soothed you in your hours of woe:
Although a miserable sinner,
I am a good wife, as wives go.
I bore with you and took your side,
And kept my temper all the time:
I never flirted; never cried,
Nor ranked it as a heinous crime,
And kept my temper all the time:
I never flirted; never cried,
Nor ranked it as a heinous crime,
When you preferred another lady,
Or used improper words to me,
Or told a story more than shady,
Or snored and snorted after tea,
Or used improper words to me,
Or told a story more than shady,
Or snored and snorted after tea,
48
Or otherwise gave proofs of being
A dull and rather vain old man:
I still succeeded in agreeing
With all you said, (the safest plan),
A dull and rather vain old man:
I still succeeded in agreeing
With all you said, (the safest plan),
Yet always strove my point to carry,
And make you do as I desired:
I'm glad my people made me marry!
They hit on just what I required.
And make you do as I desired:
I'm glad my people made me marry!
They hit on just what I required.
Had love been wanted—well, I couldn't
Have given what I'd not to give;
Or had a genius asked me! wouldn't
The man have suffered? now, we live
Have given what I'd not to give;
Or had a genius asked me! wouldn't
The man have suffered? now, we live
Among our estimable neighbours
A decent and decorous life:
I've earned by my protracted labours
The title of a model wife.
A decent and decorous life:
I've earned by my protracted labours
The title of a model wife.
But when beneath the turf you're sleeping,
And I am sitting here in black,
Engaged, as they'll suppose, in weeping,
I shall not wish to have you back.
And I am sitting here in black,
Engaged, as they'll suppose, in weeping,
I shall not wish to have you back.
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3. The Vicar's.
A good old couple! kind and wise!
And oh! what love for one another!
They've won, those two, life's highest prize,
Oh! let us copy them, my brother.
And oh! what love for one another!
They've won, those two, life's highest prize,
Oh! let us copy them, my brother.
50
A Pair of Portraits.
1. He.
Oh yes! I know the sort of man!
A not entirely vacant eye:
A ready smile, a kind of style;
A forehead adequately high:
Curls more or less Olympian.
A not entirely vacant eye:
A ready smile, a kind of style;
A forehead adequately high:
Curls more or less Olympian.
A fund of common things to say,
A list of common actions done:
A taste for tea, a poll degree,
A mild delight in harmless fun:
In short, a rather taking way.
A list of common actions done:
A taste for tea, a poll degree,
A mild delight in harmless fun:
In short, a rather taking way.
The type is common: wherefore tarry
To paint what all must know so well?
He's rather tall, his feet are small:
He's thoroughly conventional:
A man who moves in common grooves,
And never startles you at all:
Or, all in one sad phrase to tell,
The sort of man that women marry.
To paint what all must know so well?
He's rather tall, his feet are small:
He's thoroughly conventional:
A man who moves in common grooves,
And never startles you at all:
Or, all in one sad phrase to tell,
The sort of man that women marry.
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2. She.
I know the girl: “divinely fair”
Of course “and most divinely tall:”
A modest yet a queenly air:
A voice that's keen but musical:
A mind above the common run,
But soft and kind, when all is done,
And womanly withal.
Of course “and most divinely tall:”
A modest yet a queenly air:
A voice that's keen but musical:
A mind above the common run,
But soft and kind, when all is done,
And womanly withal.
A girl who might aspire to light
A gifted worker's rugged way:
To make the very darkness bright
With love's illuminating ray:
To kindle some grave rugged man,
With genius, ready, if it can,
To flash upon the day.
A gifted worker's rugged way:
To make the very darkness bright
With love's illuminating ray:
To kindle some grave rugged man,
With genius, ready, if it can,
To flash upon the day.
A girl to soothe when days are drear:
To cheer you on when hope grows dim:
A girl who should not greatly fear,
For truth, however harsh and grim,
To scorn conventionalities:
The sort of woman, if you please,
Who marries men like him.
To cheer you on when hope grows dim:
A girl who should not greatly fear,
For truth, however harsh and grim,
To scorn conventionalities:
The sort of woman, if you please,
Who marries men like him.
52
A Pair of Fools.
1. His account of the matter.
I met you dear, I met you: I can't be robbed of that;
Despite the crowd, the babble, and the military band;
I met you, yes, I met you: and by your side I sat;
I looked at you, I talked to you, and twice I held your hand.
Despite the crowd, the babble, and the military band;
I met you, yes, I met you: and by your side I sat;
I looked at you, I talked to you, and twice I held your hand.
When you are with me, dearest, the crowd is out of sight;
The men who smoke, the men who pose, the sharpers, and the flats;
The people quite unfit to walk beneath the heaven's light;
The green and yellow women with intolerable hats.
The men who smoke, the men who pose, the sharpers, and the flats;
The people quite unfit to walk beneath the heaven's light;
The green and yellow women with intolerable hats.
The sun was bright: the dahlias flashed: the trees, in summer sheen,
Shut out the dusty houses, hushed the turmoil of the street;
But, had the charm of peace enhanced the sweetness of the scene,
Even so your beauty had eclipsed the whole of it, my sweet.
Shut out the dusty houses, hushed the turmoil of the street;
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Even so your beauty had eclipsed the whole of it, my sweet.
I talked to you, you listened; I passed from grave to gay,
With what a world of sympathy you gently murmured “Yes!”
A merry “No,” a soft “Perhaps,” a glance the other way:
An eyebrow raised, a foot that tapped, a rustle of your dress.
With what a world of sympathy you gently murmured “Yes!”
A merry “No,” a soft “Perhaps,” a glance the other way:
An eyebrow raised, a foot that tapped, a rustle of your dress.
You smiled, ah! what a smile is yours; your depth of hazel eyes
Shook conscious of the thought within, expressed but unexplained;
Your speaking face that glowed with all a girl's sedate surprise;
“That brow of hers,” as Browning says: the thoughts that it contained!
Shook conscious of the thought within, expressed but unexplained;
Your speaking face that glowed with all a girl's sedate surprise;
“That brow of hers,” as Browning says: the thoughts that it contained!
I talked as ne'er before; to you my eloquence belonged;
You spoke, dear, with my lips, 'twas I that listened and approved;
Strange subtle phrases sprang, and thoughts as deep as novel thronged:
I know you knew, I swear you did, how ardently I loved.
You spoke, dear, with my lips, 'twas I that listened and approved;
Strange subtle phrases sprang, and thoughts as deep as novel thronged:
I know you knew, I swear you did, how ardently I loved.
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We parted, and you looked at me in silence: and I knew
The meaning of the look: I'll come to-morrow if I live;
To-morrow I shall come, and I will say a word to you,
And you will speak, at last, the words that hope and rest can give.
The meaning of the look: I'll come to-morrow if I live;
To-morrow I shall come, and I will say a word to you,
And you will speak, at last, the words that hope and rest can give.
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2. Her account of the matter.
I met him in the park my dear; he is a funny man;
Impossible to separate his earnest from his fun;
He talks, and talks, it's deadly dull: I smile, you know the plan;
And, when particularly grave, he makes a jest of one.
Impossible to separate his earnest from his fun;
He talks, and talks, it's deadly dull: I smile, you know the plan;
And, when particularly grave, he makes a jest of one.
The park was full of people; Maud had such a lovely dress
A dream of greeny silk and gauze and primrose ribbons, oh!
I wished I had one; and her hat! I tried and tried to guess
How much it cost; she buys the stuff and makes a hat, you know.
A dream of greeny silk and gauze and primrose ribbons, oh!
I wished I had one; and her hat! I tried and tried to guess
How much it cost; she buys the stuff and makes a hat, you know.
I think I sat with him an hour: there was a crowd my dear,
Some pretty girls: one lovely one: and four attractive men:
Old Mrs Robinson was there and Mr Vere de Vere,
And not another soul I knew: I shall not go again.
Some pretty girls: one lovely one: and four attractive men:
Old Mrs Robinson was there and Mr Vere de Vere,
And not another soul I knew: I shall not go again.
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I don't know what we talked about: I smiled: the same old smile:
I “yes'd” and “no'd” and “really'd,” till I thought he must discover
That I was listening to the band: I wondered all the while
If such a dull old gentleman could ever be a lover.
I “yes'd” and “no'd” and “really'd,” till I thought he must discover
That I was listening to the band: I wondered all the while
If such a dull old gentleman could ever be a lover.
Perhaps some solemn sober girl with eyes a foot across,
Smooth neatly-parted hair, no stays, elastic-sided boots,
Will yearn at him and marry him: I shan't regret his loss:
I really think some kinds of men are lower than the brutes.
Smooth neatly-parted hair, no stays, elastic-sided boots,
Will yearn at him and marry him: I shan't regret his loss:
I really think some kinds of men are lower than the brutes.
He went at last, the prig! He'll come to-morrow if he can,
He means to recollect our talk—ours mind you—all his life:
Confound—I beg your pardon, dear—well, bless the little man!
And bless the little woman who becomes his little wife!
He means to recollect our talk—ours mind you—all his life:
Confound—I beg your pardon, dear—well, bless the little man!
And bless the little woman who becomes his little wife!
57
3. My account of the matter.
A pair of fools: the man was vain,The woman frivolous, 'tis plain:
And each an egoist in thought:
One dived for self: the other sought
Self on the surface: fools, you see:
Two fools. Perhaps there'll soon be three:
For now they're married, he and she.
58
Elegy on de Marsay.
Come cats and kittens everywhere,
Whate'er of cat the world contains,
From Tabby on the kitchen stair
To Tiger burning in his lair
Unite your melancholy strains;
Whate'er of cat the world contains,
From Tabby on the kitchen stair
To Tiger burning in his lair
Unite your melancholy strains;
Weep, likewise, kindred dogs, and weep
Domestic fowls, and pigs, and goats;
Weep horses, oxen, poultry, sheep,
Weep finny monsters of the deep,
Weep foxes, weasels, badgers, stoats.
Domestic fowls, and pigs, and goats;
Weep horses, oxen, poultry, sheep,
Weep finny monsters of the deep,
Weep foxes, weasels, badgers, stoats.
Weep more than all, exalted man
And hardly less exalted maid;
Out-weep creation if you can
Which never yet, since time began,
Such creditable grief displayed.
And hardly less exalted maid;
Out-weep creation if you can
Which never yet, since time began,
Such creditable grief displayed.
It little profiteth that we
Go proudly up and down the land,
And drive our ships across the sea,
And babble of Eternity,
And hold the Universe in hand;
Go proudly up and down the land,
And drive our ships across the sea,
And babble of Eternity,
And hold the Universe in hand;
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If, when our pride is at its height,
And glory sits upon our head,
A sudden mist can dim the light,
A voice be heard in pride's despite,
A voice which cries “de Marsay's dead.”
And glory sits upon our head,
A sudden mist can dim the light,
A voice be heard in pride's despite,
A voice which cries “de Marsay's dead.”
De Marsay dead! and never more
Shall I behold that silky form
Lie curled upon the conscious floor
With sinuous limbs and placid snore,
As one who sleeps through calm and storm?
Shall I behold that silky form
Lie curled upon the conscious floor
With sinuous limbs and placid snore,
As one who sleeps through calm and storm?
De Marsay dead! De Marsay dead!
And are you dead, de Marsay, you?
The sun is shining over head
With glory undiminishèd,
And you are dead; let me die too!
And are you dead, de Marsay, you?
The sun is shining over head
With glory undiminishèd,
And you are dead; let me die too!
Then birds, and beasts, and fishes come,
And people come, of all degrees;
Beat, sadly beat the funeral drum,
And let the gloomy organ hum
With dark mysterious melodies.
And people come, of all degrees;
Beat, sadly beat the funeral drum,
And let the gloomy organ hum
With dark mysterious melodies.
And (when we've adequately moaned),
For all the world to wonder at,
Let this great sentence be intoned:
No cat so sweet a mistress owned;
No mistress owned so sweet a cat.
For all the world to wonder at,
Let this great sentence be intoned:
No cat so sweet a mistress owned;
No mistress owned so sweet a cat.
60
Senex to Matt. Prior.
Ah! Matt.: old age has brought to meThy wisdom, less thy certainty:
The world's a jest, and joy's a trinket:
I knew that once: but now—I think it.
61
Cynicus to W. Shakspere.
You wrote a line too much, my sage,Of seers the first, and first of sayers;
For only half the world's a stage,
And only all the women players.
| Quo Musa Tendis? | |