University of Virginia Library

First let me suppose, what may shortly be true,
The company set, and the word to be Loo;
All smirking and pleasant and big with adventure,
And ogling the stake which is fixed in the centre.
Round and round go the cards, while I inwardly damn
At never once finding a visit from Pam.
I lay down my stake, apparently cool,
While the harpies about me all pocket the pool.
I fret in my gizzard, yet, cautious and sly,
I wish all my friends may be bolder than I.
Yet still they sit snug, not a creature will aim
By losing their money to venture at fame.
'Tis in vain that at niggardly caution I scold,
'Tis in vain that I flatter the brave and the bold:
All play in their own way and think me an ass.
‘What does Mrs Bunbury?’ ‘I, sir? I pass.’
‘Pray what does Miss Horneck? Take courage, come do.’
‘Who, I? let me see, sir, why I must pass too.’
Mr Bunbury frets, and I fret like the devil,
To see them so cowardly, lucky and civil.
Yet still I sit snug and continue to sigh on,
Till made by my losses as bold as a lion,
I venture at all, while my avarice regards
The whole pool as my own. ‘Come, give me five cards.’
‘Well done!’ cry the ladies; ‘Ah, Doctor, that's good!
The pool's very rich. Ah! the Doctor is Loo'd!’
Thus foiled in my courage, on all sides perplexed,
I ask for advice from the lady that's next:
‘Pray, ma'am, be so good as to give your advice;
Don't you think the best way is to venture for't twice?’
‘I advise,’ cries the lady, ‘to try it, I own.
Ah! the Doctor is Loo'd! Come, Doctor, put down.’
Thus, playing and playing, I still grow more eager,
And so bold and so bold, I'm at last a bold beggar.
Now, ladies, I ask, if law-matters you're skilled in,
Whether crimes such as yours should not come before Fielding?
For giving advice that is not worth a straw
May well be called picking of pockets in law;
And picking of pockets, with which I now charge ye,
Is, by quinto Elizabeth, Death without Clergy.
What justice, when both to the Old Bailey brought!
By the gods, I'll enjoy it; though 'tis but in thought!
Both are placed at the bar with all proper decorum,
With bunches of fennel and nosegays before 'em;
Both cover their faces with mobs and all that,
But the judge bids them angrily take off their hat.
When uncovered, a buzz of enquiry runs round:
‘Pray what are their crimes?’—‘They've been pilfering found.’
‘But, pray, whom have they pilfered?’—‘A Doctor, I hear.’
‘What, yon solemn-faced, odd-looking man that stands near?’
‘The same.’—‘What a pity! how does it surprise one!
Two handsomer culprits I never set eyes on!’
Then their friends all come round me with cringing and leering,
To melt me to pity and soften my swearing.
First Sir Charles advances with phrases well strung:
‘Consider, dear Doctor, the girls are but young.’
‘The younger the worse,’ I return him again;
‘It shows that their habits are all dyed in grain.’
‘But then they're so handsome, one's bosom it grieves.’
‘What signifies handsome, when people are thieves?’
‘But where is your justice? Their cases are hard.’
‘What signifies justice? I want the reward.
There's the parish of Edmonton offers forty pound;
there's the parish of St Leonard, Shoreditch, offers forty
pound; there's the parish of Tyburn, from the Hog-
in-the-Pound to St Giles's watch-house, offers forty
pounds, I shall have all that if I convict them.’

‘But consider their case: it may yet be your own!
And see how they kneel: is your heart made of stone?’
This moves, so at last I agree to relent,
For ten pounds in hand and ten pounds to be spent.
The judge takes the hint, having seen what we drive at,
And lets them both off with correction in private.