Major Pack's Poetical Remains Published from his Original Manuscripts. To which are Added, translations from Catullus, Tibullus, and Ovid. With an Essay on the Roman elegiac poets, &c. [by Richardson Pack] |
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THE Female Philosophers:
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 | Major Pack's Poetical Remains |  |
37
THE Female Philosophers:
A TALE.
Two
Virgins in the Prime of Life,
Who, each, had rather been a Wife;
(Fanny and Jenny were their Names,)
Like Sisters own'd their mutual Flames.
And talking in a merry Mood,
Of what is held Man's Chiefest-Good,
One thought the Largest, one the Least,
Would suit her Scene of Bliss the best,
But un-inform'd by Hand or Eyes,
Of the true Standard Manly-Size
(Which must the Reader much surprize.)
For Letch'ry and Experience Sake,
A Tryal they resolv'd to make;
That might give Fanny truer Scope,
And some Ideas what to hope.
Who, each, had rather been a Wife;
(Fanny and Jenny were their Names,)
Like Sisters own'd their mutual Flames.
And talking in a merry Mood,
Of what is held Man's Chiefest-Good,
One thought the Largest, one the Least,
Would suit her Scene of Bliss the best,
But un-inform'd by Hand or Eyes,
Of the true Standard Manly-Size
(Which must the Reader much surprize.)
For Letch'ry and Experience Sake,
A Tryal they resolv'd to make;
That might give Fanny truer Scope,
And some Ideas what to hope.
38
Their Brother they had often heard,
Tho' guiltless both of Wit and Beard,
Was thought a Lad of lusty Parts,
In what most takes with Ladies Hearts:
Yet still they doubted at those Years
If he was rightly in his Geers.
His Sapling might in Time grow Timber,
But now they fear'd it was too limber,
And wish'd a Project to contrive
To make Fifteen seem Twenty-five
To raise, and round, young Simon's Figure,
Big as his Daddy's,—nay, much bigger.
Tho' guiltless both of Wit and Beard,
Was thought a Lad of lusty Parts,
In what most takes with Ladies Hearts:
Yet still they doubted at those Years
If he was rightly in his Geers.
His Sapling might in Time grow Timber,
But now they fear'd it was too limber,
And wish'd a Project to contrive
To make Fifteen seem Twenty-five
To raise, and round, young Simon's Figure,
Big as his Daddy's,—nay, much bigger.
An Instrument lay on the Table,
(What's here related is no Fable;)
With which their Sire was wont to pore,
On Flies and Maggots by the Hour.
For he was one of those shrewd Elves,
Who study All-Things but Themselves
So mighty Wise that he could spy
The Motes in Luna's radiant Eye,
Yet was so dull, He cou'd n't find
Which Way his Daughters were inclin'd.
The Girls more prudent would reduce
Philosophy to Private Use;
Their Scheme both Pleasant was and New,
And thus the Waggs their Game pursue.
(What's here related is no Fable;)
With which their Sire was wont to pore,
On Flies and Maggots by the Hour.
For he was one of those shrewd Elves,
Who study All-Things but Themselves
So mighty Wise that he could spy
The Motes in Luna's radiant Eye,
39
Which Way his Daughters were inclin'd.
The Girls more prudent would reduce
Philosophy to Private Use;
Their Scheme both Pleasant was and New,
And thus the Waggs their Game pursue.
Simon lay snoring fast asleep,
When to his Bed they slily creep,
And turning gently down the Sheet,
Their Eyes a bold Priapus meet,
Erect, and firm as honest Truth,
In all the comly Force of Youth;
Fanny directs the Optic-Frame
In a Right-Line before that same;
And each by Turns indulg'd her Sight
With the gay Scene it brought to Light.
The Tube plumps-up the nervous Feature,
And adds Twelve Inches to its Stature,
Happy, quoth Fanny, were the Bride,
With such a Weapon by her Side,
Now pr'ythee Jenny let me see,
Th'Effect this Charm would have on Thee.
Then instantly she shuts the Door,
Extends the Wanton on the Floor,
Naked the little Gipsy lies,
Op'ning, and stretch'd, her taper Thighs.
The nice Surveyor moves the Glass,
In curious Search from Place to Place.
First, view'd the Spacious Lawn of Love,
Then All beneath The Mossy-Grove;
At last, she fixt her piercing Sight
Full on The Fountain of Delight.
When lo! it yawn'd so hugeous wide,
Bursting with Laughter, Fanny cry'd,
To fill that Gap, and sooth thy Cares,
Requires more --- than Thou hast Hairs.
When to his Bed they slily creep,
And turning gently down the Sheet,
Their Eyes a bold Priapus meet,
Erect, and firm as honest Truth,
In all the comly Force of Youth;
Fanny directs the Optic-Frame
In a Right-Line before that same;
And each by Turns indulg'd her Sight
With the gay Scene it brought to Light.
The Tube plumps-up the nervous Feature,
And adds Twelve Inches to its Stature,
Happy, quoth Fanny, were the Bride,
With such a Weapon by her Side,
40
Th'Effect this Charm would have on Thee.
Then instantly she shuts the Door,
Extends the Wanton on the Floor,
Naked the little Gipsy lies,
Op'ning, and stretch'd, her taper Thighs.
The nice Surveyor moves the Glass,
In curious Search from Place to Place.
First, view'd the Spacious Lawn of Love,
Then All beneath The Mossy-Grove;
At last, she fixt her piercing Sight
Full on The Fountain of Delight.
When lo! it yawn'd so hugeous wide,
Bursting with Laughter, Fanny cry'd,
To fill that Gap, and sooth thy Cares,
Requires more --- than Thou hast Hairs.
FINIS.
| Major Pack's Poetical Remains | |