University of Virginia Library


118

The Duel of the Crabs


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In Milford Lane near to St. Clement's steeple
There liv'd a nymph kind to all Christian people.
A nymph she was whose comely mien and stature,
Whose height of eloquence and every feature
Struck through the hearts of city and of Whitehall,
And when they pleas'd to court her, did 'em right all.
Under her beauteous bosom there did lie
A belly smooth as any ivory.
Yet nature to declare her various art
Had plac'd a tuft in one convenient part;
No park with smoothest lawn or highest wood
Could e'er compare with this admir'd abode.
Here all the youth of England did repair
To take their pleasure and to ease their care.

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Here the distressed lover that had borne
His haughty mistress' anger and her scorn
Came for relief, and in this pleasant shade
Forgot the former and this nymph obey'd.
But yet what corner of the world is found,
Where pain our pleasure does not still surround?
One would have thought that in this shady grove
Nought could have dwelt but quiet, peace, and love.
But Heaven directed otherwise, for here
In midst of plenty bloody wars appear:
The gods will frown wherever they do smile;
The crocodile infests the fertile Nile.
Lions and tigers on the Lybian plains
Forbid all pleasures to the fearful swains;
Wild beasts in forests do the hunters fright:
They fear their ruin 'midst of their delight.
Thus in the shade of this dark, silent bower
Strength strives with strength, and power vies with power.
Two mighty monsters did this wood infest,
And struck such awe and terror in the rest
That no Sicilian tyrant e'er could boast
He e'er with greater vigor rul'd the roast.
Each had his empire, which he kept in awe,
Was by his will obey'd, allow'd no law.
Nature so well divided had their states,
Nought but ambition could have chang'd their fates:
For 'twixt their empires stood a briny lake,
Deep as the poets do the centre make;
But dire ambition does admit no bounds—
There are no limits to aspiring crowns.
The Spaniard by his Europe conquests bold,
Sail'd o'er the ocean for the Indian gold;
The Carthaginian hero did not stay
Because he met vast mountains in his way.
He pass'd the Alps like molehills; such a mind
As thinks on conquest will be unconfin'd.

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Both with these haughty thoughts one course do bend
To try if this vast lake had any end;
Where finding countries yet without a name,
They might by conquest get eternal fame.
After long marches, both their armies tired,
At length they find the place so much desired,
Where in a little time each does descry
The glimpse of an approaching enemy.
Each at the sight with equal pleasure move,
As we should do in well rewarded love:
Bloodthirsty souls, whose only perfect joy
Consists in what their fury can destroy.
And now both armies do prepare to fight,
And each the other unto war incite;
In vain, alas, for all their force and strength
Was quite consumed by their marches' length;
But the great chiefs, impatient of delay,
Resolve by single fifht to try the day.
Each does the other with contempt defy,
Resolve by single fight to try the day.
Both armies are commanded to withdraw
In expectation who should give 'em law;
While the amaz'd spectators full of care,
Hope for a better, or worse tyrant fear.
And now these princes meet, now they engage
With all their chiefest strength and highest rage.
Now with their instruments of wrath they push
As hills in earthquakes on each other rush;
Where their militia lies is still in doubt,
Whether like elephants upon their snout,
Or if upon their heads vast horns they wore,
Or if they fought with tusks like fierce wild boar.
Some Greshamites perhaps with help of glass
And poring long upon't may chance to guess,
But no tradition has inform'd our age
What were their chiefest instruments of rage.

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With small or no advantage they proceed;
Both are much bruised and their wounds do bleed;
Both keep their anger, both do loose their force;
Both get the better, neither gets the worse.
Justice herself might put into each scale
One of these princes and see neither fall.
Spurr'd on by fury, now they both provide
To let one grapple this great cause decide;
Joining, they strive, and such resistance make
Both fall together in the briny lake,
Where from the troubles of a tottering crown,
Each mighty monarch is laid gently down.
Both armies at this sight amazed stand
In doubt: who shall obey, who shall command;
In this extremity they both agree
A commonwealth their government shall be.