The School of Politicks or, the humours of a coffee-house: a poem. The Second Edition Corrected and much Enlarged by the Author [i.e. Edward Ward] |
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| XIX. |
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 | The School of Politicks |  |
IX.
[Where six raw Country Fellows sate]
Where six raw Country Fellows sate
To hear an empty Wittal prate:
They to no Sermon in their Lives
Did ever such attention lend,
And each one by his grinning strives
Who most shall his Discourse commend:
One whisp'ring t'other in the Ear,
E'sack, Ned, did you ever hear
(Says he) such Stories from our silly Vicar ,
O'er Whitson Ale, or Christmass Liquor?
No, Vaith, Tom, (answers he,) in all my born
I ne'er heard sike an ean, who does not scorn
To tell us all the News; he should, I'm zhure,
By's head-piece, be a Countseller.
By this time our admired Wit
Had drank his Dish of Tea, and then
Begins with—
To hear an empty Wittal prate:
They to no Sermon in their Lives
Did ever such attention lend,
And each one by his grinning strives
Who most shall his Discourse commend:
One whisp'ring t'other in the Ear,
E'sack, Ned, did you ever hear
(Says he) such Stories from our silly Vicar ,
O'er Whitson Ale, or Christmass Liquor?
No, Vaith, Tom, (answers he,) in all my born
I ne'er heard sike an ean, who does not scorn
To tell us all the News; he should, I'm zhure,
By's head-piece, be a Countseller.
By this time our admired Wit
Had drank his Dish of Tea, and then
Begins with—
—Look ye, Gentlemen,
'Tis plain, the Emperour intends
To make a strict Alliance with his Friends,
To pull down the Unchristian Turk;
E'gad you'll see some curious Summers Work,
And if things do but hit,
(And I may live to see it,)
That Haughty Tyrant tumble from his Throne,
And on his humble Marrow-bones,
Beg to b'admitted Groom of th'Stable,
And eat Scraps from the Servants Table:
When this is done, they will, I hope,
Have at his Holiness the Pope,
With all his Scarlet Cardinals,
Who wait upon St. Peter's Chair;
A Chair has held this Sixteen hundred Year
Without being mended, as I hear.
The great Mogul next to their Fury falls,
And when they've overcome the Cannibals
The Work is done, and we may live at peace,
Enjoy our Friends, and always be at ease.
Boy, bring the Gazette.—Sir, 'tis not come in.
Pox take you, fetch it, for it has been seen
At Jonathan's two hours ago.—But, Sir,—
But, Puppy, What do I come hither for,
To spend my time in this dull smoaky Room?
Pray be not angry, Sir, the Gazette's come.
Here, Lad, let's see't—So, so, here's tickling News,
Lost Dogs, lost Horses, Soldiers run away
Without their Wits, and to avoid their Pay.
Books sold at Tom's by Auction—once, twice, thrice,
The Hammer's down—he has you in a trice.
But, Sir, (says one,) what kind of News is this?
For let me dye if I know what it is.
Oh, Sir, (replies the Spark) I always read
Gazettes as Witches pray; for they, 'tis said,
Do backwards mumble out their Pater Noster;
But now for News, i'th'twinkling of an Oyster.
Reads.11
To make a strict Alliance with his Friends,
To pull down the Unchristian Turk;
E'gad you'll see some curious Summers Work,
And if things do but hit,
(And I may live to see it,)
That Haughty Tyrant tumble from his Throne,
And on his humble Marrow-bones,
Beg to b'admitted Groom of th'Stable,
And eat Scraps from the Servants Table:
When this is done, they will, I hope,
Have at his Holiness the Pope,
With all his Scarlet Cardinals,
Who wait upon St. Peter's Chair;
A Chair has held this Sixteen hundred Year
Without being mended, as I hear.
The great Mogul next to their Fury falls,
And when they've overcome the Cannibals
The Work is done, and we may live at peace,
Enjoy our Friends, and always be at ease.
Boy, bring the Gazette.—Sir, 'tis not come in.
Pox take you, fetch it, for it has been seen
At Jonathan's two hours ago.—But, Sir,—
But, Puppy, What do I come hither for,
To spend my time in this dull smoaky Room?
Pray be not angry, Sir, the Gazette's come.
Here, Lad, let's see't—So, so, here's tickling News,
Lost Dogs, lost Horses, Soldiers run away
Without their Wits, and to avoid their Pay.
12
The Hammer's down—he has you in a trice.
But, Sir, (says one,) what kind of News is this?
For let me dye if I know what it is.
Oh, Sir, (replies the Spark) I always read
Gazettes as Witches pray; for they, 'tis said,
Do backwards mumble out their Pater Noster;
But now for News, i'th'twinkling of an Oyster.
‘Francfort, March 29. Several Boats arrive daily with Provisions that are ordered to be laid up here for the use of the Imperial Forces, which will now very quickly be in motion. The late Flouds have broke the Bridge of Boats at Philipsburg.
‘Ditto, April. 2.—[’]
Hold, Sir, (says one) e'er farther you go on
Pray tell us where abouts does stand that Town
Call'd Ditto.—
Pray tell us where abouts does stand that Town
Call'd Ditto.—
—Why, Sir, (answers he,) it lies
Vpon the barb'rous Coast of Africa,
Snatch'd from the Moors by mere surprize;
For on a very memorable day,
Or rather Night, as they were all employ'd
In gazing on the then Eclipsed Moon,
The Emp'rours Vessels, cruising near the Shoar,
Took the advantage of their busied sense,
And gain'd the Town:—Not many were destroy'd;
Fear bound the Hands of many, Wonder more;
So with small Bloudshed they were Captives soon.
The City's neatly built, and 'twas from thence
The German Balls, so fam'd for cleaning Shoes,
First came.—I'd read some other News,
But I'm oblig'd by such an hour
To be at—Gentlemen, I am your
Most humble Servant.—Boy, here's for my Tea.
Then leaves the Room.—But, Lord! to hear the Praise
These Blockheads did to his bold Nonsense raise,
Would almost make a witty Man forswear
All Claim to Modesty and Sense,
Since the Accomplishments which bear
A Man through Life, are Ignorance and Impudence.
Vpon the barb'rous Coast of Africa,
Snatch'd from the Moors by mere surprize;
For on a very memorable day,
Or rather Night, as they were all employ'd
In gazing on the then Eclipsed Moon,
The Emp'rours Vessels, cruising near the Shoar,
Took the advantage of their busied sense,
And gain'd the Town:—Not many were destroy'd;
Fear bound the Hands of many, Wonder more;
So with small Bloudshed they were Captives soon.
The City's neatly built, and 'twas from thence
13
First came.—I'd read some other News,
But I'm oblig'd by such an hour
To be at—Gentlemen, I am your
Most humble Servant.—Boy, here's for my Tea.
Then leaves the Room.—But, Lord! to hear the Praise
These Blockheads did to his bold Nonsense raise,
Would almost make a witty Man forswear
All Claim to Modesty and Sense,
Since the Accomplishments which bear
A Man through Life, are Ignorance and Impudence.
| The School of Politicks | |